“Just doing a check-up on you newbies.” His warm smile coaxes its way to my heart; I mentally thank him for the feeling. “You lot will be taken to the institution again Friday and frequently after that. The whole point of the program is for you to have up-close experience with people who could use your help.”
“That sounds great.” I smile at him.
“You doing okay?” he whispers, brows furrowed. He glances down at the bandage on my arm, and I smile wider and cross my arms, making his bright blue eyes shift up to meet mine.
“Yeah, I’m totally fine. Why are you asking?”
He pauses. “I don’t know. You just seem…off.”
I shake my head, frowning lightly. “I’m okay. I swear,” I lie.
Another pause, then a sigh and that look—the sympathetic look. I hate that look. “You know you can always talk to me, right?”
“Yes, of course. But…” I trail as my eyes mindlessly waver over to the nice photo of Grey and me—looking so happy. It makes my heart hurt looking at it now. “But there is nothing to talk about.”
Talk to him, a voice unknown to me demands.
Matthew opens his mouth to speak, but I cut him off by holding up a finger and pulling my phone out.
“I’m sorry, will you just give me a minute, please?” I say apologetically.
He pulls his lips to the side and shifts his glasses up his narrow nose. “I guess…”
I give him a silent, thankful smile before pulling up the last text conversation thread between Grey and me.
Olivia: How are you doing?
Grey: Fine.
I shiver at the coldness emitting from the text, then clear my throat and wave it away.
Olivia: That’s good. Want to grab lunch??
There’s a pause that lasts for a few, daunting seconds. My heart clenches in anticipation.
His hurtful response:
Grey: Busy. Won’t be back ‘til late.
Olivia: Oh?
“Oh…” I whimper, voicing my shocked, hurt thought.
“Everything okay?” Matthew asks.
I look up from my phone to his frown, and flush. “Um, yes. I’m sorry. I’ll be right with you.”
“Take your time, please.” He smiles small, and I mouth a “thank you,” to which he smiles bigger. He is the best, so patient.
Olivia: I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you…
Think. Then delete.
Olivia: I’ve been experiencing symptoms of something that could kil…
Delete, delete, delete.
I take a big, deep breath, then type out a simple reply.
Olivia: K.
I set my phone down.
I swallow the lump in my throat as I wait for a response. A few seconds pass, nothing. Another handful of hopeful seconds…nothing. Finally, I have enough of the mental torture and decide to just switch off the phone and place it in a desk drawer.
I put my full attention back on Matthew. “Are you doing anything tonight?” I ask him, and he lifts an eyebrow.
“No…why? Did you have something in mind?” he asks, curious.
I nod. “Maybe you can come over and we can hang out? There’d be drinks and the National Geographic Channel. It’ll be fun.” I wiggle my eyebrows playfully, and he laughs, blue eyes twinkling.
“You had me at National Geographic Channel,” he admits, and I laugh myself.
What? There is nothing wrong with hanging out with a friend. Plus, Grey’s going to be busy and will be out until late, doing God knows what. Why can’t I have some fun too?
***
“That did not happen,” Matthew gasps with the funniest face, mouth agape and blue eyes twinkling with pure, guilty amusement. But I don’t blame him. It is pretty humiliating and funny now that I look back on it, without the tension and drama plaguing me like it did then.
“Yup.” I nod and burst out into laughter. “He and I were stuck in the Ferris wheel for maybe ten minutes. After we had just run into each other after what happened.” My voice wavers a bit on the last part, but Matthew doesn’t shudder in disgust or conjure a quick emergency he has to attend to, desperate to escape the insane, horrible girl. I’ve told him everything that’s happened between Grey and me, minus the sex, of course, and adding the drama, the fights, the laughter—everything. What can I say? A few glasses of wine unlocks me like a big vault.
“That’s insane.” Matthew gulps some of his wine. “I would have jumped out. I wouldn’t have been able to sit there like that.”
