BROWNIE: An Angel's Visit

by Linda Stanley Dalton

  Morgan turned her face away at her husband’s rebuke and that sick feeling of guilt settled like fifty pounds of lead had landed in her gut. His words stung: Of anything Angela could have, a smile was all she wanted. Not just any smile, but my smile.

  “I can and will make one of our daughter’s wishes come true,” Marcus said softly, sadly, as he put his hand on the cold glass doorknob. “She will be home. Unfortunately, the other one is totally up to you. Think about that, all your daughter wants for Christmas is to see her mommy’s beautiful smile.” He silently opened the door and left his wife to ponder his words.

  ***

  Bernie forced himself to wake up, mortified that for the first time ever he had fallen asleep at his desk. He recalled feeling sleepy and surmised he must have dozed off. From behind his glasses he blinked to clear his vision. Suddenly, he noticed something on one of the leather chairs that faced his desk, something furry and familiar. His eyes widened first in recognition, and then disbelief. “It can’t be,” he breathed in a quiet gasp as he stared into the eyes of the missing teddy bear from the box of Isabel’s things.

  “You’re not hallucinating, Bernie, nor are you hearing things.”

  Bernie heard it as clear as any other sound he had ever heard, and it scared him. It was not the same fear one might experience when their life appeared to be in danger. No, this was different and even more frightening to the doctor who was entering his sixties and wondered if he was having some sort of breakdown.

  Bernie closed his eyes. “It’s talking, my God, it’s talking to me!”

  “Of course I’m talking to you. How else would I be able to communicate with you, Bernie? Please trust me when I tell you that you are completely safe, I only want to talk to you.”

  Bernie opened his eyes and shook his head. “How would you feel if you were the one sitting in this chair, having a conversation with a teddy bear?”

  Brownie laughed softly, putting his paw to his mouth as he did so. “Maybe you’ll be more comfortable if I change things just a bit. It’ll just take a few seconds.”

  As Bernie watched, a warm golden glow outlined him like a sun ray, and then flowed outward from the teddy bear. A bright, white light that twinkled and sparkled like something out of a Disney film surrounded him as it merged with the glow. Despite its brilliance, Bernie stared in awe as the light intensified, squinting at its brightness. He knew he was a witness to something truly amazing and could not look away.

  The form of the teddy bear began to change much like an animation with the starry, white light swirling around it. Bernie sat spellbound in his chair as the little teddy bear’s form gradually changed before his eyes, like a blank sheet of photographic paper immersed in a chemical solution brings forth an image.

  Seconds later, male nurse Kevin Browne sat in the chair in front of Bernie’s desk. “Now, is this better?” Brownie asked. “You mustn’t be afraid.”

  Bernie took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes, struggling to come to grips with what he had just seen. He sighed, put his glasses back on, and stared at the stranger sitting before him. “What kind of joke do you think you’re playing with me, young man?”

  “No jokes. My name is Brownie,” he began, “and I was with Isabel when she died.”

  “Who are you?” Bernie asked, almost afraid of the reply. He had seen a teddy bear turn into a tall blond man with clear green eyes and a warm smile, and did not know what to make of it.

  “I’m an angel.”

  “If you say so.” Bernie’s mouth was dry, his heart was racing, and he did not feel well. He reached for the bottle of water on his desk. He twisted off the cap and took a long swig. He finished drinking and held the bottle with a slightly shaking hand. “You’ll have to excuse me. I’m not used to talking teddy bears sneaking into my office, and proceeding to morph, or whatever I just saw you do, into the body of an alleged member of my staff.”

  Brownie smiled boyishly, an almost perfect grin accentuated by deep dimples. “I understand, sir. I seem to have that effect on adults. Children take things in stride much better, if you don’t mind my saying so. Perhaps that’s why Jesus told His disciples that the kingdom of Heaven was made up of children. Adults lose hope; they grow disillusioned too easily, become hard and cynical.”

  “Humph,” Bernie growled. At the mention of Jesus, he narrowed his eyes beneath shaggy gray brows. “I’m a Jew, strictly Old Testament. I assume you know what that means.” He set the water bottle on the desk and folded his large hands. “I don’t believe Jesus is Messiah. He was a carpenter, not a king.”

