Aint too proud to beg sfdg-1

by Susan Donovan

  Well, Ill start with me. She thought that was a diplomatic move. Maybe my dog reflects my personality in some way. Maybe Im too trusting. Maybe Im just an easy-going person who allows herself to get seduced too often.

  Bea snorted again.

  Ginger, however, seemed intrigued. Okay. I see where youre going. She mulled it over for a moment. Lets do Bea next.

  Say /what/? Beas eyes got big.

  Its clear that Bea runs Martina ragged with training and competitions just like she used to do to herself. Its her way of proving her own worth, one more shot at gold-medal glory!

  Beas mouth fell open, but quickly snapped shut. Her silence made Josie wince. Eventually they caught up to Roxie.

  May we join you? Josie asked.

  Yeah, Bea said. We were just having a fascinating conversation about how our dogs reflect our particular neuroses.

  Oh, Bea. Ginger sighed. I didnt mean anything by what I said. Dont be so sensitive.

  Bea continued, speaking only to Roxie. For example, have you noticed how HeatherLynn is terrified shell be abandoned? She clearly gets it from Ginger, whose biggest fear since the divorce has been that no one will want her.

  Ginger gawked.

  Roxie gasped. Oh, my /God/. Her eyes sought out Josie. Did you start this?

  She nodded, then shook her head to the contrary. Wait. I think Bea did.

  Roxie jutted her chin toward Bea. And I suppose youve got a clever observation to make about Lilith?

  Hold on a minute, Josie said, wedging herself between Bea and Roxie.

  Were friends. We can be honest and kind at the same time.

  Ha! Thats a mighty tall order for Ms. Latimer, Ginger said with a sniff.

  The Botox has gone to your brain, Ginger.

  I havent had any… yet. But I have a consultation next week, and this time Im really going through with it!

  A jogger ran by, annoyed that the women had blocked the park path with their impromptu group therapy session. Josie corralled everyone into the grass. Lets calm down.

  Do you truly think I fear not being attractive? Ginger peered into each of their faces, her voice reaching new heights on the shrieky scale. Do you think Im obsessed with looking good for men? That I have to be with a man to be whole? /Do you really think Im that insecure?/ Bea shrugged. If the high heel fits…

  So what was your theory about Lilith? Roxie demanded. Cmon, Bea. Bring it on.

  I simply observed that your dog reflects your own aggression toward men.

  Roxies lip curled, exposing her top teeth. Aggression? What fucking aggression?

  I could still get a man if I wanted oneI mean, if there was one I found interesting and worthy of my time. Ginger said this mostly to herself.

  And Joze, yours is probably the most blatant of all.

  Josie looked at Bea, nonplussed. My what is blatant?

  Bea softened her voice. All Im saying is that Genghis is a mirror to your dysfunctions.

  Josie groaned. Can we change the subject, please?

  Oh, Joze, Roxie said. You fall in love too fast. Youre just like Genghis that waywalking around just waiting to love the next thing that comes along.

  Ginger patted Josies arm. You need to be selective and proactive. You should really think about exactly what kind of man you want, then wait for him. When he comes along, you should be the one to take charge.

  Youve never even asked a man on a date, have you?

  Josie was appalled at the inaccuracy of that comment. I have so! Tenth grade. Scotty McCallister.

  What happened? Roxie asked.

  He laughed and said no. That was enough for me.

  Bea sighed. All were saying is that when it comes to men, you seem to have no detectable standards. You never call the shots in a relationship. From the first date to the day he walks out you just seem to be along for the ride.

  Its true, Ginger added. I think it goes back to your sister, and how you always felt plain compared to her.

  Holy shit, Josie said. I seem to have forgotten to bring cash for todays session. Would a check be okay?

  Bea patted her shoulder. Its just that youve never fought for what you want because you dont even /know/ what you want, or what you deserve.

  Oh, /really/? Josie smiled at Bea, because, as of yesterday, she did, in fact, know exactly what she wanted and deserved. His name was Rick Something. And she was just about to inform them of that development when Genghis lunged toward a little sheltie with a dripping tongue and Ginger decided she wasnt quite done.

