Gerry Bartlett - Real Vampires Hate Their Thighs

by Gerry Bartlett

  “Achy. I didn’t sleep well so I didn’t heal.” I tried to get comfortable but it wasn’t happening. I’d already discovered that breathing hurt so forget that. And my feet! I was still barefoot, unable to deal with my high heels yet.

  “One more night, guys. Then tomorrow I have my fitting for Designed to Kill and get to see my red-carpet dresses.” I turned to Ray. “I have to finish what I started, Ray.”

  “No way. It’s too dangerous.”

  “Caine’s right. Forget it, Glory.” Valdez moved closer. “Those supplements . . .”

  “So I won’t drink any more of the one that made me sick.” I staggered to my feet and limped to the bathroom. Inside, with the door safely shut, I weighed again. Still down five pounds. All right. If I lost another two to three pounds tonight and then exercised, that should put me down to a size eight. I could be very happy in an eight. And if I drank my bedtime elixir, I could hold on to that size for another day, hopefully two. Long enough to make it to the red carpet. Maybe.

  I threw open the bathroom door. “Come on, guys. No way is Ian poisoning me. Why do it gradually? And he’s a businessman who wants your business, Ray. Hurting me would be stupid. Think about it.”

  “I am thinking about it.” Ray jumped up and put his hands on my shoulders. “How do you explain your blood’s weird flavor? And now you’re creeping around like you can hardly walk.”

  “Because I’m sore from exercising. That’s all. Happens to mortals all the time. So they say anyway. I hear them gripe about it in my shop all the time. Which reminds me. Lacy’s having trouble with the new help we hired after Christmas. And we had a shoplifting incident that’s costing me big bucks. I was on the phone with her for almost an hour.” I tried to get away from Ray without making a big deal out of it. No go.

  “Changing the subject? Not working. Lacy’s handling the shop fine. Right?” Ray stared me down.

  “Yes. But I do need to go back to Austin right after the Grammys.” I realized I wasn’t as eager to do that as I should be. It had been an adventure being out here as a rock star’s fiancée. I’d be just plain Glory again in Texas. Well, plain Glory the vampire shop owner. I kept my hands on Ray’s chest. Would he go back there with me? He seemed much more at home here and I knew it.

  “About your blood, Glory. It was off last night.” Ray glanced at Valdez. “Tasted toxic.”

  “It’s that feud. Bet MacDonald knows she’s still attached to a Campbell. Surprised he’s being so subtle about it, though.” Valdez paced the living room. “It’ll get Blade out there to him for a face-to-face. Maybe that’s his plan.”

  “There is no plan. I probably still had that other supplement in my system. The one that made me throw up.” I held out my wrist. “Try again, Ray. Right now. See if it’s better.”

  “Okay, but if it’s not, you’re done with this diet crap. No arguments.” Ray pulled my wrist to his mouth and inhaled. “Smells good.” He slid his hand down to my waist, then nuzzled my jugular. “Maybe I’ll try it here. Closer to the big pump.”

  “Careful, Caine.” Valdez pushed his nose between us.

  “Leave him alone, V. I need to know the answer.” I shoved my fingers into Ray’s hair and felt his breath on my neck. “Go for it, Ray. But just a taste. Don’t try to turn this into something, um—” I couldn’t finish the thought because Ray had gone in and was taking what he wanted. At least this time he didn’t jerk away and run to the sink. He eased out and licked his lips.

  “Well?”

  “Sweet as always, glorious woman.” He kissed the spots where his fangs had been and sealed them closed. “Guess you’ve recovered.”

  “See?” I put some space between us. “So why not go out to Ian’s and get another round from Trina? And the bedtime supplement must be okay or I’d still taste weird.”

  “You’re rationalizing, Glory. What did Blade tell you about MacDonald?” Valdez stood between me and the door to the hall. I had a feeling I’d have to go through him to leave.

  “Of course, like you, Jerry thinks this is all a plot by Ian to get to him.” I looked down at my now-loose black jeans. “Maybe, just maybe, I don’t give a rat’s hiney what Ian’s motive is as long as I’m skinny by Grammy time.”

  “Caine, the Campbells and the MacDonalds have been feuding for centuries. Ian would think nothing of using a woman as a pawn in an effort to take down the enemy. Business comes second to a clan blood feud.” Valdez obviously considered himself an expert on Scottish clan relations and warcraft.

