by Mia Knight
“I don’t think so. You survived our worst. You’re still you despite our influence. You’re stronger than you think.”
“I don’t feel strong.”
“Neither do I.”
Lyla snorted. “But you are.”
“There’s strong and then there’s strong,” he said with a shrug. “You have inner strength. I don’t. That’s why you’re able to live without me. I can’t function not knowing where you are, without having you with me. I’m like my dad, I guess.”
Lyla rested her cheek on her knees as she regarded him. Gavin had a dominant, alpha personality. A keen business sense paired with lethal physical attributes ensured that no one fucked with him. His wealth gave him the power to do anything he wanted. To hear him admit that he wasn’t strong struck Lyla as ludicrous. He could kill with his bare hands and he thought of himself as weak?
“What else did you read?” she asked.
“He talked a lot about Mom. How he felt about her, how he suffered without her. He talked about life and how I need to focus on you because you're all that matters.”
“I figured he had something to do with this,” Lyla said quietly and wriggled her left hand so the blue diamond shimmered.
“I had men looking for you before I cracked open his journal.” Gavin paused while she digested that and continued, “What he wrote was confirmation for me. No matter what’s happened in the past, we’re supposed to be together. That’s the only way we’re both going to get through this life intact.”
Lyla wanted to argue, but she didn’t have the energy. He continued to play with the ends of her hair as the sky darkened and night fell around them. The underwater lights from the pool illuminated their faces as they stared at one another.
“I fucked up with you so many times,” Gavin said and stroked a gentle finger down her cheek. “Can you forgive me?”
Lyla didn’t answer for a long minute before she spoke.
“I don’t know,” she said honestly. “I don’t blame you for going after Vinny’s killers or even blaming me for his death.”
“Vinny’s death is on me. I shouldn’t have blamed it on you.”
“Vinny’s death is on the man who pulled the trigger,” Lyla corrected and when he looked like he wanted to interrupt, she lifted her finger. “Vinny accepted the position. You didn’t force it on him, right?”
“No.”
“Then let it go, Gavin.”
“Have you?”
“Watching Carmen suffer everyday, it’s damn hard to convince myself all of this isn’t my fault. She doesn’t blame me, which makes me feel even worse. She doesn’t blame you either.”
Gavin didn’t reply.
Lyla looked away since it was easier to talk without staring into his dissecting gaze. While they were on the road, she wondered what she would say to Gavin. Now that she had her opportunity, the words were lost in a maelstrom of emotion. Gavin suffered because of Vinny and Manny’s deaths. She could see that for herself. His need to be around her, to touch her was genuine. After everything, he needed comfort, but she wasn’t sure she could give it to him. She was broken and bleeding herself. They were two broken and lost souls.
“Do you miss the dark stuff?” she asked.
“No.”
“You haven’t had to do anything for the criminal side of the business?”
“No. Everyone knows I’m out.”
“But you still have Blade and the other security?”
“Dad and Vinny’s killer is on the loose. I’m not taking chances.”
“Are you hunting for him?”
“No trace of him. There’s nothing to hunt.”
“He might come for me to finish the job.” She sensed his energy tinge the air with violence.
“I’d love to get my hands on him.”
Lyla snatched her hair from his hands and got to her feet. She stood over his lounge chair and glared down at him. “I’m not taking that chance again, Gavin! I won’t!”
“I won’t either.” Gavin stared at her pensively. “Carmen taught you to shoot?”
“Yes. What does that have to do with anything?”
“It doesn’t hurt to be prepared for anything. Tomorrow we’ll go to a shooting range, see how good of a shot you are.”
“You’re going to let me have a gun?”
“Whatever it takes for you to feel safe. I have guns stashed everywhere. I’ll show you. You remember how to get out of the house if there’s an attack?”
She nodded. He had a wine cellar with a secret door that led into the red mountains.