  I hate to bring this up, Josie, but just last week you said youd do the dirty deed with any halfway decent-looking dog groomer whod cut Genghiss hair for free.

  Josies mouth hung open as she struggled with the leash. How could Ginger take that comment out of context like that? I was talking about the Celestial Pet grooming giveaway, which I won, by the way, though no one asked. And it was a joke, Ginger. You seemed to possess a sense of humor last week. Any idea what happened to it?

  I dont know! Gingers arms went flailing. She jerked the leash around so much that poor Heather-Lynn looked like she was on a bichon carnival ride. Maybe my sense of humor has flown out the window along with everything else I once had! Right along with my happy family! My dreams!

  My perfect skin! My estrogen!

  Here we go, Bea said.

  I dont need a man in my life to be happy. Ginger suddenly pulled herself taller. I want to establish that right here and right now. I, Genevieve Renee Michaels Garrison, being of sound mind and body, declare that I do … not… need… a… man… in… my… life..

  . to… be… happy.

  Men are lowdown dirty dogs, Roxie said.

  Watch your mouth, Bea said.

  I mean, reallywho needs a man when you have a dog? Ginger said.

  Josie stared at all of them. They were bitter and angryfor good reasons, she supposedbut she didnt share their convictions. Josie wanted a man /and/ a dog. Was there anything wrong with that?

  Bea suddenly shoved her outstretched hand into the center of the circle of women, palm down. Pile on, girls, she ordered.

  Ginger looked a little wary of the command, but Josie knew what Bea meant because shed played high school softball. So Josie slapped her hand on top of Beas. Roxie followed suit. Ginger tentatively placed hers on top, manicure gleaming.

  The apologies erupted from all of them, almost simultaneously. The smiles followed. Ginger looked like she was about to cry. Josie felt relieved, and figured this was the perfect time to tell them about her strange encounter with Mrs. Needleman, the list, and Rick.

  Roxie barged in before Josie could open her mouth.

  Repeat after me, Roxie said. We pledge to be at peace without men in our lives.

  Everyone echoed that sentiment and Josie was about to remove her hand and go ahead with her announcement when Bea said, We are whole, powerful, and single pet owners by choice.

  Everyone repeated that, too.

  Thats when Josie began to get nervous. Apparently, everyone was going to be required to say something profound and profoundly antiman, which had to be a cover for how, in their heart of hearts, each of them wanted a man more than anything. Except maybe for Bea, but even then Josie couldnt be sure. All she knew was that /she/ did! Josie wanted a man!

  And as of yesterday, she knew there was one out there for her!

  We dont need a man to tell us we are beautiful and fabulous. That was Gingers addition, and the group repeated it with fervor.

  All eyes turned to Josie. Genghis began tugging at the leash again, intrigued by a pair of Pekinese. She felt pressured. Later, shed wish shed said something elseanything elsebut this was the pledge that good old go-with-the-flow Josie made for the entire world to hear: /We hereby vow to lead full, happy lives in the company of our dogs!/ The women pumped their hands in unison and reached to the sky with a great /whoo-hoo/ of empowerment. Lilith frothed at the mouth. People stared. The yelling frightened HeatherLynn so much she peed all over Gingers sh
oe.

  Josies heart was quite heavy by the time they reached the coffee shop.

  Shed lied to her friends. The truth was that in a perfect world, Josie would be leading a full, happy life in the company of her dog /and/ Rick the dog groomer.

  So much for all the whoo-hooing.

  CHAPTER 4

  The hot wax felt soothing as the aesthetician applied it under Josies brow and covered it with a strip of gauze. When she ripped that sucker away in one aggressive sweep of her hand, Josie saw stars.

  Aauughhhhh! She jolted up in the reclining salon chair, panting. You said people do this every week? Why would someone do that to themselves?

  The aesthetician giggled, gently pushing Josie back into the chair. You get used to it.

  Josie lay back and closed her eyes, dazed by the series of events that had brought her to this high-end torture chamber. Taking a deep breath, she had to admit it was impressive what a girl could achieve in just a couple of angst-fueled weeks.

