Deep Surrendering: Episode Eight
Page 6
She pressed her lips together. Not a good sign.
“Listen, I’m going to be straight with you. Fin and I had that one night when he was sixteen, and then we . . . well, we would sort of hang out after that. Nothing professional, nothing on the books. And then I got the job at the club and we moved things there. He’s part of the reason I got the job. Before he opened my eyes, I might have just ended up on a street corner as your standard hooker. He showed me something else. Something I was good at. And for that, I’m grateful. He’s a good man.”
That was the second time she’d told me he was a good man. I knew that, but it was strange to hear it from her.
“So he’s the reason you’re a professional submissive?”
“Partly. And he’s also the reason I didn’t become homeless. You should ask him about that next time you talk to him.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“That part of the story is his to tell.” Fin had given her money? Was he still giving her money? Something clicked in my brain.
“Was that what you were doing the day we bumped into each other? Picking up money?”
She kept her face blank, but that was all the answer I needed.
“He’s giving you money. But you’re not seeing each other anymore, right?” There was no way he lied to me. No way. Not after everything.
“No! No. He just . . . Fin has a bit of a savior complex. I’m sure you’ve seen it at work.”
A little bit, but not really.
“Or maybe he doesn’t want you to see that side of him. Interesting.”
No, it wasn’t interesting.
“So what, he goes around rescuing kittens from trees and helping old ladies cross the street?” I asked, my voice coming out much harsher than I meant it to.
“Whoa, take it up with him. I can understand why he wouldn’t want you to see that side of him. He thinks it makes him look weak.”
What the hell?
“I know, I know,” she said. “Believe me, I’ve had that discussion with him many times. I’ve tried not accepting the money he gives me, but it finds its way into my bank account no matter what. With Fin it’s easier to let him do what he wants. Fighting can be fun, though.” She gave me that knowing smile again. “You’re not jealous, are you? It’s understandable if you are. If I had a boyfriend, I’d probably be jealous. But what Fin and I had . . . it’s more of a business transaction, really. Or you could think of me as a therapist. Or a personal trainer.”
I gave her a look, and she laughed again. Her laugh made her seem even younger.
“I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me,” she said.
“I don’t hate you. I don’t really know how I feel. Confused, more than anything. This isn’t the sort of situation you normally find yourself in.”
“You’ve got that right. Sometimes I forget there’s a world outside that doesn’t understand about what I do. You know what, I could go for a glass of water, if you don’t mind.”
Finally. I got up and went to the kitchen and got a glass of water for each of us. She took a sip and set her glass on the table, making sure there was a coaster under it.
“So, what else do you want to know?”
Now we were getting to the hard stuff.
“He told me about the time he went to see you, after we’d gotten together. He said he’d gone to you for a session, but hadn’t been able to . . . go through with it.” I took a gulp of water and coughed.
“Yeah, I remember. I’d never seen him like that before. He was a mess. A complete mess. I thought he was going to lose it. I knew the second he walked in that he wasn’t there for our usual activities. So we sat and talked, and he told me about you.”
I blushed. “What did he say?” I asked.
“He said that he’d met someone who made him want to change all his rules. He said he couldn’t see me anymore, at least not in a professional capacity. And then he went on and on and on about you and how wonderful and perfect and smart and wonderful and perfect you were.”
My face got redder.
“So there you have it. Hell, he didn’t even touch me. And I haven’t seen him since.”
That was reassuring.
“Okay,” I said. “I can handle that.”
“Can you?” She raised one eyebrow at me and then twisted some of her hair around her finger.
“Well, I’ve done pretty well so far, I think.”
She smiled. “Yeah, you have. You’re different than I thought. From his rave reviews I pictured you . . . differently.” Was that a compliment?
“How?”
“I don’t know. Just different. And you’re completely different from those girls he usually dates.” She rolled her eyes. “I can’t stand those girls. It was no wonder he had to keep coming to me.”
I didn’t know how to respond to that. I didn’t want to think about Fin not getting what he needed from me.
“He’s changed now. You’ve changed him, whether you meant to or not. He’s definitely happier, something I never thought I would see. I knew I could never make him happy. I mean, even if I did feel that way about him, which I don’t. I never fraternize with my clients that way. Besides, Fin isn’t my type anyway, and I’m not exactly a fan of monogamy. Not that there’s anything wrong with it.”
“I’m a fan,” I said.
