Chaos (Tessa Avery Book 1)

by Lucy Roy

  “Hera, stop—” Apollo stood and reached for Tessa’s arm, missing by centimeters.

  “Goodnight, gentlemen.” She winked, then she was gone, taking a terrified Tessa with her.

  37

  Tessa

  Hera and I came out in front of a large, beautiful cabin in the woods.

  As soon as both feet were on the ground, she released her grip on me. I took several steps back, terrified of what this goddess—an incredibly vindictive and spiteful goddess, if her reputation was anything to go by—was going to do to me.

  Instead, she hitched up her dress and made her way up the wide steps, then took a seat on one of the Adirondack chairs that adorned the porch. She crooked her finger at me, then patted the seat next to her, smiling serenely.

  Seeing no choice, I climbed the stairs and sat down.

  “So, you’re the girl who seems to have stolen my son’s heart.” She rested her head against the top of the chair and smiled. “You’re quite pretty.”

  “I—thank you?”

  “It’s not a question, dear, it’s a compliment.” She sighed. “Let’s move on from this stupid fear that I’m going to smite you for attacking my son, shall we? You were well within your rights. He lied to you, and quite a grievous lie, at that. I’ve killed men for less.”

  I gulped.

  “I’m sorry about that,” I whispered, desperately trying to squash my fear. “I just—that’s not like me.”

  She reached over and patted my hand.

  “As I said, I understand. Water under the bridge.”

  I smiled hesitantly. “Thank you, ma’am.”

  “Oh, please, drop those ridiculous human titles. You don’t need to acknowledge that I’m above you when you address me; we both already know that.”

  I pursed my lips, not quite knowing how to react to the barely-veiled insult.

  “Now, I’d like to talk to you about my son. He cares for you a great deal, from what I can see. Do you feel the same for him?”

  “I do. I think. It’s just—”

  “You’re angry with him. Trust me, I know what it’s like to have your significant other lie to you,” she responded bitterly.

  “I don’t know that I can get past this one.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous. Take just a moment to consider why he might have done this before jumping to that conclusion.”

  “Why would he, though? It’s such a huge thing to keep from me. I mean, we’ve only known each other a couple of weeks, so it’s not like he’s required to tell me everything about himself. I just thought—”

  Hera held up a hand to silence me.

  “You thought the person who is falling in love with you might tell you who his parents are? Might tell you things he discovered about you?”

  My mouth fell open at the mention of “love.”

  “I don’t think Nate is falling in love with me. He barely knows me!”

  She tapped her delicate fingers on the wide arm of the chair. “You seem to know very little of the gods and their emotions.”

  “I don’t, I’m sorry.”

  “No need.” Her smile seemed a bit more genuine this time. “It’s important to understand that gods don’t go through the same charades as humans when developing a relationship. Tell me, have you ever been in love?”

  “No, I haven’t,” I admitted.

  “Pity. Tessa, love is a reaction, pure and simple. It’s not a conscious decision. There is no appropriate amount of time one should wait before expressing their love. There is no list of requirements you must check. That is a stigma your humans have placed upon it.”

  She wrapped her slender fingers around my hand.

  “It’s not logical, it just is. I think if you look in your mind, you’ll see that the possibility of loving my son is quite present.”

  I turned her words over in my head. Nate and I had a lot of deep conversations over the last two weeks, and there were definitely butterflies in my stomach every time I thought about him. But love?

  My power, which had been still this entire time, stirred, sending a warm feeling through my mind. I couldn’t help but smile. Clearly, something within me approved, even if it had tried to mentally kick the shit out of him just last week.

  I squeezed my eyes shut, unable to deal with any more weird questions at the moment.

  “Yes, I think I could see that,” I acknowledged, meeting her gaze. “But he broke my trust, and no matter how I feel for him, that will always be in the back of my mind.”

  “As it should be.” She shifted so she was facing me. “But I know my son, and I know he would not have kept secrets without good reason.”

