Black Butterfly

by Michelle, Nika

  “So, you know for sure that Dr. Maddock was your father?”

  “My mother had a DNA test when I was sixteen. She knew all along, but agreed to do it for legal reasons. I will get the money when I’m twenty one. I only have a few months. Darrick is the only person other than my mom who knows that.”

  Although I was dying to know how much he was getting I didn’t dare ask. The waitress brought Raheem’s water and left our table quickly.

  “So, what makes you so sure that this baby isn’t yours?” I asked. “What if the condom broke?”

  “It didn’t break.” He seemed certain. “The dates don’t match either. There is no damn way. I am willing to bet my inheritance on it.”

  “I don’t get it. Darrick was your best friend right?”

  “Uh huh. We were really close. I confided in him about who my father was and then he suddenly started to compete with me. He was always trying to take my girlfriends, and wasn’t satisfied until he got with Jamia. I broke it off with her once I found out. Darrick was still my boy though, or at least I thought he was. I didn’t want to let some broad come between us. We’d been cool since elementary,” he said looking defeated. It was as if his world had come crashing down in such a small amount of time. “They had been fucking around for almost a year by the time I found out. Her excuse for cheating was that I stayed out of town too much. I was doing what I had to do to stack my paper. When I first started hustling I didn’t even realize that I was in my pop’s will.”

  “Damn, how’d they hide it for so long?” I shook my head trying to fathom the thought. Some people were just foul as hell.

  He took a sip of water. “I have no idea. I was gone a lot and Darrick would check up on her for me. I guess he did a lot more than I thought he was doing. All I know is Darrick plotted this shit with her. She’s pregnant, so they came up this whole plot to get some money out of me. They think once I get my inheritance I’ll pay her off. Or better yet they think I’ll automatically think the baby is mine and just take care of it. When she gives birth she’s getting a DNA test asap.”

  “Did she say or do anything to make you think that money is her motive? Is she still dealing with Darrick? Damn, that’s trifling.”

  “Okay baby. One question at a time.”

  “Sorry.”

  “She kept saying that she would leave me alone if I give her half a million dollars. I asked her why in the hell would I give her that much money and where would I get it? Yeah, that nigga Darrick had to tell her. I sure didn’t. You’re the only woman I feel comfortable talking to about this. Shit, money is no thang to you. I think she is still fucking around with Darrick, because I haven’t heard from him in months. He’s grimy as hell and would do anything for that paper. I guess he sees my pockets as his come up.” Raheem sat back in his seat. His water glass was empty.

  “How did your pops die?” I asked.

  “He had sickle cell. He was fifty eight.”

  “So, you’re about to be a millionaire?

  “Well, yeah…I guess.” He grinned.

  “What if the baby’s yours?”

  “There’s no way. I’ll prove it to you. Besides, I only want you to have my babies.”

  “And ruin my figure?” I smiled.

  We shared a laugh despite the situation.

  “We’re rich enough to fix you back up.” He stared into my eyes lovingly.

  “You’re still sending me poems.”

  “You’re still invading my thoughts. I can’t help it. I try to fight it.”

  “You are not trying hard enough,” I teased.

  “I already know that you don’t want me. You don’t have to rub it in.” He pouted playfully. He got serious suddenly. “That baby’s not mine Tay. I will show you.”

  “What if it’s some rare chance that one of your little soldiers seeped through a microscopic hole in the condom? It’s possible. Would you be ready to be a father?”

  “I already told you…”

  I cut him off. “You put your dick inside her right?”

  He nodded yes.

  “Alright then. That’s all the possibility you need.”

  Looking defeated, he played with his straw and avoided my eyes. “Damn, you’re hard.”

  “Would you be ready?” I asked again.

  “I wouldn’t have a choice. I would have to man up. It’s not mine though. Like I said, I want you to have my babies one day.”

  “You must want a wife and the whole nine.”

  “Do you want a husband and the whole nine?’

  “No,” I snapped with an attitude.

  “Damn, I find your feistiness to be a huge turn on.”

