Love Abstract (The Art of Falling Book 2)

by B. L. Berry

  “I'm serious, Phoenix.” I softly laugh and playfully elbow him in the ribs.

  “I am, too.” He wraps his arms around me and pulls me near to cuddle against him.

  I reach for the remote control that's wedged between us and pause our movie, not that either of us were really paying much attention to it in the first place.

  “Okay. I'm sorry ... I'll be good. What's on your mind?”

  I don't know how to tell him. So I elect to just spit it out. “I think I'm going to go to Chicago in a few days.” Phoenix loosens his grip and sits up a little straighter, paying close attention to me. “Actually, I know I’m going. I booked my ticket last night.”

  “Why?”

  He knows exactly why. He doesn't usually ask a question like this unless he knows the answer.

  “I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said. About Genevieve. And you're right. As much as I can't stand my sister, I couldn't live with myself if I let CJ continue with his bullshit and fuck more people over. No one deserves that.”

  Phoenix bounces his knee up and down frantically. I place my hand on his thigh, stilling him. I love this man and right now I’ve catapulted his mind into overdrive.

  “I'm coming with you.”

  “No, Phoenix, you can’t. This is something I need to do on my own. You’re under deadline and I don’t want you to screw up this pitch. I really do appreciate you wanting to be there, but I just have to go alone.”

  I divert my gaze to the floor. I don’t want him to be upset with my decision, but I need for him to understand that to move forward I have to face the demons of my past on my own.

  “I get that, Ivy. I just really want to be there for you. I wish you’d let me.” He places his hand on top of mine and taps his finger absentmindedly. His entire body is restless.

  I shake my head and lift my gaze from the ground to his. Phoenix’s small, tight smile is nothing but sincere. I think he understands exactly where I’m coming from, and exactly why I need to do this on my own. It’s clear that his heart aches for me. This beautiful man will always be my protector.

  “Hey,” he whispers, reaching out to take my face in his hands. His fingers delicately trace my jawline and he runs his thumb over my lips. “I’m proud of you for doing this.”

  He’s been pushing me to report his former best friend ever since it happened, but this was a decision that needed to be made on my own terms. You don’t realize just how personal that choice it is until you’re the one who is forced to make it. Never again will I silently chastise a girl for not taking action for any wrongs committed against her. Unless you’ve been in those shoes, you have no idea how painful and stressful and frustrating and heartbreaking the situation truly is.

  With a moment of hesitation, Phoenix leans over and kisses me with caution and restraint. I don’t like it. He’s handling me too carefully. It makes me feel weak—and weak, I am not. I grab his head, tugging his hair with my fingertips and pull him closer, desperate to deepen our kiss. Desperate to feel safe in his arms. Desperate to forget about my fear of what’s to come. When I fall, Phoenix is my net. But when I fly, he is my wind and keeps me from hitting the bottom.

  He whimpers in my mouth before pulling back. His eyes shift from concerned to questioning and then lustful. Desperation takes hold and I crawl into his lap, straddle his body and wrap my arms around his neck. There’s a conviction in my eyes that he needs to see.

  “Ivy ... I’m not sure we should—”

  “Shhh ...” I lick my lips and lean in and kiss him with the heat of a five alarm fire. His hesitation quickly subsides and he falls into our kiss. His tongue dances around mine as I move my hands up the back of his neck and run my fingers through his hair. I can’t remember the last time we had been this wrapped up in a single kiss. Phoenix trembles and softly moans into my mouth and I inwardly smile.

  Phoenix slips his hands underneath my shirt and feels his way up my back and unclasps my bra. In one swift motion I pull my top up and over my head, tossing it across the room, then rip my bra off unceremoniously. He delicately palms my breasts before leaning down to kiss my nipples. A soft moan escapes my lips as he takes his time sucking and licking and kissing my nipples taut. When I feel him growing hard beneath me, I teasingly grind my body against his.

  “You won’t be needing this for a while ...” I husk while I take off his shirt and discard it on the floor behind us. I trace my hands down his bare chest and push him flat on his back against the couch.

