Delilah's Daughters

by Angela Benson

“What are you talking about, Momma?”

  Delilah closed her eyes briefly against the pain. When she opened them, she said, “I’m talking about me having an affair.”

  Roxanne settled back in her chair. “When?” she asked, folding her arms across her stomach.

  “When you and Veronica were babies, before Alisha was born.”

  Roxanne began shaking her head left and right, refusing to accept her mother’s words. “I don’t believe it. Not you.”

  “Yes, me,” Delilah said, wishing it were not so.

  Roxanne leaned forward. “Were you and Dad separated?”

  Delilah couldn’t lie. “I wish I could blame it on that. Your father and I have never been separated. He traveled a lot, but we always considered ourselves married.”

  “If that’s the case, how did you have an affair?”

  She met her daughter’s eyes again. “You should know how things happen. You don’t really plan them. They just happen.”

  Roxanne held her mother’s gaze. “I don’t know if I believe things just happen, Momma. In my case, I didn’t know the guy was married until after I slept with him. The problem is that I didn’t stop sleeping with him after I found out. I still can’t believe I didn’t.”

  “Why didn’t you?”

  Roxanne shrugged. “I don’t know,” she said. “I guess I felt like I needed him. He was so supportive of my music. I needed that support.”

  Delilah closed her eyes, remembering the support Morgan had been to her. Support that had quickly turned into something else, something more, something dangerous, something that would change all their lives. “Well, I needed support too, with two babies and your dad gone all the time. I told myself the same thing you told yourself.”

  “Why are you telling me this now?” Roxanne asked. “If you’re trying to make me feel better because of what I did, it’s not working.”

  “No, it’s not about you, though I should have been more sympathetic when you told me. How could I berate you when you’d only done what I’d done? To be honest, a lot of my reaction was based in my own guilt.”

  “It’s not your fault, Momma,” Roxanne said. “I’m a grown woman, and I made a grown woman’s decision. It was the wrong decision, but I made it with my eyes open. I don’t blame you, and you shouldn’t blame yourself, especially over something that happened more than twenty years ago. Did Dad even know?”

  Delilah couldn’t believe the acceptance and understanding her oldest child was giving her. In return, she owed her complete honesty. “He knew and he forgave me. He loved me, you know, and I loved him, despite what I did.”

  Roxanne got up and walked over to her mother. She kneeled down next to her chair and placed her hand on her mother’s knee. “That was a long time ago, Momma. Dad forgave you. Why are you bringing it back up? Let it go.”

  “I wish I could let it go,” Delilah said, placing her hand over Roxanne’s, “but I can’t.”

  Roxanne sat back on her thighs. “Why can’t you?”

  Delilah took a deep breath, released it. “Because I did more than have an affair. I became pregnant.”

  Delilah watched as the color drained from her oldest child’s face. “You what?” Roxanne said, as if she couldn’t believe what she’d heard.

  Delilah wished she had some other story to tell, but she didn’t. She simply repeated, “I became pregnant, and I had a baby.”

  “What are you saying, Momma?” Roxanne asked, her eyes pleading with Delilah to take back what she’d said.

  “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, Roxanne. You don’t know how sorry I am, but it’s time the truth is out. What I’m saying is that Rocky wasn’t Alisha’s biological father. I told her tonight.”

  Delilah watched as Roxanne’s mouth opened, but no words came out. She closed it.

  “I’m sorry,” Delilah repeated.

  “Where is she?” Roxanne asked, ignoring the apology. “Where is Alisha?”

  “I don’t know,” Delilah said. “She left, saying she needed some time to think.”

  Roxanne stood and began pacing in front of the windows. “I don’t believe you did this, Momma. Why tell Alisha now, after all these years? What good could it do? Dad went to his grave with the secret. Couldn’t you have done the same?”

  That was the plan, Delilah thought, but sometimes even the best-laid plans go awry. “It wasn’t my secret alone, Roxanne,” she said. “It was the biological father’s secret as well.”

  Roxanne rolled her eyes. “So he wanted to tell her? Well, he’s more than twenty years too late. Talk about selfish.”

