We finish breakfast and I head upstairs to get dressed. When I moved to North Carolina with Cam, I left my family back in Pennsylvania. I’ve made a few friends here, but honestly I have just gotten used to being on my own. So at times like this when I have to go and pretend to be some sort of social butterfly it can be exhausting.
“Hey, beautiful, you ready?” Cam is standing in the doorway dressed in a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt that hugs his arms just right.
“Yep.” We head outside and since his friend AJ’s house is only three blocks away we decide to walk.
“So, how is the writing going?” Cam has always been extremely supportive of me and my dream even though it’s been a long, slow journey. I published my first book about six months ago, it’s a romance that, for the most part, is based on our relationship. Ever since then I have had a major case of writer’s block. Reviews were okay, but the one constant comment was that there is a lack of heat and passion. I can’t help but doubt myself and think maybe I’m not meant to be an author, but every time I say that, Cam shoots it down and tells me that we will just have to practice any scene I come up with to make it more realistic.
“It’s moving along slowly. Honestly, I don’t know what it is, babe. It’s like I have no idea who the characters are that I’m writing or where the story is supposed to be going.”
His arm wraps around my shoulder and he places a kiss on the top of my head. “It will come to you. You’re amazing and all you have to do is wait for everyone else to figure it out.”
When he says things like that it makes me wonder if he is real. I also can’t figure out how in the hell I got so lucky to have someone like him in my life. We walk up to AJ’s house and he opens the door.
“Wilson! It’s about time you got here!” All of the guys call each other by their last name. I still haven’t gotten used to it and choose to call them by their first names. We walk into the house and I see that, per usual, the men are gathered in the living room watching sports and the women are sitting at the kitchen table. I walk into the kitchen and am met with the highest screeches humanly possible.
“Shay!” They all yell almost in unison. I’m rushed worse than a quarterback in the Super Bowl and they are all grabbing at my hand trying to examine my rings.
I thought we had only planned on going to Jamaica for a vacation and to get away. To my surprise, once we got to our room, it was set up with candles everywhere and Cam got down on one knee. I said yes before he even finished the entire proposal. He told me he had everything set up if I wanted to tie the knot on the beach. I have never been someone who wanted the spotlight so I agreed immediately. We were married on the beach, just the two of us, and it was absolutely perfect.
Numerous compliments are thrown as the girls practically drool on my finger. “Come sit! You have to tell us everything!” Chrissy is pulling me by the hand toward the table. Once we are sitting, I look around at Chrissy, Carrie, and Casey. When I first met them I couldn’t believe that all their names are so similar. It’s just another factor that makes me feel like an outsider. Chrissy has curly blonde hair and is pregnant, like she is about to lay down and push it out pregnant. Casey, sports a short brown bob and sits so straight I swear she glues a board to her back. It’s legitimately ridiculous. I mean I’m all for good posture, but relax girl. Carrie has red hair that is so long it exhausts me just thinking about how time-consuming it must be for her to do it.
“So how was the trip? You’re so lucky! Joey never takes me anywhere! It doesn’t help that we have the kids though,” Carrie pouts at me.
“The trip was good. It was really relaxing. I actually wish we were still there.” You have no idea how much.
“So…” Casey, AJ’s wife, looks around at everyone and then back at me. “Are you guys trying?” And there it is. Kill me now.
“Yea, we are.” They all start yelling and clapping their hands. “We are totally trying to unpack the house, but it’s taking forever.”
The room goes silent and the military mafia looks at me with puzzled expressions. “No, Shay, I meant are you guys trying to get pregnant.” Casey reiterates, as if I didn’t get it the first time.
“No, unfortunately Cam can’t get pregnant.” Silence. Damn, tough crowd. “I’m kidding.” They give me a few fake chuckles before the silence settles in again. “We just got married, and haven’t even talked about kids yet. It will happen when it does though, I’m not worried about it.” Their faces all drop and no one says a word. “Come on, guys, it’s not that big of a deal. You would think that I just told you all that there was no Santa Claus.”
Chrissy covers her very pregnant stomach with her hands. “Shay, don’t say that! The baby might hear you!”
Jesus. Fucking. Christ.
Chapter Four
After almost four hours of sitting through mind numbing rambling with Carrie, Chrissy, and Casey, I’m about to kill myself. I venture into the living room where the boys are yelling and flinch as they all jump up to celebrate what I’m assuming is the team’s victory. I stand in the doorway unsure of what the heck to do. I mean they are all jumping around like kangaroos on drugs.
Cam looks over and sees me then charges. He throws me over his shoulder, yells and gets back in the mosh pit that has now formed. After a few minutes and a newly formed headache, I’m returned to my upright position.
“We won, babe!”
“Yea, I could have guessed that,” I laugh before I grab his hand. “You ready to get home?”
Just then I hear more yelling. I look toward the commotion and see Cam’s sergeant, Jacob. I swear it hits me every time how much they look like each other. The biggest difference is their personalities. Cam is kind, sociable, and funny. Jacob is stone-cold¸ all business, and I seriously thinks he lacks the capacity to laugh. “Clark!” Cam shouts and then heads over to greet him. I know, at this point, my chances of escape are slim to none, but I seriously cannot handle one more minute of “oh my God” and “the kids this or the kids that.” I have had my fill of the women.