“It works for some people.” She picked up her water and drank some more. “Are you overwhelmed?”
“Surprisingly, no. But I do have some things to talk with Fin about, I guess.”
She nodded and drank the rest of her water.
“You’ve been good for him. And I think, if you let him, he’ll be good for you. Fin is . . . he’s special. I knew it that first night when he walked into the room. I was scared out of my mind, and then there he was. And, no matter what, he never forced me to do anything I wasn’t willing to do. That’s a rare quality where I come from. I’ve seen a lot of bad to be able to recognize good when I find it.”
Sapphire had given me a hell of a lot to think about it.
“Cheer up, sweetheart. If it’s meant to be, it’ll work out,” she said, getting up.
“You think it will? In your professional opinion?”
She laughed again. “Well, you’re still here, so that’s a start. Not a lot of people would have stuck around.”
“I love him,” I said. I needed her to know, for some reason.
“I know you do. It’s written all over your face. Ah, to be young and in love.” She sighed and twirled in a circle.
“How old are you, anyway? I know you’re about the same age as Fin.”
She spun around again and faced me. “I’m older than I look. Much, much older. Some days I feel like I’m a thousand years old. You ever feel like that?”
I sipped the rest of my water. “Yes.”
Sapphire nodded and put her hood back up. “Well. I think I’ll leave you to your thoughts. I’m sure you have plenty of them. Oh, and if you have more questions, you can call me. If not, don’t. You’ll probably never see me again, unless you decide to venture to the dark side.” She stepped close and stroked my cheek. I flinched, and she winked.
“There’s something wild buried in there, Marisol. You should let it out more often.”
And with that, she was gone, and I was left with more questions than answers.
Talked to Sapphire. Call me when you can.
I sent the message after I paced the apartment a few times. Sapphire’s perfume lingered in the air. It was sweet, almost like cotton candy. I took the empty water glasses and washed them out in the sink, and then headed for the bedroom and crawled into Fin’s bed.
Fin hadn’t told me he was giving her money. I could imagine why he’d kept it a secret. I should be angry. I should be jealous. Instead, I was just . . . curious. Why had he given her money? What was it about her that caused him to do that for so many years? Was it guilt about the night they met?
Fin had painted a very different picture about th
eir interaction, but according to Sapphire, he’d been gentle and sweet. The two of them had been kids in a very adult situation. The way Fin talked about it, he’d taken advantage of her, but she’d denied that.
I didn’t know which story was true. But truth could sometimes be all in the perception. It didn’t matter if Fin wasn’t a predator if he still saw himself as one.
My head started to throb, and I went to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom to get some aspirin. I stared at my face in the mirror for a moment. Fin had fabulous lighting in his bathroom. Nothing like those awful fluorescent lights that washed you out and made you look terrible.
I almost didn’t recognize myself. Sapphire said Fin had changed for me. Well, I’d changed for him.
I wasn’t sure I knew who I was anymore. I stepped away from the mirror and then my phone rang. I ran to get it.
It was Fin.
Don’t forget to check out
Deep Surrendering
Episode 9
when it comes out on November 20th
The Noctalis Chronicles
Nocturnal (Book One)
Nightmare (Book Two)
Neither (Book Three)
Neverend (Book Four)
The Whisper Trilogy
Whisper (Book One)
Fall and Rise
Deeper We Fall (Book One)
Faster We Burn (Book Two)
Slowly We Trust (Book Three)
My Favorite Mistake
My Sweetest Escape
(Available from Harlequin)
Surrendering
Sweet Surrendering
Surrendering to Us
Dark Surrendering
For Real
UnWritten
Wow, I’m shocked so many of your are still hanging on. Thanks go (as always) to my editor, formatter, publicist and all of you for sticking with Fin and Marisol. We’re almost there…
Chelsea M. Cameron is a YA/NA and Adult New York Times/USA Today Best Selling author from Maine. Lover of things random and ridiculous, Jane Austen/Charlotte and Emily Bronte Fangirl, red velvet cake enthusiast, obsessive tea drinker, vegetarian, former cheerleader and world's worst video gamer. When not writing, she enjoys watching infomercials, singing in the car and tweeting. She has a degree in journalism from the University of Maine, Orono that she promptly abandoned to write about the people in her own head. More often than not, these people turn out to be just as weird as she is.
Find Chelsea online:
@chel_c_cam
chelseamcameron.com
Chelsea M. Cameron (Official Author Page)