  “That settles it, then. You’re not going out there, Glory.” Ray frowned when his cell phone rang. He picked it up from the coffee table. “It’s Nate. Hell, I’m late for a meeting.” He answered the phone and walked out to the balcony. I heard him tell Nate he’d meet him downstairs in ten minutes before he shut the phone.

  “Got to go.” Ray looked great in a black silk shirt and black jeans. “Are we clear on your plans for the evening, Glory?”

  I shook my head. “Don’t worry, Ray. I’ll be fine. I have another appointment later with Kill Bill the trainer. No date with Jerry that I know of. I don’t think he’s speaking to me.” I followed Ray to the door. “Good luck with your meeting. This is about the TV special, isn’t it?”

  “Yes, it would be a great opportunity.” Ray kissed my cheek. “Don’t worry about Blade. Much as I’d like to see you free of the Scot, I figure he’ll come around.”

  “He’s probably with Richard, planning an attack on MacDonald.” Valdez grinned like he wanted to be in on that session.

  Ray looked me over. “I’m well aware that you haven’t promised not to go to Ian’s, Ms. Thing.”

  I flushed. “I have to go.”

  “No, you don’t.” Ray opened his cell and hit speed dial. “MacDonald? Israel Caine. Glory and I are swamped with this Grammy prep. Is there any way you can bring your program to us at the hotel tonight?” He listened and nodded. “Yeah, super. She’ll be waiting. We’ve got a scale here. Thanks.” He snapped the phone shut and looked at Valdez. “If you really think Ian’s a danger, you’ll need backup. I’ll send Brittany to you. Think the two of you can handle Ian and Trina?”

  “Guess we’ll have to.” Valdez was obviously not happy that I was continuing with the program, but it wasn’t his call.

  “Ray, thanks!” I threw my arms around his neck and started to kiss him on the cheek. Of course he turned his head so that smacker landed on his lips. He put his hand on the back of my head and made it a pretty good one. I wasn’t going to push him away. I’m still a fangirl. Any woman who kissed Israel Caine would be, whether he was a rock star or not. Then we both staggered from a Valdez headbutt.

  “Sorry, but aren’t you running late for an important meeting, Caine?” Valdez didn’t look sorry.

  Ray grinned and slid his hands down my back. “No meeting’s as important as this lady. Be careful, Glory. Want me to call Blade and get him over here for you?”

  I blinked. Ray had just managed to surprise me. “Thanks, Ray. But I really don’t want to spend an evening watching Scottish warriors face off.” I walked with him out to the hall and hugged him one more time. “I know that took a lot. For you to offer to call Jerry. It means more than you know.”

  Ray smiled. “Purely selfish on my part. I had a fifty-fifty chance the MacDonald would win and I’d have Blade out of your life forever.” He shrugged when his cell rang again. “All right, Nate, I’m coming. Glory, call me when Ian leaves. I want to know you’re okay.”

  “Will do.” I watched him head for the elevator. When it opened, Brittany stepped out. Reinforcements. Good. Would two shape-shifters be enough? I’d heard enough warnings about Ian to be nervous. So I called Flo and asked her to come too. She said Richard was still hunting down Ian’s “success stories” and she was interested in checking out the shops in my hotel lobby so she’d be right over. Now I felt better. If Ian thought he could use me as a pawn in his feud against the Campbells, he’d have to go against me and my persona
l army first.

  I limped back into the room and found Brittany and Valdez with their heads together.

  “Caine handled that pretty well.” Valdez said it grudgingly.

  “You mean handled me. I called Flo. She’s coming too. She doesn’t think Richard’s found any of Ian’s former clients yet. Not that I’m surprised. Vamps move around a lot and stay off the grid.” Since I wasn’t going out, I might as well put on my workout clothes. I grabbed them, freshly laundered while I slept, headed for the bathroom and shut the door.

  “Bet Ian brings those surfer a-holes with him too. Can’t wait to throw some of them off the balcony.” Valdez called through the door.

  I crammed myself into the sports bra and tight shorts, then pulled on the tank top. I headed back out to sit on the bed to pull on my socks and shoes.

