by Ruby Dixon
The chamber is small and square, and there is a shelf along the wall. She sits on the edge of it and looks over at me with nervous eyes.
“You want to mate here?”
Her cheeks flare with color and she nods. “Seems as good a place as anywhere else.”
I nod and move closer to her. Her scent beckons, and I hear the endless hum of her khui. It calls to me, and I can’t resist the chance to reach out and touch her mane again. My fingers drag through it and she shudders, her eyes closing.
She doesn’t touch me, and I fight back a pang of disappointment. Maybe it is human custom for the male to take charge of the mating. I sit next to her on the hard bench, and brush a finger over her smooth, rounded cheek. My cock aches, my sac tightening against my shaft as if ready to release my seed. I cannot yet, though. I have barely touched her, and I want more.
Her scent is enticing, and I lean in to sniff her. I…never touched Zalah. She pushed me away and mocked me for the stripling I was. Then when I recovered from the khui-sickness, she was gone and touching anyone else - had they even offered - seemed wrong. Now, I have my mate and no idea of how to please her. Instinct will have to guide me.
I lean in and nuzzle at her neck, licking at her soft, smooth skin. She shivers and makes a soft, whimpery noise that makes my cock jolt in response. She is not moving away from my touch, and her khui is singing loudly in her breast. Her scent is so…overwhelming. I want more of it, and I cup a hand to the other side of her neck and bury my face against her shoulder. She is fragile and small, my mate, and I worry I will hurt her somehow. “I…”
“It’s okay,” she breathes and puts a small hand on my arm. “Let’s not talk, all right? Let’s just…do this.”
She does not want to speak? I do not know if this is another human custom. It feels strange to me, but I give in to her wishes. I pull at the collar of her tunic, loosening the laces. She remains utterly still, that tight look on her face. I wish she acted as if she were more…aroused by my touch. My cock jerks in my breechcloth, unaware of her tension. All my body cares about is that I am finally touching my mate.
The khui hums in my chest, and I pull her closer against me. I want to touch her everywhere. I want that tight look on her face to change to one of pleasure. It is important to me that she like my touch…I want her to realize that I can be a good mate to her. That I need her. That she is beautiful to me with her silky hair and her pink, smooth face and her smiles.
Ah, her smiles. I feel pre-cum slicking the head of my cock at the thought. I am close to spending and I have barely touched her. I release her, clenching a hand into a fist, trying to keep control.
But then she leans against me. I forget all about control. My hand slides down her front and I am eager to touch her everywhere. Her breast is small in my hand, but she makes a little noise of pleasure when I touch it, and it makes me want to do more. I caress her over the leather of her tunic and feel the hard little nub of her nipple. She sucks in a breath when I touch it, and I can smell the scent of her arousal through her clothing. My mouth floods with water, and I imagine how good she will taste on my tongue. I cannot wait to bury my face between her legs and lap at her sweet juices. I squeeze her breast, and she leans against my chest, her hand going to my face to caress it.
And I erupt in my pants.
The breath hisses from my body as the force of the orgasm overtakes me. I stiffen, stars dancing before my eyes.
“Haeden?” there’s a question in her voice. Confusion. “What’s wrong?”
I mentally curse. My breechcloth is hot and sticky with my spend. All she had to do was touch me and I lost control. I am…humiliated. Any other male would know how to please his female, but I do not. I have never touched one. I feel awkward and foolish, and my mind conjures up Zalah’s mocking grin as she denies me.
I feel as if I am back to that same, unwanted, untried kit I was.
“Haeden?” she reaches for me.
I jerk to my feet and turn away from her so she won’t see the mess I’ve made of myself.
“What is it?” Jo-see asks.
“Nothing.” My voice is harsh. I will never admit what just happened. “Stop pressing me with your questions.”
She sucks in a breath. “God, you’re still a dick. Even after I come crawling to you?”
My back goes up. I do not look at her. “You did not crawl. The khui chose. You have accepted it.” And me? I cannot control myself. My shame is immense. Oblivious, my khui hums and hums in my breast, eager to take my mate.
