I just needed to feel like me for a little while.
The tower was finished. Everything looked brand new. The door was painted a lively Galderian purple hue, and the ornate door handle was locked. Noam’s face lit up with recognition. “Oh, that must be what this is for! Trevor gave it to me and I completely forgot about it.” He withdrew a brass key from the inside pocket of his jacket.
The metal shimmered in the sun and the bow was carved with little flowers. I slid it into the lock and when I heard the click, pushed the door open. Every stone on the floor had been replaced, sanded, and swept. The steps that used to be rotted and bowed until they were almost broken in the middles were gone, replaced by freshly cut, wooden planks.
“I’ll just wait out here,” Noam assented, wiping the sweat from his brow. I told him he could come inside, but he refused, instead taking up a defensive stance at the door. He could suit himself.
The new steps led upward to a hatch, and inside the living space was the most beautiful furniture I’d ever seen. A tall canopy bed stretched to the arched ceiling, covered in fine, purple silk. Matching swaths of fabric trailed from the ceiling’s pointed center to the walls, cascading down to the floors. There was a table, just like the one in my old tower, and a hearth at one side, the chimney built with the same brick the exterior was made from. Beside the hearth was a small counter. Trevor had painstakingly re-made my tower... except for the cot.
The bed was much better than a cot. It was perfect.
Tacked to the walls were pieces of paper. I walked around to the nearest one and laughed out loud at the image.
It was a man, crudely drawn from simple lines with a torso, arms, and legs. His head was a circle, and a crooked crown sat on it. An arrow was drawn, pointing in the crowned figure’s direction. Fool, was written at the end of the arrow.
I tore it from the nail and went to the next.
This one had a stick woman. Instead of a body, she had a triangle-shaped gown with arms and feet poking out of it. Her head was disproportionately large, and she was wearing a crown and a frown. Printed below the drawing were the words: I am sorry for letting you down. I made a promise to stand beside you, and at the first hint of adversity, I abandoned you. Please forgive me, Ray.
That wasn’t true at all. I was the one who pushed him away, if we were being honest. He was the one who yelled my name at my chamber door... not the other way around.
I tore that paper down and went to look at the third. It flapped in the wind beside the window that overlooked the sea, and on it was a tower. A stick figure prince and a triangle princess held hands on the sand below it, next to what I assumed was Tross... a bird. Sort of. I took down the parchment, cradling it in my hands. In the sky above the three figures, it said: You make me happy.
Rushing toward the last paper, I tore it away from its nail. Instead of another drawing, it simply read: I miss you. I need to talk to you. Please save me a dance.
My heart thundered.
“Raya!” someone called from outside, followed by Noam’s deep voice. I poked my head out the window and saw Carden standing below, shielding his eyes as he looked up at me. “If you throw that rope of hair down, I can climb it instead of the stairs,” he teased.
“Ha, ha.”
“Tell this guy I can come upstairs. He won’t let me in the door.” Noam pointed his sword threateningly at Carden. The Prince, arrogant as a fool, stood there smirking at him. But Noam meant business. He was not playing around. One thing could be said about the faithful guard – he was staunchly devoted to his king, and carrying out his wishes.
“Noam, it’s okay,” I allowed.
He glared at Carden, sheathing his sword reluctantly and stepping aside.
Carden sauntered past him without a backwards glance. I heard his boots thump their way up the steps, and then his dark hair emerged from the hatch. Looking around, he nodded slowly, taking it all in. “This is nicer than I imagined.”
“Thanks,” I smiled. I hadn’t stopped smiling since I’d read the last parchment.
He scuffed his boot on the floor, looking uncomfortable, and stuffed his hands into his pockets. “So, I wanted to thank you. Gill told me what you did. I know he wasn’t supposed to, but I think he wanted me to know so I could give you a proper thanks. I don’t plan to come back,” he admitted sheepishly.
“I didn’t just do it for you; I did it for Cap and the crew.”
