“Well then, we better say goodbye and get you in bed.”
Santa lets out a hardy, “Ho, Ho, Ho,” as he slips out the door, jingling his bells again. The man is good. There was a moment I forgot he really is a guy named Smitty, who accepts credit cards.
It takes only fifteen minutes of being curled in front of the fire before Adeline is fast asleep. I scoop her up in my arms and carry her to the bedroom at the top of the stairs. Rebecca skillfully tucks her in and kisses her forehead, sweeping her hair to the side, out of her eyes.
“She never saw anything like this in her life, Devin.” Rebecca says as we slip out of the room. “This is going to be such a wonderful Christmas for her.”
We’re doing this weird thing, where we can’t decide if we should be touching each other. If this is only one night—a holiday celebration—a break from reality—do we belong in each other’s arms? I won’t push her; I didn’t bring her here just to sleep with her.
“Devin,” she whispers, curling her index finger and gesturing for me to follow her down the hall. I obey, not for a second able to ignore those blue eyes that seem to have a sultry flare in them right now. “Can we check out the rest of this place? I’m guessing there are more bedrooms?”
“There are,” I answer, trying not to look too hopeful, attempting to ignore the feelings of lust and desire surging through me. It seems only Rebecca is capable of getting a visceral reaction from me. I miss it.
As she takes my hand, and leads me down the hall, I am instantly hard, feeling like a horny teenager again.
“This looks like a nice room,” she says, peeking her head in and tugging me playfully behind her.
She leans in to kiss me and my hand immediately goes to her hair, touching it and remembering how incredible it feels between my fingers. I’m compelled to give her one more warning. “Rebecca,” I whisper, our lips still touching, “I’m not sure I’m any better for you than anything else you have in your life. I want to be here, right now, with you. I want to celebrate Christmas and enjoy this time, but . . .”
“I hear you,” she answers, but doesn’t pull away from me. “I spent so much time waiting, planning, and scraping to get by. All I want, right now, tonight, is to enjoy this place and you. I’m not asking you for forever. I know time has changed you. It changed us both. But I need to hear you say you want to try, you want to find out. I need to know there is more to you than just the need to destroy something.”
I push my forehead into hers and search her face; contemplating if I’ll tell her the urge to destroy is still within me. The question in my head is instantly quieted as her hand slides up my neck and runs seductively through my hair.
My eyes roll back and I moan as she slips out of my arms and starts to undress. I instantly miss the feel of every one of her curves. I want her back, pressed against me.
A layer of her clothes comes off and I can barely believe this is about to happen. She sheds her silk panties and slinks into the bed, pulling the end of the blanket up over her body. The glimpse of her perfect figure is not enough for me. I want more.
This time, unlike our first time together, I don’t need any encouragement. I strip down, and join her beneath the sheets.
I try to pull the blanket off her, but she tugs it tighter. “I’m not that same girl, Devin. I’m not as skinny, and I have more imperfections, some scars—”
I caress her soft cheek, as I try to ease the blanket away from her chin.
“We’re both different people, Rebecca, but I still think you’re the most beautiful woman in the world. I always have.”
She grows misty-eyed at my words, and rolls toward me, melting into my body. I hear a husky moan escaping through her lips as I draw her into my embrace. Snaring my warm hand, she gently guides it to her bare breast. She may claim her body changed, but this is a sensation that feels exactly the same to me. On our last encounter, all those years ago, I needed the courage and the encouragement to touch her. This time is very different, but still I smile, savoring the nostalgia. I plan to cover her with kisses, I don’t want to miss an inch of her. I want to wash away years of suffering with a night of long-awaited pleasure.
She eases me onto my back, and I love the strength she has in this moment. Since finding her again, all I’ve seen is a woman being told what to do, struggling to keep her life together. Asserting herself in this moment makes me feel oddly proud of her.
I spent so much time trying to own everything, understand everything, and control everything. Giving that up to be clay in her hands feels like a weight off my shoulders, a completely welcomed relief.
I suck in an anxious breath as she hovers over me, straddling my body. As I slide inside her, a jolt of pleasure surges through my whole body. For a moment, it’s as though time ceases to exist. We are eighteen again, our lives together not yet lived.
Letting her nails graze my chest, she rocks forward then back, her long silky hair cascading around her. Grasping her luscious hips tightly, I surge into her hot, tight body. Heaven.
Our bodies move together rhythmically, as if we did this a thousand times before. Some things don’t change at all. Seeing her body still leaves me breathless. I have to look away as she arches her back and drops her head so low that her hair dances on my thighs. I’ve had many years to increase my staying power, but here with Rebecca, I quickly find myself at the brink. I let go of her hips, my hands draw back to her breasts, bringing us both pleasure with gentle caressing. I want a chance to touch all of her before this is over.
My fingers explore her and quickly find the spot that has her whole body tensing above me. Rebecca moans again, her voice gravelly with desire. She’s moving faster and faster on top of me, and I struggle to hold back, as I continue using my fingers to heighten her ecstasy.