  “Of course he will. I never go out to his house without my bodyguard. And toss as many as you like. They’re vamps. They’ll just turn into bats and fly right back in here, anxious to rip out your throat.” I looked at him and at Brittany, standing in the bedroom doorway. “Seriously, guys, don’t start trouble. Just finish it if they start something first. If I can go through with the weight-loss thing, I’m going to. Got it?”

  “Sure.” Brittany frowned when there was a knock on the door. “That can’t be him already. It’s too soon.”

  “Check it out. Don’t let anyone in you don’t know.” Valdez was right behind her.

  I groaned as I stood and followed them. I’d heard the cliché, “No pain, no gain.” Guess this was what it felt like. How did mortals stand working out if this was the result?

  “It’s Barry, Ray’s publicist, and a group of people, two of them in snazzy workout clothes.” Brittany grinned at me. “Sort of like yours, Glory. Should I let them in?”

  “Why not?” I knew Barry was always looking for PR opportunities. I had a sinking feeling I knew what was coming. I tugged down my shorts, which were getting way too personal, and pasted on a smile.

  “Glory, baby, look at you. It’s true, then, you’ve been working out!” Barry rushed inside to give me air-kisses. “Let me introduce you to these people.” He tossed me some names, which I immediately forgot, and offered bottles of water from the fridge at the bar all around.

  I sank gratefully into a club chair while I waited for his pitch. And there had to be one.

  “That’s our spring ‘Step into the Future’ line you’ve got on, Ms. St. Clair. How do you like it?” One of the tanned and toned women spoke first. “Does it move the way you hoped?”

  Does it move? I wish. Then I could lie back and let it do those torturous crunches. I merely nodded. “It’s very comfortable.” I leaned in, nodding toward where Barry was in deep conversation with the only other man in the group. “But this sports bra. Argh. It’s a killer. Surely there’s a way to keep me from bouncing around without mashing me flat.”

  The woman waved her hand. “Janet, take a note. You’re absolutely right, Glory. May I call you Glory?” I nodded. “It’s on our priority list. Naturally well-endowed women work out too, and they need support without pain, am I right?”

  “Absolutely.” I watched Janet scribble frantically. I had a feeling a new ad campaign had just been born, complete with tag line. “Support without pain. That’s what I’m looking for.”

  “I’m afraid Barry didn’t have time to fill you in on why we’re here.” Fake smile, fake smile.

  “No, I didn’t.” Barry was suddenly at my side. “Glory, Fitzwell Fitness Wear would like to have you become a spokesperson. Do some ads for them. They’d follow you on your journey to hit the gym and lose a few inches where you need to.” Barry smiled all around. “Not that Ray has a problem with her figure just the way it is, you understand, people. He’s crazy about Glory. Would kill me if he thought I was criticizing her. Which I’m not.” Barry turned red and grabbed a bottle of water.

  I gave Barry a look that made him twist the top off and down half the contents. “Barry’s right. Ray’s always been very complimentary of my curves. This fitness kick I’m on is just for the Grammys. Since it’s going to be on TV all over the world.”

  “Sure, Glory, I get it. But one of the tabloids printed an item about how you were hanging out at the hotel gym, dieting and stuff. And that you’d bought these new clothes in the lobby shop here in the hotel.” Barry flushed and exchanged glances with the two women who wore outfits similar to mine. Of course theirs were obviously size small and their running shoes top of the line.

  “Those tabloids. They bribe store clerks to spy on me.” I made a face. “Disgusting, isn’t it?”

  All the mortals murmured sympathetically.

  “No privacy when you’re with a rock star.” Barry put his hand on my shoulder. “But we might as well see if we could get a little publicity out of it.”

  “Relax, Barry. I totally get it.” I stood, even though my muscles seized and I wanted to bend over and cry into my knee caps. “And I appreciate the offer and the opportunity.” I smiled as everyone else stood. “But I just can’t consider doing it. This is a temporary thing. Just until the Grammys. I’ve got less than a week and then I’m back to Texas and my sluggish existence. Honestly? I hate exercising.” I looked down. “Love the clothes, though. Very cute.”

  “You’d get a free wardrobe, of course. We could take some photos here and then follow up later in Austin. Maybe you didn’t have the right trainer. We could send you a member of our staff.” The head honcho, the only woman in a business suit, really didn’t want to let this go. “And someone to work with Mr. Caine too, if he’s interested. Barry thought he might be willing to be included in some of the ads.” Ah, now I knew why.

