by S. E. Lund
"I can't imagine finding out she cheated on him a week before the wedding."
"Jenna wanted to get married. Her ex didn't want to get married. So, she decided to start seeing Luke again. But she never stopped loving her ex, I guess. How someone could betray the person they were going to marry, I'll never know."
When she said that, I felt incredibly guilty that I knew about Eric cheating on her with the real Lexi911. It made my throat constrict, and I wished I could tell her the truth. But what good would it do? She was not far from giving birth for the first time – something she didn't think she could ever do. Finding out Eric cheated on her with an escort would only ruin what should be one of the happiest and momentous times of her life.
Then she turned to me. "What about you? Luke said you had some drama in your past around a former boyfriend?"
I smiled, but felt incredibly reluctant to talk about Blaine. "Luke told you, did he?"
"We tell each other everything."
I pushed my food around on my plate, knowing that in fact they didn't tell each other everything. "Blaine and I started dating in high school. He was a few years older than me and became really controlling once he graduated. Because he was no longer in the halls at school, I guess he couldn't be sure I was being faithful to him. Things went downhill from there and I was too in love with him to see it. What I thought was affection and attachment was really a desire to control me, it was sick instead of a sign of love. You know, the same old story…"
I didn't tell her the part about Blaine stalking me, eventually abducting me, and holding me prisoner, or of me escaping and going to the police. I didn’t mention that they arrested him and that he went to jail. Nor did I mention that he got out of jail and started stalking me again. I had to leave home and move away without telling anyone where I was going except my parents.
That part I'd rather not tell anyone. I hated even acknowledging it myself because it made me feel like such a bad judge of character. How I thought I still loved him when he started trying to control my every move. How I had been so wrong and realized it only too late.
She gave me a soft smile and then reached out to squeeze my arm. "I know that love can blind you to the flaws in your partner. Believe me, I know Eric's no saint. He's a man with flaws like every other man." She turned back to her plate of food and cut some bacon. "One thing my mother told me before she died was that if I wanted to have a happy marriage, I had to decide what to fight over and what to let slide."
I watched her for a moment, wondering if she had some inkling that Eric had cheated on her during her pregnancy. But I couldn’t imagine that a woman would look the other way if she knew her husband was cheating on her.
"How do you decide what to fight over and what to let slide?"
She took a sip of water. "I want a family. Eric's given me that. As long as he's good to me and to our child, I'll accept his faults and flaws."
"What flaws does he have, if you don’t mind me asking?"
She laughed softly. "Oh, he's a bit pompous. Well, a lot pompous, to tell the truth."
I didn't know what to say in response. He'd struck me as a bit of a snob, but he was rich, and that explained a lot.
"And, he's obsessed with appearances," she added. "He cares about labels, and good press. He's vain, always looking in the mirror and worried that he doesn’t look good from behind." She gave me this wicked grin. "I know it's true. I love him anyway. Besides, I have my flaws too. If Eric expected perfection in me, he'd be really disappointed."
I smiled at her, wishing that Eric would realize what a gem he had in Dana. "What flaws could you have?"
"Oh, believe me," she said and chewed on a piece of bacon. "I have my own faults. Both of us look the other way. That's how we stay together. I think a lot of couples expect perfection in each other. They're bound to be disappointed."
"But you wouldn't blame Luke for being upset that Jenna cheated on him with her ex?"
"Could you forgive someone for cheating?" She turned to me and looked me directly in the eye.
"No," I said. "Cheating, especially when you’re married, is the worst. I couldn't forgive it."
"Research shows that thirty percent of people cheat at some point in their relationships."
She didn't say anything else and the two of us continued to eat our breakfasts. Did she know Eric had cheated on her?
It sounded like she was willing to forgive.
"Would you forgive Eric if you found out he cheated on you?"
She continued eating, not meeting my eyes. "It would depend on the circumstances, I guess. Men can have sex without caring about the person much more easily than women. At least, none of the women I know." She shrugged. "Usually, if a woman's cheating on her husband or boyfriend, it’s because she's emotionally unhappy at home with her partner. When a man does, it means he's not getting enough sex and probably couldn't care less about the woman he's cheating with."
At that moment, it almost seemed as if she knew Eric had cheated on her after all. Maybe all this charade Luke and I had been involved in was for nothing.
"I couldn't imagine it," I said, not wanting to give anything away. "Finding out that my boyfriend or husband cheated on me."
"You have to decide what makes you happier. Being alone or being with someone."
"Being alone," I said. "I was with someone who tried to control my every move and every thought. When I escaped, I realized that I would rather be alone than be with someone who was that obsessive."
"Did he hit you?"
I shook my head. “No he choked me,” I replied quietly. "He threatened me when we broke up. I got a restraining order." I didn’t tell her the rest.
"I'm so sorry. I agree that in your case, it would be better to be alone than with someone like that."
We ate in silence for a few moments, and I thought it was one of the strangest conversations I'd ever had with someone I barely even knew. Dana was so open and so easy to talk to, it seemed almost natural for us to talk about anything, even things you would only normally talk about with your best friend.
