by Kerry Leigh
His approach was so telegraphed that I could breathe a sigh of relief. The difficult stage of the plan had ended. One way or another. Brent looked over at the caddy, who put one last glass of scotch or rum or something and Dad downed it all and got back on the gold cart. He tried to loosen up as if he was a man that seriously looked forward to retirement - but Brent Clayton had never looked relaxed.
He looked uncomfortable. Like he'd rather do anything other than what he was clearly about to say. I always found it best to get as much out there as possible, holding back my memories and feelings of teenage angst and disappointment spurred that development.
“Hmm, Jess is a great woman,” he said, with difficulty.
I had an awkward cough and took a sip of scotch as I headed into the home stretch. “She never fails to surprise me.”
“So, you’re sure about this then?” Dad said.
“Hmm sure?” I asked, stumped at his meaning. I gave a little gravely chuckles and looked at him.
“A bit much no? Are you checking whether I really want to marry her? That’s quite a loaded question to ask an engaged man, desperately in love with his fiancée don’t you think?”
“Some women come and go, son, but love the love for someone you marry has to be eternal. No less than when your family is as prestigious and respected as ours. It’s simple and you probably expected. You were never one for formal relationships in your younger years, and you fought me like a wild beast about this area before. It’s a curiosity I must have cleansed from my mind. What changed son?”
“I don’t think mother would be happy about the things you’re saying.”
“Your mother is the best women on this planet,” Brent said. “She is a blissful thing in my life, I wish I had the time to give her everything, bus at least I wasn’t dumb and let someone take her away from me. I would hope you weren’t that dumb.”
I looked at my dad as if a light wind could blow me over. These emotional sharing moments were so rare and fleeting that it felt strange to hear them.
“Dad I don’t get what you’re staying. I’m quite clear my mind is at least. I’m marrying Jess, right? I would never discard her like a piece of trash. “
“And from everything I’ve seen of her, you shouldn’t son.” My dad said.
He sat next to me on the golf cart.
"This family legacy was meant to provide you a special destiny Logan. A life your forefathers toiled to build and pass on to your grandfather, then me and finally to you.” He took a pause, and for a moment his eyes were filled with grief.
“Look, I’ve done everything I could, even things I’m not proud of, to protect that future for you and my future grandchildren. That’s part of the deal son. That’s what this is all about. Family. And it means spending your life with a fantastic wife who loves you and makes every day brighter than the last, even when the world is coming down on you and you want to hide away on some island. Someone who will give you children but it’s so much more than that don’t you see. Now do you understand where this is going?"
I pressed my lips into a line. My mind had gone blank. I was not used to this kind of candid talk from my dad, only if it had something got do with business or dealing with certain undesirables during negotiations. I just let my father finish what he said. I couldn’t follow him.
Brent looked at the sun and gave me a small smile. A great family is a gift Logan and I want you to have the best life can provide. I understand you and I haven’t always been on the same page, especially after that whole event with Camille.”
Sadness pierced my soul and an all-encompassing pain shoot through my body. This was my heartbreak. My pain. My origin story. I didn’t want anyone to see me so vulnerable. My childhood friend and then the love of my life, had led me on a path of disaster and stomped on my heart and feelings only weeks before we were to graduate from college, and there had always been a poison that I could never quite heal in my heart. I had trusted someone so much and they left me fall. “Dad, just…. Don’t.”
“You were always a good kid you know what Logan. You had a good spirit. Just like your mother’s I’m sorry that Camille couldn’t see that and hurt you so much that you want to be hard as stone. You have no idea how much it hurts me that I can’t say the right things to you or give you advice when I have absolutely no experience to reference experience for my only child. I found your mother when I was young and I never had to took a back. Apart from some youthful indiscretions I really don’t know what it means to have a broken heart, son. I don’t know what it’s like to have all those nights you can’t go to sleep and stay up tossing and turning. Nothing like the weight you carry for a dead love.”
I cried, and slowly wiped the tears away from my cheek. I just didn’t know how to control my emotions in that time.
It’s good to know you’re finally reawakening and accepting love into your heart Logan. It leaves me so satisfied that you love someone and can move on once and for all.
Brent smiled and placed a hand on my shoulder then, he gave a sigh, apparently the rare exhibition of emotion was finally too much. He returned to the driver’s seat of the cart and away we went as the cart sprang back into power and we moved over the green.
I felt thunder and lightning rolling around inside me, seizing my heart in anxiety and distress.
I knew I should be happy. All these plans had finally succeeded, my dad was so absolutely hoodwinked that Jess was a going to be part of the family that he had a rare event of candidness. Everything was flowing well, so well my father felt compelled to thrust a tide of dark emotions back to me. Just when I thought I had everything under my control, bad memories crashed against the fore of my mind.