I decide to sit in the living room and tolerate all of the testosterone, rather than head back into the lion’s den. Sometimes I just love to watch the dynamic between these boys. They have all been together since almost day one, and you can tell. Even when they aren’t working, it’s like they move as one unit. As much as I internally complain about these get-togethers, I really do enjoy them. The guys are all truly amazing and I know that if I needed anything I could call anyone one of them and they would come running. The girls, while they make me want to physically harm myself, I know that if I needed someone to talk to or a shoulder to lean on they would be there.
Having a support system like this is amazing, but it’s kind of uncomfortable in a way because I’m not used to having this many people around. I had no siblings and not much family nearby when I was growing up. It was really just my parents and me. So, to be honest, I spent a lot of time up in my room alone. I think that’s what made me want to start writing. When you’re all alone you use your imagination more, my imaginary friends then became my characters. The first book I wrote was so fluid. Now, it feels forced, like I have to push it out.
The couch dips beside me and I look over my shoulder to see Jacob next to me. “Hey, how is everything, Jacob?”
He looks over at me and nods. Really? That’s all I get?
“That good, huh?” He looks over at me again and gives me a confused look. “No, really, you’re sharing too much detail, slow down.” Jacob gets up and joins the guys standing in the middle of the room. What the hell?
Can you say awkward? I mean the guy never talks to anyone, and I barely ever shut up. I don’t know what the hell crawled up his ass. Usually he is anti-social, but it’s on super hyperdrive today. I wonder if it has anything to do with the deployment? I would love to ask him, but that’s as pointless as Cam trying to talk to me about his fantasy football league.
Screw this acting like a lady etiquette. If I’m gonna be
stuck here I need a drink. I walk over to the fridge and grab a beer. When I turn around, Carrie is standing there looking at me as if I’m an alien.
“A.J. just got a round for the guys.” She is staring at the beer in my hand as if it’s about to explode. The first time we came to one of these gatherings, I learned that none of the wives drink, especially not here. On a really special night they all might share a bottle of wine, but drinking and being wild is not the way they wanted to be viewed.
“This isn’t for Cam, it’s for me.” I try to keep my tone even and reign in the bitch that wants to jump out. I grab the bottle opener from the counter and pop the top off, containing my laughter as is hits her leg. I am so over living by the rules that were set forth before I even showed up. I raise the beer to my lips, taking a few long gulps before lowering it. Carrie looks like she might actually burst. Now that Cam and I are married, I need to stop trying to fit in and start being me, not that having a beer should be that big of an offense.
As I walk past the rest of the mafia, I can hear the audible gasps at my blatant disregard of the wife code. I think back to the day they introduced it to me when I almost fell off my chair. The wife code consists of the way that they feel good wives should act. No drinking, no suggestive clothing, and no cursing or as they like to call it cussing. If I want to show up in a v-neck t-shirt and get trashed I should be able to, not that I would.
I walk back into the living room and all the guys are once again sitting on the couches since another game has started. I get routing for your home team, but why the heck do they care about every game in the league? My eyes find Cam and luckily there is an open spot next to him, although on the other side of that spot is my talkative friend Jacob. I plop down in between them and Cam wraps his arm around my shoulder.
“Hey, gorgeous, since when do you come and watch the game?” His eyes are still focused on the TV as he talks to me in the way only men can master.
“Since today, I’m also drinking beer.” I raise my bottle and relax against him. Aside from the occasional yelling and screaming about “BS penalties” hanging out with the guys is much better than playing the role of the little woman in the kitchen.
I catch Jacob looking at me and return his gaze with a smile. He quickly turns away from me and takes another swig of his beer. I can’t help but think I have done something to piss him off in some way, but considering we have never gotten past “hi” I don’t know what the hell it could be. The game finally ends and Cam looks over at me.
“You ready, babe?”
I nod and stretch before I get off of the couch. We say our obligatory goodbyes to everyone and even after my numerous indiscretions today I still get hugs and salutations from the mafia. We walk out of the house and I take a deep breath as the cool air hits me. Cam grabs my hand and we start the short trek home.
“Hey, what is up with Jacob?”
Cam looks over at me. “Clark? What do you mean?”
I shrug my shoulders trying to hide how curious I am. “He always shows up late, and barely ever talks to anyone. I tried to talk to him today and it was like pulling teeth.”
“I don’t know, babe. I know he had a rough start in life. None of us really know what happened to him just that he is really closed off.” Cam looks straight ahead the entire time he speaks.
“Doesn’t that bother you guys though? I mean you’re on a team and you’re supposed to trust each other. How can you trust him if you don’t—“
Cam stops walking and looks me in the eye. “I don’t give a shit about his past, none of it matters. What matters is that I know when push comes to shove that he has saved my ass more than once. He is loyal, trustworthy, and everything that I could want in a leader. That is what matters, Shay.”