We finished our meals and the talk turned to more mundane things like her pregnancy and plans for the baby and how she'd manage juggling work and being a new mother.
I enjoyed our talk and sharing a meal with her, regretting that we wouldn’t become more than just accidental acquaintances. She told me so much about Luke, filling in bits and details about his life before and after their parents died. It made me regret even more that he and I could never be a real couple.
"Well, I better go. I'm meeting Eric for a pre-natal class at the hospital." We stood up and grabbed our bags, then walked out into the warm morning sunshine.
She squeezed me briefly. "Don't give up on my brother. He's one of the good ones, and I'm not just saying that because I'm biased."
"Thanks for breakfast," I said and waved as she walked away.
I made my way back to my apartment, my hands stuffed into my hoodie, regret filling me that Luke would soon be going and would be out of my life completely.
It seemed so unfair for us to meet the way we did – so accidentally, and then for us to enjoy each other so much to our mutual surprise.
And to have to now say goodbye.
Life wasn't fair.
Chapter 20
Luke
* * *
The note sat on the coffee table.
I'd read it over several times, debating with myself whether to text Alexa and protest. Argue with her that we should keep seeing each other to see where this relationship went.
Instead, I texted Dana.
She always had good advice.
Her advice?
DANA: Do you want to see her again? Do you want to sleep with her again? Do you want to cook her supper again and spend time on the beach with her again? Do you want her in your bed again? Do you want to wake up with her again? If you answered yes to all those questions, then for fuck's sake, don't let her go.
Of course
, I answered yes to each and every one of those questions.
LUKE: I do but she's right. Our lives are going on separate paths. There's no future for us, so why get more involved?
DANA: You can always change plans.
I didn't respond. I wasn't going to change my plans. My cat was almost finished, and it made me incredibly sad to imagine not going on my trip around the world. To me, it was the one thing I couldn’t change. I could delay it if there were problems with the deal going through, but I couldn't not go.
At the same time, I felt this deep-seated knot of something in my chest at the prospect of not seeing Alexa again.
Why couldn't I have it all?
I didn't text Alexa. Instead, I went for a run. I needed to work up a sweat and clear my mind. After I had a shower and cooled off, I spent the afternoon at the office, going over last-minute changes in the presentation we were going to make to the buyers. I outlined our projections for the next year and detailed how much the company had grown over the previous years.
It was pretty much a done deal, but we had to cross all the T’s and dot all the I's before we could sign final papers. The other investors had to go to their own investors and justify the price they were going to offer. We had to make sure the deal was worth the dollar amount that was floated as a way to tempt us into taking their offer.
The fact that Felicia's brother Harrison had been one of the investors had worried me at first, but after he expressed concerns, the others convinced him to stay and things were back on track.
Thankfully…
* * *
After spending the afternoon going over the presentation, I went for a drink at a local pub with John, during which time we discussed the deal and the trip.
“So,” he said, his eyes narrowed. “What's up with you and Alexa?"
I took a drink of my beer and considered John. His expression was far too interested.
"We broke it off. Or should I say, she did."
"What?" he said with a frown. "What happened? I thought for sure the two of you were going to get together…"
I shrugged. "How could we? I'm leaving and she's starting her PhD in a couple of weeks."
"So what? You can still see each other. She can fly to meet us when she can. You like her,” he said and thumped his palm on the tabletop. “I know it. More than any other woman you've been with since Jenna."
"You and Dana seemed determined to match me up with her."
"Dana and I are smart cookies. You like her. More than usual."
I didn’t respond.
He was right. But it was unlikely that we could make it work. Why cause each other needless pain? The closer we got, the more it would hurt when the time came to say goodbye.
"Enough with the matchmaking. Things are over between us. We've got other things to worry about, like the sale of Chatter and the Phoenix build."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," John said and took a drink of his beer. "Whatever. You'll regret it if you let things slide with her. And that's all I'm saying."
He stood up. "Another beer?"
I nodded. "Hit me."
Then, he and I proceeded to get drunk.
It wasn't like I was drowning my sorrows.
Really…
* * *
The next day was just another day in my ordinary life leading up to the deal of the century and the trip of a lifetime.
By all accounts, I should have been the happiest I had ever been in my life – other than when I was engaged but blissfully ignorant of my fiancée's cheating on me…
Thing was, I wasn't happy. I was preoccupied at best, my mind filled with numbers and details. Even though I was trying to concentrate on the presentation, I felt this sense of gloom hanging over me, like everything I was doing was merely a distraction from what was really bothering me.
I shoved that out of my mind and tried to focus on the business at hand. John sat on a chair across from my desk, flipping through some papers, rearranging the hand-outs for the presentation to make sure they were in the right order.
"Are you ready for this?" He gave me a look from under a frown.
"Of course," I replied. "Do you doubt it?"
"You seem distracted."
