I move my eyes from my hand to her eyes and shrug. “It’s not that. She’s…she’s moving on…from me. Like, she’s got this amazing elite job or whatever and is going to school and making all these new friends, and…I don’t know. It just feels like she’s forgotten about me. I saw this coming the moment I saw her and how perfect and bright she was. I just hoped I could keep her from drifting from me to a better life. Guess I didn’t do my best doing that…”
“Were you born an idiot, or did you grow to be one?” Red snaps angrily.
“Excuse me?” I glare at her, but she just mocks me and rolls her eyes, irritated.
“Stop being a fucking baby and support your girl. If she didn’t love your dumb ass and really wanted to move on from you, you wouldn’t have walked in on her in your apartment. Guy or no guy. Because she was there, probably filling a void because maybe subconsciously you were pushing her away too, because so far it seems you’re a pussy.”
“I don’t like you,” I mumble, toying with the charm hanging around my neck Liv gave back to me. It reminds me of her sweet smile and huge heart. The amount of times that girl has forgiven me or not given up on me is too many to count. I felt horrible each time because I felt I wasn’t enough for her, but I let my selfish side take over and made sure I had her in my grasp. But now I feel like she’s letting go. I just have to hold on a bit tighter.
“Don’t give a shit.” She shrugs, then stares at the counter, contemplative.
“What?” I’m awaiting her response when my phone’s ringtone pierces the air. I pull it out, expecting it to be Liv calling for me to come back home. She doesn’t like it when I’m out without knowing where I am. I think it’s because of the incident. She wants me safe and where she can see. I find it cute and sad, but I’d never say it’s the latter. She’s much too sensitive to hear that.
“Maybe she’s pulling away for a reason…” Red says, watching me as I stare at the unknown number calling me. “Well? Answer it, fool. That shit’s annoying.”
I roll my eyes but answer the unknown call. “What do you want?”
“Grey? T-this is Matthew, Liv’s friend.” His voice is shaky, panicky.
I jump off the stool as my heart picks up speed. I don’t like the way he sounds.
“What’s wrong? Is something wrong with Liv?” I ask frantically, and Red eyes me with slight worry. I give her a nod and begin to rush out of the bar. He wouldn’t call me if there wasn’t something wrong with her. A million and one thoughts run rampage, like is she suffering an extreme hallucination or flashback? Having a meltdown? Are her lungs shutting down? They were the main organs hit and affected by the bullet. That’d make sense, but I’m just hoping it’s something that I can help with.
“S-she, we were just, but then, she…” He’s rambling, panicking. But I can’t have him being a little bitch, not when my girl is in danger.
“Spit it the fuck out,” I order as I track her while speeding as I drive.
He takes several shallow breaths before saying, “We were sitting down in the ice cream parlor and talking, her mostly venting, when suddenly she just started coughing like crazy. And blood was coming up. Freaking blood! I thought she was dying, so I called the ambulance, and they’re here waiting, but she’s gone.”
“What do you mean she’s gone?” My voice is strained. I am taken aback. Blood? Coughing up blood? Oh my God. What the fuck is going on with my girl? Tears slip past my eyes, and I smash my fist against the wheel but keep driving, even faster now. I have to get to her. She’s somewhere in the area, according to the tracker.
“I mean she got up and ran away when I was talking to the operator for the ambulance,” he says, and I just know he feels guilty and is probably crying like me.
“Go look for her then,” I bark, gripping the wheel so hard, I think the leather is peeling off the wheel.
“O-okay. Just get here fast, please.”
I hang up and try to calm myself before I run into someone’s car. It won’t be any good for anyone if I get into a fucking accident or worse. I can’t help but blame myself. I should have just kicked the boy and talked with Liv, explained to her how I was feeling. Maybe Red was right and there is a reasonable explanation she’s been distant toward me. I mean, it is Liv we’re talking about here. The girl is an open book and so loving, she wouldn’t just stop loving me. I’ve put her through too much shit, and she’s stayed every time for her to just give up on me now. There has to be a reason. And I intend on finding out right now.
Red and blue flashing lights nearly blind me as I swing into a parking lot across the street from the bakery. I run across the street with only one mission pumping through my mind: Find Liv. I burst through the glass door with a cartoon cupcake on it and look around, hoping I’d just find her eating her sprinkled ice cream, cheeks puffy and a cute laugh spewing from her mouth. Normal and healthy. But all I find are confused customers and two paramedics talking to Matthew.
“Didn’t I tell you to fucking look for her?” I scream at the prick and grab his blue-collar shirt, dragging him to face me.
He looks up at me with wide blue eyes, his Adam’s apple bobbing frantically. “I did! I searched everywhere, but I can’t find her.”
I groan and push him away, then pull out my phone and check the tracker again. “She’s here somewhere,” I mumble as I watch the red blip on the map. She is somewhere in the area. But she must be a damned good hider if the fucker searched high and low yet couldn’t find her. Why the hell would she be hiding if she’s so sick she’s coughing up fucking blood? That is a serious thing and shouldn’t be avoided by playing hide and seek. For fuck’s sake.
“Just…fuck. Keep searching,” I demand, jabbing my finger in his chest.
He merely nods and runs out of the shop.
“Sir, the patient needs to be found soon,” the taller of the male paramedics says. “We have other people who need our help. We can’t just wait—”
“Shut the fuck up and wait. My girl needs help too. So sit your ass in one of these chairs and have a nice fucking lick of ice cream, ‘cause it’s gonna take a fucking while because she’s fucking lost her mind!” I scream, and he flinches, nodding and taking a seat. I look at the other with a wanna try me too? look, but he just takes a seat and whistles, avoiding my glare.