  “He’s dying, and he wanted Alisha to know about him before he died,” she said, remembering the anguish in Morgan’s eyes when they told Alisha.

  “Like I said, how selfish of him,” Roxanne repeated.

  “Not selfish at all.” Delilah needed Roxanne to understand. “He named her in his will, told his wife and kids about her. Alisha was going to find out anyway. He kept his promise to Rocky and never tried to contact her, but he’s loved her all these years. He wanted her to know before he died.”

  Roxanne dropped back down on the couch. “I can’t believe this. What is going on with this family?”

  Delilah didn’t answer, because she wondered the same thing.

  “So who is Alisha’s biological father?” Roxanne finally asked.

  “Morgan Sampson.”

  Roxanne’s mouth dropped open again. “The gospel music producer she met at the ASCAP conference? The man who volunteered to be her mentor?”

  Delilah nodded. “One and the same.”

  Roxanne began shaking her head. “You never let on that you even knew him. I don’t know, Momma. You’re a better liar than I would have thought. I’m not sure how I feel knowing you are.”

  Even though Delilah knew she deserved the harsh judgment, her daughter’s words cut her deeply. “Just don’t repeat my mistakes, Roxanne. Feel how you want about me, but don’t do what I did.”

  Roxanne began to laugh.

  “What on earth are you laughing about?” Delilah asked. “I find nothing funny in this entire situation.”

  Roxanne stopped laughing and wiped at the tears that had formed in her eyes. “You telling me not to repeat your mistakes is hilarious, Momma.”

  “I don’t see anything funny about it. I’m trying to save you some heartache. Be glad your relationship ended when it did. You could have ended up pregnant by a married man. Thank God, you didn’t.”

  Chapter 42

  Roxanne had taken her mother’s place in the dark living room waiting for Alisha to return. Her mother’s confession had provided her a prime opportunity to share the real reason she was still withdrawn from the family: she was pregnant. She knew she should have told her mother about it tonight, but she couldn’t do it. The situation with Alisha weighed heavily on her mother, and she didn’t want to add to it. What would her mother do when she learned Roxanne had indeed followed in her footsteps and gotten herself pregnant by a married man? In a couple of days, after things with Alisha were cleared up, Roxanne would tell her. Her mother needed to recover first from the major emotional hit she’d taken when she’d told Alisha the truth about her biological father.

  Roxanne wasn’t sure how she felt about the situation. Though telling Alisha the truth had taken its toll on Delilah, the knowledge of her mother’s past had lifted a burden from Roxanne’s shoulders. Showing her mother some compassion had allowed her to show that same compassion to herself. She felt better than she’d felt since the night Gavin’s wife confronted her.

  And she had clarity about what she was going to do next. She pressed her hands across her still-flat stomach. She wanted to do what her mom had done—what was best for her baby. When she’d first found out she was pregnant, she’d thought it was a cruel joke God was playing on her. How else could she explain finding out she was pregnant immediately after her married lover had dumped her? She went through some dark days as she considered all her options,
including abortion. When she’d returned home tonight, she still hadn’t been sure what her next move should be. After hearing her mother’s story, she was now confident in her next actions. She would do what was best for her baby, regardless of the cost to herself.

  When headlights from the driveway flashed through the windows, Roxanne knew Alisha had returned. She kept her seat until she heard her sister enter the house. “Alisha, I’m in here,” she called out.

  “I hope you’re not waiting up for me,” Alisha said, after she entered the living room.

  “You look like you’ve been through a tornado,” Roxanne said, taking in her sister’s pale skin and barren eyes.

  Alisha dropped down on the couch. “I have. Did Momma tell you?”

  Roxanne nodded. “How are you doing?”

  “I don’t know how I’m doing,” Alisha said. “I’m hurt, I’m angry, I’m confused. I can’t hold a coherent thought in my head. The only thing that’s clear to me is that Rocky wasn’t my father. And that hurts. It hurts more than anything else.”