“Bullshit,” she says softly. “Bullshit that I’ve accepted it. You know what? I can’t do this.” I hear her hop down off the ledge. “I thought I could move past this, but I can’t. I can’t fling myself into the arms of another person that’s just going to use me. And I’m not going to bring a baby into this kind of relationship. Fuck you, and fuck your cootie.”
“Do not leave,” I growl as I hear the door open. I press a hand to my cock, but the front of my breeches is still wet with spend. If I turn around, she will see my shame, and I cannot bear to see the scorn in her eyes like the scorn Zalah always had for me.
But the door closes again a moment later, and the room is silent.
She has gone anyhow, and I am left with wet breeches and stinging pride.
JOSIE
I can’t do it. I thought I could, but I can’t.
He didn’t even kiss me. A kiss shouldn’t have mattered so much, but it feels like everything. It feels as if Haeden didn’t want me there. Like I was just a body for him to jerk off on. I’ve been that body before, and it sucks.
All I wanted was a kiss. To feel cherished for once. I sigh and wipe the frustrated tears from my eyes. I can’t cry over this. I’ve already had my one night of tears. No more.
I re-tie the laces of my tunic at my neck and head for the main computer room. For some reason, I keep expecting Haeden to come after me. To come coax me back into his arms. To shower me with kisses and show that I was wrong, that he didn’t mean to make me feel bad. But…no one comes.
And I can’t believe I’m disappointed over that.
I feel like such an idiot. I’ve made things worse. Not only do I still have unfinished resonance, but now I’ve fought with Haeden. Again.
I just wish there was a way out of this. Somehow.
I plop down in one of the uncomfortable, slick chairs that have managed to last the hundreds of years from the crash. The one I’m sitting in is oversized, perfect for someone as big as Haeden but not so great for someone my size. My feet dangle, and I kick them, then lean forward and pick up an errant object on the counter. “Hey, computer? Where’s Harlow?”
“My readouts show that Harlow is in her private quarters with her companion and her child. Do you wish to locate them? I can provide directions.”
“No thanks.” I toss the chip aside and pick through the items on the countertop, miserable. “What about Haeden?”
“The modified sakh male that you arrived with is still in room 3-A.”
Still there? He’s probably expecting me to come back. He can just keep waiting. I find a rounded circle of what looks like glass and take it in hand. It’s smooth to the touch and about the size of my palm. “Computer, what’s this for?”
The computer rattles off an explanation that I don’t grasp in the slightest. I make a few noises of acknowledgment just to be polite and sit back in the chair, swinging my legs like a little kid and playing with my new toy. The glass is slightly thicker in the center, and I lift it to my eye and peer, because it reminds me of a kaleidoscope. When I bring it to my eye, though, everything rushes forward. Ooo, a magnifier of sorts. I bet you could make a kickass Not-Hoth telescope with this. Of course, it’d be useless on me because I never get to travel anywhere. Everyone thinks I’m too fragile.
I flip it in my fingers again…and an idea hits me.
What if I leave? Just leave and not come back? Will my khui give up if I’m separated from Haeden by a hundred mil
es?
I keep flipping the circle of glass in my fingers. I’m not hating this idea. It’ll mean leaving everyone behind…but I already feel left out. They’ve all happily mated and are expecting me to just roll over and let Haeden run roughshod over me and give me a baby. For the last month, I’ve been the recipient of tons of sympathy glances, or looks of pity. I hate both.
I remember Tiffany telling me a few weeks ago that she wanted to leave. Just start walking and never come back. But now I get it. I don’t want to wait around for everyone to expect me to leap into Haeden’s furs. I don’t want them all watching my every move to see when I give in. I don’t want the smug looks of pity when they find out that ‘silly Josie’s still holding out’.
I can just leave.