  Impatiently we both strip off our pants and I smiles when Phoenix’s boxer briefs get caught on his ankle as he tries to kick them off. Just as I’m crawling back on top of him I realize something’s missing.

  “Shit ... I need to grab a condom,” I say, moving to dash out of the room in search of protection. But he grabs my hips tightly and shakes his head.

  “You’re not going anywhere right now.” He reaches out to the drawer in the coffee table and grabs a condom from underneath an old issue of Sports Illustrated. He really does think of everything.

  Phoenix hands me the condom and I rip open the foil. Just as I’m about to roll it down over his hard-on, his hand is between my thigh, tenderly stroking me.

  His eyes are full of want and need and never leave mine.

  Fuck foreplay.

  Eagerly, I grab Phoenix’s erection and guide him into my body, easing down over his impressive length. All the air leaves my lungs and my head rolls back as I still my body to take him in. When I feel his hands grab my hips and start to rock my body, I snap my head back to look at him. His gaze pierces right through me. It makes me feel vulnerable, but still sexy as fuck.

  “Ivy ...” he breathes my name and I lean over, running my tongue up his jawline before gently sinking my teeth on his ear lobe. He moans and says “I want to see you.”

  I sit back up and I bring one hand up cupping breast and softly stroke my clit with the other. Phoenix watches me intently as his hands are all over my body, caressing my thighs, my ass and my hips.

  “You’re so beautiful,” he proclaims in appreciation. But the love in his eyes tells me he’s talking about much more than my appearance.

  Phoenix’s arm reaches out and grabs my throat firmly but doesn’t squeeze. His gaze penetrates me and I know that this man is the only man to ever truly see me for who I am, the only man to ever make me feel. It is, quite possibly, the single most erotic exchange of my short-lived life. Slowly he slides his palm down between my breasts, over my stomach before moving up over my hip and onto my ass where he grabs firmly.

  The gesture sends me into overdrive and I feverishly ride him harder and harder, desperate to take everything he’s willing to give me.

  Phoenix quickly sits up and wraps his arms around my body, attempting to flip me over onto my back. He fails gloriously and our bodies go crashing to the floor in a loud thud. He hesitates and pushes his body weight up above me. But when a soft laugh escapes my lips, he smiles devilishly returns to ravaging every last inch of my skin. Minutes later he unwraps my right leg from his waist to reposition it against his shoulder.

  “Fuck!” I shout. His depth knows no bounds. I raise my hips in the air, meeting him thrust for thrust, a sheen of sweat forming on our bodies. “God! I am so fucking close,” I cry out, moving my hips underneath him, begging for more and desperate for a release.

  “Ivy!” His body tenses and he slams into me one final time, sending me over the edge. Fireworks set off in my nerves and every last inch of my body quakes. I can barely catch my breath.

  Phoenix presses his forehead to mine and smiles as he kisses me. When he pulls back to look at me, he just shakes his head. “It’s a good thing we both have insurance.”

  What the fuck is he talking about?

  “Because at this rate, one of us is going to end up in the hospital with a sex induced injury. Between falling off the couch and crashing heads, one of us is bound to end up with a permanent scar.”

  I want to tell him it’s too
late. That his love has already left me with a permanent scar. Instead I softly smile and kiss him sweetly.

  Phoenix rolls to his side, wedging our bodies between the couch and coffee table. He grabs the box of tissues from the table and offers it to me so we can both clean up. Then, I tuck my head in his chest and he grabs the blanket half hanging off the couch and pulls it over us before wrapping me up in his arms. It makes me feel untouchable and safe. And together on the floor, we fall into a sated sleep.

  THERE IS AN UNSETTLING FEELING when I arrive in Chicago a few days later. I know I'm probably going to see Gen at some point but I just can't bring myself to return her recent stream of phone calls. I really have nothing to say to her. Or rather, I don’t know what to say to her.

  I guess sometimes silence is the loudest statement of all.

