by Mia Knight
“Yeah, but you can call me here.”
“Okay. I love you. You need me, you call me.”
“Same here. Love you. Bye.”
Lyla hung up the phone and turned to Gavin who hadn’t moved. He looked dangerous and tempting. His wedding ring caught her eye.
“Your father’s ring,” she said and swallowed hard.
“Yes.”
Lyla took a deep breath, braced her feet apart and looked him in the eye. “What am I doing here, Gavin?”
“I told you.”
She glared at him. “You said you wanted everything I promised.”
“Yes.”
“There were conditions,” she reminded him in case he forgot. “You broke your end of the deal.”
“I did,” he acknowledged.
“So you can renege on your end and I can’t? Fuck you, Gavin!”
“Vinny was murdered. What did you expect me to?”
“I knew you would go after them.” Why were they talking about this almost two years later? Oh, right. Because Gavin married her and wouldn’t leave her alone. “I knew you would avenge Vinny, but you turned back into the man I ran from!” She tried to keep her voice even, but suppressed emotions were bubbling up, refusing to be contained a second longer. “You blamed me for Vinny’s death! Do you think I would have asked you to give up the title of crime lord if I knew Vinny would die?”
“It wasn’t your fault. I apologize.”
The calm delivery made her see red. She grabbed a mug and hurled it at his head. He sidestepped and it smashed into the wall.
“You apologize? That’s it? You think you can blame me for someone’s death, apologize nearly two years later and that’ll make it okay? It doesn’t work that way, Gavin!”
He took a sip of coffee, watching her with unreadable amber eyes.
“I don’t want to be here,” she said.
“I know.”
“And yet you force me to be. Why? How many times do we have to do this before for you realize this isn’t going to work?”
“As many times as it takes. I fucked up. I might in the future, but I’ll keep bringing you back. We’re meant to be, Lyla.”
She stared at him. “Are you crazy?”
“Some think so.”
“I can’t do this again,” she whispered and was ashamed by the surge of tears. She shook her head. “I can’t.”
“Lyla,” he began and rounded the island.
“No!” she shouted and held her hand up like a traffic cop. “Just... no. I learn from my mistakes. I won’t let you do this to me again.”
“After Dad’s murder...” Gavin trailed off and set his coffee cup on the counter. His eyes never left hers as he crossed his arms over his chest. “I couldn’t find out who was behind the attack. The trail was cold and the cops knew something big went down. They were trying to get their hands on a body to pin me for first-degree murder, but they couldn’t find one. They got me for money laundering instead. I let go of the underworld completely. I was going to tell you before I went to jail, but you were gone.”
Lyla shook her head. “The damage is done, Gavin.”
Gavin’s muscles shifted as he tensed. “I know.”
“You know? That’s all you have to say?” she demanded, slapping her hands on the marble island. “They tortured him.” She felt as if her heart were breaking all over again. “I watched them kill him.” The awful memories, never far from the surface made her body erupt with goose bumps.
“I’m sorry, Lyla.”
“Don’t say that to me! Don’t you dare say that now!”
“What do you want me to say?”
“Nothing. Just like you did in the hospital.”
His eyes had an unnatural sheen to them. “If I knew the price avenging Vinny would cost, I wouldn’t have done it.”
“But I told you what would happen. They won’t stop even if you’re out of the game.” Something in his eyes told her that he agreed, but he didn’t say it out loud. “What’s done is done.”
“Yes,” he agreed. “I can’t change our past, but I can damn well try to make it up to you.”
“So that’s why you brought me back? Because you feel guilty?” she asked in a dead voice.
“I feel guilty as hell.” His eyes flicked to her chest and then back to her eyes. “You’re mine to protect and twice you were harmed. There won’t be a third time.”
“If you let me live my own life, there’s no reason for them to come after me.”
He said nothing for a beat and then, “I can’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Let you live without me. I lashed out at you when Vinny died because I’ve never felt pain like that in my life. I knew he wasn’t ready. I killed him and I have to live with that. I also have to live with Dad’s death.” An agonized expression twisted his features. “I think about it everyday, every hour. Knowing his killer is still out there, breathing...” The veins in his neck popped as he tried to rein in his rage. “I want to—no, I need to kill him.”
After what Lyla witnessed, she couldn’t agree more. The man who killed Manny was a sadist. Because of him, she would never be the same.
“But I can’t,” Gavin said. “Maybe it’s a good thing I went to jail. It forced me to stop obsessing, to think about my future...”
His unwavering stare made her heart skip with anxiety.
“You’re my future,” he said.
Lyla shook her head because she wasn’t capable of speech.
“You nearly died. You should have. Your injuries...” He shook himself as if he couldn’t handle the images in his mind. “I never prayed in my life until that day. I think God had mercy on me. I can live without my cousin, I can live without my dad, but I can’t live without you.”
The spark of warmth in her belly alarmed Lyla. No. She couldn’t let him in because he was a smooth talker.