No, I’m not happy. I felt like I was in a dark place. The plan was a distant menace. As if I was a painter gone blind, a composer gone deaf. I could see the problem but it meant nothing against the sobering reality: Jess would return to her own life soon, and I would return to mine. Alone. This wonderful vibrant life was a lie, the one my parents so loved to see me enthused by. Everything a lie that would end very soon. I knew I just knew in my heart of hearts that I couldn’t let this thing end. I wouldn’t let Jess leave my life. Not like this. Seeing the way dad reacted to my feelings and relationship made it obvious what I needed to do.
***
Even though my mom had intended to stay at home and maybe have the occasional shopping trip or head down to the spa, we implored her to journey out of the comforts of her privileged upbringing and have fun for a change. All due to Jess’ lovely charisma. So, she was convinced into seeing a Broadway show. Her gentle and polite nature was admirable. But she didn’t much like New York or any other bustling city, as she was a rather anxious woman my mother.
We took different limousines out of my parent’s mansion because Dad had ridiculous requirements. Of course, there would be an emergency, or a sudden opportunity that came up, naturally he wouldn’t seek my advice or tell me anything about it. But I didn’t want to argue with him, not at this point at least. I was just lucky to have some time with Jess, time we didn’t have to dedicate to playing a ruse.
The charming expression on her face as we held hands in the back told me she wanted she wasn’t exactly in the no camp. I grinned at her and felt horny as I embraced her.
“Why hello there,” Jess said. “I suppose this is our family outing, right? It’s a bit daunting.
“Relax, you’re practically perfect in their eyes.” I said truthfully, remembering the way my parents doted over Jess. I bent and gave her a kiss on her cheek and a hug.
“They love you, well, at least, more than me. I never thought this would happen but at least we could get this out of the way. I mean now.”
“Why is your mom so shy?” Jess asked earnestly.
“You mean a recluse. Hmm, she came from a small town,” I said. “And well do you know the whole, friends come and go? Yeah, that couldn’t be wrong. She’s kept her friends for over forty years. If she’s gone more tha
n a week she’ll end up on the phone for hours.
Jess giggled at that. “Oh, that’s not bad, it’s kind of endearing actually.”
“Well, it’s a little funny.” I said. “In an obsessive sort of way.”
Jess rested her body on me as we drove into through the busy streets of Manhattan. The air was crisp and the sounds of honking horns reverberated in my ears. The driver turned right on 42nd street and stopped at New Amsterdam Theatre. I touched her hair and wondered when the last time was I allowed myself to be so intimate with a woman.
I loved sex but wouldn’t let it cloud my judgement. The idea of commitment was like a mental wound, which never healed. Intimacy for its own sake is overrated, but sex wasn't something I could leave on the table. A need I couldn’t live without. Yet being around Jess challenged everything I knew about myself.
I usually had rules about this sort of behaviour. I kept women at an arms distance but this felt like the most natural thing in the world whenever I was with Jess.
Yet, I grew addicted to Jess’ body, so much so that even if she moved away from me I had to reel her back in. And every time her soft cheeks blushed after I touched her made me blaze with happiness.
Something different had changed me - perhaps I had found peace with Jess.
The limousines dropped them off at the Broadway theater. The theater was an amazing experience for me. When I arrived in New York a week wouldn’t go by when I didn’t walk up these steps to watch a show or bring a date here. I loved the atmosphere and the culture. The performances were usually great. And the radical difference between watching a show like Aladdin on opening night and six weeks later is radical. Sometimes the lead lacks confidence. But go back six weeks later and you’ll leave thinking you witnessed the greatest show in the world. And I wanted Jess to experience that with me.
Dad held Mom’s hand as she seemed to squint at everything as we walked into the busy entrance hall.
I held out my arm and asked her. “Well are you interested in theater? I can’t imagine you’ve been to a lot of these shows?
“Not really. Although my only opportunity was when my aunt took me when I was fourteen to see Aladdin.” So, what’s it going to be like?
“We’ll be in the box seats, and this show is pretty good, I get tickets as a gift for some of the charity work I do, sometimes I give them away and other times I go to watch the show alone.
We headed down to the orchestra seats. As luxurious as the box seats were, I quickly discovered they lacked perspective. You would be close to the stage. Too close. You could get an intimate view of the action playing out but usually they’re so far to the side of the stage that it blocked my view.
“This is only my second time seeing Aladdin. Hope it’s better than my last. The energy was weird on the opening night, like the stage director’s cat died. But I’m ready to be surprised.”
“Sounds interesting,” Jess said. “Suddenly I feel excited. About this evening.”
