by Kerry Leigh
“I thought the club would be packed. But it's actually nice.” Kaitlin said admiringly.
I shrugged my head to that, but my gaze was shifting to Jess. Fluttering her eyelashes, she gave me a look and teasingly touched her wrist. I favored her with a nice douchey smile, well practiced and a near guarantee when bringing women into my bedroom.
“Students?”
Riley, bit her lower lip. “Um… no. We graduated about two years ago.”
Kaitlin’s head slanted a bit lazily, as she looked at Jess. As the music got louder, we had to raise our voices. “Our Jess is going to be a world class pastry chef.”
“That sounds wonderful. I knew you had hidden talents.”
Jess’s face began to look more confident and decisive. “I mean yes. Though I don’t have much experience. I got my degree in Biology and planned to go to grad school. But some months after graduation, I realized the life my parent's expected didn't feel right."
She took another sip of her drink and looked at me, this time with a lot more confidence and pride on her face.
"So, I followed my dream. And now I work in one of the best bakeries in the city.”
Her body seemed to relax as she talked about her goals. That’s what I can admire in a person, someone that goes out there and makes things happen.
"Dropping everything stewed in my mind for years, but I couldn't admit it to myself early enough."
“Trust me. I know exactly what you mean," I intoned. I didn’t question myself, I took action and went ahead regardless of the fall back. Until last weekend that is.
"I felt my parents disappoint for a while. I had kind of sprung it up on them, but I never had the opportunity to tell them what I need to be. They wanted me to take a science and I did it because it’s what they told me to do.” Jess lifted her drink and drank everything in one smooth, seductive gulp.
“You work here?” Kaitlin inquired.
“Ha. No, I work in real estate, although one of my friends is an events director of a popular club so he has access to club openings and other fun things.”
The track shifted into the next, and Kaitlin seemed overly energetic.
” Do you want to dance?” Jess asked absentmindedly.
She gave a half shrug and looked toward me. “I'll have time later.”
“You should dance.” Jess placed her glass on the table and looked at her friend.
“Let’s go together.”
Jess chuckled. “Wearing this skirt, with my two left feet. No, thanks. Just go without me.”
The back and forth was, I felt, becoming privy to inside information.
Against the couch’s armrest, I leaned my forearm, and viewed the dance floor. A couple more guys showed up, but I didn’t see Alex - dammit he should have been here by now.
“We're always together and-” I might have overheard Kaitlin say.
“We are here, together.” Jess retorted.
Awkwardness ensued, a pregnant pause followed and then they mumbled something to each other I couldn’t hear other the music. With my gaze returning to the girls in front, I noticed Kaitlin rise and leave her couch.
“Are you guys okay?”
Her cheeks grew pink, and she turned her body toward me unhesitatingly. “She's protective at times. It’s fine I guess. She’s equal parts positive and worrier, you just have to know when to appreciate it.”
“Seriously, it’s so great to have someone wait up on you and think about you.”
Jess blinked as if she concept was foreign and I had dropped a major bomb in her mind. “You know, it’s something that can be taken for granted.”
I gave her a polite smile and gave her my full attention. “Believe me. It is so worth it."
Jess turned her head slightly, a mask of confusion a bed of questions evident on her face.
She looked shocked at my statements. And so was I for that matter.
I pinched the nose bridge of my nose and couldn’t shake the memories from the aftermath of my disastrous night. It stuck to my mind like a swamp that wouldn’t’ clear.
I made the chose to limit contact with my father. Hell, I hadn’t spoken to him in months, and certainly hadn’t been near home for years. I ran my life, and this part of the family business well enough, that Adam Clayton, my father, didn’t bombard me with phone calls and emails. I changed and worked hard for the first time to ensure my independence. And along the way I found that I took to the real estate business. Which came as a complete surprise to my father who thought I would pack everything up and move back to Houston when the going went tough.
So, I checked every detail and, whenever needed, was a hard ass. In the end it was the only way to ensure I wouldn’t get a nice, little family surprise.
But something in my mind just couldn’t let things be. I would give up all my wealth if I knew what arose such feelings, compelled me to write an email like that. It’s crazy! that the only things I can remember clearly was the drinks, having fun with my friends and enjoying a myself. Did I think I was unworthy? Or perhaps a joke.
I gritted my teeth, for a moment and then smiled. Oh well, somehow, I’ll find a way out of this.
Washing away the puzzled smile, I leaned forward. “Would you care for a private tour of the club?”
Her gaze wandered over to Kaitlin, who danced with a guy that wasn’t at all familiar. “I wouldn’t want her to think…”
I stuck out my hand and captured Jess’s hand. I thought she would pull away, but to my shock, she swayed toward my sofa.
