by Kerry Leigh
“I can’t help but feel nervous! Everyone is going to watch me and I might make a mistake. And-”
“Whatever happens I’ll be there to catch you if you fall.” I cut in. “If anything, it’ll make you more endearing.”
“What do you think they expect you to be some ballet dancer? They only know that you’re an aspiring chef. And that’s enough for me so it’s enough for them.” He said, soothing my anxious thoughts while looking at the suits he brought over. I told him to bring them over so we could look match and look perfect together.
“Hmm, I can’t wait until you see this dress, it’s fit perfectly for me.”
“Maybe you were meant to wear it. Because something amazing will happen to you.” He smirked.
I got up and wrapped my arms around his neck. “I hope so.”
We shared a kiss and then I went into the bathroom and began my going out routine. Then I made Logan leave the bedroom, I didn’t want to spoil the surprise until I was ready to leave.
Coming out of the bedroom, I noticed Logan dressed in his tuxedo. The suit jacket fit nicely around and trim against his muscled body, making him look both stunning as well as a secret agent that’s ready to kill.
When he saw me, his hands fell to the floor and his eyes opened as if they were flashbulbs.
I slid my hands down my hips. And felt warmth fill me. I knew I looked ravishing.
When Kaitlin found the dress, I thought it was the most gorgeous thing I’d ever seen and I knew I had to try it on. And it fit me like a second skin, the fire engine red dress just had to be mine. And fortunately, now I could afford a hundred times over.
And the way Logan’s face paralyzed in shock and lust told me the day of shopping was worth it.
“Fuck, Jess.” Logan exclaimed. “You look stunning.”
I snorted and moved closer to him. Putting my hand on his chest. “This is all because of the opportunity you gave me.”
“I can’t make you any more beautiful than you already are.” Then he held me in his arms and I felt tongue-tangled and looked at Logan as if we shared the biggest secret in the world.
“You are certainly the most daring woman I’ve ever met Jess, but let’s see how you do in a ball room. Judging by the way you look, I’m sure you got even more surprises.”
My breath came in short breathes as I looked at him, temporarily stunned by his belief in me. It betrayed so much care. “That’s such a great thing to say. Thank you, Logan.”
“Hmph, I meant every word. I better watch my back, because every man is going to hate not being me.”
***
I knew I was right. First, they looked at me with hunger and longing plastered on their faces. Then stared daggers at Logan's grinning face.
And even then, I had an inkling some of the guys were staring at me enviously.
I offered Kaitlin a ticket, as support, plus I think she would get a kick out of it. But she had other plans tonight so I had to make do with Logan.
Then the evening was great and charming when Logan and I walked into the chandelier ballroom.
The atmosphere in the ballroom looked alive with fun. It was decorated in eggshell white, with vaulted ceilings, polished chandeliers. The dance floor was filled with couples wearing elegant dresses and dancing to an orchestra at the back of the room. It was something completely different than any experience I had before. I heard a loud chatter as people were talking and having fun, and the air smelt crisp.
The band had opened the song, and couples moved about on the dance floor. Littered across the dance floor were large tables for those eating dinner, people were having fun watching others dance, and the aura was alive and fun.
Brent and April sat at one of the VIP tables at the side of the dance floor.
In the moment it took us to approach the VIP section, Brent rose with a bright smile aimed at me. And I couldn’t help but return the enthusiasm. This was a happy night after all.
After we settled down and had dinner served, Brent and Logan stood up and offered April and me their hands for a dance. “It seems we can’t let our beautiful women stay at the dinner table.”
I cocked my eyebrow at Logan. “Is that true?”
Logan gave me a little laugh and said. “When in Rome.”
“Fine, let’s do this - got to maintain the family tradition after all. I accepted Logan’s hand. “But don’t complain if I stab you with these heels.”
“I’m sure I’ll manage.”
He smiled and lead me to the dance floor. The band began a different song. And I pressed my body close to Logan’s’ and felt his warmth as we walked into the center of the ballroom.
“Everything about this night is so perfect. “I sighed, magnanimously.
“I couldn’t have asked for a better time, it’s all so beautiful.” Logan intoned.
“Something about the dance being easy and I can’t get lost.”
“I mean this is a slow dance, it’s supposed to be for beginners. Pump up your confidence.”
I opened my mouth to say something but I realized how much fun this night had started.
“I can’t remember the last time I’ve smiled so much.” I said, my face crinkled into a smile. “I never said this before but thank you for choosing me to be your fake fiancée, Logan. Everything about this week has been so amazing.”
