by Sam Crescent
I know I can’t and shouldn’t ask for your forgiveness, but I’ve never done what was proper.
I love you, and I hope you find a wonderful life, with happiness, and a man who completely loves you. Who doesn’t want to sleep in another room because he misses your closeness, your warmth, your fire. I hope you have someone in your life who will love you until your dying breath, and still hold your hand, because he can’t stand to be alone.
Your mother,
Trixie
Slade put the letter down, and his eyes were brimming with fucking tears. He was a full-grown man, and shit like this shouldn’t get to him. Trixie, Cassie’s mother, had fucked around with her daughter’s feelings, and he wasn’t about to hurt her like this.
He went to screw up the letter, but he could do it. He looked down at the last part again.
Who doesn’t want to sleep in another room because he misses your closeness, your warmth, your fire. I hope you have someone in your life who will love you until your dying breath, and still hold your hand, because he can’t stand to be alone.
It had been a long time since he’d gone to his own apartment, and slept alone. Even when her cycle had come in, and she’d said it was okay if he wanted to go home. He’d stayed, snuggled up against her, and rubbed her stomach until she felt better. He didn’t want to go through life without her in it.
Over the past few weeks, he had found himself craving Cassie’s company, and often went to find her. He knew how she took her coffee, and even some of the food she liked.
She was part of his life, and he never wanted to let her go.
The only question now was what the hell was he going to do?
Chapter Eleven
Cassie didn’t like the silence in the car. They were heading toward the restaurant where his parents were waiting for them. The few gifts they had bought were already wrapped and in the back of the car. In her purse was the cruise details.
“You’re really quiet today,” she said.
Slade had been really quiet for the past couple of days, even at work, which was strange. They had spent most of their time watching television, and they hadn’t even had sex.
“Sorry. I’ve got a lot on my mind just lately. Wish I wasn’t going to this fucking farce and bullshit. I’m sorry.” He took her hand and pressed a kiss to her knuckles.
“It’s okay. I know you’re under a lot of pressure at work.”
The Andersons didn’t like that Slade had slapped them with a fine for a breach of the peace with regards to their noise. Not only that, he’d also issued a demand that a building regulator be called in. When he went to the site, and no one could provide him with one, or the manager, Slade had gotten pissed.
She figured that was more to do with Andrew being back in town. The man who had made her life a misery in her last year of high school was back. She’d seen him one day she was coming out of the diner.
He’d been strolling down the street, and at first she’d hidden behind a sign, but then, she’d laughed, and walked out with her head held high. She wasn’t a shy little girl anymore. She had been so happy with the way she’d reacted, she’d gone back home to see Ray, and old lady Mary, to tell them. Of course, she’d taken a coconut cake with her, for good measure. She never wanted to go to the trailer park empty handed. Ray and Mary had been happy for her, and she’d told them all about Slade.
A few times over the past couple of years, she had offered to try to help find them a place out of the trailer park, but none of them would have it. It was their home, and they didn’t hold a grudge against her for leaving. They said it was never her home.
“Do you ever think about your mother?” Slade asked.
“My mother?”
“Yeah. Sorry, it’s a weird question. I know. I just, I was curious.”
“No. I don’t think about her to be honest. She was never a nice woman. Why?”
“No reason. Did you ever want to be a mother, have a family, lots of kids?” Slade asked.
“Yeah, I did actually.” She started to laugh. “It’s probably crazy now, but I wanted to be the kind of mother who wore an apron, and baked sweet pies for my kids when they were feeling miserable. The kind of woman that when she approached another parent, they knew they were getting my wrath. I wanted to be the kind of mother her kids knew they were taken care of, loved.”
She didn’t bother asking him what he wanted. Slade had told her many times that his future was all about the screwing, the fun. There were too many women for him to settle down with one.
His question made her pause. Did he want to end what they had? She knew it would happen one day, and probably soon. He moved from one woman to the next, without looking back. Their time together had been a ticking clock.
“Are you wanting us to end it?” she asked.
She forced herself to stare at him, and ask the question. On the outside, she hoped she looked calm, reserved, and ready for whatever he was going to say. Inside, she was weeping. Her heart was breaking, and she hated the fact that she had grown to love this man beside her. Slade was not the kind of man she wanted in a husband. Or at least, he hadn’t been when they first started this.
Damn it. She had promised herself she wouldn’t fall for him, and now Jessica’s warnings were rushing through her head, mocking her because the truth was, she had fallen deeply in love with Slade. She loved how he snored, which he didn’t know about. It was really cute, and he only ever did it when he was exhausted.
Even when he left the toilet seat up, she adored him. He didn’t put the cap on the toothpaste, and he often didn’t put the phone back into the cradle. He drank milk straight from the carton, and she hated that. But she fucking loved him, and now he was going to leave her broken.
She grit her teeth, trying to keep the lump in her throat. She tried to stay focused on other things, but she couldn’t.