“Right? I thought about jumping too,” I tell him. “It was just so awkward and way harsh…but I came out alive, didn’t I?”
“Like most things, yes.” He rubs my ankle that’s propped up on the couch.
I flush, and he quickly withdraws his hand and rubs the back of his neck. “I’m so sorry. Wine does things up here. Can’t think straight.” He taps his temple, and I giggle a wine-induced giggle.
“It’s okay.” I wave a hand and glance over at the TV screen. I giggle at the seahorse babies being pumped out of the male. The National Geographic Channel is soooo weird.
“…you know what I mean?” Matthew touches my ankle lightly, but his hand doesn’t linger.
“Huh?” I face him, and he chuckles, and I do too, caught and blushed. “Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention,” I admit in my glass before taking a large gulp. I frown when I wiggle it, finding it empty. I grab the half-done white wine and dump it halfway in my long-stemmed glass. I then give him my full attention, wide-eyed.
He laughs, and I end up in belly-wrenched laughter.
“The fuck is this?” a loud voice booms behind me.
I jump, scared out of my mind, and whip around. I lean my head back and stare up at Grey. He looks furious. He glares at me, then at Matthew, then right back at me. Like a boomerang. Hmmm…boom…
“Hello?” Grey snaps his fingers in my face.
“Huh? What?” I feel a little hazy.
“Bedroom. Now.” He stalks away, obviously holding back from hurting my nice friend Matty.
“I can leave if there’s a problem…” good ol’ Matthew suggests, but I hush him with my finger, tapping his nose as I get up, wobbly.
“No need for that. I’ll be right back after settling him. He can be kind of cuckoo.” I wag my finger around my temple, and Matthew nods but still regards me with a cautious look. I wink at him reassuringly before walking into the bedroom. My stomach grumbles, and my tongue demands another drop of wine. So I bring the glass to my mouth and sip on it. I finish the entire thing by the time I get to the room.
Grey is sitting on the trunk in front of the bed, quickly bouncing his foot, anger rolling off him in heavy waves.
“What’s up, buttercup?” I smile at him.
He looks up at me and shoots to his feet. “What the fuck are you doing here with him? Have you lost your damn mind?”
“Shhh…” I close the door and lean on it, mindlessly circling the glass in the air as I cross my arms with a pout. “We didn’t do anything. So you and your lack of trust in me can calm down.”
He looks so pissed off. “Why the fuck is he here?”
“I invited him over.”
“No shit.”
I roll my eyes. “I just wanted to hang out with my friend and drink some wine and watch a little seahorse’s birth.”
His brows scrunch up, and he huffs, “What?”
“What are you even doing here? I thought you were busy and would be home late,” I point out.
“I texted you an apology and suggested we stay in tonight, but seems you’ve made other fucking plans!” he seethes way too damn loud. Matthew can probably hear us fighting. Ugh! We were just supposed to relax and be friends. I just want some friends. Is that too much to ask for?
“I turned my phone off.” I bite my lip.
He scoffs like he doesn’t believe me, but why would I lie? “Right, to talk to him, am I right?”
“No. You were just…just taking too long to re
ply.” I flush as it hits me how stupid that sounds.
“Sorry I’m too fucking boring for you.” He brushes past me with a huff.
I whirl around on my feet, jogging over to him and tugging on his hand, causing him to face me with a glare. “You are anything but boring to me, Grey. You are excitement and anticipation and anxiety wrapped into one. Maybe just a little bit too much at times.”
“Is that why you’re simmering down with four-eyes out there?” He throws his thumb over his shoulder, referring to Matthew.
I gasp at how rude he’s being for no reason. “I am not doing anything wrong with him, Grey. He is just a friend. Always will be. You have nothing to worry about.”
“Don’t you just wish you were, though?” he asks and takes a step toward me, causing me to take one back under his looming scowl.
“What? No, that’s insane.” Is he stupid or something? “I love you, dummy.”
