Gerry Bartlett - Real Vampires Hate Their Thighs

by Gerry Bartlett

  “Good. You need me, call my cell. Nothing is more important to me than you are, Glory.” Ray stepped into the living room and closed the door.

  “He does seem to care about you. I give him credit for that.” Valdez ambled to the door and faced it.

  “Yes, he does. Nice of you to admit it.” I wrapped the sheet around me and grabbed some clothes before streaking to the bathroom. My stomach was in an uproar and I was afraid I was going to throw up. I heard the piano from the next room before I turned on the shower. Good. The more noise the better. Because I was about to toss my cookies or, more accurately, Ian’s potion, and I didn’t want Valdez to know and worry about it.

  I leaned over the toilet and heaved. Oh, God. I hoped this didn’t mean I was going to stop losing weight. I sank down on the bathroom floor and waited for the nausea to pass.

  “I heard that, Glory. You going to be okay?”

  “Yeah.” I leaned against the tiled wall and took shallow breaths. Steam was filling the bathroom and I closed my eyes when I thought I was going to pass out. Sure I was going to be okay. If I didn’t die first. I eyed the wooden handle of Ray’s hairbrush. Maybe I’d just fall on the pointy end and put myself out of this misery.

  “Did you get the scale?” I practically attacked Nathan when I finally decided I’d live after all. The reporters had left and Ray had headed down to a conference room in the hotel to another interview. He’d taken his mortal bodyguards with him.

  “Yes, and I compared it to the ones in the gym. They weigh the same.” He gestured toward the powder room next to the suite entry. “It’s in there. You said you didn’t want an audience.”

  “Thanks. You’re brilliant.” I grabbed Nate and kissed him on the cheek. “But then, Harvard doesn’t take dummies, does it?”

  “Not without a rich daddy. Lucky for me, Pop’s loaded.” Nate grinned. “Now you going to tell me what this is about?”

  “No.” I ran into the powder room, slammed and locked the door. I was barefoot and had on the same outfit that I’d had on the night before, except for the color of the T-shirt—purely for weighing purposes, of course. I stepped on the scale. Hallelujah! Still down two and a half pounds. So the elixirs did work to counteract the healing sleep. Ian was a genius.

  Well, sort of a genius. Surely he could make something that didn’t make me so sick. I was still queasy, but determined to head back to Ian’s in time to get there at midnight. I opened the bathroom door, almost tripping over Valdez.

  “Your cell phone rang a moment ago.” Nathan handed me my phone. “I answered it. The man left a message. A limo will pick you up in front of the hotel at eleven. What’s that about?”

  “I’m going back out to Malibu. Same place Ray and I went last night.” I looked around. “Where’s Brittany? Ray said we could take her with us.”

  “She’ll be back in a minute. She wanted to shower and change.” Nathan looked at Valdez. “I hope both shifters got some sleep last night. It’s not a good idea for them to be on duty together. How can they be alert if they’re on twenty-four seven?”

  “She—we slept. I told her to go to her room.” Valdez grinned. “But we got to talking and she fell asleep on the couch. Don’t worry. We’ll be in top form. Glory will be safe enough.”

  “Can you guarantee that?” Nathan frowned. “Oh, what the hell do I know? I’m a mere mortal in this paranormal zoo. You guys blow my mind. And Ray won’t tell me anything. Flies off the balcony like it’s no big deal and never tells me where he’s going or who he’s going to see. I’ll bet Los Angeles is full of vampires who’d like a piece of Israel Caine. You guys better be careful.” He slumped on the couch. “Now the stock market’s so insane I’ve lost my faith in the mortal world too.”

  I sat next to him. “Relax, Nate. We’re careful. I’ll send Brittany down to be with Ray.” My stomach gurgled and I put a hand over it. “V and I can handle Malibu on our own.”

  “We won’t be on our own.” Valdez trotted over to the door. “Reinforcements are arriving right now. Answer the door, Glory.”

  Sure enough, there was a knock. I looked through the peephole and saw Flo and Richard there. I flung open the door.

  “What are you guys doing here?”

