A Taste of Reality

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  I hoped this was true, because I didn’t know how much longer I’d be able to deal with working under these conditions. My morale couldn’t have been lower, and I knew I wasn’t setting the best example for my staff. I was sure, by now, they knew something was wrong, but there was no way I could offer them any details.

  I looked up from my desk when I heard Lorna knocking at my door.

  “Hey, Lorna,” I said. I didn’t know whether she was the same friend I’d always known, or if she was still upset about Frank and me. She’d probably have ten cows if she knew we’d made love all weekend.

  “What’s shakin’?” She closed the door behind her, and I wondered why.

  “Not much. Trying to get a few things done before lunch. What’s going on with you?”

  “Nothing new. But I wanted to come apologize to you because of the way I acted on Friday. I was completely out of line, and I haven’t been able to think about anything else. I almost called you at home, but I was ashamed. I don’t know what came over me when I saw you with Frank, except that it made me think about how alone I am. How no decent man ever gives me the time of day. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, and the reason this thing with you and Frank hurt me, is that I’ve worked with him side by side for four years and he’s never asked me to go out one time. He’s never even tried to flirt with me. So it’s not that I envy you personally. I’m just upset because it seems like every man I’m interested in doesn’t feel the same way about me.”

  I didn’t know what she wanted me to say.

  Lorna continued, “Do you know what I’m saying, Anise? And then there’s this thing I told you about Jim. I keep wondering why he sexually harassed me the way he did. It was almost like he thought I couldn’t do any better, and that I should just be happy a man of his authority would be interested in screwing me at all. You should have seen the way he looked at me whenever he spoke to me back then.”

  “But see, that’s why I think you have to do something about this, or you’ll never be able to rest,” I finally said.

  “You know I can’t do that. I’ll lose my job if I go this alone, and what will I do then? It has to be both of us if this is going to work.”

  I wanted to tell her that in a matter of days, I’d have the entire executive team scrambling like children, trying to find an alibi for their wrongdoings. I wanted to tell her that she’d finally be able to expose all she knew about Jim. But I still didn’t know if I could trust her, so I didn’t. She seemed very sincere, almost like the old Lorna, but I couldn’t risk confiding my plan to her and then having her betray me in some weird fashion. For all I knew, she was working with Jim and Lyle to destroy me. I didn’t really believe that, but I couldn’t help being so suspicious, based on the way she’d turned on me three days ago.

  “You won’t lose your job, because once you file any charge of harassment or discrimination, the company can’t touch you,” I told her. “It will make them look too guilty if they do.”

  “But I told you before, I’m not as strong as you.”

  “Well, maybe something will work out in the long run. Everything done in darkness eventually becomes exposed.”

  “I hope you’re right, because I’m so miserable. I’m depressed about my love life, which may as well be nonexistent, and I’m depressed about what Jim did to me. It’s been a while ago since he tried to force himself on me, but every time he smiles at me, I feel like throwing up. He gawks at me like he has total control over me. And I guess, in a sense, he does.”

  “That’s ridiculous, and you have to do something about it.”

  “I don’t know how to,” she said, bursting into tears.

  “You’re going to be fine,” I told her, and reached for her hand.

  “I’m so sorry for the way I treated you last week,” she said.

  I was starting to believe that maybe she really meant it.

  “Just forget about that,” I said.

  “I can’t. The way I spoke to you was uncalled for, and I’ll never forgive myself for confronting you like that. I’ve always done stupid stuff like this with other friends of mine in the past. I get close to people, and then I do everything I can to push them away. It’s hard for me to trust anybody, and even though your date with Frank was your business, I felt betrayed because you hadn’t told me about it. I know it was wrong to jump to conclusions the way I did, but I couldn’t help it. So please don’t hold what I did against me,” she said, drying her nose with a tissue from my desk.

  “I’m not even thinking about that anymore.”

  “But are we still going to be as close as we always were?”

  “I don’t see why not,” I told her.

  But the reality was, I didn’t know for sure. I supposed we could with time, but even though I’d agreed to forgive her, there was still that tiny piece of doubt in the back of my mind. But based on how broken up she was right now, maybe she was genuinely sorry.

  “I think maybe my hormones had a little bit to do with my actions on Friday as well,” she said, and closed her eyes. “Oh God, Anise, I don’t know how to tell you this.”

  I didn’t know what she was about to say, but I already sympathized with her. I could tell that her news wasn’t going to be something to sing praises about.

  She looked at me, shaking her head in shame. She hadn’t said a word, but her eyes warned of trouble, the same way animals scattered when a storm was near.

  “I’m pregnant.”

  It was inconsiderate of me to have such thoughts, but I wondered who she was dating seriously enough to have a baby with.

  “Oh no,” I said, holding her hand with both of mine.

  “And I don’t know what else to do except have an abortion.”

  “Are you sure about that?” I asked, because although I was undeniably pro-choice, I could never do something like that myself. I knew it was easy to say, but I really didn’t think I could.