“I’ve added extra security measures. Blade will be with you at all times. I don’t want you going anywhere without a security detail. I prefer you don’t leave the house without me,” he said.
Lyla didn’t tell him that she didn’t want to go anywhere without him. Despite the way she felt about Gavin, she knew he would die for her.
“That doesn’t mean you’re a prisoner. Our marriage is real, our life together is real. I want you to do what you want. If you want to go on a trip, I’ll arrange time off from work. If you want to buy a new wardrobe or see your parents, you can. But, Lyla,” he gave her a very direct and predatory look, “don’t run from me again. We can work this out.”
“Work what out?” she snapped.
“Our relationship.”
“We don’t have a relationship.”
“The ring on your finger says different.”
“Oh, this?” she asked sarcastically.
Gavin was off the lounge chair and in her face before she could pull the damn thing off her finger. He clasped her hand between his and dipped his head down so their faces were less than six inches apart.
“Don’t take it off.”
The angry tone made her eyes narrow.
“You forced me to marry you,” she spat.
“Yes, I did. You’ve taken off on me too many times. You need to get this, Lyla. You’re stuck with me. Legally.”
“I had my reasons for taking off.” Lyla yanked her hand from his. “You've hurt me more than anyone else. I don’t know how I feel about you. Every instinct tells me I can’t afford to be with you again. My heart can’t take it. You flip flop between the ruthless crime lord and the man who says he can’t live without me. Which man are you?”
“Both.”
“That’s what scares me,” she said quietly. “You can’t separate those men and I never know when the other is going to take over.”
“I’m not a crime lord any longer. The only man I am is the CEO of Pyre Casinos, but more importantly, I’m your husband.”
She could feel his will pressing on her. It made her tilt her chin defiantly. She looked evil right in the eye. She wouldn’t be intimidated by Gavin Pyre even if he was a murderer.
“Before Vinny died, you and I made promises to one another. I admit it. I lost it when he was murdered and I took it out on you. I refused to leave the underworld after Vinny’s death because it would make me look weak. I needed to put them in line. I thought they wouldn’t retaliate, but it backfired. I left you in the hospital fighting for your life and unleashed hell in the underworld. I worked out my demons, but it wasn’t enough. When I surfaced, the cops were waiting. Thank God my men are loyal to me. They covered my tracks so there wasn’t a single crumb of evidence. You woke from your coma. I wasn’t completely sane so Blade sedated me so I could talk to you. That’s why I was such a bastard that day. I focused on my objective and ignored what you went through because I couldn’t handle it.”
Gavin cupped the back of her neck and squeezed. When she tried to shrug off his hold, he pressed his lips against her temple.
“I need this,” he whispered and there was such pain in his voice that she froze. “I’ve needed to say this for so long.”
Lyla closed her eyes as the hand on her neck slid into her hair so he cradled the back of her head. His other hand swept up and down her back as she trembled. His touch, his scent roused her emotions to a fever
ed pitch. She was torn between throwing herself into his arms or punching him in the face. Instead, she stood there with her eyes closed, trying to keep herself from reacting to anything he said.
“I can’t begin to understand what you went through that day,” he murmured, warm breath feathering over her face. “I don’t blame you for running from me. I don’t blame you for hating me. After I walked into the house and I saw you and Dad on the floor, covered in blood, not moving... I don’t remember anything after that. I blocked it from my mind. You don’t have that luxury. I’m so fucking sorry.”
Her head dropped and landed on his shoulder. Tears slipped down her cheeks. She fisted her hands in his shirt to stop herself from screaming.
“I wasn’t there for you when you needed me. I don’t know what you went through. I can’t imagine and I don’t want to. I know the extent of dad’s injuries and yours.” His hand swept over her as if reassuring himself that she was whole. “You survival is a miracle and I’m not going to waste it. Whatever you need, I’ll give.”
Lyla couldn’t hold back a keening sob. Gavin’s arms wrapped around her, tight and strong and she began to shake uncontrollably.