  “Israel called us. Said you were fraternizing with a potentially badass vampire and might need some backup. Of course I knew who he was talking about. You went to see MacDonald, didn’t you?” Flo had dressed in black leather for the occasion. I recognized the look as her “I’m going to kick some vampire butt” outfit. Tight leather pants and a form-fitting vest over a red satin blouse made her look taller than her five feet one. The colors set off her black hair and dark, flashing eyes perfectly. The pants were tucked into thigh-high boots with silver chain embellishments on the sides. The stiletto heels would make good weapons in an emergency. Which I hoped we didn’t have.

  Richard followed her inside. He was much more conservative in black jeans and a black cashmere pullover. But then, he fairly radiated lethal male power anyway. His pale eyes looked scary if you didn’t know he adored his wife and would die for his friends. I was deeply grateful he counted me as one of them.

  “Wow. This is a surprise. Ray didn’t tell me.” I hugged each of them in turn. “Thanks for coming. Sure I went to see him. I signed up for his weight-loss program.”

  Flo frowned. “I hope you’re not sorry. I thought Ian MacDonald gave off a strange vibe when we met him. Handsome, of course.”

  “Yes, and I know what you mean. But I’m still determined to go out there again even if he does scare me a little.”

  “And some of the stuff he gave her made her sick. She had bad dreams too.” Valdez bumped Flo and got an ear rub. He loves my ex-roomie.

  “I don’t like the sound of that.” Richard looked grim. “What’s this about dreams?”

  “I never dream.” Flo gave Valdez a final pat, then moved to my side. “What were they like? Sexy?”

  “Parts were, but mostly violent, terrifying. And, yes, I did get sick. Ian had two potions. One to drink before I slept and one for when I woke tonight.” I grabbed Flo’s hand. “But, Flo, I lost two and a half pounds after one session! And they stayed off after a day of healing sleep!”

  “You are kidding me!” Flo’s eyes widened. She looked me up and down and turned me around. “I can see the difference. That is so worth it, Glory.”

  “I know! So you can see why I have to go out there again tonight. No matter what.” I heard Valdez and Richard growl.

  Nathan put some distance between himself and the other two men. “I think that’s my cue to get the hell out of here. I’ll go down to Brittany’s room and tell her to stick with Ray tonight. And I’ll do the same. He’s got some important interviews lined up. Publicity for his new album.” He stopped next to the door. “But, Glory, you call him if you need even more reinforcements. I know he and Brittany would want to be there.”

  “Thanks, Nate.” I smiled gratefully. It was nice to have so many loyal friends.

  Flo shook my arm. “Tell me more about this Ian’s plan. What else did you do to lose so much weight so fast?”

  “I drank from a mortal runner.” I made a face. “You know how I am about taking advantage . . .”

  “Don’t be silly. I’m sure the mortal was honored to serve you.” Florence figures anyone who isn’t a vampire wishes he was one. A mortal is lucky to be a donor. Yeah, she’s got something of a superiority complex, but I love her anyway.

  “Well, yes, that’s the way she saw it. Anyway, I’m to be there at midnight to drink from her again, right after she’s done another run. That’s when the feeding is most effective.”

  “Seems like you wouldn’t have to depend on MacDonald for that.” Richard shoved his hands in his pockets. “So why go out there again? Especially if he scares you.”

  “You know the effects of drinking won’t last through a healing sleep. Not without the supplements Ian provides.” I walked into the bedroom and brought out the two bottles.
I still felt weak, which was weird. I mean, vamps are never weak. And just looking at the empties made my stomach roll again. “Here. Smell what was in these.”

  Richard moved closer and sniffed each of them. “Nothing unusual, but vamps don’t ingest foreign substances at all. I certainly wouldn’t take either of them again.”

  “I’m going to ask Ian if there’s a different supplement I can take.” I pointed to the one I’d just finished. “I couldn’t keep that one down.”

  “Then it can’t have helped you, cara.” Flo patted my shoulder. “Do we fly out there?”

  “No, Ian’s sending a limo.” I looked at my watch. “We should go down now. I’d better put on Valdez’s leash.”

  “Gee, can’t wait.” Valdez sat patiently while I clipped it on his collar.

  “Is that what you’re going to wear, Glory? You know the paparazzi will be out front waiting to take your picture. You have something cuter, no? This is too plain.” Flo looked me over critically as she followed me into the bedroom where I was going to put on my shoes.

  “I’m trying to wear clothes that weigh the same as the first night. For comparison.” I looked in my closet. I did have some different jeans that would work. And a purple V-neck sweater that probably compared to a T-shirt. “All right. I’ll change, but not into leather. That stuff probably weighs a ton.”