  “What else can I do? I’m barely making ends meet now. I don’t get help from my daughter’s father, and it’s not like I’m going to get child support for this baby either.”

  “I hear what you’re saying, but I think you need to be sure about your decision. Once you go to that clinic, it’ll be much harder to turn back.”

  “Even if I wanted this baby, I don’t have a choice. I don’t even know who the father is.”

  “Lorna?” I said in disappointment.

  “I mean, I have an idea, but I really can’t be sure. So how in the world could I face that child when he or she is old enough to ask questions about their father?”

  “Gosh, Lorna. I hate that this is happening to you.”

  “I’ve known since the beginning of last week. At first I was too embarrassed to tell you, and then when I came into your office on Thursday, you were too busy to talk to me. So by the time I saw you getting into Frank’s SUV, I was so angry at you for not being here for me.”

  “I don’t know what else to say except I’m sorry.”

  “I know you are, and I never even made it to the mall after I saw you. I was only going over there because Zoe was at a sleepover with one of our neighbors, and I didn’t feel like being at home all alone. But after I came out of the truck stop, I didn’t have the energy or desire to go shopping anymore. I just feel so down.”

  “I’m so sorry,” I said again, leaning back in my chair.

  “I’m going to call the clinic this afternoon and make an appointment.”

  “I really wish you would think about this another couple of days.”

  “I’ve had a whole week to think about it, and I know what I have to do. If I was married, or maybe if I knew who the father was, I might handle this differently. But since I don’t, having an abortion is my only option.”

  “Well, I’m here for you if you need me.”

  “I appreciate that,” she said, sniffling. “And I guess I’d better get back to work.”

  “Are you going to be okay?”

  “I’ll be fine. I just nee
ded to explain some things to you is all.”

  “I’m glad you did, and like I said, I’m here. And even if you need to call me in the middle of the night to talk, I hope you will.”

  “Thanks, Anise,” she said, and we hugged.

  “No problem.”

  “Maybe one day I’ll have my life together the same way you do,” she said, smiling.

  “The grass always looks greener. Remember that.”

  “I’ll see you later,” she said, and stood up. Then she walked out.

  I felt bad for her, and I wished there was something I could do to help. But there wasn’t. I wondered if she’d be able to live with her decision once her pregnancy was terminated. Most of all, I wondered who the father of her baby was, because I had a feeling she knew more than she was telling me.

  Frank smiled and kissed me on the lips as soon as I walked inside his foyer.

  “Can I get you something to drink?” he asked.

  “Some lemonade or tea would be fine.”

  I followed him into the family room, and he walked over to his kitchen and opened the refrigerator.

  “I’ve got everything all spread out on the coffee table,” he said. “And I think all the documents Todd printed for us will suffice for now.”

  I took a seat on the carpet and picked up the closest stack of papers near me.

  “There’s a lot of stuff here,” he said, joining me on the floor.

  “He wasn’t sure exactly which pieces of information were more important than others, so he printed just about everything that looked suspicious. There are even a few printouts for some of the managers,” he said, gazing in my direction. “Although there’s not much to compare when it comes to upper management, because there aren’t any minorities in those positions to begin with.”

  “I don’t believe Todd did this for me, and I don’t believe you took the chance on asking him.”

  “I’m glad I could do it, and when you analyze some of that paperwork, you’re going to be even more angry with those bastards than you are now.”

  “Why?”

  “Well, first of all, I went through and compared the salaries of women and men in similar positions, and in some cases, men started out with salaries four to eight thousand dollars a year higher than women. Even if they started in the same year. And when I looked at the clerical employees, I compared the two black secretaries and the one Hispanic secretary I know personally with other white secretaries.” He set our tea down on two coasters and dropped down beside me.

  “And?”

  “And in one case, the white secretary started one year after the black secretary, but the white secretary started at $12.60 an hour. The kicker is that the black one started at $10.57.”

  “Maybe the white one had a lot more education.”

  “Anise, the white secretary is my own, and I know for a fact that she only took a couple of typing classes at the community college. The black secretary reports to Todd and has an associate degree in secretarial sciences.”

  I was astounded. I’d suspected all of what Frank was telling me, but it seemed a lot worse now that I could see it written in black and white. It was proof positive, and it sickened me.

  “How can they keep getting away with all of this?”

  “That’s just the beginning of what I’ve learned, and you’re going to need something much stronger than that tea you’re drinking when I tell you the rest.”

  “I hope it’s not about me.”

  “It is.”

  “It’s bad enough that they kept passing me over for a promotion, so what else have they done?”

  “You and Kelli were both benefits specialists, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “You were in that position for two and a half years, and she was just promoted one year ago, right?”

  “And?”

  “Well, before Kelli was promoted to manager, she earned just over thirty-eight thousand dollars, like you did.”

  “But how? I worked in that job for eighteen months longer than she did, and I have a graduate degree.”