“What? No. Do you want to end it? Because I thought things were going really well,” he said.
Wow, that didn’t exactly give her a confidence boost at all.
She just nodded, and then looked out of the window.
Tapping her fingers on her thigh, Cassie wondered what the hell she was going to do. She lived right next door to Slade. He had a bad reputation, and right now, she didn’t think she’d ever be able to see him fall for someone else.
“Is something bothering you?” Slade asked.
“No. It’s fine. I’m just nervous. This is the first time I’ve seen your parents. Why were you asking about my mom?”
“No reason. Just making conversation.”
Something felt off, and she didn’t like it. There was an awkwardness between them. She let out a breath. When she had reached her limit, she didn’t have time to ask him anymore questions as they had finally arrived at the restaurant.
His car was taken, and Slade offered his arm.
The restaurant was really fancy, and she was pleased she’d taken the extra effort with makeup and the cocktail dress.
“You look beautiful,” he said, pressing a kiss to her head.
This was one of the things she loved about him. He anticipated her every single need, and right now, it was driving her crazy. Did he know she had feelings for him? Was this why he’d been distant?
He said he didn’t want to end things, but for how long?
Fuck! She didn’t want to be in this place, and absolutely hated it more than anything else.
She forced a smile to her lips as Slade introduced his parents. His mother was beautiful. She had long black hair, and grey eyes that sparkled. Cassie saw how beautiful she was, and was surprised by what Slade had told her.
His father looked exactly like Slade.
“This is a first. Usually our son never brings his women here,” his father said.
Okay, now she was in even more shock.
“Hank, don’t,” she said. “Forgive my husband. His manners are not what they’re supposed to be.”
“I didn’t mean anything by it. Joa
nne’s right. I have a tendency to put my foot in it.”
“Yeah, your mouth isn’t the only thing that gets you in trouble.”
This was becoming even more uncomfortable.
Slade held the chair out for her, and she thanked him. The waiter brought over some menus while Slade passed the bag of presents to him.
“Here is part of your anniversary gift,” he said.
“And here’s your other half,” Cassie said, handing it to Slade.
Joanne, his mother, took it from him.
Cassie was nervous as Hank kept looking at her, and then at Slade.
“Have you got something to tell us, son?” Hank asked.
“I’ve got nothing to say, why?”
The hostility was a surprise. Cassie locked her fingers together, and hoped the meal went by without a hitch.
“Oh, look, Hank, he’s sending us on a cruise.”
“It should keep him by your side at all times, Mom.”
“Not this again.”
Cassie stayed seated as Hank leaned forward, and she saw how upset Joanne was getting.
“What is your problem?” Hank asked.
“You’re my problem, and all of this crap that you pretend. You don’t love her. You never have. Instead of letting her live her own life, and to find some happiness, you make her stay somehow.”
“Not today,” Joanne said. “I’m going to the bathroom, and when I come back, you better have resolved whatever problem you’ve got going on.”
Cassie watched Joanne go, and made her excuses, following the other woman to the bathroom.
“I am so sorry you had to see that,” Joanne said. “I … it’s always been tense between those two.”
“Slade told me that Hank cheated on you.”
Joanne laughed. “He’s always had an issue with Hank. So tell me, how long have you been in love with my son?”
Cassie stared at his mother and knew she couldn’t lie to her. “Since I’ve gotten to know him. At first, I didn’t like him, and we never got on. When he showed me the real side of him, who could help but fall in love with him?”
Joanne smiled. “That’s the best answer I could have hoped for.”
****
“You want me to divorce your mother? After all this time.”
“You don’t deserve her,” Slade said, glaring at his father. He’d not liked how Hank had put Cassie into the same group as the women he’d screwed around with. Cassie was worth more than that. He was screwing everything up with her, because the truth was, he loved her.
There, he’d admitted it to himself on the way over. He was in love with Cassie Love, and he wanted her all to himself.
“You think I don’t know that?” Hank said. “You think I don’t sit here, and see the men look at my wife, and know that I fucked up. That there was a time several years ago when I nearly lost her completely?”
Slade stared at his father, for the first time seeing remorse on his face.
Hank looked around the restaurant, and straightened his suit jacket. “Your mother and I, we’re working on a lot of things. I would appreciate it if you didn’t spend the rest of this night pointing out my faults. I know I have them. I know you’ve seen a lot of them. I’ve not treated your mother the way she deserved to be treated.”
Slade folded his arms and stared at his father. “What do you mean you nearly lost her?”
“You’d not long moved out, when I came home from work, and everything of hers was gone. She hadn’t even left me a note. She had just left. One of my old affairs had turned up at our house demanding money. It was the final straw. Since then, we have been to couples’ therapy. I realized when she had left me and the divorce papers came, that I couldn’t lose her. I loved her, and the thought of not waking up next to her, was unbearable. I’d nearly lost the one good thing my life. She’s one of a kind.”
Slade thought about the letter he’d read from Cassie’s mother. “You’re in therapy?”