She shivers, her body quivering, as she reaches a shuddering orgasm. Whispering endearments, she collapses on top of me, my name on her lips.
I kiss her face, a cloud of her heavenly hair half-covering her satisfied smile. I feel her weight on me and yet I’m lighter than I’ve been for a long time. I’m breathless as I speak, but I want her to know what I have to say. “I’ve been looking everywhere for this. Searching for anything that comes close to feeling this good.” I’m not talking about the sex. I haven’t even climaxed yet. But clearly, by the softness in her smile, she knows what I mean.
“It is worth the wait, Devin. You’re worth the wait.” Rolling off of me, she kisses me all the way down my torso, before slipping to my side, her hands still caressing my chest. A sultry, seductive look flashes across her face. “There’s nothing stopping us tonight. Nowhere we have to be, we have all night.”
The thought of doing this until the sun comes up sends a thrill through my body. I quake as her warm hand slides down and caresses me. I’m still hard as a rock as she wraps her slender fingers tightly around me in a possessive grip. My body tightens in electric anticipation as the stormy need within me builds. She pulls me on top of her, guiding me back inside her warm wet core. I’m leaning down, my face close to hers. Our eyes lock on each other.
“I want this all night, every night,” I manage to say just before I lose control, erupting in a surge of carnal pleasure.
When the shockwave subsides, my vision and other senses return to me, and I realize what I just said. I expect her to be looking at me puzzled or hopeful, but instead her eyes are closed, contentment filling her face. What scares me is I mean exactly what I said. I just didn’t mean to say it out loud. Is she going to let that comment go unquestioned? She stays quiet and I’m torn between disappointment and relief.
We use every second of our night together to thrill each other, trying to make up for all that was shattered so many years ago. Just before I drift off to slumber, with Rebecca already asleep in my arms, I realize this is the night my entire life guided me toward. Even if we don’t know what tomorrow will bring us.
Chapter Eleven
The sun rises and we wake to the sound of Ade
line’s sweet voice. “Mommy, Mommy!” I hear, as the door to the bedroom flies open and Adeline comes barreling in. We both shift quickly to make sure the blanket is adequately covering us. “It’s Cwistmas!” she sings and claps wildly. “There are pwesents downstairs.”
Adeline runs out of the room and I hear the thudding of her feet down each step. “Don’t open any until we get there,” Rebecca calls, looking at me like I’d just preformed a magic trick. “How did you manage that? You were up here all night.”
“It must have been Santa,” I grin as I pull on my clothes. “Or I may have snuck away after your snoring woke me up. I sure wish you’d mentioned the fact that you were half grizzly bear in your letters.”
Rebecca slips her clothes on and throws a punch into my stomach. “I do not snore.” She folds her arms across her chest.
“I’m just hoping Santa really did come, and he left me a pair of ear plugs.” With that, Rebecca tackles me backward onto the bed. She sprawls on top of me and tickles my sides.
Stopping to let me catch my breath, she whispers to me, “I really enjoyed last night.” She rests her hands on my face. “I’m so afraid I’ll wake up and find out this is a dream.”
I grab the skin behind her arm and pinch it firmly. “Ouch,” she shouts, holding her arm. In one move I roll her off me, and sprint for the door. “See, it’s not a dream. Last one downstairs has to do the dishes.”
She jumps to her feet and bolts for the door, “I hate the dishes,” she exclaims as she rounds the corner. I’m standing there, waiting for her and she jumps at the sight of me, assuming I’d already taken off downstairs.
“I don’t want this to be just a holiday escape,” I say, looking away from her nervously. I hear my phone ring and it breaks both of us from this moment.
“You should answer that,” she says as she touches my arm gently. She’s letting me off the hook. A hook I can’t decide if I want to be on or off. At the sound of wrapping paper being torn open her eyes grow wide. “A-DEL-INE! I told you to wait for us.” She bolts down the stairs and I put my phone to my ear.
“Devin Sutton,” I say, hoping by some off chance this is just a wrong number and I can return to my idyllic day.
“Devin, sorry to bother you on Christmas morning. I wanted to get in touch with you before the holiday, but a couple of the board members got cold feet after some threats. It took a little more convincing on my part, but I’ve got all the votes lined up. You have yourself a deal. We’ll be casting the vote tomorrow and we’ll need you here.”
These are the words I’ve waited to hear for so long. I am about to destroy the town of Clover and in the process take down everyone who hurt me. “I’ll be in touch later today. You can expect me there in the morning,” I say as I hang up my phone and lean my head on the wall.
As I meet them both in the living room, the stack of presents toppled over and half opened, I try to find a way to tell her I’m leaving.
“Debin,” Adeline calls as she scurries up to me.
“Yes?” I ask, kneeling down in front of her.