“I made promises to you that I’ve broken. I’m remaking them now. I love you. I want children with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” When she tried to push away, he made shushing sounds and rubbed her back soothingly. “I want to make you happy. I want you to teach me how to laugh again, how to feel without going off the deep end. I need you to let me take care of you. I need to see you heal so I know I haven’t destroyed the most important person in the world to me. I need you to give me hope.”
Lyla shook her head against his chest.
“I love you, Lyla. I’m fucked up and you always seem to pay the price. Not this time. I’m out of the business and walking a straight line right to you. Only you can get me through this. Blade’s been sedating me since I got out of jail so I stop breaking things... and people. I can only act normal for a few hours at work before I have to leave or get sedated again. I need you to ground me. You don’t need to love me back, you don’t even need to like me. I just... need.”
Lyla sniffled against his shirt. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
“You don’t need to do anything. Just be with me.”
Lyla sighed and felt as if she hadn’t slept in days. “I’m so tired.”
Gavin didn’t hesitate. He picked her up in his arms and carried her into the house. He took her upstairs to the master bedroom. Lyla buried her face in the pillow and wept, great gasping sobs that racked her whole body. A warm, hard body wrapped around her.
“You’re not alone,” Gavin said into her hair. “I’m here. We’re going to get through this.”
CHAPTER FIVE
Gavin
Gavin grasped Lyla’s hand as they walked onto the gun range. Although she stiffened, she didn’t jerk her hand away. He held her while she cried her heart out last night. The sound of her sobs followed him into sleep. This morning her eyes were swollen and lifeless, but she didn’t protest when he asked if she wanted to go to the gun range. Now that she brought it up, he was eager for her to be armed and ready. It would make both of them feel better.
He had to admit that her wardrobe was lacking the necessary clothing for a visit to the gun range. She drew stares from men and women. She wore large sunglasses to cover bloodshot eyes, a sleeveless turtleneck and short shorts with thigh high gladiator sandals. It was warm out, so the turtleneck should be a last resort, but she didn’t want to show her scars. The glimpse he had of her chest and abdomen made him sick with rage. He had to resist the urge to pull her clothes aside so he could see everything. When she allowed him to touch her, he’d show her in no uncertain terms how he felt about her scars.
He stood back to watch her shoot and felt himself get hard as she braced herself and took aim. Clearly, Carmen was a better marksman than he gave her credit for. Lyla had nearly perfect form and her aim was better than he could have hoped.
“How did I do?” Lyla asked when she took off her ear protectors.
“Excellent.” He kissed her and ignored her startled expression. He wouldn’t stop pushing until she was completely his... and maybe not even then. “I’m going to have Blade bring you to the range a couple of times a week to keep you fresh. He can even teach you to spar if you feel up to it.”
Lyla nodded. He put his arm around her and stared down a guy who was gawking at her. Lyla was oblivious to the attention, which is the only reason he was able to keep his shit together. If she ever looked at another man, he wasn’t sure what he would do. Just the thought of that geeky IT guy made him want to kill. It crossed his mind when she went on the run that she might have gone back to him. If he wasn’t so pissed at Carmen, he would have thanked her for keeping Lyla away from that bastard.
Gavin helped her into the back of the SUV and didn’t apologize when he rested his hand on her thigh. Lyla tried to shift away, but he tightened his hold. When she glared at him, he held her gaze with a deadpan one. He didn’t lie or exaggerate. He needed touch to anchor him. Blade had a syringe filled with a sedative just in case he went off the rails. If he didn’t have so much respect for his second in command, he would have shot Blade the first time he used a sedative on him.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
“We’re going to get you new clothes and then we’ll get you a gun.”
“I don’t need new clothes.”
He glanced down at her. “If you want to go to the gun range, I think you need jeans and sneakers, not heels.”