  “Stop,” I said avoiding his intense stare.

  “Why?”

  “You’re not slick Rah. You need to straighten this shit out between you and Miss Prego. I don’t fit into the equation right now. You just have way too much going on. I will fall back and let you handle your business.” I placed a few dollars on the table and stood up.

  “Seantay…baby…”

  I walked toward the door without looking back.

  “Seantay!” He called out as he followed me.

  Reluctantly, I turned to face him.

  “Don’t make me say it. You might not be ready to hear it.” His eyes pleaded for me to sit back down.

  I turned around and walked out of the restaurant. I heard his footsteps behind me.

  “Tay, please stop.”

  “You’re right Rah! I’m not ready,” I said and rushed to my car. After I got in I raced off. I wasn’t ready.

  * * *

  “Hello,” I answered my phone on the second ring. I’d been waiting for Reba to call and tell me all about her date with Pierre.

  “What’s up girl?” Reba asked.

  “Nothing girl. I’m about to do some yoga.”

  “Yoga? Okay.”

  “Yes yoga. How was your date?”

  “How was yours?”

  “I didn’t have one. What’s up with you Reba?”

  “I’m cool girl. My date was just fine, but Raheem keeps calling begging me to call you. Please talk to him before I kill him. Stop ignoring the damn phone. Pierre is here and I am so sick of Raheem interrupting us. Tay, I am begging you to talk to the man. He’s so damn in love with you it’s pitiful and pure sickening!”

  “Okay. If he calls back I will talk to him, but I am not calling him. Now get back to Pierre. I will talk to you later okay.”

  “I’m not joking bitch. If Raheem calls me one more…”

  “Okay Reba. I told you I will talk to his pussy whipped ass,” I laughed.

  “You whipped him. That’s your damn fault. Now let me get off the phone with you so I can do some whipping of my own,” Reba joked.

  We laughed. “Speaking of the devil this is Raheem beeping in.”

  Reba got off the phone with me in a hurry.

  “What do you want Raheem?” I asked.

  “Damn baby. I just want to talk to you.”

  “We talked already. I am busy right now okay. Don’t keep bothering Reba. She told me that you keep calling her.”

  He sighed in frustration. “Why are you acting like you don’t feel anything for me? You have to feel something.”

  “Nope. Nothing. Jamia killed it for me,” I said dryly.

  “Jamia’s a gold digger who loves drama. Don’t let her come between us Seantay,” he said pleading his case.

  “She’s a pregnant gold digger who loves drama and she is possibly pregnant by you. How romantic is that Rah? Huh?” I asked.

  “You know what! Fuck this shit! I don’t have to take this!”

  “Good.”

  “You got your damn nose so far up your ass you can’t even smell the real thing when it’s right in your face!”

  “Oh, so you’re the real thing huh?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Really?”

  “Really.”

  “Well, the real thing has too much shit with him rig
ht now. Get it straight Raheem.”

  “Damn Seantay…I want to be with you. Come over. Please. I want to see you baby,” he begged without shame.

  “I can’t Raheem. Hopefully things will work out for you.” I didn’t want to deal with love and the emotions that came with it.

  “Just for a little while.”

  “Bye Raheem.” I hung up thinking I would feel better. All I felt was empty.

  * * *

  By one a.m. I realized that I wasn’t going to be able to sleep until I saw Raheem. I felt so bad for how I’d treated him. Slipping into some work out sweats, a tee shirt, and white Nikes I rushed out of the house. I had to see him. I drove without music and just listened to the sound of the wind. The misty breeze from the ocean seemed to calm me. I reminded myself to drive to the beach with my dog. I’d been neglecting her lately. Yeah, I was a bad mommy.

  Even with sleep in his eyes Raheem looked sexy as hell. After knocking for what seemed like forever he’d finally opened the door. He looked shocked to see me standing there so late dressed as if I was going on a morning run. “Come in baby,” he said stepping aside for me to walk inside. “You look…comfy.”