  “True, but is cute, no?”

  “On you? You bet. When I’m a size six, I’ll get some pants like that. Only red. I love red leather.” I headed into the bathroom to slip into the clothes and to add a bit more blush. Couldn’t use the mirror, no reflection. But I felt pale. All that throwing up. And I wasn’t sure I wasn’t going to do it again. I took a few shallow breaths until the nausea passed, then came out to sit on the side of the bed to slip on my heels.

  “Much better.” Flo sat next to me. “You’re not losing this weight to please Israel, are you?”

  “No, of course not. He’s sweet about my size, even though the tabloids are positively gruesome to me. You know the headlines: ‘Baby on Board? Caine Sings the Blues.’”

  “Bastardos! I hope they have wives with elephant butts.” Flo put her arm around me and squeezed.

  “I’m losing the weight for me, Flo. Because I’ve always wanted to and couldn’t. You know?”

  “I know. I’ve heard you talk about it. Like me and my height. I am so short, people don’t take me seriously. I am a, how you say, shrimp.” She laughed. “But we are women who can take care of ourselves, no?”

  “Yes, we can. And I’m going to do this. Even if I have to suffer a little bit.” I bit back a moan when my stomach cramped. “Thanks for coming with me. It means a lot.”

  “No problem. Now, let’s head out. I want to see this Malibu. Is the Pacific Ocean beautiful?”

  “Very. Especially if you like the water.” I walked behind her into the living room and grabbed my purse. “Ian’s home is gorgeous. He has a fantastic view from every window. That’s as close as I want to get to any ocean.”

  “The Pacific is beautiful.” Richard handed Flo her tiny purse. “I’m surprised you’ve never seen it before, darling.”

  “So am I. Guess I’m just an East Coast, Mediterranean type of woman, eh, Ricardo?” She kissed his cheek as he opened the door into the hall. “Do we have a plan, gentlemen?” She looked at Valdez, who trotted in front of me.

  “Sure. We watch Ian like a hawk. One wrong move from the MacDonald and we take him apart. That’s my plan.” Valdez looked back at me when I grabbed his tail. “Ouch?”

  “Cool it, tough guy. I’ll decide what a wrong move is. In your state of mind, Ian could scratch his chin and you’d take it as an offensive move.”

  Valdez chuckled and looked at Richard. “It is. That’s the old Prague maneuver. Am I right, Rich?”

  “Sure, seen it done a thousand times. Let it go and you’re staring at the business end of a stake before you know it.”

  I punched the elevator call button. “Right. Keep amusing yourselves. But this is my deal. Screw it up and I’ll never forgive you. Either of you. Florence, keep your man in line.”

  Flo pressed herself against Richard. “Ricardo, stay calm, let Glory enjoy Ian’s magic. When she is a size six, you can tear him apart. Sì, Glory?” She grinned at me.

  “Well, I wouldn’t put it like that.” The elevator arrived and Ray’s former bedmate happened to be inside. Well, if that wasn’t a kick in my size-twelve pants. I smiled and nodded and sent Flo a mental message. It had her narrowing her eyes and sending her own message that had the mortal female sweating and getting off at the first opportunity.

  “Puttana!” Flo hissed after her when we were alone in the elevator again.

  “What?” Richard had been humming under his breath, obviously not included in our mental messaging. “You know, I’ve heard this name MacDonald before but can’t place it. I’ll have to ask Blade.”

  “Uh, don’t do that. He’s got a thing about the MacDonalds. Ever since they stole some of his cattle about five hundred years ago. Ancient history, and I want to enjoy this trip.” I laughed while my stomach took a serious dive and I jabbed at the button for the lobby. “Trust me. Ian’s not interested in cattle. So don’t kill him, okay?”

  “No promises. That scratching-the-chin thing is no joke. Especially if he’s got his own security crew.” Richard looked down at Valdez. “We need a signal. I say it’s a foot jiggle. Left foot. Left front for you, V. That clear?”

  “Got it. Then we strike.” Valdez looked up at me. “And don’t get in our way if we do, Glory. It will be life or death or we wouldn’t start the war.”

  I swallowed as the elevator doors opened on the lobby. My stomach was rolling again and I had the feeling that everything was spiraling out of control. A camera flashed as we neared the waiting stretch limo and I heard a shouted question.