  Brownie nodded. “I know. Your unbelief was something that deeply troubled Isabel. She didn’t want to leave you, and was afraid she might never see you again.”

  “And how would you know that?” Bernie quipped before he dramatically smacked his forehead with his hand. “How silly of me, you’re the angel of God who was with my wife when she died!”

  “Please, Bernie, I’m not here to make you uncomfortable or upset you. Your wife prayed fervently for you and God’s heart was moved. Despite the differences between you, Isabel was able to remain true to her own faith and still be a good wife to you. I thought you might find some comfort knowing that she is in Heaven as we speak, and still praying for you.”

  Tears welled in Bernie’s eyes; he did his best to blink them back. The mention of her name caused his heart to ache, his entire being to once more become burdened with the heaviness of grief, of loss. “I can’t tell you how much I miss my wife,” he said thickly and sniffled loudly. He cleared his throat; it was tight and hurt from holding back his tears. “There are many nights when I pray for death to come while I’m asleep, so I won’t have to go through another day without her. Wouldn’t a merciful God grant my wish? My wife spoke of her Jesus, how loving and wonderful He is. Is it fair for me to languish here on earth without her?”

  “One day He will, and your life will end,” Brownie replied. “I’m not here for that purpose today.”

  “Yet another disappointment. An angel comes to visit me, but not one to show me to the end of my story.” A sad smile played at the corners of Bernie’s lips as he leaned wearily back in his chair. An angel sat before him, a heavenly creation of God. Part of him didn’t believe it, part of him did and was fascinated. Looking into Brownie’s clear eyes, Bernie knew there was something special, perhaps even heavenly about him. He possessed a physical beauty and an inner light unusual for a man.

  “That’s too bad, my friend, because I’m ready to go right now.”

  Brownie shook his head. “You miss Isabel, and you want to be with her. That doesn’t make you ready for the finality of death.”

  “Then why are you here, impersonating a member of my staff?” Bernie asked. “Practicing medicine without a license is a felony, even for an angel.”

  “I’ve not dispensed so much as a single med. God doesn’t need man-made drugs to heal and comfort. For purposes of mobility and practicality, I’ve had to become Kevin. Personally, I prefer being the teddy bear that God created, but I’m learning that you humans are a difficult bunch with lots of idiosyncrasies. You are all so very different. As bad as things are in your world, I’m amazed you get as much done as you do.”

  Brownie leaned back in the chair. “I’ve not been sent to discuss the state of your world with you, fascinating as that would be, or to exploit your grief over your wife. There is someone who is in desperate need of your help, and while she doesn’t realize it yet, she is going to need it soon.”

  Bernie frowned. “Is she a patient?”

  “No, she is a deeply troubled woman who has carried a secret around for many years. This secret has caused her to act irrationally, and has made her very unpopular right now. She is making mistakes, people are frustrated with her, and she doesn’t know why.”

  Bernie’s bushy brows rose up and down. Despite himself, he was intrigued. “Who is she, and why me?”

  “Morgan Cole.”

  “Morgan Cole? Surely
, you’re joking.”

  “No joke. The one and only Morgan Cole referred to by some as the Ice Princess.”

  “What on earth could I possibly do for Mrs. Cole? No offense, Brownie, but I don’t think so. We are on very poor terms. I’m surprised you’re unaware of this, what with you being an angel and all.”

  “You’re talking, of course, about the incident with Kenni,” Brownie said. “It’s been resolved, Parmenter reinstated her this morning.”

  “You know about that?” Bernie asked, though he didn’t know why he should be surprised.

  “It was very upsetting to Kenni, but I was able to reassure her that things will work out fine. Now about Morgan….”

  “I don’t mind telling you that Mrs. Cole will never come to me, not when I went against her wishes over this problem she seems to have with Kenni—” Bernie interrupted. He wondered what sort of secret Morgan had that could be so devastating.