"I'm totally present. I have the presentation memorized. I'm your man. The investors will be putty in my hands."
"I hope so. Blow them away, my friend. I want to see those big numbers roll into my bank account and the sooner they appear there, the sooner you and I can blow this popsicle stand."
* * *
My admin Stella buzzed my intercom, letting us know the investors had arrived and so we gathered our materials and joined them in the boardroom. After a round of handshakes and light banter about the weather and the latest ball game we got down to business.
For the next hour, I walked them through the business, the organizational structure, the business plan we'd drafted when we started, our balance sheet, the number of subscribers, our ad revenues and our share of the lucrative social media market.
Harrison sat at the far end of the table, watching as I went through the charts and tables on our financials, and the projections based on the past quarter's performance. I had to admit the presentation went smoothly. Questions were smart, and I answered them with ease. I knew my stuff and had a great product to sell, with a serious earning potential and room to grow the market.
They'd be foolish not to jump at the chance to buy Chatter and they knew it.
"If you have no more questions, I'd like to thank you for your interest in Chatter. Please, feel free to contact us with any further questions. We'll be glad to answer them."
Another round of handshakes followed and we walked them to the elevators and said goodbyes.
Harrison hung back, and waited for the next elevator.
"I was really impressed with your presentation," he said and clapped me on the back. "I had some second thoughts, but you've done a great job with Chatter and I'm feeling pretty confident that the deal will go through with no further problems."
"That's good to know," I said and we shook hands once more.
He took the elevator and as soon as the doors closed, I heaved a sigh of relief. When I turned around, John had this huge grin on his face.
"You did it," he said and high-fived me. "They seemed really impressed with the presentation and Q&A. I think we have a deal."
"I think we do as well," I said and felt adrenaline surge through me. "We should hear back in twenty-four hours. That was our deadline."
He nodded. "Let's go get a beer. It's time to celebrate."
I smiled. "Let me grab my cell. I'll meet you downstairs in the lobby."
He left and I went back to my office to grab my phone off the desk where I'd left it.
I sat on my sofa and read a text from Dana.
DANA: What’s up, o brother of mine? How did the presentation go?
LUKE: Looks like we have a deal.
DANA: *Squee* We should all go out and celebrate once you sign. Bring Alexa. Our treat.
LUKE: Alexa and I aren’t seeing each other any longer.
There was a pause.
DANA: Luke, she's a gem. She really likes you but is afraid of having her heart broken when you leave on your trip. She's a keeper. You're nuts if you let her slip through your fingers.
I held my cell, re-reading her messages, then reading all my texts from Alexa again, for the third time that morning.
LUKE: I'm going away for a year. I would only be able to see her now and then when she has vacation and I'm in port. Things don't look very good for anything more serious.
That was it, really. I had plans. Alexa had plans. Our plans didn't mesh.
DANA: Ask her to come with you.
I frowned. Ask Alexa to come on the trip with me?
I had to admit my mind went there a few times. She and I could share the main bedroom. There was still enough bed space for the other guys, but they might not appreciate having a woman along on the journey.
&n
bsp; Could I ask Alexa to come with me? Would she? She'd have to take a leave of absence and I doubted she'd want to do that, considering she was accepted into the PhD for the fall.
Sailing around the world was a once-in-a-lifetime thing. It was something you changed plans to do.
LUKE: You're crazy.
DANA: You've already thought about it. Confess, brother. I know you…
I laughed at that. She was right, of course.
LUKE: You do know me.
DANA: See? I knew you really like her. I knew you were already thinking of asking her to come. *does the happy dance*
LUKE: Don’t be dancing too soon. Just because I passed the thought briefly over in my mind doesn't mean it's a plan. She might say no. She has big plans for her life you know.
DANA: Is the sex good?
LUKE: DANA!!! You pervert. I'm your brother.
DANA: Don't ask her if the sex isn’t good.
LUKE: The sex isn’t good. It's fucking great.
DANA: Ask her. She'll say yes. DO IT!
I couldn't wipe a grin off my face. Yeah, the sex was great. It was fantastic. She was very responsive. She clearly enjoyed me. I couldn't get enough of her. But it was more than sex. I felt totally comfortable with her, like I knew her for years instead of less than a month.
The truth was, I had thought about asking her to come with me on my trip around the world. I wanted to see her response to all the places we'd go – The Panama Canal. The Galapagos. Tahiti. And all the other places I planned to visit.
I could talk to her about everything. She was as smart – if not smarter – than most of my male friends. And she was fun. She was playful.
Fact was, if I admitted it to myself, she was everything I could want in a woman.
Beautiful. Sexy. Voluptuous. Great in bed. Smart. Funny. Fun. Ambitious.
Goddamn…
What I really wanted was to text Alexa and get her to meet me at the pub for a drink with John so we could celebrate. I wanted to go out and dance with her and then I wanted to take her home and fuck her brains out all night long. I wanted to wake her up with my mouth on her pussy, and watch her writhe in delight the way I had that first night we were together.