  “You think I should forgive him?”

  “I think you should acknowledge that, despite how it made you feel, he did not keep these things from you to be malicious. You need to let him explain his reasons, then determine whether you’re able to make a future with him.”

  Make a future with him. I was human five seconds ago and now I was talking to an Elder about “making a future” with a god.

  Hera squeezed my hand and stood, straightening her dress.

  “Nathaniel will be here soon. You need to make a decision as to how you wish to proceed.”

  “This is his house, then?”

  “Yes, it is.”

  She held out a hand, so I let her take mine and pull me to my feet, then she gripped my shoulders and met my eyes.

  “Be certain of your choice, Tessa. You’re within your rights to walk away now, but if you give my son false hope, if you break his heart, I will destroy you. Remember that.”

  She patted my cheek and smiled. “You seem like a sweet girl, so I would prefer you stay on my good side.”

  Before I could stutter out a response, she was gone.

  Well, now I could add death threats to today’s list of crazy.

  I debated for a few minutes whether I wanted to be here when Nate got back.

  I knew I should hear him out. I replayed Hera’s words about love and Nate’s reasoning, but this was entirely new territory for me.

  I still hadn’t come to a decision a few minutes later when I felt a slight shift in the air around me. I looked down at the lawn and saw that Nate standing there. He hesitated when he saw me, then stuffed his hands in his pockets and slowly made his way up the stairs.

  I let my hands rest in my lap and used my fingernail to scrape at a smear of blood that was on the sleeve of my uniform, a remnant of the training session from just a short while ago. It felt like days had passed since my sparring match with Damien, but it had barely been an hour.

  He came to a stop in front of me.

  “I guess we should talk.”

  “Yeah.” I stopped picking at my sleeve and met his eyes. “I guess we should.”

  I wanted him to be the first to speak, but based on his silence and the pained way he stared off into the forest, I didn’t think that was going to happen.

  “Why didn’t you tell me who you were, Nate?”

  Instead of responding, he stood, then reached out a hand toward me. “Let’s go inside, it’s getting cold out here.”

  I deliberated for a moment, then finally took his outstretched hand.

  He led me into his cabin, which was far bigger on the inside than it appeared from his porch.

  “This is a nice place,” I observed. “Homey.”

  We stepped inside to a large great room and I saw that the warm earthy tones of the forest had been seamlessly carried inside. The logs that made up the large cabin were a soft honey color, the floors paneled in wide, dark planks, covered here and there with thick, dark area rugs in deep reds. A large stone and glass fireplace was built into a column in the middle of the room, a pile of logs ready to be lit, sitting inside.

  “Thank you.” He gestured toward the overstuffed brown sectional that faced the fireplace. “Come on, let’s sit down.”

  We each took seats, him in the corner, me on the end, facing each other.
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  Nate scrubbed his hands over his face before dropping them into his lap. I was surprised to see his eyes looked red.

  “Tessa, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have kept so much from you.” His voice held a twinge of sadness, mirrored in his downturned eyes.

  “Nate—” I took a deep breath. “No, screw it. You knew I cared for you. In all those hours we’ve spent together these last few weeks, you didn’t think it was worth mentioning that, not only are you a god, you’re the son of the two Elders who rule Olympus? Why would you keep that from me?”

  He slumped against the back of the sofa, a look of defeat on his face. “The day I met you, I didn’t tell you because I didn’t see a need. When we talked about the original Ischyra…I don’t know, I just didn’t have it in me to get into it that night. After that…”

  He pressed his fingers to his eyes and took a deep breath.

  “Tessa, if I had come to you, pursued you, and you knew I was a god, how would you have reacted? Would you have been so quick to spend time with me one on one? Or would you have assumed I was simply playing games?”

  “Wait, you’re going to try to put this on me?” I couldn’t help but laugh. “Unbelievable.”