“Oh, you’ve got nothing to worry about darling.
“Sometimes I like to get out to off Broadway, the raw talent is astounding, it’s like they now on any night a talent scout could see them and envision something captures something that could make their career. I don’t know it sounds weird I guess.
“Actually, it makes a lot of sense” Jess said. “When you’re young there are few rules to cooking so you can be completely creative and creative amazing dishes like peanut chicken and other fantastic dishes for your family only for them to shout at you for leaving the kitchen a smoking mess. Anyway, an amateur chef still has a love for cooking that the pros do, of course, but I think the competitiveness edges it out their passion for cooking itself.
I blinked, clearly taken aback. “That’s something I never thought about, sweetheart. But I agree once you get to certain part in your life, you’ve got to find something to stoke the passions.
“I can have my moments,” She said.
“Oh, I believe that.”
“So,” I said. We’re finally alone. My parents left the theater after the show. Mom wanted more time to get dressed before meeting an old acquaintance for dinner. And dad. Well he had yet another business meeting.
“Now that we’re here by ourselves. How about we get a little risky?” I held my gaze with Jess as she leaned against our SUV.
She grinned and placed a finger to my mouth. “I like the sound of that but first. I think there’s a place I want to take you. Have does that sound?”
“I hope it’s more interesting than the theater.”
***
As we got in the limousine, bursts of excitement ran through me. I wondered where she would take me. The day had been equal parts fun and mentally exhausting, but I wasn’t so tired, I would give up on hanging out with Jess, and then some.
“I brought a pair of short shorts and a t-shirt. C’mon it’ll be a lot of fun, but in a totally not juvenile way.”
Before I complained and teased her brain with all the fun and pleasure we could have back at the penthouse, Jess strode inside the store, signing us up. My mind had done a back flip. I couldn’t understand why she thought this would be a good follow up to an afternoon after watching a play. Hell, it didn’t look like things little kids and overenthusiastic teenagers did, let alone full grown adults.
I wanted to bring her back to my place and fuck her senseless. I wanted to hear her moans, as I ruined her for every other man on the planet. But I also wanted to know more about her. We had come so far in not a lot of time, so I’m sure she’s got something up her sleeves. If she wanted me to jump, that was what I would do. For now.
After we changed outfits, in the locker rooms, we walked over to the trampoline area. It had a spacious open floor room absolutely filled with massive springy trampolines. Trampolines everywhere, Big and small as far as the eye could see. The floor was littered with them and they covered the walls. Placed just right, with padding around the boundaries. I couldn’t help but smile, it looked like a fun little challenge.
I licked my lips as I looked around for a couple moments, then my eyes opened wide when Jess bounced on a trampoline and started her journey to the other side of the room.
“Let’s go Logan.” She said with a slight thrill to her voice.
I’m pretty sure this place will be the death of me.” I shouted after her, then walked further into the room.
As I walked a couple paces, I bit the bullet and put some bounce in me. And in exactly less than a minute I was in the air like an exuberant little kid. I felt great, and I couldn’t stop laughing.
Jess bounced high in the air and did a backflip in front of my face.
“I love seeing you bounce sweetheart.”
“And I wanted to introduce you to this stress reliever. You’re welcome.”
“Fantastic. Not dying by trampoline was something to tick off my bucket list. It’s something I feared wouldn’t happen. I mean who doesn’t want to go out because of a fall from a trampoline instead of a massive heart attack from work.
I bounced myself, taking one steady bounce at a time toward Jess and got into a rhythm on the trampoline. When one of us got up into the air, the other descended. No one was around, only us while we talked among ourselves.
“Thanks for this,”
“Are you kidding me? This I’m having fun. It’s a good workout. Maybe I should come here before work.
“Well - I’m pretty sure there’s a morning class.” Jess said.
“You could come with me too.”
“Not for much longer. I’ve got places to be. My programme in Munich starts in two months. I’m so excited.”
I nodded, but my head swam with a high octane blend of urgency, and dread.
18
JESS
Around this time of the year, the Claytons’ acquaintances held a charity ball event. And, as a new family member, it was my duty to attend. A great black tie event wherein everyone wore their most elegant attire, ate a five thousand dollar plate
and danced the night away. Everyone important from the wealthiest of celebrities to the magnates of New York travelled to take part in one of the premier events of the season.
After we returned from our little getaway, Logan told me these sorts of events were the only things his mom had a passion for. And because of that we were, we were included in their plans.
“I’ve never been to a dance like this!” I felt my cheeks reddening at the thought, while sitting back on my bed.
“You’re saying you’ve never danced?” Logan smirked.
“You weren’t listening. I’ve never danced ballroom before.”