  She never did hear back from Rick. After a few days of compulsive e-mail and voice mail checking, she figured hed dropped off the face of the earth. But a strange thing had occurred in the meantimeJosie lost her appetite. It had never happened before, and in days her clothes felt looser. So she decided it was the perfect time to hit the gym again, where she might be able to get more bang for her workout buck, kind of like going grocery shopping on double-coupon days.

  Ten pounds later, Josie looked and felt terrific. Though Ginger didnt know the circumstances of this sudden slim-down, she applauded Josie for her willpower and gave her a gift certificate to her salon, where Josie had just been given a mani-pedi, a stylish new cut, and half of a hellish wax job.

  When the procedure mercifully came to an end, she stood before a huge salon mirror. Her hair looked terrific, no question, subtle layers of soft curls just above her shoulder that gave definition to her round cheeks. And Ginger had been rightthe eyebrow wax really did open up Josies whole face and emphasize her eyes. All that and ten fewer pounds had resulted in an astounding change in her appearance.

  You like?

  Josie nodded, but peered closer to the mirror, noting a red stripe above her eyelid. She touched it.

  Dont touch it! the aesthetician cried. Let the aloe vera do its thing.

  The irritation will be gone within the hour.

  Josie turned her head to get a side view of the welts. You sure about that?

  Positive.

  Leaving the salon, Josie knew it was now or never. She had to take advantage of this convergence of fate. The perfectly styled haircut, the new eyebrows, and the cute new outfit shed chosen to weara silk georgette skirt that ended in a sexy flounce right above the knee, paired with a form-fitting white cami and a cute three-quarter-sleeve jacketshe knew this was as good as it was ever going to get. It was time to make her move.

  About a half hour later, Josie strolled from her car across the Celestial Pet parking lot, the dog-grooming salon in her crosshairs. She smiled, knowing the shopping cart lady was gone, gone, gone, and in her place was a vixen with some seriously emphasized eyes.

  Her plan was to walk right up to Rick the dog groomer and demand an explanation for his lack of follow-through. The man didnt stand a chance.

  A young woman with leather studs in her ears and a silver hoop in her nose looked up from a book. Her eyes took a second to focus. May I help you? She said this with the enthusiasm of someone whod just been hit with a tranquilizer gun.

  Yes. I was wondering if I could talk to Rick. Is he in today?

  She scrunched up her nose like something smelled bad, but said nothing.

  You know, Rick, Josie repeated. Hes a groomer at this store? Light brown hair? She hoped these details might jog the girls memory.

  Sorry, but theres no groomer here named Rick. In fact, the only groomers who work at this store are women. Did you want to make an appointment or something?

  Josie shifted her weight from foot to foot, puzzling this out. Could she have imagined Rick? Had the lack of sleep that day, combined with that pornographic list, led to some kind of hallucination of wishful thinking? Had she imagined that whole conversation? Those emerald eyes and that luscious mouth? Her mother had always accused her of letting her imagination get the best of her. But not this time, Josie knew. No way. Rick was real.

  Of course theres a man here by that name, she said with confidence. I met him. I spoke to him. He /touched/ me.

  The girl slammed her book shut with annoyance. I dont think so.

  Josie was becoming agitated. But he was here on opening day. I was one of the first ten dog owners to come in the store. I won a whole years worth of free grooming and he signed me up!

  The girl pursed her lips, then said, I dont know what to tell you, lady.

  Theres no groomer here named Rick. Besides, whats with your eyelids?

  Josie gasped, touching her brow, cursing herself for not checking herself in the mirror before waltzing in here. Allergies, she said.

  Right. So if you want to schedule a grooming appointment, great. If not, Im going to have to call security.

  Josie sighed in exasperation, then leaned an elbow on the counter. Maybe she needed a new approach. Okay, heres the thingthis man was so sexy I had to change my underpants when I got home, all right? Green eyes so deep you could take a bath in them. Diana Ross eyelashes. And theres a really wicked tattoo running up the side of his neck and when I saw it my knees got so weak I thought Id fall down. And I dont even like tattoos.

  Dude! The girl bolted ramrod straight in her chair. Ricks not a groomer!