  I keep reminding myself that this is a business trip. I’ll show up, make my statement, and head home. And spend a little bit of quality time with my best friend, of course. I’ll deal with the whole Genevieve ordeal when I have the emotional capacity and when I’m sure she won’t turn all psycho bitch on me again. I’m not a quick one to forgive, and while she has probably already paid her penance, I can’t bring myself to talk with her … yet.

  Coming down the escalator in O’Hare airport, I’m stunned to see Rachel bouncing on the balls of her feet in excitement. I was planning on meeting her at her apartment. It’s a wonderful surprise and I practically knock an old man over as I sprint to give her a hug.

  She looks different … good. Happy, even. It’s refreshing to see her this way. Things finally seem to be coming together for her.

  The moment we touch, we fall back into our old ways.

  “I've missed you so much, you whore!” she says excitedly.

  “I've missed you too, Slut Monkey.” I laugh softly. “I just wish I were here under different circumstances.”

  “I know you do. And I wish you were, too. You’ll take care of business and then we’ll catch up on life. And since you're only in town for a day and a half, we're going to make the most of it.” She winks.

  Oh, God. What does she have in store for us? I'm not sure I can handle her crazy, fucked-up antics.

  “So what’s new? Any love interests?” I ask, happy to catch up with my best friend live and in the flesh.

  “Nah, unless you count my new found love for dry shampoo. Which probably isn’t a good thing because I’ll likely have the same hygiene habits as my Great Aunt Betty, who spends her days in a nursing home.”

  I playfully take a whiff of her and she swats me away. I’ve missed the way sunbeams radiate from her smile.

  “So what time do you have to go in to make your statement?” Rachel reaches out and grabs my hand, giving it a quick squeeze.

  “This afternoon.” I swallow hard, trying to keep my nerves at bay. I’ve been doing my damnedest not to let everything consume me. “Except I don’t have to go downtown. They’re going to send someone out to your apartment to meet with me.”

  It was a huge relief when I called the RAINN hotline and learned more about the reporting process. A small part of me was worried that I had waited too long, but they assured me that everything would be fine. I can feel the bile rising in my throat just thinking about what I’m going to say.

  “Well, I, for one, am extremely proud of you. Anything that you can do to help get that two-timing, dickless spunk bubble, shit lord, pathetic excuse of a man behind bars needs to be done.”

  I snort involuntarily and raise an eyebrow. “Dickless spunk bubble?”

  Where does she come up with this shit?

  “Catchy, isn’t it?” Her face beams with delight.

  Oh, how I’ve missed your colorful commentary, Rachel.

  We grab my suitcase from baggage claim and take the quick cab ride back to her apartment in Wicker Park. Rachel’s place is different from when I stayed here in a numb haze. It’s nothing like I remember it. The beige walls are long gone and she’s painted the living room a soft elephant gray. She’s scattered coral and teal accent pillows all throughout the room. Rachel always had quite the eye for style. Her life here is definitely anything but beige.

  I follow her into the kitchen, which she’s painted a soft mint green that picks up the sunlight from the window above the sink. “Can I get you anything to eat?”

  “Nah, I’ll just make myself some coffee. But thanks.” I walk over to her Keurig and look over her selection of k-cups before pulling out the strongest blend I can find. I’ll need it to get me through today.

  “But I have waffles,” she sing-songs temptingly as she waves a bright yellow box of frozen waffles in the air.

  She knows me so well. “Well, why didn’t you tell me sooner?” I grab the box from her hands and pull out a pair of waffles, dropping them into the toaster.

  “So does your family even know you’re in town today?” she asks before pulling down two plates from the cabinet.

  “No. And frankly, I intend to keep it that way. I wouldn't mind seeing my dad, but I'm still processing everything he told me when he was in town a few weeks ago and I'm just not ready to go there again just yet.”

  Rachel nods in understanding. I spent the better part of the weekend after my dad left on the phone with her analyzing everything he told me. I felt bad making Phoenix listen to me for hours on end and finally told him I needed some girl talk. There’s just something about your best friend knowing exactly the right thing to say to help make things a little more okay.