He lets go of my hand and begins walking. I guess I hit a nerve. I mean I knew the guys were all close but I didn’t know he would react like that. I feel like a child that has just gotten in trouble. Cam rarely ever gets mad at me, and I hate feeling like I disappointed him.
At least I know for next time that the team is off limits.
Chapter Five
Cam didn’t talk to me after we got home last night. He went into the living room turned on another game and didn’t move the rest of the night. After an hour of uncomfortable silence, I went upstairs to bed. I don’t understand why my question set him off last night. I was just trying to understand the dynamic of everyone. If I thought someone had secrets, there is no way I could trust them, especially not with my life. I guess it’s different for Cam. I would love to ask him why but I’m definitely not opening that can of worms again.
Cam had to work today so he was already gone when I woke up. After I clean a little I fire up my laptop and open the manuscript I’ve been working on. I know a lot of people will go to Starbucks to write, but I can’t. I’m honestly too nosey to be sitting in a room full of people and actually get anything done. I throw on my general writing playlist and get to work. For the first time in as long as I can remember the words are flowing and not having to be dragged out of my head. My characters are talking to me and the story is actually progressing. Maybe because I’m at a tense point in the book and Cam and I are having a rough time I can relate to them.
I fly through almost four hours of writing with only a few cups of coffee. When Cam comes home at five, I am still typing away and have almost finished. I finally cracked the writer’s block and it feels amazing. There is nothing more frustrating than knowing what you want to say but not being able to get it out. I feel hands rest on my shoulders, and jump from being pulled out of the zone I was in.
“Sorry, I was just coming to see how you were. I’m glad to see you’re writing again.” I turn in my chair to look at him, at the same time removing his hands from me. The air between us is tense and I hate it. I just want things to be okay especially since he is leaving soon.
“I’m sorry about yesterday. I was just trying to understand but I get that I over stepped my boundaries. I promise I won’t push the issue again.”
Cam doesn’t answer me. He is just looking down at me, and I start to squirm under his gaze. His hands grab mine and he leads me over to the couch. Once we both sit down he is quiet again and it is really making me crazy. “Listen, babe, I know that I overreacted. You just have to understand that these guys are my family too. If one of us is hurting and not ready to share something I don’t see the need to push it. Jacob has had my back more times than you want to know. I swear, I might not have made it home without him a couple of times.” I gasp at this admission. Anytime I have talked to Cam while he is deployed we don’t talk about the battles, or the casualties. I think he knows it would only make me more crazy and paranoid to hear about them. I’ll never forget the first time he was deployed and we were on the phone.
“I miss you, babe.” I say trying to steady my shaky voice. I don’t want to cause him more stress by having him worry about me, but I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep since he left last week. There is only one phone at the camp and only so much time available to use it, so I told him before he left to let the guys with families use it first.
“I miss you too, Shay.” He sounds so far away, and it only reflects the actual distance between us.
“How is everything?” I ask this not sure if I actually want to know the answer.
“It’s as good as it can be.” I can hear this constant popping in the background almost like popcorn in a microwave.
“What’s that sound?” Cam doesn’t answer me and the popping continues, getting louder. My heart starts to race. “I’ll have to call you back, babe.”
The phone disconnects before I can respond to him, or at least say “I love you.” I pace my tiny apartment trying to hold back the hysterics that are threatening to break out. My mind plays out all of the possible scenarios I can think of, and all of them are bad. I can’t lose him. I need him. He said he would come back. The phone in my hand rings again and I scream at the shock of it.
“Hello!” I say so loudly and with such urgency I can envision Cam pulling the phone away from his ear.
“Hey, I’m sorry.” He sounds out of breath.
“What happened? What was that noise?” I’m still so panicked even though he is obviously still alive and well.
“Nothing, everything is fine now.”
“Cameron Wilson, you need to tell me what happened because it can’t be worse then what I’m imagining in my head.” I know I sound like his mother but I really don’t care.
“The camp got attacked. It was just one guy though and he was taken care of quickly.” That was just as bad as what I was imaging in my head. I make an audible gasp and swallow the tears. “Baby, I’ll come back, I’ll always come back.”
“Babe?”
I shake my head. “Yeah, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. I just need you to understand that some people aren’t open books, but I know Jacob and there is no reason for you to be suspicious of him.” He leans over and kisses me. I open my mouth to him, inviting him inside, and he slides his tongue into my mouth. My arms wrap around his neck and I climb onto his lap. Within minutes our simple, gentle kiss has caught fire. I’m grinding myself against him trying to get any amount of friction I can to help feed the ache that has developed.
Cam’s hands grip the hem of my t-shirt, pulling it over my head, then I do the same thing to him. We continue to rip every article of clothing off of each other until there is nothing left. “Kneel on the couch and hold onto the back of it.” I follow his instructions my body humming with the knowledge of what is about to come. “Stick your ass up more, baby.”
I arch my back and while I move into position, Cam gently caresses my butt before placing a soft gentle kiss on it. As he situates himself behind me, I find myself just wanting to thrust backward not wanting to waste another second without him inside of me.
Fractured: Volume One Page 2