“Sure.” He nods cryptically, a weird smile on his lips. “You’re fucking lucky I let you be friends with him!” he has the freaking audacity to yell.
“Let me?” Oh no, he’s fucked up right there.
He doesn’t say anything, just looks smug.
“Let me,” I repeat with a ridiculous huff of my breath. “Let me! Where did you get the idea that you could control everything I do? Huh? The delusional store?” I scream, not caring who hears because I’m pretty sure North Korea can hear me at this point.
“You should just stop talking. You’re obviously wasted.” He shakes his head with a blank expression, like he’s unimpressed by me. It hurts. Badly.
I frown but pick up my face as I realize I can’t let this jerk control me. “Know what? I don’t give a damn, and I will not stop talking because, guess what? You can’t control me! And you definitely don’t let me do anything. Guess what, asshole? I’m letting myself the fuck out of here.” I flip him my middle finger before throwing open the door and rushing down the hallway.
Let me…pss-fucking-shhhhhh!
“Let’s roll, Matthew. I could use some ice cream,” I command as I grab the wine bottle, then his hand, and yank him to the elevator.
As the elevator doors close and Grey doesn’t chase after me, I feel that numbing feeling from this morning as I watched these same closed doors for an hour veil over my eyes, leaving me blind in the darkness.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Grey
I am stunned, frozen at what just happened. First, I come home to find my girlfriend alone with another guy. I am more than guaranteed the right to flip the fuck out, to be so angry I could kill the guy. Wouldn’t she be pissed too if she came home and found me laughing and drinking with a girl she barely knows? I know she would be, furious even! She’d break things with me and go cry and blubber about it in his arms! Yet I am not allowed to be upset, according to her. Which is totally fucking unfair!
I throw my fist at a wall to release some pent-up frustration. I lean my head against the dented wall and try to catch my breath. I hate how I am in the wrong when I did nothing wrong. Sure, I iced her out earlier. Only because she’s been doing the same for a week now. But when I do it, it’s fucked up, and I have to make some grand gesture to show my appreciation. Too damn bad I’m not appreciating her being cold and distant, living her new life with the program. She’s told me it’s for her future and she still loves me the same and yada, yada, bullshit.
I tried to make up with her, show her that I don’t have to be a total asshole all of the time. That I can rise above the desire to succumb to her distancing from me and show her that I am here for her, no matter how bad I feel. But she shut me out. Literally. She fucking shut her phone off. It only furthers my fear of her pushing from me altogether and leaving me completely for her much better, brighter future. The one she planned way before she met me. The cancer that screwed everything up.
I drop to the ground, face buried in my bloody palms from the punch to the wall. I can perfectly hear Liv’s gentle voice tell me, “You shouldn’t think like that. I love you, Grey.” But I don’t know if I can believe that now. Not with the way she keeps avoiding me. It almost makes me think there is something wrong with me, for real, as I have suspected from a very young age. My father nearly resented me for my rude and violent behavior. My own mother disowned me, right after my girlfriend lost everything because of me. I lost my firstborn because of me. David’s living in another fucking state because he hates me so much. And now my girl, my princess, the one thing I thought I’d have forever, doesn’t want me anymore.
“Why would she?” I voice my pathetic thoughts, rubbing my forehead.
I need to get out of here. I can hear those stupid voices mumbling in the back of my head, and I need to drown them out. I push to my feet and go to the bathroom to wash my face off before I leave. I can’t be viewed as a madman where I would be thrown in jail again. Liv isn’t in her right mind at the moment and won’t be able to bail me out…again. Ugh. I am such a fuck up. I frown when I exit the hallway and notice the wine bottle she had been drinking with her friend is gone. She isn’t even supposed to be drinking. A massive, protective side of me makes me pull out my phone and dial her number as I wait for the elevator.
Her phone’s off.