  “Barry, may I speak to you in the bedroom?” I grabbed his arm and hustled him out of the living room.

  The publicist looked down like he was surprised at my strength when I closed the bedroom door. “Gee, Glory, you have been working out.”

  “A little, but I’m not doing a commercial. Get rid of these people. Did you run this by Ray?”

  “No, didn’t have time.” He tried to pull away, but finally gave up. “What’s wrong with this gig? It’s a reputable company. They’ll pay you big bucks. You, not Ray. You could use the money, couldn’t you?”

  I couldn’t argue about that. But I also knew that, once back in Austin, I’d be right back to my old size. So the slimming Glory campaign would be a bust. Unless . . .

  “You think they’d be interested in just featuring a normal-size woman working out? One who never gets any smaller? Because I know I’m not going to stick with this program after we leave L.A., Barry.” Oops. Or stick with Ray either, come to think about it. Well, there went the big bucks. There was no help for it. I was pulling the plug.

  “They want a success story, Glory. Can’t you trim down? For yourself, if not for Ray. It’s the healthy thing to do.” Barry smiled at me and used his free hand to pat me on the shoulder.

  “I am healthy at my regular size, Barry. Sizes are just arbitrary numbers society has put on labels inside clothes to make most of us feel bad. I’m sorry I ever started this diet-and-exercise thing. My body hurts, I’m nauseated half the time and I can’t sleep. For sure it stops when I say it does.” I fought back my fangs. This was definitely one of my hot-button issues. Barry was just the messenger, but sometimes the messenger deserved to take the heat.

  “Now, Glory. I didn’t mean—” He winced and I realized I still held his arm.

  I let him go and gave him some space. “Sorry, but screw their so-called success stories. I’m not doing it. And I’m staying in here until those people are gone. Get rid of them.” I glared at him, opened the bedroom door and waited for him to scoot through it, then shut and locked it.

  “Well, you told him.” Valdez had watched all this from the foot of the bed.

  “Yes, and now I feel bad. He was only doing his job.” I peeked out of the bedroom door and saw Barry just disappearing into the hall. “Brittany, get Barry back in
here, please.”

  “Sure, Glory.” Brittany jerked open the door and returned with the alarmed publicist held in what resembled a head-lock. We might have to whammy Barry. He’d obviously never dealt with such tough women before.

  “Let him go, Brit.” I led him to the couch. “Barry, I’m sorry. I know you were just trying to help me out.”

  “I was, Glory. You want me to get them back in here?” Barry pulled out his cell. “I could still make this happen.”

  “No, not that. But let me explain the real reason I couldn’t do it.” I settled beside him, barely stifling a groan.

  “What?” Barry put the cell away. “You look serious. Not sick, are you? You’ve been moving funny. Like you’re in pain.”

  “I am, but that’s from working out. I think I did too much last night. Those trainers.” I made a face.

  Barry shook his head. “I know what you mean. I call mine Attila. She’s a real bitch.”

  “There you go.” I laughed. “But here’s the scoop.” I quit smiling. “Ray and I’ll probably go our separate ways after the Grammys. He may not be coming back to Austin at all.”

  “No way! I thought—” Barry looked genuinely shocked. “Well, I thought maybe he’d found the real deal this time.” He hugged me. “I’m sorry, Glory. You want me to punch him out?”

  “Why are you assuming he’s dumping me?” I pushed back and sighed. “I’m getting back with an old boyfriend.” I felt tears near the surface. Was this a lie or wishful thinking? I had no idea. Or maybe I was getting way ahead of myself. Saying it out loud was twisting my gut almost as badly as Ian’s potion had. Could I really just walk away from Ray? He’d become so important to me, I couldn’t imagine never seeing him again.

  I realized Barry was literally on the edge of his seat waiting for details. Well, I’d started this. I might as well finish it. I could always change my mind later. Or not.

  “You remember the pictures of Ray fighting Jeremy Blade?”

  “Of course I remember. That was a headline for days in all the tabloids. Star Snoops ran the picture in color on the cover. Surely you aren’t choosing him over Ray.” Barry grabbed my hand. “If he’s threatened you . . .”