  “Bernie, her secret has nothing to do with you,” Brownie explained, as of course he could read the man’s mind. “I can’t tell you what the secret is. All I can tell you is that it will cause her even more sadness than she has already experienced if she doesn’t release it. There is much at stake for her.”

  “You’re not giving me much to go on, Brownie. I’m merely human after all.”

  Brownie chuckled at his remark. “Oh, if only you humans knew just how much God truly loves you! You are always on His mind. Most of us, we angels I mean, can’t figure out what it is the Father sees in any of you. But it’s not our place to question. We live to praise Him and to do His will, whatever He asks of us.”

  Bernie sighed and stared into the cool beauty of Brownie’s eyes. “I’ve got to tell you, Brownie, I’m not a religious or Godly man. I know what I saw happen before my eyes when you changed from a teddy bear into a man. I can’t explain it but I know I saw it.” He shook his head. “I wish with all my heart that I could believe all of what you’ve said; that God sent you here, that Isabel’s prayers for me touched His heart.”

  “But you don’t believe any of it, do you?”

  Bernie shook his head. It saddened him, but he spoke the truth. “No, I don’t. There may be a Heaven, but Jesus being the only way to get there….”

  Brownie lowered his head. There was a sudden flash of white and gold light, and before Bernie could finish his sentence he found himself alone.

  Chapter 9

  It was late afternoon, around three o’clock or so, and Kenni was about to save the final version of a monthly statistical spreadsheet on her office computer. The report was due in the Administrator’s office by the next day’s close of business, but it was her practice to submit reports at least the day before. Suddenly, Nurse Edie Compton appeared, red-faced and breathless in the doorway of her small office. The plus-sized nurse with short flaming-red hair was obviously agitated over something.

  “Kenni!” Edie cried, her cornflower blue eyes dancing with excitement as she clutched one plump, perfectly manicured hand to her heaving chest. She was glowing, as if she had received a super rush of energy from an invisible source. “You won’t believe it! C’mon, you’ve gotta come and see!”

  Kenni looked up at Edie whom she had known since nursing school in Tampa, Florida. She could not recall ever having seen her overly stimulated about anything-ever. Edie was a knowledgeable and competent nurse who was adept at controlling her feelings. This unexpected display of excitement was out of Edie’s character to say the least.

  “See what? Goodness, Edie, what’s going on?”

  “Just come on!” Edie encouraged. She laughed as she took Kenni’s hand and pulled her to her feet. “It’s a miracle,” she sang, borrowing the words and melody from a Barry Manilow song of the same name.

  Kenni chuckled and gave up all attempts to resist Edie’s determination to share whatever it was with her. She allowed herself to be led into the Intensive Care Unit just around the corner from her office.

  “It’s a miracle!” Edie continued to sing.

  Kenni saw Jeb and another oncologist standing around the baby Noah’s bassinet. When Jeb turned to face her, he wore a bewildered expression, as if something had mystified him. It was sort of a squint, but not exactly, as his eyebrows bunched together and his lips pressed into a semi-frown.

  “What’s going on?” Kenni asked as she stood beside her husband. “Edie literally dragged me out of my office.”

  “I’m not sure myself, but look at Noah!”

  Kenni looked down at the little baby who had spent his three short months of life in their care. Born with an inoperable, malignant tumor in his brain, Noah’s prognosis was terminal. In fact, just that morning there had been speculation that he might not make it to Christmas. Kenni had agreed with other staff that he seemed to be deteriorating rapidly. Noah’s father was Kenni and Jeb’s pastor and she knew that the church was in the midst of an around-the-clock prayer vigil for Noah’s healing.

  She was stunned as she looked down at Noah. The infant, who was normally quite pale, listless and hardly moved at all, was looking around and cooing with his little arms moving, his legs kicking as any normal three-month old baby would do. There was color in his cheeks and a definite sparkle in his wide, curious eyes.

  Kenni was speechless at the sight of the child who only hours earlier had appeared ready to leave the world behind. All the monitors attached to Noah were digitally displaying normal beats and rhythms, astounding the small group of hospital colleagues who had been called to the ICU.