He nodded. “I figured as much, but appreciate it anyway.”
“How do you know you’ll like it there?”
He walked to the window facing the sea and looked out. “Life’s what you make of it, I guess. I can be as happy there as I can be here.”
“Maybe happier,” I offered.
“Maybe,” he mused with a smile. “Also, I wanted to see if you needed an escort to the Ball on Saturday. I think you and I should make a grand entrance.”
A grand entrance, huh?
“I’m not sure…” I started. If I wanted to make things clear for Trevor, maybe I shouldn’t muddy them by arriving at the Ball on Carden’s arm.
He was gracious about it. “It’s fine. Maybe just save a dance for me?”
“That, I’ll gladly do.”
He watched as I folded the notes and tucked them carefully into my pockets. We descended the stairs and I locked the door behind us. Noam insisted I keep the key, so I tucked it into my pocket as well. The three of us took our time walking back across the sand, and were just past the port when Gill called out from Cap’s ship, “Save a dance for me, Raya!”
“I wouldn’t dream of leaving you out,” I yelled back to him.
“And me!” Cap hollered.
“You’ll have the first!”
Gill bellowed and clasped his chest over his hat, pretending to faint. I think he thought Cap would catch him, but a resounding thump came from the deck. His head popped up a moment later.
Noam dutifully trailed behind us as Carden teased me about Gill’s silly crush all the way back to the castle. The sound of Trevor’s laughter caught my attention as we walked up the path toward the side entrance. He was in the garden. Maybe it was time to put my feelings out there. I didn’t want to wait until the Ball to tell him.
As we rounded a curve in the path, my heart jumped into my throat. He was sitting on a bench beside a beautiful woman with long, dark hair. Her stomach was swollen with child, and she beamed a smile at him that seemed to melt and re-form him at the same time. Carden grabbed my elbow. “We should go this way,” he cajoled, trying to steer me away from the pair.
“Is that her?” I quietly choked.
He froze. “Yes.”
From my perspective, it was more than obvious he was still in love with her. I turned and walked away. Carden followed me into the castle and up to my room, where Noam stopped him at the door. However, Carden wasn’t going down without a fight, and put his finger in Noam’s face. “If she says I can come inside, I can.”
He flashed a look at me.
“He’s fine, Noam.”
Gritting his teeth, Noam allowed Carden to enter the room. To punctuate his victory, Carden slammed the door in Noam’s face.
“That wasn’t nice. He’s only doing what he’s been told, and he’s helping guard this…” I waved my arm toward the rows of chests that took up part of the room.
Carden’s brows shot up. He whistled. “That’s how you paid Cap.”
“Yeah.”
“What you saw in the garden just now, I’m sure it was nothing,” he offered weakly.
A tear leaked from my eye. “We both know that wasn’t nothing.” I brushed it away and sat on the sill, wishing I hadn’t left my room. Perhaps ignorance truly was bliss.
“She’s married. Happily married, Raya. They’re friends.”
“I know she doesn’t love him, but he still loves her, and while she owns his heart, I can’t give him mine.”
He walked toward me and leaned against the wall. “You already have, sweet girl.”
TREVOR
I was so intent on finding Raya, I almost passed Ella in the garden and didn’t even know it until she called out. “Trevor?” she asked.
I stopped and turned back to look at her. “Oh, hello, Ella.”
“This is weird, isn’t it?” she began, reminding me she was always one to call things like she saw them. “Matthew insisted that Asher and I attend the Ball on his behalf.”
“He didn’t send Millicent? That’s surprising,” I teased. “But honestly, I don’t feel awkward about having you and Asher stay here at all. I hope you won’t feel uncomfortable either.” I scanned the garden. “Where is Asher, by the way?”
Ella gave a rueful smile. “He’s finding me something to eat. I never stay full for very long these days.”
Her stomach was rather swollen, leading me to deduce she was about six months along. “I’m surprised Matthew sent you, given…” I gestured to her stomach.