  “There are no standards at Reed Meyers, Anise. Everything is determined by your gender or your race. And, of course, who you’re screwing can weigh heavily in your favor.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “I always thought it, but Todd told me that Kelli has been sleeping with Jim for the longest.”

  “You know, I can’t believe Elizabeth would allow Kelli to be paid more than me. We both reported to her, but she always said I was her best employee.”

  “I doubt that she had any say-so one way or the other, and I’ll bet if you call her, that’s what she’d say. Jim and Lyle are relentless. Lyle is a little more toned down, but what he does is wait for Jim to do his dirty work. Jim is his most loyal flunky, and it’s been that way since Jim came to the company.”

  I sat there with no words to speak.

  Frank continued. “I hate doing this, but there really is something else you should know.”

  “What?”

  I could hear myself breathing out loud.

  “Kelli got a higher raise percentage than you every single time your performance reviews were done. Her percentages were even higher than yours when she was in clerical.”

  “This is so disheartening, and I’m going to make them pay for all of this.”

  “You have to. They deserve what they get, and you’ve got to strike them where it hurts.”

  “At first I was only planning to make them give me that corporate manager’s position, but now I’m taking this to another level. I want them to pay dearly for what they’ve done to me, because they’re committing crimes that would never be tolerated if they were made public.”

  “This is very true.”

  “And that’s also why I wish I could use this information to bring a class action lawsuit against them. I’ve thought about it over and over and over again, but I don’t know if I could spend years spearheading something like that.”

  “I don’t think you can afford to, and I’ll tell you why,” Frank said, folding his arms. “When I worked in Chicago, there was a black woman who worked at one of our subsidiaries in Ohio, and she tried doing the very thing you’re talking about. She decided to organize a group of employees who were being discriminated against, and they all filed a claim with EEOC. But then after a few months passed, every one of them took an out-of-court settlement from the company. Some kept their jobs and some resigned. But the bottom line is that the woman who initiated the whole lawsuit was left holding the bag all by herself. And the worst part of all was that she couldn’t find a job anywhere else in the city because of all the publicity. And from what I hear, she ended up settling with the company for an undisclosed amount herself because EEOC was taking too long and she needed money to pay bills.”

  “That’s really too bad,” I said. “And actually it reminds me of a woman who used to work with my mom. She’d spent months trying to start a union, and at first everyone thought it was going to happen. But all I know is that the workers didn’t get a union, and the woman was basically blackballed from that point on.”

  “That’s pretty much the norm. Every now and then employees are successful when they go up against a company, but it’s not common. I know you feel bad for the other employees, but the fact of the matter is you’ll probably end up doing yourself a major injustice if you don’t do this alone. If you were willing to stick it out and then move to another city, then I’d say maybe. But if you’re planning on living here in Mitchell, you need to remember how small it is, and that it’s only twelve percent black.”

  “I agree, but I can’t help thinking about all the other women and minorities who are being treated the same way I am.”

  “Well, there might be something we can do without you having to place yourself in jeopardy.”

  “What’s that?” I asked.

  “We can have Todd print the salary information again after you confront them, so I can send copies to EEO
C myself and then circulate them to every employee we believe is being discriminated against. That way, everyone has the information, and it will be up to them to do what they want with it.”

  “You amaze me,” I said, smiling and feeling grateful that he would do this.

  He smiled back.

  “Also, there’s a ton of other examples here, and I have a dummy ID and password for you to use if you need to print anything else. But you have to cut off the date, time and some other information that will print at the bottom of each page. I trimmed these before you got here. Todd doesn’t think they’d be able to track anything, but he wanted you to get rid of the dates just in case. He even printed the documents on the same paper that you use in your office so it will look like you printed everything yourself if someone questions it.”

  “Tell Todd I owe him big-time.”

  “He was happy to do it, and wanted me to tell you to knock ’em dead.”

  “And thank you,” I said, blinking to keep from crying.

  “I told you I would do anything for you, sweetheart, and I meant that,” he said, leaning his back against the love seat and pulling me into his arms. I love you, and it pains me to see someone treating you like this. I hate that they’re doing this just because you’re black.”

  “It’s so humiliating. They really shook my confidence, but having access to all of this is going to make me feel a lot better after this week.”

  “I can’t wait to see their faces when they realize you have proof of their criminal behavior.”

  “Frank, I don’t know how to say this, but I need to be honest with you about something.”

  “You’re not going to break my heart, are you?”

  “I don’t know. It depends on how you take what I have to say.”

  “Okay,” he said.

  “When I called you last week and said I was ready to take you up on your dinner offer, one reason I did was because I knew you were good friends with Todd, and I needed you to help me get this salary information.”

  “Ouch,” he said, and I felt horrible.

  “I was attracted to you all along, but if I hadn’t found out about Kelli getting that promotion and if David hadn’t asked me for a divorce a few hours later, I don’t think I would have called you. I’m not saying that I never would have, but I did have ulterior motives when I went out with you.”