  “No, that’s not what I’m doing. Just… okay, look at how you reacted when you met Hermes on your first day and when he and Dionysus arrived yesterday.” He raised his eyebrows. “They intimidated you.”

  “Well yeah, but—”

  “But they’re Elders? You’re telling me you wouldn’t have had the same reaction if they were just Zeus’ sons, minus the title?”

  “Okay, fine, I guess I see your point, but I got over that quick enough.”

  “I wanted us to know each other without that stigma hanging over my head. I acknowledge that may not have been the best course of action.”

  I pressed my lips together, trying to hold back the tears of hurt that threatened my eyes. I let out a deep, shuddering breath.

  “Gods, Nate, it’s like you just threw a wrench in everything,” I whispered.

  “Believe me, Tessa, no one knows that more than me. There were so many times I thought it was time to tell you and lost my nerve. The longer I waited, the more I dreaded having to tell you who I really am.”

  “Is that really all there is? Or does it have something to do with Apollo, too?”

  “He tried to tell me to leave you be, but that had nothing to do with my choice not to tell you.”

  I raised my eyebrows. “You guys looked ready to kill each other back there, Nate.”

  He took a deep breath and rubbed at his eyes before responding. “That’s…complicated.”

  “Screw complicated. If you want any chance of forgiveness from me, you need to stop bullshitting around everything and tell me what’s going on. If you don’t care about forgiveness, then I’m happy to be on my way.”

  “No, no, that’s not what I meant.” He reached out a hand to stop me from standing. “Please, don’t leave.”

  “Then talk to me.”

  He nodded, then stood and walked over to a long cabinet that ran behind the couch, emerging with two tumblers and a bottle of red wine. Based on the purplish blossoms floating inside, I guessed it to be ambrosia. He sat back down, poured glasses for each of us, and slid one down the glass coffee table toward me.

  I eyed it warily, then picked it up, needing something to do with my hands.

  Nate took a large swallow of his wine, then set the glass on the table with a clink before turning to me.

  “Do you remember when I told you about Karis?”

  I frowned. “Yes, I remember.”

  “I told you how she died, correct?”

  “Godsbane arrow, right?”

  “Yes. There was a bit more to it than that, though.” He picked up his glass and tossed back the rest of his wine, then refilled it before continuing.

  “Back then, Apollo was in charge of the Ischyra, and I would often advise him. One of his main duties was determining where Ischyra were assigned, and he usually based decisions on a soldier’s individual skills. If a soldier was particularly good at dispatching giants, for example, he or she would be sent to lead a team in an area where giants were causing problems, typically in the larger mountain ranges.”

  “That makes sense. Is it not the same today?”

  “It is, but Apollo didn’t always follow that rule.”

  He tapped a finger on his tumbler.

  “He took issue with my relationship with Karis, much like he seems to have taken issue with my relationship with you. He felt she was beneath me, saw her as a distraction, and considered her the reason I’d begun drifting away from my life as a god. So, he took it upon himself to remove that distraction.”

  “But I thought Zeus considered you and Karis a good match?”

  “He did. My brother disagreed.”

  I felt the blood drain from my face. “So he had her killed?”

  “Not directly. Karis was an amazing fighter, but she never did well against Sirens. Ischyra are supposed to have enough of a resistance to a Siren song to be able to get out of hearing range, but Karis lacked that ability. Her resistance was minimal. The song wouldn’t kill her, but it would weaken her. Knowing that, Apollo sent her to join a team he’d dispatched to Venice to deal with a Siren problem in the canals.”

  He paused and took a deep breath.

  “I confronted him on her behalf, tried to get him to change his mind, see reason. He wouldn’t listen, said she needed to ‘adapt’ if she was going to be a worthwhile Ischyra and that I needed to step back and let her do her job.”

  He took another slow sip of his wine.

  “Needless to say, she did not return from that mission alive. According to one of the soldiers on her team, a Siren had disabled her, and a human, of all things, shot her through with a poisoned arrow.