“We’re repairing the damage that I caused. Your mother, she’s had to put up with a lot. We’ve made a lot of progress. I have moments though, like just now, when things get out of hand. I’m asking you to not … speak of anything else, and for us to have a good meal.”
He stared at his father, and he actually saw a good man there. “All right. I’ll do it. I won’t do it for you though. I’m doing this for Mom.”
“Whoever you do it for, just let us have a good meal.”
They were silent, and Slade looked toward the bathroom. He’d always had a strained relationship with his dad.
“You’re in love with that woman, aren’t you?” Hank asked.
He didn’t want to talk about his feelings for Cassie with his father. Turning his head to look at him, Slade sighed. “Are you going to bust my balls over this?”
Hank held his hands up. “For part of couples’ therapy we had to talk about you, and how our relationship impacted your life. I thought you were fine. You were just like any other kid. You’d grown up, screwed around, canceled an engagement. Then Joanne said that she believed our broken relationship had caused you not to connect with other people.”
This caused Slade to roll his eyes.
“I’m being serious here, son. I was already married, and had a son at your age. I was making mistakes all the time. I thought I was trapped in a marriage that I didn’t want. The truth is, I wanted it. I wanted it all, and I had it all. I just didn’t see it. That doesn’t excuse my behavior. Nothing does. I don’t want you to hold people back because you’re scared of turning out like us.”
Slade tapped his fingers on the table. He wanted to ignore what his father said, but he couldn’t do it.
“I’m in love with Cassie. She’s my neighbor, and a colleague, and I fucking love her. I’m terrified,” Slade said. Never had he been open with his father. The truth was he’d never trusted him with stuff like this.
“Why are you scared?”
He stared at Hank and released a breath. “Because we’re just having a lot of fun. She doesn’t want to fall in love, or be my woman.” He frowned, and hated himself as he said the next thing. “I fucked other women in my yard, and she could hear. The man she first knew wasn’t a good man. I was an asshole. I was a … fucker!” He gritted his teeth.
“I know we’ve got a lot of work to do, you and I. I’d say any woman willing to come and eat with your parents, and go shopping with you, I think there’s a lot more going on than you think.”
Slade looked at his dad. “You think there’s a chance she loves me?”
“Yeah, I really do.”
He never expected to feel relief over that, but now he had to work on getting her to admit to it. He loved her, more than anything.
There was no time to ask for more, as his mother and Cassie came back.
She gave him a smile, and it was like a switch went off in his brain. He stared at her, and he saw his future. Was this what the other couples felt that had come before him? He didn’t know, nor did he care. All he wanted was Cassie, and a future with her.
He’d not wanted anyone else, and he knew he never would. She was his one true love, and he’d been too blind to see it.
With the revelation, and knowing he couldn’t hold it in for much longer, he got through the meal without any other hitches.
Cassie spoke with his father, who apologized for his earlier comments. As Slade watched his father and mother, he saw a bond there that had never been there before, and it give him hope that maybe his mother would get her happy ending that she’d always wanted.
After the dinner, they hugged, and he promised to visit more often, and then he was in the car, driving back home.
“Your parents seemed nice. After … that little glitch.”
“Yeah, they’re working on it. I may have judged him too harshly,” he said.
“I don’t know. I guess people can change.”
He glanced over at her. “You think that?”
“What?”
&nb
sp; “People can change.”
She chuckled. “I saw it firsthand, Slade. I know people can change. My dad went from being a great guy, to a drunk and loser. I spent so much time in Daniel’s office that it feels like home when I’m working.”
He pulled up outside her home, and followed her. She was unlocking her door, when he reached out and stopped her. Right at that moment, rain began to fall down. It started as a few drops at first before it became heavier.
“Is everything okay?” Cassie asked. “It’s raining. Let’s get inside.”
“There’s something I need to ask you, and I can’t do this inside. I don’t want to do this inside. I need to do it out here, for you to hear.”
“I can hear inside, Slade,” she said.
“I’ve done something awful,” he said.
This had her turning back to look at him. “What?”
He reached out, cupping her cheek. “I did something I promised I wouldn’t do.”
She was frowning now.
“I’ve … fallen in love with you.” He felt like a fucking idiot as he had tears in his eyes. His hands were shaking, and he’d never felt so fucking scared in all of his life. “I love you, Cassie. I don’t want us to keep on messing around, and having fun. Actually, I want us to keep on doing that, but I want you to know that one day, I want to marry you, and I want you to have my kids.”
Her mother was open in shock, and he saw her eyes glisten as well, but that could have been the rain which was soaking the both of them.
“I’ve known for a little while, but I’ve not wanted to say anything. I fought it to be honest. I don’t want to fight it anymore. Being with you is like the best feeling in the world. You make everything better just by being near you.” He stroked her hair, and stared into her eyes. “That’s what I did, Cassie. I fell in love with you, and now I don’t know what to do next.”