  Roxanne leaned forward. “Rocky was your father, Alisha,” she said, with great admiration for her father. Her dad’s actions gave her renewed faith in the goodness of people. It comforted her to know that he forgave her mother, because that meant he would forgive her as well. “Don’t ever doubt that. He chose to be your father. He chose to love you. And he did. You’ve never doubted his love before, so don’t start now. It would break his heart if you did. You know it would.”

  Alisha wiped at her eyes. “I wish he were here. I wish he had been the one to tell me. That makes no sense, does it?”

  “If it makes sense to you, it makes sense. Right now, you’re all that matters. It’s your life. Momma and Daddy wanted you to feel safe and loved, and they made sure you were. Don’t forget that.”

  Alisha lifted damp eyes to her sister. “But they lied to me all these years. Did she tell you I have another sister and a brother? I can’t believe it. And Morgan Sampson is my father. How can I believe anything he said about my talent or Delilah’s Daughters? He had his own agenda. Everybody has an agenda. First Veronica. Now Momma, Daddy, and Morgan. Is anything real? Does anybody tell the truth?”

  “We all make mistakes, Alisha,” Roxanne said, thinking of the major ones she’d made recently. “Life gets messy sometimes.”

  Alisha cocked her head to the side. “You’re taking this well. You know this means that Momma cheated on Dad, don’t you? You don’t get pregnant talking on the phone.”

  Roxanne folded her arms across her stomach. “I know how pregnancy happens, Alisha,” she said. “I’m as surprised as you, but I’m cutting Momma some slack. She’s human. She made a mistake.”

  Alisha snorted. “Forgetting to pay the cable bill is a mistake. Sleeping with somebody who’s not your husband is a bit more than a mistake, I think. What Momma did to Dad was foul. Lying to me all these years was foul. I don’t even know who Momma is anymore. This doesn’t seem like the woman I’ve known and loved all my life. That woman couldn’t do these things. Not the mother I loved.”

  “You’re being too harsh on her, Alisha.”

  “I can’t believe you’re taking up for her,” Alisha shot back. “The high and mighty Delilah was an adulterer. How’s that for being a role model?”

  Alisha’s words hurt. Even though she was referring to their mother, Roxanne knew her sister’s disdain would be directed toward her as well if she knew about Gavin and the pregnancy. “I’ve made my share of mistakes too,” Roxanne said, “so I can’t be harsh with her. Then I’d have to be harsh with myself. To be honest, I don’t have the energy.”

  “Well, you’re a better woman than I am. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to look at Momma the same way. How can I?”

  “It’s called forgiveness, Alisha. You’ve heard of it before, haven’t you?”

  Alisha cast a quick glance at her sister. “I wonder how quick you’d be to forgive if you were in my shoes? How would you feel if you found out Rocky wasn’t your biological father?”

  “Okay,” Roxanne said, “you have a right to be upset, I’ll give you that.”

  “Thanks,” Alisha said dryly.

  “Come on, Alisha, I’m trying to understand both you and Momma.”

  Alisha dropped down in a chair. “Well, I’m done trying to understand Momma for the night. I wish I could forget everything that happened today.” She sighed. “I can’t do that, but I can change the subject. Let’s talk about you. Are you going to tell me why you’ve been so gloomy lately?”

  Roxanne looked at her sister, unsure how much to tell her. “I don’t know if you can handle it.”

  Alisha chuckled, but no humor was in it. “I can handle it. After today, I can handle anything.”

  Roxanne took a deep breath, choosing to believe her sister’s words. “You were right about me having a male friend on the ship.”

  Alisha rolled her eyes. “Tell me something I don’t know.”

  “I don’t think you knew he was married.”

  Alisha gave her sister a hard glare. “What?”

  “He was married,” Roxanne repeated. “His wife confronted me on my last cruise. Her family owns the cruise line, so I’m out of a job. I didn’t quit, I was fired.”

  Alisha continued to stare at her. “Please tell me you’re joking.”

  Roxanne shook her head, pressing her hand across her stomach. “It’s no joking matter.”

  Alisha began to laugh, a deep belly laugh.

  “What’s so funny?” Roxanne asked.

  “Us. Delilah’s Daughters, the budding gospel group. We’re funny.”