  When the waffles pop up, I toss one onto each plate and climb onto the counter, making myself at home. She wouldn’t have it any other way.

  I slather a generous layer of Nutella on my waffle and listen to her yammer about her upcoming interview with a notable interior design firm. It’s just for an internship position, but it sounds like there is a lot of promise if they like her. I’m thrilled that she seems to be figuring her shit out … finally.

  “Okay. So before I go, do you need me to get you anything?” Rachel asks.

  “Only a getaway car in the event my afternoon goes to shit.”

  I grab our plates and clean up the few dishes in the kitchen before slipping into the shower in a feeble attempt to de-stress. But being alone with my thoughts only seems to make my nerves worse. I’m thankful Rachel won't be here for this. She, like Phoenix, wants to hold my hand through it all, but this is something that I have to do on my own.

  The hot water does little to calm my nerves. I’m pretty sure that even a bottle of tequila wouldn’t be capable of settling my busy mind. If only it were as simple of shutting off your brain. But no, mine remains electric with anxiety.

  When I get out of the shower, I keep my hair wet so the natural waves come through and I slip into my favorite pair of jeans and one of Phoenix’s old shirts. It’s my way of having him here with me today. I don’t bother putting on any makeup, but I do find the energy to at least brush my teeth.

  Examining myself in the mirror, I realize that I actually look like a victim right now. I fucking hate that. I hate that I was oblivious to everything that happened. I hate that it happened, period. I didn’t ask for any of this.

  I turn away, disgusted by own appearance.

  Walking into her living room, I notice an envelope on the coffee table with my name on it. I instantly recognize Rachel’s chicken scratch and inwardly smile. I open the envelope to find an email from Phoenix to Rachel’s account with the subject line “Please give this to Ivy when she arrives.”

  Dear Ivy,

  I would give anything to be there with you today. I know how difficult this is for you and you may even be second-guessing your decision. But please know that you are doing the right thing and we are all so incredibly proud of you.

  Never forget that there are people in this world who care about you, that you deserve nothing less than the best, and that not everyone in your life is a horrible, shitty person.

  Do me a favor? I want you to fold this note up and put it in your
pocket. That way, you’ll carry me with you today. If you ever find yourself needing a hand to hold, simply take this out and hold me tightly. It’s the next best thing to having me sitting next to you. Know that I’m with you in spirit and love you fiercely. I’ll see you tomorrow.

  Love,

  Phoenix

  PS … I hope you know that you are my most favorite person in the history of everything that ever existed.

  Seriously? This man thinks of everything.

  His words give me strength and I want for nothing more than to be back in New York City with him. I reread his note several times, feeling a little more confident each time. How he manages to make me feel this way when he’s not even around baffles me. I want so badly to be worthy of his love. Hopefully today will bring me one step closer to that.

  An obnoxious buzz pulls me from my thoughts and I walk over to the receiving box on the wall. I inhale and exhale slowly, counting to ten. I reach my hand to hit the button on the wall and hesitate a moment. The buzz shrieks again.

  I need to do this. I need to do this. I have to do this.

  “Hello?” I don’t recognize the shaky voice that comes from my mouth. It scares me.

  “Hi. It’s Officer Danya Brown. I have my partner, Officer Lori Webster, with me. May we please come up?” Her voice is kind. Warm, even. And although I haven’t even seen her face to face, it already offers me the slightest bit of relief.

  I don’t respond but push the buzzer, allowing them inside the building before I change my mind. Quickly, I fold Phoenix’s note up and clench it tightly in my fist before unlocking the front door, leaving it cracked.

  I move to sit on Rachel’s couch.

  And wait.

  “I HATE THAT I CAN’T remember anything,” I admit feebly.

  “Just because you can’t remember doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.” Officer Webster’s voice is compassionate and puts me at ease.

  I’ve spent the past hour recounting the party in Madison, sharing every detail that I can remember ...