  I laughed. “Sometimes I feel like just chilling. Besides, I don’t have to try to impress you anymore.”

  “Yeah, no need for that mami. I’m already impressed,” he agreed. “So, what changed your mind?’

  “I wanted to apologize to you. I was rude and inconsiderate. Please accept my apology.”

  “Okay. I accept it. Now, does that mean you’re ready to hear what I wanted to tell you at the restaurant?”

  “I don’t know what I’m ready for Raheem. I just want the truth. I know I won’t run from that.”

  “I love you Seantay. Shit, I am in love with you. You have me wide open woman; like a book with no cover. No matter how hard I try it’s no switch to turn this shit off. It drives me crazy because I know you don’t want this.” He grabbed my hand and kissed it. Shivers traveled up and down my spine.

  In a complete state of shock, I just stood there speechless. I couldn’t believe he’d actually said that he loved me. After a few minutes I finally found my voice. “I’m afraid. I have never ever been in a real serious relationship.

  “I’m in no rush baby. I will wait until you’re ready.”

  I gave him a flirtatious wink and licked my lips. “How long are you willing to wait?”

  “As long as it takes,” he said sternly. His eyes were glued to my lips.

  “Okay. What if it takes a really, really long time?” I watched him closely

  His eyes narrowed. “Okay Seantay, let’s be for real. I can’t wait forever.”

  “But if you really love me you’d wait as long as it takes,” I taunted him.

  He cracked a sexy smile. “Yeah baby, it’s good, but I’m no fool. I realize that I do love you, but if the feeling isn’t mutual I won’t force it. I just wanted to let you know how I feel about you. I’m a real man and I can admit my shit. I have never felt this way about another woman. Love is something you can’t fight baby. It always wins. I realize that now. I stopped fighting it. Stop fighting it Seantay. I know that you feel the same way about me.”

  I raised an eyebrow at him curiously. “Oh, you know that huh?”

  “I know it,” he said with confidence. “You’re in love with me woman.”

  “I enjoy your company.” I laughed. I knew in my heart I was in love with him, but it was hard to admit it.

  “That’s it?” He asked sounding very skeptical. “You just enjoy my company?”

  I nodded knowing that if I opened my mouth the truth would flow like a river. Remaining silent I tried to make my eyes shield the truth too. Besides, the eyes are the mirrors to the soul. I wasn’t trying to bare my soul.

  “I’m going to fix this denial shit,” Raheem said coming closer to me.

  “It’s nothing to fix Raheem. I have feelings for you, but I’m not sure what they are. I’ve never been in love before, so how do I know if I am now? I don’t want to lie to you.”

  “Have you ever felt the way you feel for me about anybody else?” He asked pulling me into his arms.

  I melted into him. “No,” I said breathlessly. He literally knocked the wind out of me.

  “Do you miss me and want to see me when I’m not around?” He stared into my eyes intensely. I’d never seen that look in his eyes before.

  “Yes,” I admitted.

  “When you think about me does your heart start beating fast and your body overheats with passion and desire?”

  I bit my lip. “Mmm hmm.”

  “And when I touch you does your pussy immediately get wet and you want to feel me deep inside you?” His voice was lower and filled with passion. Our eye contact hadn’t faltered.

  “Hell yeah. That’s how I’m feeling right now.”

  Laughing he said, “That last one might just be lust, but I think you do love me.”

  Part of me just wanted to let go and be with Raheem, but another part of me knew that I really couldn’t. Not only did I feel that my parents wouldn’t approve of him, but I didn’t want to give up my freedom. Being exclusive to him would mean I had to be faithful. I didn’t know if I could really do it.

  “So if I say that I love you too then what?”

  “I want us to be together.”

  “So the rest is up to me? What if I agree to be with you and I fuck it up? I’ve never done this before. I mean I had boyfriends in high school, but I never loved any of them. I don’t want to get hurt and I don’t want to end up hurting you. Shit gets complicated when feelings are involved. I don’t like complicated things. Life should be as simple as possible,” I said getting up to leave. This topic was just too much for me and I needed some air.