“I know you hate me. You have every right to. I forced you into a life you didn’t want. I’m selfish. I don’t want to live without you, even if you can’t forgive me. I need you here.” He ran his hands through his hair and paced away. He stood with his back to her as he admitted, “If I had an ounce of mercy in me, I’d let you live a normal life, but knowing you’re out there, I can’t leave you alone.” He turned back to her, jaw tight, hands flexing at his sides. “I know you’re angry, that you’ll never forget what happened. Neither will I. Make me pay for it.”
“What?”
He spread his hands wide. “Do your worst, Lyla.”
“You married me and brought me here to punish you?” He’d officially lost his mind.
“I brought you back because my life is worthless without you. I married you because I need you bound to me. You anchor me. After the hit on you and dad, I lost it. I went on a fucking rampage. I killed...” He shook his head. “I need you to keep me from losing my shit. I need to see you, smell you, and touch you. Your presence keeps me from going black.”
“I can’t do anything for you.”
“You can. Yesterday with Carmen, I fucked up again. I can’t seem to rein it in. I’m a fucking bomb waiting to go off. That’s why I took you in the room on the jet. You calm me the fuck down. I can take anything if you’re with me. I just... need you.”
Lyla didn’t know what to say.
“I’m messed up,” he said unapologetically, “and I don’t give a shit about most of the world, but you... You humanize me. I need you with me, Lyla. I’ll take whatever you give me.”
“I have nothing left to give,” she whispered.
“Just you being here, it’s enough.”
She shook her head. “This is crazy.”
“Yes.”
“I can’t—”
“You don’t have to do anything.”
“You really think that after all we’ve been through that we can just go back to the way it was?”
“No. We’ll never go back to that. We both have scars from that day. We’ve both changed, but we�
�re still us at the core. I know what I need. What do you need, Lyla?”
“I need to be alone.”
“Not going to allow that. What else?”
She wanted to throw something, but she was shaking too badly for her to have decent aim. “I don’t want drama.”
“I’m planning to be pretty boring. I’m still CEO of Pyre Casinos. I can do that job in my sleep. I gave up my title as crime lord when I went into jail and I haven’t picked up the mantle since I got out.”
This guy was the same one who tackled her yesterday and threatened Carmen so she would agree to marry him? He looked as calm as could be and was outlining their life as if the murders never happened. “You really are crazy.”
He inclined his head. “I know.”
“Who’s the crime lord?”
“Don’t know, don’t care.”
She didn’t believe he was completely out of the underworld, but she didn’t want to talk about it. “You forced me to marry you!”
“Yes.”
“And now you expect me to sleep in the same bed as you, punish you and live an ordinary life with you?”
“Is that a problem?”
“You’re impossible! I don’t want you and I don’t want to be here!”
“I know, but you aren’t going anywhere.”
“So I’m a captive. Again.”
“For now. For your own safety.”
She wanted to rip her hair out. “I was fine on my own!”
“No, you weren’t.” He held up a hand when she would have raged at him. “Yesterday your eyes were blank, your skin was pale and you didn’t eat. Today, you ate enough for the both of us, your cheeks are flushed and you look like you might commit murder. You’re waking up, Lyla. What you did this past year wasn’t living.”
“The last time I tried to live life to the fullest, I nearly died,” she said bluntly.
“This time, you’ll flourish.”
“I don’t believe it.”
“I know. You will in time.”
“I hate you.” She stalked out of the kitchen and went upstairs.
Lyla couldn’t bear to go back to the bed they slept in. She felt the beginning pangs of a migraine. She walked into a guest bedroom and found it clean and dusted. She flopped on the bed, folded her hands on her stomach and closed her eyes. She breathed deeply, trying to organize her chaotic thoughts. When she felt the mattress dip, she shot up to a sitting position.
“What do you think you’re doing?” she shouted.
“Lying down with you,” Gavin said as he settled beside her.
“This is my space.”
“Your space is my space.”
“No, it isn’t.”
Gavin didn’t respond. He copied her, hands folded on his middle and closed his eyes.
“Don’t you need to go to work or something? You’re the CEO.”
“I’m on my honeymoon.”
Lyla’s head throbbed painfully. She dropped on the pillow and flung her arm over her eyes. “You’re an asshole.”
“Janice has been working overtime since news of Dad’s murder hit the news and I went to jail. She’s been grasping for something good to report. When I told her I was getting married, she nearly burst into tears.”
“Who’s Janice?”
“My PR person.”
“And she thought after leaving you over a year ago that you’d be able to convince me to marry you?” Lyla asked scathingly.
“She didn’t ask and I didn’t tell her what I intended to do.”
Lyla snorted. “Go away, you’re giving me a migraine.”
“I heard that sex cures headaches and migraines.”
“You touch me, I’ll murder you.”
“Let me know if I can do anything to help,” he said solicitously.
“Leaving me the fuck alone to live the life I choose would be nice.”
“I can’t do that. I haven’t found a way to let you live without me. I don’t intend to, either. Whatever you want to do, whatever you need, I’m here.”
Lyla turned on her side away from him and tried to escape his words.