  “Won’t the Hendersons be thrilled?” Edie cried, still moving—practically dancing—excitedly. “We’ve got a Christmas miracle right here at Brannan’s.” She hugged her arms to her ample chest. “Oh, this is just so awesome! Doctor Hastings, I’ll bet you can’t wait to tell them the good news. They went to the chapel about a half-an-hour ago. Would you like me to find them for you?”

  Jeb shrugged. While he, too, was impressed by the sudden turnaround in the baby’s condition, his experience as a well-trained physician, and everything he knew about babies as seriously ill as Noah, made him skeptical. Noah’s sudden turnaround was something he had never seen before, a complete transformation from deathly ill baby to outwardly healthy, normal infant.

  “Edie, let’s hold off sharing this with Pastor Henderson for just a bit. As wonderful as this appears, I want to run some tests first to gage where we are with this little guy before we get his parents’ hopes up.” He gently ran his hand across the baby’s head, touching the tufts of dark brown fluff. “What has you so excited, Noah? I wish you could tell us.”

  “No problem, Doctor, I understand. I’ll call upstairs and let them know we’ll be sending up a rush order for labs,” Edie said, and still singing, she left the room. The other doctor followed.

  “This is amazing, Jeb!” Kenni breathed. She looked up at her husband and smiled. “I think Edie’s right; we’ve got a Christmas miracle.”

  Neither of them had noticed Kevin Browne enter the ICU. “Excuse me, Kenni.”

  Kenni and Jeb both turned in the direction of the male voice, one familiar to her. “Hi there, Brownie,” she managed. She felt a stab of guilt at being unable to share her knowledge of his true identity with her husband. “What can I do for you?”

  “How’s Noah? I just saw Edie and she’s lit up like a Christmas tree and singing about miracles.”

  “He’s doing phenomenally,” Kenni replied. When Brownie smiled back at her she wondered what he might know about Noah’s recovery.

  “I’m glad to hear it. Listen, I’m checking out for the night.”

  Jeb was curious about the unfamiliar male nurse he could not recall ever seeing before.

  “Brownie, have you met my husband?”

  “No, I don’t believe so.”

  “Jeb, this is Kevin Browne, better known around here as Brownie,” Kenni announced as she battled her discomfort over not being honest with her husband. She was dying to tell him all about him. “He’s been sort of a godse
nd around here. The children love him.”

  Jeb reached forward and the two men shook hands. “It’s nice to meet you, Brownie.” Then he cocked his head to one side and studied the other man. “One of my patients was raving about a nurse named Brownie earlier today. You’ve certainly made fans of Michael Donahue and his mother.”

  Brownie smiled. “I take what I do very seriously, Doctor Hastings.” He turned to Kenni. “Have a good night, Kenni. It was nice to meet you, Doctor.”

  “Likewise, Brownie, take care,” Jeb said.

  “Good-night, Brownie. See you later,” Kenni said.

  Brownie nodded, and then continued on his way out of the hospital.

  “He seems like a nice guy,” Jeb commented about Brownie before returning his attention to Noah, who still cooed and kicked happily. His eyes were following something no one else could see. His hands reached out to touch something formless and invisible to them, and a high pitched coo much like a giggle, caused Jeb to shake his head in wonder.

  “Noah!” Kenni laughed and put one finger into his hand. His tiny fingers closed around it as he looked up at her and smiled.

  “I’ve never seen anything like this!” Jeb marveled. “This may be one for the annals. I’ve been looking for a topic to publish; this might be it.”

  Bernie had heard about what was happening at the ICU and dropped by to check it out for himself. “I hear we have a miracle happening here,” he called out as he entered.

  Kenni and Jeb both turned toward the sound of Doctor Bernstein’s voice from behind them. “Yes, that’s exactly what we have,” Jeb agreed. “We’re going to run tests, but it certainly seems like little Noah is on the fast track to recovery. It’s the strangest thing I’ve ever seen.”

  Bernie was still a little unsteady after Kevin Browne—aka—Brownie disappeared before his eyes. He wondered if Brownie had a hand in Noah’s recovery. Could that be why someone claiming to be an angel was with them? His head was swimming and he wasn’t sure what to believe.