After all, what’s tying me here? Friends? They’ve all been mated and are building families. They’re happy and in love. Even Tiffany, who wanted to leave a short time ago. I’d thought she was crazy…but back then I hadn’t walked from the Elders’ Cave to the tribal cave on my own, with nothing but a crude homemade compass. I can do it.
I think of the little cave Harlow lived in with Rukh, the one by the ocean.
I’ve…always wanted to see the ocean.
8
HAEDEN
I cannot figure out how Jo-see made the wall open. I slap at it, over and over again, trying to find the way out. I want to go after my mate, to drag her back into the room - wet pants or not - and find out why she has changed her mind.
Her words echo in my head. I can’t fling myself into the arms of another person that’s just going to use me. I want to find out what she means by that. Who has used her? I will rip their heads from their bodies and stomp on their innards.
More than anything, I want more of her soft touches, the little sounds she makes when I touch her. I play them over and over in my mind until my cock is hard once more, and there is no way to ease the ache.
There is also no way out of the room. I pound against the wall over and over again, but as time passes, it becomes more and more obvious to me that she is not coming back.
So, seething, I wait. I lie down on the hard stone-like shelf, stretch out my legs, and wait for Jo-see to come back. My mind wanders to thoughts of her returning, begging my forgiveness. She’s decided she wants my touch after all. She crawls over me, all silky brown hair and eager mouth. And when I touch her? She makes more of those soft, whimpery noises that send a pulse of need right through me.
I wake up sometime later, khui humming, my cock still hard, and my breechcloth wet again from my dream.
And still no Jo-see.
Cursing, I rip one of the decorative panels from my leathers and scrub at my wet belly and groin. Twice now, I have come in my pants. I snarl as I toss the wet leather aside and then push at the wall again, trying to get it to move. When it doesn’t budge, I slam my shoulder into it, over and over again. This room will not keep me from my mate.
Nothing will.
“Haeden?” I hear a confused voice in the distance, from the far side of the wall. It is Har-loh. “Is that you?”
“Let me out,” I bellow. “The wall will not open.”
As if determined to prove me wrong, the wall opens easily a moment later — several paces down from where I am slamming my body against it. Har-loh gives me a confused look, hefting her kit onto her shoulder. Her mate is two paces behind her. “What’s going on? I didn’t realize you were still here.”
Still…here? “Of course I am here.” I slap a hand at the frustrating wall and shove past. “Where is Jo-see?”
“See, that’s the thing,” Har-loh calls after me. “I thought she was with you.”
Her words make no sense. I storm into the main area of the Elders’ Cave. The fire pit is nothing but coals. Her pack, originally next to mine by the cave entrance, is gone. Her snowshoes and her heavy outer furs are nowhere.
My khui is silent.
I rub my breast, determined not to panic. She has moved to another one of the rooms, then. She has retreated from the main cave because she needs space from me. She would not just leave. Not with resonance still singing an unfulfilled song between us.
I head back into the winding caves, toward Har-loh. “Where is Jo-see?”
“I think she left.” Her eyes are wide, upset. “Did you guys have an argument?”
I snarl at the thought and race back to the front of the cave. I take a few steps outside and there, in the falling snow, is the slushy, dragging trail that snowshoes leave behind. I bend down to touch one track. It is heading away from the Elders’ Cave, but she is not heading to the South cave, nor to the tribal cave. Instead, she is veering in a completely different direction.
Where is Jo-see going? Alone?
Is it because of me? I rub my breast again, hating the guilt that swoops through me. Was I that cruel? I am not the most patient of males but…I would never harm her.
Yet she has left, and left without saying a word to me or to Har-loh. She has crept away. I imagine her sad face, the tears falling from her eyes, the cold biting at her small human form.
I grit my teeth and return to the Elders’ Cave, determined.
Har-loh is there, holding her kit to her shoulder, worried. “Is it true? Is she gone?”
“I will go after her,” I tell Har-loh. “She will be safe under my watch.”
She bites her lip and looks at her mate. He puts a hand on her shoulder to comfort her. “Take food,” Rukh instructs in his broken language. “For you and Jo-see.”