  “Hey, Glory, when’s the baby due?”

  I kept my head down, but Valdez growled and apparently Flo shot the finger at the guy because there were more flashes and I could hear her shouting what sounded like dire threats in Italian. I grabbed Richard’s arm so he wouldn’t start something right there in front of the hotel. Yep, things were clearly going to hell in a handbasket. But I was going to lose this weight or die trying.

  Seven

  “You brought your friends with you, Glory.” Ian smiled and bowed over Flo’s hand. “But not Caine.”

  “Ray’s really tied up with the Grammy promotional stuff, Ian.” I smiled and swallowed the urge to heave all over Ian’s leather loafers. “And would you believe Florence has never seen the Pacific Ocean? I knew you wouldn’t mind if they rode out here with us. You remember Richard Mainwaring, Florence’s husband. You met at the club.”

  The men nodded, obviously taking each other’s measure again away from the excitement and noise of the vampire club. I shivered from the chill in the air. Or was it because I felt clammy and about to faint? I grabbed hold of Valdez’s fur to steady myself.

  “Glory? What the hell?” Valdez bumped me over to the leather couch and I fell onto it. “MacDonald, do something. I think she’s about to pass out.”

  I heard them all talking. Flo babbling in excited Italian, Richard’s calm voice in the same language and Ian’s cool hands on my face as he lifted my lids and looked into my eyes.

  “Glory, how do you feel?”

  “Like shit.” I tried to sit up, but couldn’t manage it. “That stuff you gave me to drink when I woke up”—I shuddered—“made me sick.” I closed my eyes but the world kept spinning.

  “Trina! Get in here!” Ian or somebody arranged me so I was lying back on the cool leather. Then I smelled Trina’s warm wrist at my lips. My fangs came into play and that was all she wrote. I drank thirstily, as if I hadn’t had a feeding in weeks. Finally, someone pulled her off me, or I’m pretty sure I would have drained her dry.

  “Gee, that was intense.” Trina sounded gleeful. “Master, did you see how I endured? I must have pleased you.” />
  “Yes, now leave us. I’ll reward you later.” Ian actually sounded concerned, but not about Trina. She was merely a donor. He sat beside me again, rubbing my hands. “Glory, how do you feel now? Open your eyes.”

  I didn’t want to. Not yet. I was savoring the rush again. Trina must have just completed a run and her adrenaline pulsed through me. I wanted to fly around the room or maybe jump somebody’s bones. I inhaled Ian’s scent and thought about what a good-looking man he was. And a friggin’ genius. Hmm. If I didn’t have an audience, I could open my legs and . . . Was I nuts? I finally sat up, pushing my hair out of my eyes.

  “Glory! How do you feel?” Flo shoved Ian off the couch and sat beside me. “Mio Dio, you scared me.”

  “I feel great, Flo, seriously. Did you see her? Trina? She’s the runner I told you about. I am so pumped.” I grinned and slipped past Flo so I could jump up and stretch. Richard and Valdez watched me, waiting for me to collapse again.

  “Hey, relax, guys. I’m fine. Just like last night, the feeding was fantastic.” I turned to Ian. “But, sorry, those supplements have got to go. I can’t handle them. Especially the one I drink when I wake up. Couldn’t keep it down. It made me puke my guts up.”

  Ian frowned. “That’s strange.” He picked up a bottle from the coffee table. “What about the first one you drank? Before you slept?”

  “Gave me hideous nightmares.” I shook my head. “Well, some of them were hideous. Parts were sexy.” I winked at Flo. “To dream at all was so completely bizarre, but cool now that I think about it.”

  “Of course. Vampires don’t dream. Not during the death sleep.” Ian kept frowning. “Glory, you’re having a very unusual reaction to my supplements. This simply doesn’t happen.”

  Richard stepped in. “Oh, come on, MacDonald. I don’t believe that for a minute. Did you hear what she said? Gloriana’s reaction sounds like she was poisoned.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. I’ve treated dozens of vampires with these formulas. None of them have complained of these symptoms.” Ian shook his head. “And I wouldn’t experiment on Glory, not after Mr. Caine paid for the deluxe package. She’s taking what all my top-drawer clients take when they want to lose weight. My reputation depends on getting excellent results.”