  No? Josie backed away, startled by the girls sudden zest.

  No way. Rick Rousseau owns the place.

  Huh?

  Yeah. Rick Rousseau owns all fourteen Celestial Pet Superstores in Northern California. Hes the CEO! He always helps out in all the departments at a grand opening, and yeah, youre right, he was in here for a while that morning.

  I had no idea, Josie mumbled. This definitely changed things. How do you spell that last name? Josie asked, pulling a note pad from her new bag.

  You said he /touched/ you? The girl looked at Josie with newfound respect as she spelled it. Damn. I wish I were you.

  Josie thanked her for her time. She used her car visor mirror to apply a dab of concealer to her eyelids. She located the Celestial Pet corporate offices on her GPS before either her nerve or her hairstyle could wilt.

  She was about to pull out of her shopping center parking space when she heard a tapping on the drivers side window.

  Josie? A mans pale blond head appeared at eye level. Wowyou look fabulous. Ive really missed you.

  Josie sighed. It was Lloyd, the latest man to break up with her. It had been nearly three months, and she couldnt say that she missed him. She rarely even thought of him. In fact, the last time he crossed Josies mind was about a week ago when she found one of his CDs mixed in with her music stash. It was a Clay Aiken live bootleg recording.

  She rolled down her window. Hey, Lloyd. Whats up?

  His eyes looked her over hungrily. Have you done something different?

  Your hair? Your weight? Your makeup?

  Nope. Ive always looked exactly like this. Okay, it was probably impolite messing with his head like that, but so was the way he left her. She came home from work late one night and found a note that read, /Its just not working for me. Take care./ No further details. Josie was ashamed to admit it, but at the time she actually appreciated Lloyds correspondence, owing to the fact that the previous disappearing boyfriendthat would be Spikehadnt left a note of any kind. It was as if Spike had been sucked into another dimension, along with his toiletries and clothing. She never saw or spoke to Spike again. Later she heard hed moved to Los Angeles and was working at a Chuck E. Cheeses, so shed been dead-on correct about the other-dimension part.

  What are you up to, Josie? Doing a little shopping on the /Herald/s dime? Lloyd laughed at his own unfunny joke, one of the things shed never liked ab
out him.

  I have every other Thursday afternoon off, remember? Because I go in every other Saturday morning, remember?

  He nodded. Sure. Sure.

  He didnt remember. A man had to care about the woman he lived with before he detected any kind of pattern in her work schedule. Well, I need to go, Lloyd. Nice seeing you.

  Can you have lunch with me? My treat.

  Josie shot him a look that said /hell no/ but her mouth said, Nows not a good time.

  We had something special, Josie. I think about you a lot. His eyes continued to scan up and down her person. You sure you havent done something different? Because you look great. I mean, you always looked nice, but you look, you know, /a lot/ better. I hope you dont take that the wrong way.

  Was that even possible? She shook her head and laughed. Okay, Lloyd, I confess. Youre right. Ive done something radically different. Im now choosy about the men I have lunch with. And the truth is, I wouldnt eat with you if I were a starving typhoon survivor and you were with the Red Cross.

  She rolled up her window and put the car in reverse. She heard Lloyd cry out but she didnt catch what he said, and worried that she might have run over his foot.

  Celestial Pet Superstores, Inc., was headquartered just outside Berkeley in a two-story office complex made of mirrored glass and shiny steel. A three-dimensional corporate logo hung over the entrance, big as a tractor-trailer. It was a globe orbited by cats, dogs, birds, fish, and small rodents that could have been either guinea pigs or gerbils, it was anybodys call. Josie entered, but before she could make it across the marble lobby, a security guard with a badge and gun headed her off. He inquired about her business.

  Ive come to see Mr. Rousseau.

  The guards bushy eyebrows knitted together. Do you have an appointment?

  In a way.

  He chuckled. What way would that be?

  Umm… Josie began to question her plan. Maybe she should have just phoned. But you cant show off a kick-ass make over over the phone, now can you? Rick said hed call me, but never did.

  The guard looked at her quizzically. So youre a stalker?

  No, Im a reporter.