“Fuck,” I curse and punch the level button in the elevator. I have a bad tingling feeling crawl over my skin. Her phone was off before, but she was fine. I found her here, safe in the apartment. Alone with him, but in the apartment nonetheless. I have taken on the role as her responsible caregiver ever since the incident, but I’ve been so in my own head recently that I’ve forgotten about that. I know I shouldn’t be so hard on her and give her some time to adjust after the ordeal she’s been through, but my selfish-ass being wouldn’t allow that.
I track her before I pull out of my parking spot. She’s at some parlor shop near the arcade and other shops. I feel much better knowing where she is. I’ll give her time to eat out her rage in her sprinkled ice cream. Meanwhile, I’ll drink my abandoned woes alongside a girl who has a color for her name. I haven’t known her for that long, but boy, is the girl growing on me. Maybe it’s because we both have color names. It’s so weird, so we stick with each other. Dunno, but the chick is pretty damn cool. But don’t tell her I said that; her ego would inflate ten times bigger than the Empire State Building.
“Do you not have anything else to do? Or are you just in love with me?” Red shakes her head with a small smirk as I stride up to the bar.
“You know, the usual.” I sigh as I pull out some bills from my back pocket and put them in front of her. I tap the cash, then scratch my chin. I wonder what Liv would think about me being here. Wait a damn second. I take that back. I found her alone with another man in our fucking apartment. She wouldn’t get to be mad about this, because this is nothing. Truly.
“Girl woes again?” Red teases, dragging me from my thoughts.
“Nah,” I lie with a dismissive shake of my head.
She scoffs, unimpressed. “I’m a bartender. The equivalent of a mind reader. Don’t lie to me. It’s insulting.”
I crack a smile and shrug. “There may be problems between me and my girl.”
“You mean Ophelia?” she asks, sliding me my glass of Bourbon.
“It’s Olivia,” I snap and take a sip of the toxic drink.
“Whatever.” She slaps her hands on the counter and glares at me straight in the eyes. “Didn’t I tell you to apologize to the girl?”
“I did but turns out she was too busy eye-fucking another guy to care.”
“Wait, what?” She scrunches her dark brows and bites her lip. I notice a black ring punctured at the right side of her mouth.
“I found her and a guy from her work on the couch.”
“Damn…did they do anything?” she questions, and I twist up my face in annoyance.
“No, she said they didn’t,” I say in a duh tone.
“So they were just talking?” It doesn’t really sound like she understands.
�
��She brought a guy to our fucking apartment,” I emphasize and down the lot of the drink.
“But did they fuck? Any messy hair? Caught in the action expressions?” Okay, she is completely on Liv’s side, and she doesn’t even get it.
“No, nothing like that, but still. Would she bring a guy to our house? She’d be as freaked out if I brought a girl there,” I tell her, but she still looks unimpressed.
“Oh, let the girl have a friend.” She waves a hand at me, and I nearly lose it. Okay, I don’t care if she’s cooler than a fucking iceberg; she doesn’t get to take Liv’s side when she is clearly in the damn wrong!
“Not him! Anyone else, but not him,” I exclaim, tapping the glass on the counter.
She lifts a brow and snorts, a smirk playing on her lips. “Don’t trust her? Or are you so insecure you think she’d cheat on you?” Her blue eyes are shimmering with mischief as she refills my glass. Wow, is she vile; it’s really fucking annoying.
“Fuck you,” I sneer, absolutely pissed she’d call me insecure. I am the most secure person I know.
She snickers like I’ve amused her. Well, I feel accomplished with life now that I’ve entertained her. I chug down the entire drink, demanding another. She is silent but mocking with the way her eyes flick to mine every once in a while. I find myself wonder about the guy that got caught up with this girl, but also pray for him, because she is something else.
“And that’s not even the only reason why I’m here,” I add after a while.
“What? You didn’t just come here for me?” She pouts, and I show her my middle finger. She smirks.
“She’s sort of moving on from me.” I aimlessly examine the bruises and dried blood on my knuckles.
“But you’re still together…” she says slowly, not understanding.
Grey: New Beginnings (Spectrum Series Book 5) Page 15