***
Lyla woke in the afternoon and wasn’t pleased to find Gavin still beside her. She ignored him as she slipped out of bed and went into the master bathroom to shower. She put on the most sexless pajamas in the closet and went to the kitchen where she warmed up spaghetti and meatballs. Lyla sat on the counter and called Carmen who answered immediately and told her all was well on her end. Gavin entered the kitchen, freshly showered. Lyla tried to keep Carmen on the phone, but she had to attend to Aunt Isabel who Lyla could hear sobbing in the background. Lyla reluctantly hung up and continued to ignore Gavin who warmed up his own meal and watched her in silence.
It didn’t take more than ten minutes of his unwavering regard for Lyla to retreat to the backyard. Gavin’s presence roused too much inside of her and that was dangerous. She clung to the mundane because being in Gavin’s vicinity, regardless of the fact that he wasn’t a crime lord anymore, wouldn’t be an easy life. Most women would be flattered by Gavin’s adamant claim on her. She was terrified. Gavin’s love bordered on obsession. He would never let her go. She would never be free of Gavin Pyre so what did that mean for her future?
The backyard was cast in orange light. Lyla sat on a lounge chair near the waterfall that cascaded into the Olympic sized pool and closed her eyes. She was so damn tired. It had been almost two years and she hadn’t recovered from Manny’s murder. Gavin was right in one sense. The life she and Carmen indulged in wasn’t living. It was existing. There was no joy or wonder in what they were doing. It was a tactic to avoid the real world. Gavin put a stop to that and now he wanted to resume the life they would have had if Vinny and Manny hadn’t been murdered. Was that even possible? Gavin was more volatile than ever, but he put a cap on it since they arrived in Vegas. He wasn’t giving her the solitude she craved, but he also wasn’t forcing his touch on her. He was nearby, as if he really did need to be close to her. The fog of depression and hopelessness she existed in was beginning to lift.
Lyla stiffened when the lounge chair beside her creaked. Freaking Gavin. She didn’t have to open her eyes to confirm that he had, once again, interrupted her solitude. Her nose told her that he chose chicken Marsala for dinner. She wanted to ask him what he wanted from her, what he thought marrying her would accomplish, but she already knew the answer. Gavin believed she could put his life on track to some kind of normal. How could she accomplish that when she didn’t feel normal? She felt as if she had been diced into pieces. Carmen attempted to glue her back together but any moment now, she would fall apart again and she wasn’t sure if Gavin could put her back together.
Lyla let out a long breath and tried to ignore the tightness in her chest. Manny was the father she never had. He loved her unconditionally, as much as his own son. She would never be able to run to him for advice, never lay her head on his lap and have his hands sift through her hair. It was probably selfish of her to want him here for her sake. He was with his wife, the woman he loved more than life itself. He was in a better place and they had to clean up their messy lives on their own. Manny had been able to slap sense into Gavin when he was going off the rails and now that authority figure in their lives was gone forever. How did people go on after losing someone they loved?
“Dad left you half of his estate.”
Lyla’s eyes popped open. “What?”
“You own a considerable chunk of Pyre Casinos.”
Lyla didn’t know how to process that and then she narrowed her eyes. “And since you married me...?”
“We own a considerable chunk of Pyre Casinos.”
Lyla snorted. She didn’t care about money or power so it meant little to her, but the fact that Manny put her in his will made her heart ache. He loved her more than her own parents.
“Dad left me his journals.” Gavin ate slowly, staring out at nothing as he considered his words. “I’ve been reading them sinc
e I got out of jail. Some of the entries are revelations and thoughts, but a lot of them are addressed to me.” He turned and looked at her. “He knew where you went the first time you left.”
Manny told her so, but she was wary of Gavin’s reaction. Manny went so far as to give Gavin’s investigator false leads to give Lyla more time.
“He wrote a lot about you,” Gavin said and shook his head. “Between the two of us, you never had a chance.”
Lyla mouth curved the slightest bit. It was true. Manny hired her as an assistant within two weeks of meeting her. She worked with him after school and on weekends during her senior year. When she met Gavin, their chemistry had been undeniable. Gavin claimed her before she had a chance to go off to college and meet anyone else.
“He thought you possessed a part of my mom’s spirit and that’s why we both fell hard for you.”
The faint smile fell from her lips. She couldn’t explain her connection to the Pyres. It was bizarre that she would have such a strong connection to people so different from her. They were the crime lords of Las Vegas and ran the Pyre Casinos. She grew up in a middle class family with a father who had a gambling addiction. They had nothing in common and yet she loved them beyond rational thought.
“Dad told you about it. You never said anything to me,” Gavin said.
“It was between him and I.”
“Maybe so, but you should have told me.”
“That your father believed I had a piece of your mother’s soul? Even I don’t know how I feel about it.”
“But you didn’t push him away once you knew. It meant a lot to him.”
She swallowed hard. “I know. He meant the world to me.”
He touched her hair. The brush of his fingers was so light that she thought she imagined it at first. Then, her hair shifted as he ran his fingers through the wavy mass. Her first instinct was to jerk away, but the motion so reminded her of Manny that she didn’t.
“He told me that he wanted to commit suicide before he met you. You gave him hope.”
A tear trickled down her cheek. “Gavin, don’t.”
“You give me hope too.”
“You both expect too much from me.”