Logan smiled at me but I couldn’t help thinking I saw a twinge of pain. He looked at me and placed his hands against my arms. “No, Jess. You are the one who saved me. After everything I’ve done - all I had to lose. I mean, this wasn’t what I expected, but you showed me different things and I can honestly say I haven’t had so much fun in a very long time.”
“What, that doesn’t sound good.” I said, “You’re a wealthy man living in one of the most expensive cities in the world, it’s not difficult to find yourself in fun situations.”
Logan sighed and, squinted his eyes. “It’s not as easy as you think. But I mean it all this time we’ve spent together is awesome.”
But something did change.
He seemed sad. His eyes were without life and his face slack.
I felt chills go up and down my body, so I bit my lower lip and asked. “How are you feeling?”
He just stood still and looked at me with a small smile.
“Logan?” I said, putting my hands around his face.
He gave me an uneasy smile and stared sharply. “Relax, I’m here.”
“Are you good?
“I need the bathroom,” he told me. “I could do with a breather.”
His face pale, and his hand was shaking slightly. “WAS IT the something you ate?”
He hugged me and then kissed me on the forehead. “No, it’s just something doesn’t feel right. I’ll take you back to the table first.”
And he abruptly took me by the hands through the dancing happy couples back to the Claytons, who were chatting with some old acquaintances. He kissed me once more on the cheek and melted into the sea of black and white tuxedos.
I slumped in my seat, a little flustered and felt out of the loop. April honed in on my discomfort like a buzzard.
“Jess, are you fine dear? You look rattled.” April said, squeezing my hand. “Is Logan fine? He didn’t look too hot himself.”
I said, looking down at my fingers. “I don’t really know, he needed some space urgently. He could’ve felt sick, but I know he’ really careful about his health.”
I rocked back on my heels, even if he wouldn’t reveal his thoughts I trusted Logan.
I nibbled on a truffle and watched as the Claytons took one last dance. I turned my head expecting Logan to appear but I only saw random faces that faded into each other. I craved him. My heart was spellbound. Whenever he looked troubled… there was no explanations - I just needed to know he was alright.
My eyes blazed. I cared for Logan, a lot more than I should have. But there was something about him, the way he handled things that made me turn away whenever I saw him vulnerable
- as if it wasn’t something I could deal with.
The Claytons and then a couple minutes later. Logan made a beeline though the dancing couples, his face flush and a cloudiness in his eyes. I blinked and only stared at him as he came to the table.
“Logan,” April said, putting her hands on her son’s shoulders. “Are you ill? Your face is all puffed up.” Must be the food.”
Brent shot that down fast. “No dear, for an event like this they wouldn’t hire incompetent catering.”
Logan moved to my side the chair on my side and I felt reassured.
“Oh, it isn’t the food.”
“Then what’s wrong? You shouldn’t abandon your fiancée at a table while you play about.”
“I’m sorry Jess.” He said to me.
I couldn’t’ help it. Not after the good news.
I nodded and held his long as a show of togetherness. Wait. What was that? What on Earth was he hiding? And before I could take action he put a second hand over my hand and squeezed tightly.
“What’s going on?” April asked nervously.” I thought you were puking your guts out. Is it about work?”
“Not really. Jess face me life shattering development when we were dancing and I needed time to compose myself.” Logan grinned at me, and I tried to look confident as if I was in on this multi-dimensional ruse but I knew my eyes were uncertain.
“What do you have to tell me son?” Brent asked.
“Mother, father, we’re having a baby.”
I was floored. All at once I felt my skin tingle like sharp thorns pressed against my skin and my heartbeat pulsing against my ears. So much so that everything drowns out, and I didn't even realize April and Brent crowd around her to hug her.
The only I thing I noticed was April touching my stomach and watching Logan with a gleeful smile as he shook hands with Brent as if he completed a business deal. The most frustrating thing about it all was when he looked at me. I saw confusion in his eyes, then he looked away from me into the crowd with a faraway stare and I had it. I felt angry that I could hardly speak. I couldn’t take any more of this charade.
19
LOGAN
The night had left an emotional toll on me. Jess’ eyes looked at me clear and sharp. Almost felt like I was being cut to ribbons by her glare. When my parents came around to congratulate us, understanding dawned on me, and I felt the horror trying to leak out. Needing help, I cringed when my mother hugged Jess embracing her.
Taking the events in stride, Jess, as usual, stuck to character.
to everyone else she looked radiant, yet I could make out the small tells and I knew she felt uncomfortable. At times we like to project our thoughts and feelings onto someone else. Damn the consequences. I gulped. Thankfully, Jess didn’t startle when my mom patted her tummy and told her some maternal Clayton family secrets. Then things Jess would take care of now that she was pregnant.