“Oh, I still have plenty of time yet. I’m just huge for some reason.” She braced her hand on her lower back and with the other motioned to a bench. “Would you care if I sat down for a few minutes?”
“No, please sit.”
I offered her my arm, but she waved me off. “I’m fine.”
She sat on the stone bench, the same one Ray and Carden were sitting on earlier. I wanted to find Raya, but couldn’t leave Ella just yet. I wanted to make sure she was okay until Asher returned. “Tell me about life in Aelawyn,” I suggested.
She told me about their other children, how they worked in the gardens, and how frustrated she was because Asher was always harping about her doing too much. She told me about her parents and sister, about how Matthew always made time for them despite his responsibilities. And in the end, she thanked me for guiding her kingdom when she could not.
“If there’s one thing I’ve learned, Ella, it’s that everything happens for a reason. For a short time, our paths came together and then they diverged. But you should know I’ll always be your friend if you need one. If your family or Aelawyn ever needs me, I’m here for you all.”
She pressed her palm to her heart. “Thank you, Trevor. That means a lot.” Ella was quiet for a moment, and then turned to me with a calculating look on her face. “Tell me about the Princess of Paruth.”
“She’s my favorite subject on which to speak,” I answered with a smile.
Asher joined us in the garden a short time later, and while he eyeballed me and Ella, he understood that she loved only him, and I no longer loved her. I wasn’t sure if I ever did, come to think of it. Because while I loved the idea of her, I’d never felt this intense pressure, this passion for anyone but Raya.
I’m not sure when it happened, but in the last few months my heart let the idea of her go completely, and filled it with Raya instead. I told them both about the shipwreck, about our time on the island, and how I’d grown to love her. Truly love her. And how I regretted leaving them so soon after they’d arrived, but that I needed to find her.
I left them behind and began my search for Raya, the one my heart constantly cried out for.
Chapter thirty-four
TREVOR
Raya was in her room but still refused to see me, and Noam wouldn’t allow me past him. I found my father in his study, and his entire countenance closed as I entered the room. “Why won’t she see me?” I pleaded.
“I’m afraid that’s for her to tell you, son.”
I’d had enough. With my hands braced on my hips, I confronted him. He had to tell me what was going on with her before I exploded. If she wouldn’t, he should be compelled to. He was my father. What secret of hers could he hold?
“I’m begging you to tell me what’s going on,” I implored. “Is Ray sick?”
He walked around the desk, passed me, and closed the door quietly. “She’s fine, and I assure you that she will be at the Ball. You will have a chance to speak with her then.”
“Why not before?”
“Because she needs time to think through some things, Trevor. You are her closest friend, and much more than that, if I’m right. Give her space, and she will come to you when she clears her mind.”
I raked my fingers through my hair. “She isn’t leaving, is she?” A horrible sinking sensation filled my stomach.
“Not immediately, no.”
Not immediately? So she may leave sometime soon? “I’ll go with her if she does,” I pledged.
Father patted me on the back. “I give you my blessing, son. Raya is truly your other half. I was blind not to see it sooner than I did, and wrong to try and push you in a direction that didn’t point directly toward her. Despite what you probably think, I’ve always only wanted what’s best for you. And Raya is exactly that.” He took in a deep breath. “But I’ll need you to eventually come back. Galder cannot rule itself.”
I finally understood why Ella rejected the crown and ran away with Asher. I knew the gut-clawing feeling of wanting someone badly enough to follow them to the ends of the earth just to keep the distance from smothering you. And I also realized that duty, honor, and responsibility would always hang over my head, even if I chased her to the ends of the earth. I just hoped that in the end, she would follow me back home when I had to return.
RAYA
Winter was being well-kept. She recognized me immediately, her large eyes searching me. It was as if she was asking where I’d been. “I’m sorry I haven’t visited lately.” I stroked her soft hair and she nuzzled closer. The barn was enormous and she had plenty of room in her stall. Upon my entrance, the stable boy told me everything about how he cared for her, what a good horse she was, and how lucky I was to have her.