I grunt in acknowledgment of his wise words. I can hunt for myself and will never starve, but it is always wise to have dried food on hand for the days when the weather is too bad to leave shelter. I heft my pack…and it’s lighter than normal. Frowning, I open it to realize that my neat, orderly things are out of place. My rations are gone, along with my extra waterskin.
A reluctant smile of admiration curves my mouth. My mate has raided my pack and taken supplies. Instead of infuriating me, it makes me feel good. She is clever and smart, my Jo-see. She will not run off into the wild unprepared. I look over at Rukh. “I will need an extra spear and knife, and some rations for myself.”
Rukh nods.
“You’ll bring her back?” Har-loh asks.
“If that is her wish.” I want to see where she is going first, and why she left without me.
Har-loh nods and looks up at Rukh, still worried. He presses his mouth to her forehead. A kiss, the humans call it.
A kiss.
I did not kiss Jo-see. I did not hold her in the tender, easy way that Rukh holds his mate. And I am ashamed. There are many things that I have done wrong this day.
I will right them, or die trying.
* * *
I set out a short time later, easily picking up Jo-see’s trail. There is a light, powdery snow on the air, but not enough to cover her tracks. She has made no attempt to hide her trail, and for a time, I entertain the thought that she wishes to be found. That she will see me tracking her and rush into my arms and shower my face with the little presses of her mouth that humans call kisses. But as her trail stretches on and the weather grows steadily worse, I realize this is a fantasy.
She has no intention of returning.
My chest aches with the realization that my mate has abandoned me. I have not pleased her. I did not caress her properly, and when she touched me, I spent my seed in my loincloth like an untried kit. I thought to hide my shame from her but it seems that she has been hurt by my actions. When I find her, I will explain myself and seek her forgiveness. I will ask her how she wishes to be pleasured. This time, I will do it right.
Even though I make good time, I am many hours behind her. The twin suns set behind the distant mountains and the air grows cold. I pull on a fur wrap to block the worst of the wind, but I think of Jo-see and her fragile human body. She will be shivering with cold, unable to last a night out in the open. I must find her and build her a fire. I must shelter her with my own body so she does
not freeze.
No sooner do I think it than a tiny light appears on the horizon. It flickers and then flares brighter, yellow in the dark night. I catch the faint scent of smoke.
A fire.
Pride bursts in my chest. My Jo-see is not so helpless after all. I approach, quieting my footsteps. I see the outline of the tiny cave - one of the hunter caves scattered like wind-blown seeds across the landscape - and she is at the mouth of one, feeding bits of fuel to her fire. I devour the sight of her small form. She looks healthy, wrapped in her furs, and when she stands, she seems tired but not shivering with cold.
After a moment, she pulls the privacy screen over the cave entrance, blotting out some of the light given off by the fire.
I am left out in the snow, pondering. With a fire, she is safe. Even the most aggressive of metlaks will not approach a flame, and this particular region has very few large predators. I am impressed that she was able to find one of the hunter caves, build a fire, and take care of herself.
My fragile Jo-see is stronger than I have imagined. And instead of storming into her cave and demanding that she return, I hunch in the snow and settle in for the night. I will put up a watch to ensure she is undisturbed. But if my Jo-see wants to go somewhere? I will follow until it is no longer safe for her, and then I will step in.
JOSIE
So far? I’ve got the hang of this survival-on-my-own thing. Yesterday, I hiked until I found a cave, made myself a fire (thanks to the firestarter necklaces that one of the girls insisted we all have), and spent the evening cozy and warm.
And okay, it was a little terrifying to be out on my own.
A lot, actually.
Despite being tired from a day of walking, I’d had a heck of a time falling asleep. The knowledge that I was the only one around for miles and no one knew where I was? It did a bit of a head trip on me, and I clutched at my furs, terrified. Every noise made me jerk awake. Add in the fact that I’m feeling restless and out of sorts thanks to resonance? It wasn’t a fun night.