The space between us grew ever shorter.
“This’ll be really fun.”
The music was so goddamn loud - I couldn’t know if she heard me. but the way the corners of her lips widened and her eyes looked almost sensual told me she got my message. I leaned ever closer band brooked the space then pressed my mouth to her delicious lips. The softest, most perfect lips I’d ever felt and the heat of the moment descended all the way down to my cock.
I brought my right hand up and lightly caressed her arm. Jess’ lips parted, graciously offering more opportunities. Yet, just as I was about to slide my tongue into her mouth, she rocked her body back. Her body slipped out of my fingers.
“Are you OK?”
Her body seemed tense, and she knitted her brow as if she was experiencing sudden onset gall stones. “This - I’m sorry. It’s late, I’ve got work in the morning - I’m going.”
My shoulders tightened. “You know, we don’t have to-"
“I really have to go.” She said, her body in a state of shock, not even glancing toward me. She snatched the two purses and shot right out of her couch. “Thank you for the drink Logan. I’ve got to get up early, so I have to find Kaitlin.”
I tried to make my voice cool, but it felt like my body was as stiff as a mountain. This never happened to me. I was never rejected. “Jess.”
But, as I stood up, she already started walking away from me. I sat my ass back down and hung my head as I watched her take Kaitlin’s hand and. The friend gave me an inquiring look and gave a little nod.
A weird feeling filled my stomach and my balled up hands felt weak.
I was rejected.
7
JESS
On our way home Kaitlin had been silent, but I thought she was searching for a perfect time to make a comment. My mind was preoccupied with other thoughts. I already regretted my choice to leave Heat, which left me with a bitter taste in my mouth.
My lips still felt cool after Logan’s lips brushed against them as if he had imprinted himself on my skin.
It was early summer and the weather was glorious yet I folded my arms while we waited for the train. As the doors split open, something inside compelled me. Not to return home - but to head back to Heat and see what Logan was all about.
I should turn around and go back to that club.
If Logan leaned in and kissed me, he obviously wanted more from me. Was there any reason I shouldn’t give in to him? No one cared who I
was hooking up anymore.
No one except for me.
I stood firm, my body as still as a sentinel and I stomped onto the train, heavy footsteps and all, and slouched in to a seat next to Kaitlin.
“You know I’m really proud of you.”
Deep in thought, my eyes opened slowly and I looked at her, exasperated.
“What?”
“That guy... He’s a player. The type who was woman coming and going out of his life.”
"I mean, I thought he was there to have some fun," I bit my lower lip at her accusations. "Besides you don’t know him."
She chuckled. "Jess, he dressed like he owned the place. He snapped his fingers and got us a table. And do you know how expensive that vodka was?”
I shrugged my shoulders. "Since when was being super rich a crime?"
She opened her palms in innocence. "We weren’t at some speed dating venue. Logan wasn't looking for a soul mate. He was trying to get laid."
I gave a sigh. "You're right. When he touched me, I felt a spark. I wanted him. And I didn't want to let all those warm and exciting feelings go away."
"Sure, it did. The guy was handsome - happens to all of us."
My words caught up in my throat. I couldn’t say much, a feeling in the pit of my stomach grew every second. It was eight months since I’d felt the touch of a man or had any action, hell, the last time I didn’t even feel satisfied.
One of my workmates from the bar I used to waitress at, but I don’t think it would be fair to call it a date. What with a group of four going to a Mexican food joint with a couple co-workers. Our fun, cheerful night ended. I went home with him sleeping with him, realizing I’d made a mistake and probably fucked up a relationship I didn’t want to change.
This time was different yet much the same as that tequila fuelled night. Though instead of tequila probably bought from Trader Joe’s, I’d drank and got buzzed on vodka that probably cost as much as six months of rent.
“That guy was pretty damn handsome.” Kaitlin said a happy smile lifting the corners of her mouth.
I chuckled again and pointed a finger at her. “You were the one who said it not me.”
“Hey!” She gave me an arched eyebrow. “I wouldn't hold it against you if you went back there and bring him home with you.”
“Yeah right,” I burst out in laughter and got myself comfortable for the long ride out of Manhattan.
“I’m dead serious Jess.”
My eyes narrowed. “Whatever. Since when where you an advocate of casual sex? You called him a fuckboy a minute ago.”
Kaitlin nodded. "Still it’s been a while since you got any."
My face froze and I stared at her with a blank gaze.
"I've been so busy with work. And it’s been, what, two months since I’ve had sex? I feel itchy all over. I can't even imagine what you feel like."
