Chapter Seven
A knock on the door jarred me out of my nap. I checked the clock as I sat up.
Huh. It must be Bryan. As I reached for the door, I tried to remember if I had given him my room number. I rubbed my eyes, trying to clear the sleep from them.
“Hi, Phoebe.”
“Joshua!” I gasped. My hand went to my neck. I could feel my heartbeat pulsing through my veins as the object of my former affection stood before me. “What—what are you doing here?” I stepped back but then forward again so I could look down the hall. Relief washed over me once I determined there wasn’t a camera man filming the reunion. If I saw anyone who looked remotely like a camera man, I was slamming the door. “How did you know—I mean, why—”
“I thought we should talk,” he said in a quiet, gentle voice, and his lopsided grin appeared. Before I realized what he was doing, he reached out and put his hand on my wrist.
With that one touch, all the feelings from the show came flooding back—love, passion, hate. Theoretically, I was over him. Distance and time had proved valuable in helping the feelings fade. But seeing him again—that was opening a whole different can of emotional worms. I needed to stay strong. Having things not work out was a good thing—remember? I pulled my hand away and shook my head. “No.”
It took every ounce of self-control to speak that word.
“You don’t mean that.” He took a step forward and tried to come in. “I thought—” he started before I put my hand on his chest to stop him. I braced my arm against the door frame and my hip on the door, barring his entrance.
“That wasn’t an invitation,” I said, digging deep for some bravado. I could tell my brain was starting to work again. “You don’t have a right to show up in my life—unannounced and unexpected—and think it’s okay to walk in and have a seat.”
He was at the threshold of my room, which was my ‘Do Not Cross’ line. After a brief stalemate, he finally took a step back.
“How did you even know where I was?” It was the first logical question I could come up with.
He tried again to step forward, putting one hand on the door and reaching for my hand with his other. “Your sister told me.”
I instinctively pulled my hand back and folded my arms across my chest, avoiding his touch once again. My eyes narrowed, and I shook my head. “She wouldn’t tell you that.” I made a mental note to text my sister and find out what the story was.
“She said you were in London, and the producers figured out the rest. I didn’t really have too much to do with it.” He shrugged as if it were no big deal that he had ambushed my vacation. How long has he been here? He didn’t have stubble on his face, his square jaw was clean-shaven. His brown eyes didn’t look tired or have bags under them. And his black, curly hair was styled the way he liked it. To me, it didn’t look as if he had just stepped off a plane, gotten into a taxi, and came immediately over to my hotel on a desperate search to find me.
“So, what then? You’re here to tell me you’re sorry? To tell me you were wrong? That you chose the wrong girl?” I didn’t think it was because guilt kept him awake at night. It was probably more like he wanted the t-shirt back that he lent me on our one-on-one date. Or to take a picture of us together so he could tweet that there were no hurt feelings between us.
He pointed over my shoulder. “Can we go inside and sit? Maybe talk about this?” He lurched forward.
I held my arms up, almost touching his chest. “We’ve done that—remember? It didn’t work out so great for me. You made your choice, and it wasn’t me. So, no, you can’t come in.” I pressed three fingers to my temple. “I have a massive headache, and I cannot deal with you right now.”
“I really need to talk to you. What do you say? Let me take you out. It’s the least I can do.”
My head was pounding. I really wanted to go back to sleep instead of being there, talking to Joshua. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” I stepped back into the room, ready to shut the door.
“Phoebe, please. I know things didn’t turn out with the show like you thought they would. I take full responsibility for that.”
I remained silent.
“There are just some things I think you need to know.”
Like what? Maybe it would be worth hearing him out so I could finally get some real closure. I sighed heavily. “Fine. Whatever.”
“I’ll be back in a half hour,” he quickly added.
I nodded and shut the door. When it clicked, I leaned against it. What in the world just happened? I never expected to see Joshua in person ever again, and here he showed up out of the blue, ruining my vacation. The thoughts swirling through my head—trying to figure out the why behind his visit—were impossible to shut off. What does it mean—him being here? Is it going to be a good thing or a bad thing? I knew there was no going back to sleep for me.
Trying to distract myself, I checked my phone for messages. Sure enough, there was a text from my sister. The show called mom’s house. Brooks answered and told them you were in London. Sorry.
Brooks was my six-year-old nephew. He was sweet and loved to give hugs any time I came to visit. I couldn’t be too mad at him.
I took another dose of medicine and hoped it would take care of the headache once and for all. Although I didn’t have much faith that would happen since my brain was working overtime to figure out the reasons for Joshua’s visit. Or why I had such a strong reaction when he touched me. Or what he needed to tell me that was so important he tracked me down halfway across the world. I told myself anything he said or did was irrelevant, but it didn’t work. Despite all the hurt, seeing him again made me realize some feelings remained.