  “I blamed my brother for her death. Zeus sided with me, but only because he thought Apollo’s attempt to teach Karis a lesson was ill-conceived. He thought Apollo had needlessly sacrificed the life of a valuable soldier. He didn’t say it outright, but he believed part of Apollo’s motivation had been spite.

  “My brother didn’t like that I was making choices that were different from what he saw as ‘right.’ For whatever reason, he never felt he had a choice when it came to how he served Olympus. I took that choice, and he resented me for it.”

  “What happened after Zeus stepped in?” I asked.

  The corner of his mouth turned up in a wry smile. “Apollo got demoted. Ares and Athena were brought to lead the Ischyra. It was a good decision in the end. They’re better suited for the job than my brother. Of course, he blamed me for his demotion. We’ve barely spoken since, and when we do, well…”

  “It’s like what I saw today?”

  “Much worse when we were younger.” He smirked. “Those fights usually ended in physical violence. Once Zeus and Hera finally kicked us out of the palace, we avoided each other whenever possible. When we do speak, it tends to be a struggle in civility.”

  I pursed my lips, going over everything he’d just told me and trying to phrase what I wanted to say.

  “Can I ask a question?”

  He smiled. “Of course.”

  “I understand why you had a falling out. But…it’s been almost three thousand years, Nate. Why hold onto that anger for so long?”

  He ran his hand through his hair, and I fought back the urge to smooth it back down.

  “I wish I had an answer for you. I moved on from Karis long ago, but he and I have always clashed. Sometimes it just seems easier to hate him than work out our issues.”

  “What about the rest of your family? It seems like you keep your distance from the top half of the mountain, but don’t you have, like, a million siblings? Do you ever spend time with them?”

  He smiled. “There are quite a few. Ares and Hephaestus are the only two full siblings who really interact with those of us on Olympus. Eileithyia travels all over the realms, tending to childbir
ths, Angelos spends all her time in the Underworld, and Hebe decided she wanted to live among humans as a college professor. Enyo gets involved with Ischyra on Earth sometimes, but her methods tend to be a bit more destructive than Ares’ and Athena’s, so she spends her time in the war-torn parts of the world. And Eris just skips around the realms causing trouble.”

  He grinned. “You’d like her. She reminds me of Mary, in a way, only a bit more insane.”

  “Are you calling my best friend insane?”

  “She’s a little bit crazy, Tessa. If you’d heard the threats she was tossing at me when we first met, you’d agree.”

  “Speaking of threats…your mother is terrifying.”

  His eyes widened. “Tell me she didn’t threaten you.”

  “Maybe a little.”

  He groaned. “I’m sorry about that. She can be very overprotective.”

  “That’s one word for it,” I said as I set my glass down on the table. “Now. Explain what Apollo was talking about when he said you saw something at my transformation.”

  He scratched his forehead. “It was strange. When I funneled the magic into your mind to awaken your power, all of these images and emotions flashed through. They were fighting against both of us, so I forced them into your subconscious.”

  He sighed, then met my eyes.

  “Everything you’ve been dreaming about was there, and more, only I didn’t know it at the time. Atlas, Iapetus, Clymene, and others, but they were moving so fast it was hard to make out much.”

  I leaned forward and rested my elbows on my knees, then tapped my index fingers on my lips, trying to decide whether to be furious, scared, or aggravated.

  “You should’ve told me.” I struggled to keep my voice even.

  “I didn’t want to—”

  “Worry me?” I dropped my hands and stared at him, dumbfounded. “What the fuck, Nate! This is not about you! You see weird visions in my head that just happen to coincide with these messed up nightmares, and you don’t think I should know? Gods, Nate, I’m not a child!”

  “I know, I just…if you had seen yourself that day outside your school, I couldn’t—I couldn’t see you like that again. I couldn’t put you through that again.”