"Perfectly fine Kaitlin. Perfectly fine," my cheeks reddening but fingers clenching in resilience. "There are some things you can’t go back to." Although in my heart of hearts, I reserved some doubts.
"Okay your body, your choice. The nights... relatively early. We can find someone else for you. Just as hot but not quite as rich."
I couldn’t even bother responding to her anymore. My eyes closed. "I’ll probably watch a movie and get something to eat before I go to sleep. And I want to forget about men for the rest of time."
When we got back to the apartment, Kaitlin went into her room, and played low volume music.
Even though we promised to leave when one of us wanted to leave I could feel she was a bit upset that our magical night ended abruptly.
Meanwhile, I made a vow that I would make it up to her with a visit to her favorite restaurant. My treat. I would save up for it but before that day I wanted to go to the bathroom and take a shower.
The soothing hot water streamed down my body. The steam surrounded my vision and dissolved all my worries. I could finally let my mind rest and relax.
I closed my eyes and expected darkness but Logan’s face snapped to the surface of my mind. His sparkling blue eyes and charming grin lit up his face. But, and this was weird, my instincts told me was holding himself back, as if something lively wanted to burst out. I felt scared yet exhilarated at the same time.
But I opened my eyes and pushed him far away from my mind. He probably latched onto the next girl ten minutes after I’d left the club.
I convinced myself I should that I counted myself lucky for escaping his line of sight. I would have eventually gone home with him, the night would have been amazing, steamy hot but everything would end there. We would lay out all our feelings and emotions for each other that night a never see each other again.
I was the awkward, bashful girl next door. And I preferred a night making new muffin recipes and watching movie marathons, rather than having nights on the town with my friends. Or flirting with cute boys like Logan.
He had an amazing body and face girls loved him.
And that was probably why he wouldn’t even remember my face. After I left his apartment why would he possibly want to spend a second night with me or something more.
But he would have been worth it. One night with him may change my luck and make me happy.
I couldn’t push the thoughts away. I turned the knob and got out of the shower. Kaitlin had turned off her lights and the music had stopped. I went back or my bedroom and plastered on my pyjamas while setting out my clothes for the restaurant tomorrow. Well in the morning.
I set the alarm on my phone on the opposite side of the room and opened Instagram on my phone.
It wasn’t my pictures or my feed I wanted to see but my memories. I sat at the foot of my bed and flicked through the pictures from a year or so ago it was self-hating, I know but I couldn’t help myself.
Two years ago, I devoted every one of my posts to my relationship. it was all about Brad: Brad and I at the ice rink, brad and I on holiday to Mexico, Brad and I kissing at some random place in New York. In each photo he looked at peace with our relationship, and happier than the last. In hindsight, I felt so much pity for my former self. Perhaps if I had other things going on bedside sour relationship I wouldn’t have been so obsessed with the best boyfriend I’d ever had. Well, the best man I’d ever known.
After he left my life, everything fell down on me. It got ugly. I was in months long depression and anxiety it even got to a point where combing my hair was a chore. Now that I think back, it I had categorized our relationship, into something not entirely permanent.
And that was precisely why I had no avidity for one night stands, for sloppy hook-ups with co-workers. Which left me messy crying my eyes out when I was at home and I wasn’t even into the guy at all.
I slotted in my charger and shut off my lamp then fell into bed with my covers forming a warm barrier against the darkness and the cold.
I did the right thing, I told myself murmuring as I drifted to sleep. As my vision faded to black.
But no matter how many times I told myself that leaving was the proper action I couldn’t keep his face out of my mind.
8
LOGAN
I ran through my day at the corporation as swift as the morning wind. But the clock just wouldn’t budge it felt so slow. When I handled my duties and shepherded my staff I ran an inventory of all the woman I’d ever met. Especially the girls I could remember - faces were difficult for me and I really wanted to remember them. I had to assemble a crack list of women who could potential become my fake fiancée. At least for the week. That my parents would make my life crazy my mind was so occupied that I had used the wrong names for my assistant and the staff members. And I had even forgotten some phone calls I had on hold.
I even spilled hot coffee on my hand.
My mind frazzled and my heart was beating against my ribcage, the clock was ticking and that was before I had met Jess
The jaunt to the lifts had felt extremely long when I saw her in the club dressed the way she was eve
rything in the room faded away
She was nervous. Even though the environment dictated that she should have fun but I’ve seen worse. It wasn’t totally out of place, running into first timers in the night of debauchery was my specialty. They usually left my penthouse satisfied and had warm after having the most fun in years and really got to let loose. I wanted the same thing for Jess.