“Can I keep these pwesents all day?” I look down at her and realize she is wearing both of the sweaters I bought for her, the slippers, and two pairs of socks while she clutches a baby doll tightly in her arms. Her hair is holding all the clips from her stocking and in her other hand she’s got two candy canes and a box of crayons.
“You can keep those presents forever, they’re for you.”
Rebecca smirks down at her daughter and in maternal fashion reminds her of the importance of manners. “What do you say to Devin?”
She drops what she’s holding and loops her arms around my neck so hard I have to brace myself not to fall backward. “I lub Cwistmas. I lub you, Debin.”
That probably wasn’t what Rebecca had meant, I’m sure she was thinking a simple thank you would be sufficient. I wrap my arms around the warm, curly-haired little girl and squeeze her tightly. For a moment I close my eyes and imagine what will happen if I just stay right here with both of them forever. I let myself sink into how that would look, how it would feel, and I drift away in the thought of it.
I realize the man I am can’t be enough for them. That will only come when I bring closure to all I’ve been through. I’m not enough yet, but if I can settle my past, there is a chance I can have a future.
I release Adeline and she runs toward the pile of presents, wrapping paper and bows flying everywhere.
“Rebecca, that was the mayor on the phone. I’ve got to head back there tonight for a meeting in the morning.” I’m hanging my head so low that if she weren’t sure what my words meant she’d realize by my body language exactly what I’m saying.
“Back to Clover?” she asks, shaking her head and narrowing her eyes. “Why?” There is a nip in her voice, a rising anger.
“The deal, I have to go get the deal settled. The mayor called, they are voting to approve it tomorrow.”
“You told me the deal was off.” She hands a gift to Adeline and steps toward me, lowering her voice so her daughter can’t hear.
“I know I did. You and Adeline can stay here as long as you want. The fridge is loaded with food, there should be everything you need.”
“Clover is my home, Devin. You can’t demolish and poison it and expect me to be all right with that. People will vote this in and support it for now because they are desperate. You’re taking advantage of that.” She puts her hand to her forehead, completely exasperated. “Please tell me you didn’t know about this before we came. Please tell me you didn’t lie.”
“Rebecca I just need you to stay here and let me settle things. It’s going to be dangerous, and I don’t want anything to happen to you. Last night was amazing and I don’t want it to end.”
“Then apologize to me and promise you won’t destroy Clover.”
I huff out a snarky laugh. “You know those are the two things I don’t do.”
“It’s why I asked. Do that for me and I’ll stay here. I’ll wait for you.”
I hesitate on the words. I’ve lived a long time with this philosophy, am I really ready to walk away from it? Is it even a promise I can make?
“I’m sorry I wasn’t more forthcoming about where the deal stood. I really did think the odds were against it.”
“And?” she crosses her arms over her chest and bores into me with her eyes.
“And, I promise I won’t hurt the town. I’ll figure something out.” I take a step toward her, and pull her into my arms. Resting my chin on the top of her head I pull in a deep breath. “You need to stay here. It won’t be safe for you there.”
“It won’t be safe for you either. We finally found our way back to each other, Devin. Are you really going to let the same people pull us apart again before we even know what sort of future we can make with each other?”
“That isn’t going to happen this time. I’ll be back here before you know it and we’ll have time to figure our future out. I came here to give you and Adeline a nice Christmas. It’s not over yet.” I pull Rebecca into my arms and run my thumb across her cheek. She’s trying to be mad, to avert her eyes from me, but eventually she gives in.
“I’m trusting you, Devin. That isn’t easy for me to do. Please don’t break my heart.” She’s fiddling with the locket I gave her and the way she tugs at it, tugs at my heart. She rests her head warily on my chest and I feel the weight of the world come down on me. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, but I’ve never had so much on the line.
“How about some pancakes?” I call out to Adeline who is tearing a toy tea set out of the box. “Can we use dese pwates?” she begs, flashing the tiny pink saucers at me.
“Why not?” I throw my arms in the air and head off into the kitchen to pretend I know how to make pancakes, hoping Rebecca will realize I don’t and come save me.
******
The presents are all opened and stacked high, the fire crackling, warming the room perfectly. I stare out the window and watch the sun fall
behind the tree line. Rebecca has Adeline upstairs, giving her a bath before bed and I can hear them talking about her visit from Santa last night.
I’ve already said goodbye. It’s time for me to leave and it feels like I’m waking up from my favorite dream. I step out the front door, into the biting cold mountain air. I’m only on the top step of the porch, and I regret leaving already. At my fingertips are the two things I dreamed about for years: Rebecca and Revenge. The problem is, I can’t have both.
Follow Devin and Rebecca’s story
Change My Heart
Book Two of The Clover Series
Available December 1st, 2013
Other Books by Danielle Stewart
The Piper Anderson Series
Book 1: Chasing Justice (FREE download at all major retailers)
Book 2: Cutting Ties
Book 3: Changing Fate
Choosing Christmas, A Christmas Novella
Betty’s Journal (Coming January 2014!)
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