  “Where are you going?” Raheem asked not wanting me to leave.

  “I’m going home. I need to think.”

  “ What the fuck do you need to think about Seantay? You already know if you want to be with me or not. You don’t need to think about it.”

  I stopped and turned to face him. “I’m afraid. The thought of being committed to someone scares the shit out of me. There’s too much pressure and too many expectations. I don’t want to conform and compromise to make someone else happy. Shit, I’m spoiled and used to having my way. I don’t bend.”

  “I know that you’re spoiled and so the fuck what. I want to spoil you even more. Let me do that baby. It’s all about you in this. I want to treat you like the pampered Princess that you are. I love that about you. I promise I will make you happy and I will maintain everything I do from this point as our relationship grows. I’m so in love with you woman. You’ll never be afraid of anything else in your life if you just take a chance on me. I promise I’m going legit. I’m done with that drug shit. All that other shit is behind me.” He looked into my eyes with such sincerity that I believed him.

  I felt my heart soften. “Okay, but let’s take things slowly. I mean I have to adjust to this. Just thinking about it makes me dizzy.” I thought about Dean and realized that I had no feelings for him. He was fine, but he didn’t make my heart race like Raheem did.

  “Dizzy? Yeah, you love me,” he said flashing that Colgate smile.

  “Since we’re on the topic of love,” I grinned slyly. “How about we make love. I’m sooo wet right now.”

  He stared at me with those sexy ass eyes. “Mmm. You don’t have to tell me twice.” He kissed me passionately and then hesitantly pulled away from me. He held my face in his hands lovingly. “You’re so beautiful, and I want to make love to you for the rest of my life. As a matter of fact that’s how I want to go out. Inside of that sweet pussy.” He kissed me again.

  “I love you too Raheem,” I finally admitted. “However, if you die inside me that would fuck me up for the rest of my life.” We laughed.

  “That was all I wanted to hear baby,” he said picking me up. He carried me upstairs and made me his Queen in his king sized bed.

  Ch
apter 14

  Renell

  It was a Friday and I decided to leave the office early. I hadn’t seen Ricky since we’d returned from New Orleans. Since we hadn’t spent much time together we’d decided to go out for dinner and possibly catch a movie afterward. He said he’d be at my door eight o’ clock on the dot. That was good timing because I needed to run a few errands. I had to get my mother a gift since her birthday was the following week. Seantay had told me about the car father had gotten her. She test drove it and said it was a smooth ride. I still was not really talking to Seandra.

  When I got inside my apartment I kicked my black Via Spiga pumps off that went perfectly with the black Ellen Tracy power suit that I couldn’t wait to peel off. Before I could get my jacket off good the doorbell rang. I hurried to the door and was shocked to see Maurice standing there.

  “What the fuck are you doing here?” I asked after I snatched the door open in anger. “How did you know I was here?”

  “I followed you from your office. You’re looking really good.”

  I could tell he was high. “You didn’t answer my first question Maurice.”

  “We need to talk Nell. Can I come in?” He asked with wide, glassy eyes. He wiped his nose and looked over my shoulder into my apartment.

  I reluctantly stepped aside to let him walk in. I closed the door. “We don’t have anything to talk about, so I don’t know why you came here. You should’ve tried talking to me years ago.”

  He sat down on the sofa and patted the space beside him. I decided to stand.

  “Just hear me out. I know I stepped on your heart and treated you like shit. I’m sorry baby. It took me seeing you with Ricky at that party. Damn, that shit crushed me. You’re still so damn beautiful with those gorgeous, gray eyes. I have been thinking about how we used to be.”

  “Yeah, that was all before you started fucking my sister. Get out of my apartment Maurice, before I call Seandra and tell her everything.”

  He looked at me with wild eyes. “I’ve always loved you, but you always made me feel so inferior. You and your sister are complete opposites. She’s so needy and I’m a man. I need to feel needed. You never made me feel like you needed me.”