He prattled on for the better part of an hour before his father called for him. As much as I’d enjoyed hearing his excitement, I was glad for the silence left in his wake. And glad for some uninterrupted time with Winter.
“Do you need her saddled?” The man who spoke was around Trevor’s age, with dark hair that hung into his eyes. He was broad chested, and the muscles in his arms would put most men to shame. There was soot all over his fingers, even the quicks of them were blackened, and he wore an iron band on the fourth finger of his left hand. He ticked his head toward the far end of the barn. “The boy ran off, but I’d be happy to help you if you need it.”
“I’m not sure yet,” I answered honestly.
He smiled. “My wife used to be terrified of horses. Truth is, there’s only one way to get comfortable with them.”
“To ride them?” I guessed.
“That, and spend time with them. Walk beside her, guide her as you go. Get used to her, and let her get used to you. The more you do it, the more you’ll come to trust and know one another. She’ll anticipate what you’ll do or want, and you’ll learn how to coax her. She’ll go where you lead her if she knows she can trust you.”
“That’s good advice. Maybe I will take her for a walk. I need to come see her more often. I haven’t been around her enough.” I offered Winter a silent apology and gave her a promise to do exactly that.
“A walk?” a woman’s voice called out from farther down the barn. The light behind her darkened her face, but I’d know that stomach anywhere. Ella Carina of Aelawyn, the one who held the hearts of two men in her dainty palm, was walking toward us.
The man ticked his head toward her. “I suppose introductions are in order. This is Ella. My name’s Asher.”
I put on my princess face. “It’s so nice to finally meet you both,” I offered graciously.
“You’re the Princess of Paruth,” Asher cited as it dawned on him.
Ella beamed at me. “You’re just as beautiful as Trevor described.”
My back straightened. Wait – Trevor was talking about me?
“If you’re going for a walk, I’d love to go,” Ella hinted. “My back is aching, and that’s the only thing that’ll relieve it… if you don’t mind me inviting myself along, that is.”
My heart was in my throat. She wanted
to walk with me? I’d prefer Mina’s predictable cruelty to keep me company before I dared befriend Ella, but what could I say? She had turned to Asher and he’d forgotten all about the other horses. He held her in his arms, gently rubbing her back, and she clung to him like he was the only thing floating in the middle of the sea that could keep her afloat, too.
Any questions I had about the sturdiness of their relationship was answered in that moment. This was love. My pulse slowed. Ella wasn’t in love with Trevor. Asher was her match.
He kissed her forehead and walked past me to the wall, where he took the bridle and entered the stall with Winter. She watched me solemnly while he put it on her. “Easy, girl. You’re going for a walk, okay?” he coaxed softly, stroking her mane when she became uneasy. He knew exactly what to do to calm her. It was a skill I needed to learn.
Asher led Winter out of the stall and placed the reins in my hand. He promised to fill her bin of oats while she was gone, and her ears perked up at the sound of the word. She was a smart girl. She reminded me a little of Tross. He would love her immediately, and probably terrify her at the same time. That first meeting would have to be planned well.
Ella walked beside me out of the barn and into the sunlight. “You’re not like most of the other princesses I know,” she asserted, squinting from the brightness.
“You aren’t either.”
She huffed a laugh. “Trevor said you wore breeches, that you were an amazing swimmer, and that you have a pet albatross.”
“He told you all of that? Have you been spending a lot of time together?”
She hesitated a step before continuing. “I’ve only seen him once; in the garden behind the castle, when I was exhausted and waiting for Asher to bring me food. All I do now is walk and eat, I swear. And truthfully, I’m ready to go home and see my kids. Micah is four and Eve is almost three. This little one was a surprise,” she volunteered, lovingly rubbing her stomach.
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