Lyla made a face. He resisted the urge to stroke her thigh. That would be pushing it. Him touching her at all was pushing it, but he couldn’t help it. He wanted to think he made progress with her last night. Mere words wouldn’t make everything okay, but they didn’t hurt. He would do everything in his power to make Lyla happy.
When they arrived at the mall, Blade and the other men fanned out so they didn’t look so obvious. When he paused by the directory, unsure where to go, Lyla sighed and tugged him in the direction of a boutique. When a bubbly sales associate approached her, he relaxed. He wanted Lyla to feel comfortable. If her existing wardrobe didn’t work, they would throw it away and start over.
He stopped the sales associate as she bustled around. “She needs everything—shoes, underwear, jeans, skirts, dresses, the works.”
She looked him up and down and winked. “You got it, big boy.”
Gavin snorted as the sales associate walked away. Blade came up beside him.
“All good?” Blade asked.
He ran a hand through his hair. No. It wasn’t ‘all good’. It may never be ‘all good’ but he could hope. “As good as can be under the circumstances.”
“You’re keeping your shit together.”
“She lets me touch her. That’s enough for now,” he said and started forward when he lost track of her. “Where is she?”
“Dressing room,” Blade said calmly.
Gavin tried to ignore the anxiety as he checked his phone and replied to Marcus, the new COO of Pyre Casinos. Marcus was a young, intelligent bastard who kept things running better than he and Vinny ever had. Gavin appointed Marcus right before he went to jail. Marcus could have taken advantage of his absence. Instead, Marcus maintained everything to perfection. Once Gavin was released, Marcus began to suggest plans to expand the Pyre Empire. Occupied with Lyla and keeping his mind off a murderous rampage, Gavin was grateful for Marcus’s eagerness to take on the bulk of his workload. Marcus had been on the periphery of Gavin’s mind since he became an intern at Pyre Casinos. Marcus didn’t have a privileged background and his hunger to prove himself honed a keen business sense that Gavin used to his advantage.
When he couldn’t stand it any longer, Gavin went into the dressing room, which had five rooms and three large mirrors against one wall. Only one door was closed.
“Lyla?” he called.
“Yes?”
&nbs
p; He rubbed a hand over his sweaty face and hid shaking hands in his pockets. He had to keep it together. “Are you finding what you need?” he asked lamely.
A pause and then, “Yes.”
Feeling like an idiot, he sat because his legs were weak. He couldn’t stand being away from her. He had her back for two fucking days. His worry was justified, wasn’t it? She had been butchered and then disappeared for a year and a half. That wannabe fucking crime lord was still breathing and Lyla didn’t want to be here. Of course he was on edge. It would take time for them to trust one another and he wouldn’t take chances with her.
The sales associate came in with armfuls of clothes and paused when she saw him.
“Miss me?” she asked cheekily.
“Missed my wife,” Gavin said and jerked his head at the closed door.
“Aw! Honey, this man is a keeper!”
Lyla gave him an unreadable look when she opened the door. The sales associate bustled in and went into great detail about the dresses and outfits.
“I don’t want anything low cut,” Lyla said, voice quiet but firm.
“No?” the sales associate asked, bewildered. “Your body is banging.”
“I have,” Lyla paused and glanced at Gavin before she finished, “a lot of scars on my chest.”
The sales associate looked startled and then sympathetic. “Okay. Well, let me see what else I can find.” She grabbed more than half of the outfits and left.
Lyla and Gavin stared at one another. He wanted to go to her, but knew this wasn’t the time or place.
“You can model for me if you want,” he said, trying to sound upbeat even as a bubble of rage began to creep up his throat. When he found the fucking coward who attacked his father and Lyla, he would make them suffer a thousand times over for what they did to his family.
Lyla bared her teeth and closed the door in his face. He relaxed on the sofa and answered emails and returned some phone calls while the sales associate ran in and out of the dressing room with clothes. Lyla didn’t model anything for him, but he was satisfied that she wasn’t throwing a fit since he was hovering.