But what about my feelings for Bryan? Those were very real. I really liked him. Yet, there was that nudging of what if when my thoughts wandered back to Joshua. My feelings for him—are they just a product of the show? For the first time, I understood how you could love someone and hate them at the same time.
What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just make a decision and stick with it?
I needed some advice—but from whom?
My family was against Joshua. They didn’t like him for obvious reasons. I mean, he rejected me on national television, but they didn’t understand the connection we shared. They could never understand. They were neither there nor part of it, nor could they understand what all those hours in that house could do to a person. It was enough to drive us all stir crazy. And we did go a little crazy.
My solution was to text Evangeline. I knew she wouldn’t be happy with me when I told her about Joshua showing up and that I was actually considering talking to him. But it would be less harsh than telling my family. Maybe.
I need some advice. I paced back and forth at the end of the bed, hoping for a quick response.
My phone chimed. Uh-oh. That can’t be good. Have you been watching the show? I told you not to.
I twirled my hair around my index finger so tight it felt like the tip of my finger was going to burst. Even worse. I cringed, not wanting to hear the lecture that was sure to be coming.
What could be worse than that?
Do you have time to Skype?
Sorry, can’t. I have a meeting starting in five.
I stopped pacing before I started texting. I spoke the words forcefully as I typed, irked she wasn’t available. Joshua showed up here. Surely, she would understand the urgency. I held my breath, waiting.
What? How?
I forced myself to sit on the bed. He said my sister told him I was here. It was actually my nephew who answered my mom’s phone and accidentally told him.
Wait. Really? He’s there right now?
Well, not physically here beside me right now, but yes, in London.
Her next text came before I even finished typing my resp
onse. That’s kind of a jerk thing to do to trick a kid like that.
No kidding.
What does he want? I could picture her shaking her head slowly—a frown of disappointment on her face.
To talk. When I typed it out like that, it seemed so simple.
And you believe him?
Maybe it will be okay.
Are you listening to yourself? After all he put you through? On TV? You’ve gotta be crazy. I’d rather you adopt another rescue dog, or even ten, than have you take his sorry butt back.
I typed furiously. I didn’t say I was taking him back. At least not seriously committed to saying yes. Or saying no. Okay, my resolve wavered.
But you’re considering it. Because you always want to give everything a second chance.
Only maybe. Just a little.
Phoebe, don’t do this. I could almost hear the edge in her voice. A warning.
I’ll be fine.
Seriously. Do. Not. Take. Him. Back.
Thanks. I typed before dropping the phone beside me.
I flopped back on my bed. I knew Joshua didn’t deserve a second chance, and yet … I balled up my fists and punched the mattress. I hated my conflicted emotions. There shouldn’t have even been a question about Joshua. It was over and done with.
Even though the migraine still lingered, I threw on some clean clothes, pulled up my hair, brushed my teeth, and did some deep breathing, all in preparation for meeting up with Joshua.
Chapter Eight
I was just about to open the door and wait out in the hall for Joshua when Bryan texted. How’s your headache? Better?
Not really. I typed. Those theatre lights did me in.
Want to meet for dinner? I already have a table.
Can I take a raincheck? I’m still recovering. And by recovering, I mean from having my TV ex-boyfriend show up unexpectedly.
I’m guessing you’re not up for sightseeing then? Some invigorating visits through history? Or maybe seeing the lights at Harrods tonight?
I sighed. I bet it’s amazing. If only it wasn’t for Joshua. But I really won’t be good company.
I swear the disappointment seeped through his text. Let me know if you change your mind.
I rubbed my forehead. I will. I didn’t want to leave him hanging like this.
I dropped my phone and pinched the bridge of my nose. My head hurt, I felt guilty for not telling Bryan the whole truth and I was not really prepared to deal with Joshua.
My thoughts turned to Joshua and what I wanted to say to him. I had questions that had gone through my mind repeatedly for the last two months. Maybe now I could get answers—closure, even. I just didn’t want to get sidetracked or confused or charmed before I could ask the questions.
When Joshua arrived, he presented me with a bouquet of flowers. “Can I come in?” At least this time he asked to enter.
I was reluctant to do this in my hotel room because it made me feel trapped. I couldn’t get up and leave at will. More importantly, I didn’t want to be in a bedroom where it may be easier to be charmed or seduced. A public place would be ideal—make it difficult for him to control the conversation. But at the same time, this conversation required some privacy, and I didn’t want to do it in the hotel lobby, especially if there was a chance of having Bryan walk by us.
I set the flowers on the vanity counter, then grabbed my purse and key card. “I think it’s better if we go someplace else to talk.”
“Maybe we can grab some dinner? I have a surprise for you.” He reached for my hand, but I kept it close by my side.