  “I’m not getting it,” Roxanne said.

  “Mr. Tommy said something the other day before he agreed to work with us on the demo. He said if we were going to do gospel, our lives had to be open books. That folks listening to our music would expect our lives to reflect some kind of relationship with God. It seems we’ve failed on that front and failed miserably. I can see it now. Me, you, and Momma on the cover of Gospel Today airing all our dirty laundry and talking about how Christians aren’t perfect.”

  Roxanne felt her sister’s words as a punch to her midsection. “That’s cruel, Alisha, and it’s beneath you.”

  “It’s the truth, Roxanne,” she said, with no hint of mirth in her voice. “How can we put ourselves forth as a gospel group right now given the shambles that our personal lives are in? It’s soon going to be common knowledge that Morgan Sampson is my real father, that Momma committed adultery, and that you followed in her footsteps.”

  “That’s enough, Alisha. I get that you’re upset with us.”

  Alisha got up from the couch. “I’m more than upset. I’m disgusted to even be a part of this family. Veronica turned out to be the smart one. She got out before all the crap hit the fan. I think I’ll follow her lead.”

  Roxanne got up and followed Alisha to the stairs. “What are you talking about?”

  “I need to get away,” Alisha said, turning back to look at Roxanne. “I need some time to myself to figure out what I’m going to do next. Delilah’s Daughters is done. Morgan Sampson is done. I don’t have a father. I don’t have a family. I don’t have a job. I don’t have anything. I’ve got to figure out my future. A future for one.”

  Chapter 43

  Veronica found the quiet and empty townhouse welcoming after a long afternoon in the gym. She loved Dexter, but these days loving him from a distance was easier. The pressure of being Veronica Y was starting to weigh on her. She needed some place and some time where she could just be Veronica. A trip to Birmingham to see her mom and sisters would do the trick, she was sure, but there would be hell to pay from Legends and from Dexter if she even brought up the idea of leaving Atlanta.

  She went to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of cold water. After removing the cap, she took a long swallow and sat down at the counter. There was her cell phone, where she’d left it this morning. She was beginning to make a habit of f
orgetting to take it with her. She didn’t want to think of it as her way of getting away from Legends, but that had to be it. Tia and Dexter were the folks who called her most. If only her sisters or her mother were calling her. That would make her remember to keep her phone with her.

  She picked up the phone and flipped it open. Of course, she had a voice-mail message. And she knew it had to be from Dexter or Tia. Who else could it be? She pressed the button to play the message anyway.

  Hey, Veronica, this is Alisha. I’m getting the feeling that you’re ignoring my messages, so I won’t leave another one. I figure you’ll call when you’re ready. You know, we’re a really screwed-up family.

  Veronica stood holding the phone, wondering what Alisha meant by leaving her messages, when Dexter arrived home.

  “Hey, babe,” he said. “Did you have a good day?”

  Closing her phone, she said, “I got a strange voice-mail message from Alisha. She said she’s been leaving me messages and I’ve been ignoring them. I don’t know what she’s talking about. I haven’t gotten any messages from her.”

  “Head games,” Dexter said. “She’s trying to make you feel guilty. Ignore her.”

  Veronica didn’t agree. “Alisha’s not like that, Dexter. She was disappointed in my decision to leave the group, but she was more supportive than Momma and Roxanne.”

  Dexter looked away, not meeting her eyes. “I wouldn’t worry about it. If she called once, she’ll call again.”

  “Look at me, Dexter,” she said, curious about his reaction. When he turned to her, she read the guilt in his eyes. “What have you done?”

  Still not looking at her, he said, “I haven’t done anything.”

  She moved to stand in front of him. “Look at me,” she said. When he did, she said, “This is me, Dexter. What have you done? What do you know about Alisha leaving me messages? Has she called before?”

  “Maybe,” he said, meeting her eyes for a short moment before looking away. “I don’t really remember.”

  She dropped down on the stool at the bar in the kitchen. “Oh, Dexter, please tell me you haven’t been deleting messages from my phone. It’s beneath you.”