“Why the hell did you let us serve her wine. You need to think more.” My dad accosted me, But I couldn’t feel a thing it felt like even a feather could knock me other My dad pointed toward the bottle.
“I don’t know.” I looked at Dad with oblivious eyes.
“Besides honey it’s much too early. lots of women have enjoyed a quiet drink every now and then in the first trimester.”
She hugged Jess, the corners of her mouth spread wide in a smile. “And I know jess will be more careful in future for the sake of my grandchild, won’t you?”
Jess smiled. “Sure, thing mom. Best news I’ve ever given. Right Logan?”
“Yeah.” I exhaled and gave her a probing look.
“We need to celebrate.” Father said.
I couldn’t look away from Jess' furious glare. I could see into her mind and was shocked I could make her feel that way. Celebrating and watching while everyone else got themselves silly drunk was the last thing on her mind
"Dad we should probably lay off on it for a while." I said with a casual smile. "Jess hasn’t felt well tonight so she needs rest and sleep."
I felt dread waft through the room. “Okay, well find a doctor.”
“No, it’s not at all a problem. Right?”
I looked at Jess, trying to show the confusion in my eyes.
And she took my cue well.
“No, it’s just I feel a little uncomfortable to be honest, this is all so new and fast, it’s just getting a bit much.”
Mother's pupils were large and she placed her hands at Jess' shoulders.
"You’ve earned a nice long sleep honey. Your health is the most important thing in our family for the next nine months. Logan take her to bed immediately." My mother commanded with all the hardness of a drill sergeant.
"As you say mother." I said with a lightness in my tone.
I propped Jess on my body and gave her my arm to walk with.
"Let’s get you back to the penthouse and get you a night cap."
My parents gave us their love and congratulations. Then we departed through the glittering ballroom toward the exit. When the doors closed for the final time, Jess ripped herself away from me and tore down the hall, clearly disgusted by my presence.
As she stalked out of the ballroom and hailed a cab, Jess radiated monstrous anger. Anxiety. I needed to banish it. Now.
I decided that I would go to the bar and take a couple drinks before I faced the monster in the house I created. She needed to compose herself I and I wanted. No. Needed a drink. I was the kind of fire that burned down everything around me.
***
I entered the penthouse quietly, like I was sneaking in shamefully after a walk of shame.
The hallway lights shone bright, as always, but the color seemed dull. Through the windows I saw people as they walked in the streets, returning home from a night of partying. They looked so happy and content with their lives. I, on the other hand, had made a great mess of mine. With one sentence.
I threw my tie off and shucked my blazer to the floor. I bottled all of my nervousness. Every muscle in my face was taut, and I felt certain I looked like a crazy person.
"Jess, we need to talk." I said out loud.
I got nothing. No sound. Gone to sleep? Nope. I only stayed at the Chandelier bar for an hour, tops. I walked toward the bedroom in stride, and then she finally burst out of the doorway, changed into something more casual. Jeans and a top. Her sharp angry features and rigid body, made her look extremely sexy. But I was up to my neck in trouble.
She was ready to rain hell down on me.
And I deserved it.
"I didn’t think I’d be seeing you here tonight, not after what you did." Jess said, her voice strained with anger.
"I needed to talk, I wasn’t going to pretend that didn’t happen, I want to try here."
Jess folder her arms around her chest and scrunched her eyes. "What was you thinking. That completely screwed up everything."
"You have to believe me Jess I’m sorry. It was so stupid.
"I just had a moment of madness I guess." I winced my eyes, I didn’t know myself why I did it. When I filtered through my thoughts at the time, I felt happy emotions and dark emotions converging together that I didn’t want to understand. They were superfluous at best.
"You guess? You’re goddamn right it was mad It was right, we were going to finish everything and be happy. But you destroyed everything we’ve accomplished. You realize everything we’ve don’t this week is a waste right?"
"I know trust me." I said.
"It’s going to be near impossible explaining what happened to your unborn child when everything is done and I go on my course." Perhaps we could break up, and I’m so heartbroken I leave the country. But a new born? Your parents would never allow you to let me bring up a child on my own. With no help."
"Yeah I realize that." I said, as if a stone had settled in my throat. I knew what my parents are like. I know that all too well
“Just why Logan?”
“Why did you leave me to fend to myself in front of the
wolves. Hell, if you wanted a pretend baby to sell this, you could have just told me.”
“Huh. What”
Jess stopped.
She blinked and looked confused at the things she was saying.
It’s just I thought we were partners we trusted one another to come up with a solution neither of us could complete alone. If you wanted me to be different I would have found a way for you. But you abandoned me, do you know how fuck up that is to feel. And you come here, stinking of alcohol like you don’t even care.