Dinner sounded really good since I was starving. But Bryan was probably there, so it was going to have to wait. “Let’s see how the talking goes. You should know, though, that for whatever reason you’re here—another chance, to say you’re sorry, whatever—I expect answers. Otherwise, you can leave right now.” I could recover easier if I set boundaries. It sounded harsh, but I wanted to be upfront and come off strong. And I didn’t want to get walked all over like last time. Or be left speechless and stunned.
He hung his head. “I wouldn’t have come here if I thought you were going to make it easy on me.”
“Good.”
“I’ve got an awesome evening planned out,” Joshua said as we walked down the hallway. “After dinner we’re going—”
“I’m sorry, this isn’t a date. I agreed to talk to you.” We came to a sitting area with a small sofa by the elevators. “This will do.” I sat down, and Joshua sat beside me. It was closer than I wanted, but I only had to put up with it for a few minutes. Hopefully.
There was an awkward silence before I blurted out the most important question: “You said you were keeping me on the show, and then you didn’t. Why?”
He looked past me for a moment before turning his gaze toward me. “We were fighting on that last day.”
“We disagreed.” I shrugged and could feel my eyebrows pull together before I made a concerted effort to not get emotional. Part of the deal for being on the show was if there was a marriage, it would be a special televised event. “I didn’t want a camera man with us all the time. Plus, if we did the spin-off show, I would’ve had to move, and I didn’t want to give up my business.”
He shrugged. “You didn’t even want to discuss the spin-off. And the argument sort of ruined things. The show was a big part of our relationship.”
“It was something we’d eventually have to discuss. And I thought it was better to have that talk before we made a long-term commitment.” I watched for his reaction.
He slowly exhaled, his chest visibly decompressing. “But it wasn’t a decision we had to make right away.”
“Why not?” I disagreed, and he knew it.
“I figured that was something we could grow into once our relationship was more established.”
Something snapped inside me. “Oh, so what you’re saying is you didn’t want to rush into anything?”
Joshua nodded. “Exactly.”
“But you rushed into getting rid of me. You didn’t give our relationship enough of a chance.”
“I think I did.”
I shook my head. “No, not really. We really didn’t get time together.”
“What do you call the dates we went on?”
After a deep, cleansing breath, I answered. “None of the dates were real. None of them dealt with the ups and downs of living day in and day out. It was fake. A fantasy. A whirlwind.”
He held my look, his eyes piercing. “Falling in love should be a whirlwind.”
I scoffed. “Eventually you have to come back to reality. Swimming with dolphins is not reality.”
“When you’re on vacation, you just go with it.” He gave a half smile.
“But we’d eventually have to deal with real life,” I reiterated.
He took my hand. “I didn’t realize that until after. And now that I’ve had time to think about it, I realize you were right, and I was wrong. You were being realistic, and I was just caught up in the process.”
I didn’t pull away from him. It was everything I had wanted to hear. Just two months late.
“There should already be a future Mrs. Right, yet you’re here.” I thought about it. “Who did you choose?”
He cocked his head. “You mean you don’t know? You didn’t watch?”
“Why would I?”
“Why wouldn’t you?” The look on his face was of disbelief.
“Just answer the question.”
“Carilynn.”
Of course. Exactly who I had suspected all along.
“But that’s over now,” he quickly added.
I felt a wave of sympathy for Carilynn. I knew how I had felt when I was let go, and she had made it even further. She and Joshua
were engaged—or were supposed to be. Her disappointment had to be greater than mine. “How’d she take it?”
His eyebrows knitted together. “What does it matter? We broke up.”
“So, just like that? You’re over it and ready to move on? Why didn’t you just call me? This is dramatic, isn’t it? Very over the top.” What a jerk.
He didn’t answer right away. “This trip has been a whirlwind. Christopher saw how unhappy I was, and I told him my biggest regret was choosing the wrong girl. He made all this happen. I needed to do what my heart was telling me to do.”
My heart thudded “He’s here? You brought the show here?” I looked over my shoulder. Is there a camera man lurking around?
Joshua stilled. After a beat, he responded. “No. He encouraged me to come see you. He told me to follow my heart. You can’t deny the feelings when we were together.”
But you chose her.
“For what it’s worth, I only stayed engaged with her because of the show.”
The show. That stupid show!
Neither of us spoke. Joshua hung his head and lifted his eyes toward me. “I want to be with you,” he said. “I was wrong. I’ve missed you, and I want to make it right.” There was a softness in his look that I hadn’t seen before. Was it sincerity? He leaned in closer.
The thoughts in my head were tossing and turning. Is this right? Isn’t this what I’ve wanted? After the show, I thought he was wrong and that he should have picked me. I thought I loved him. Has it changed so quickly? Or am I still naïve?
He continued, his voice hypnotic. “We had something—something I didn’t realize until I didn’t have it any more. It kept eating away at me until I finally realized what was missing: you.”
Desperately Seeking Mr. Right (Destined For Love: Europe) Page 6