“That’s what I thought,” I mumble before stalking out of the fruity bullshit store. I huff out and twirl her charm around my neck, thinking so hard my brain actually hurts. “Where the fuck are you, princess?” I rub the back of my neck and contemplate calling the fucking SWAT to help me find her. I walk around and ask people if they’ve seen her, emphasizing how she is in pain and needs to be found ASAP.
I’m cursing out a couple for not seeing her when my eyes land on the Arcade’s neon lights. Suddenly, it hits me like a million bricks, and I want to chokehold myself. “I am so fucking stupid.” Why didn’t I think of that place first? It’s the only other place she knows in this area.
I run across the street and burst through the door. I ignore the guy trying to get me to buy tokens and fly down the steps. I am met with my flushed and panic-stricken face as I land on the ground. The grimy mirrors that line the room taunt my horror as I find her in the corner of the empty room shaking like a leaf while sobbing.
“Liv!” I shout her name and run over to her.
She looks up from her knees, and the look of her huge eyes and quivering red lips causes a stabbing feeling to rip through my gut. “Grey!” she croaks, voice low and hoarse, probably from the excessive crying.
“Oh, baby girl. Princess, what’s going on? Huh?” Tears block my throat, and I exhale deeply as I cup her face. She’s burning up and—oh my God. She’s clutching a half-eaten sprinkled ice cream for dear life, hand shaking violently. What makes my heart stop and do a double take is the blood in her mouth, dripping down her chin, into the ice cream, on her shirt—it’s everywhere. More sputters out, even on my face, as she bursts into a wracking cough.
“I d-don’t feel so good,” she admits weakly, a small smile playing on her blood-covered lips.
“Oh no, no, no…” I mutter over and over as I gently scoop her into my arms after I put my jacket around her small body. I shush her crying and step on the blood-covered ice cream when she drops it and instead wraps her small arms around my neck. Every part of me dies a little inside as she whimpers and coughs into my neck. I can’t believe this is happening to her, to my girl. This is all my fucking fault.
“No hospital,” she whispers as I walk to the entrance of the Arcade.
“You have to go, baby. You’re not well,” I reassure her while gesturing silently to the boy at the front to open the door for me. He looks at Liv and the blood and scrambles over to the door, pulling it open.
“I don’t want to be on the vent again.” Her broken voice nearly kills me. “I don’t like the taste. It tastes like rubber and death…and I just don’t. No, I can’t be. Promise me.” She looks up at me and takes my entire soul and breathing. “Please don’t let them do that to me. Not again. N-not again.” Her eyes shut, and I nod and make her cry into my neck. I rub her back soothingly, ignoring the stares as people walk by.
I close my eyes and press my lips to her hair. “I promise, baby. I p-promise…”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Liv
The drive to the hospital is insufferable. Fire climbs through my bloodstream. My lungs feel like they’ve wrapped around my throat with a clear mission to make it hard to breathe. There is a clear mask over my mouth to stabilize something, I was too busy sobbing about my pain-ridden body to hear, and it is covered in blood as I cough up my lungs and heart and everything in between.
I scream my burning lungs out and latch onto Grey’s arm. I keep my eyes shut to keep from seeing his face. He is breaking down; I can tell by the way he’s shouting at the paramedics to do something and the sweet but shaky words of reassurance he whispers in my ears. I can practically hear his heart crumble and feel the guilt and fear seep into my flesh, causing even more pain that I can’t begin to understand.
I just turn my head and continue to wail, not only because of the overwhelming feeling of pain, so pure and consuming, but because I can’t stomach looking at what I have caused. His despair. I was trying to save him from experiencing it again, but of course I didn’t prevail. I did my best to save him from seeing me like this—weak, injured…victimized. Hell, I didn’t want anyone to see me like this. I wanted to appear strong, but I couldn’t do it. That Night will never let me go. I’ll forever be haunted by that damned night.
When we finally get to the hospital, a familiar feeling of dread and bright lights fill me. I am pushed into the emergency area quickly. Grey keeps up the entire time, and I reach down and lightly touch his bruised hand. Why is there dry blood on it…? I give him a questioning look, and he looks at me with wide eyes as I burst into a painful fit of coughs. I scream and writhe on the gurney, but I am, thankfully, strapped on, so I don’t fall off.
“What do we got?” a tall man wearing a lab coat and glasses asks as he spots us bursting through the glass doors, jogging beside us as I am wheeled to a curtained room. He peers over me and examines the blood-covered face-mask.
“Olivia Westerfield. Nineteen years old. She was at the parlor on Allen Street when she began coughing up blood,” the shorter paramedic of the two says, relaying more information that whizzes past my ear. I feel hazy and begin blinking away the white lights surrounding my pupils. I wiggle my fingers in search of Grey. He grabs my hand, and I think I give him a small smile.
More buzzing noise, they’re talking back and forth. A hand is placed on my chest, and I wince. More pressure. I am fiddled and prodded, and the tears are never ending.
“Stop that. She isn’t a damn zoo animal!” Grey snaps, noticing my discomfort.
The men look at Grey, then the doctor hovers over me and tells me, “We’re going to take you to do a few tests. Okay?” His voice is gentle, and I appreciate it.
I merely nod because it’s all I can do, barely at that.
The hours pass by, feeling like an eternity. A nice nurse named Sandy helped change me into a hospital gown, then I was whisked to an exam room with a large machine. Apparently, I had to get an MRI scan, which means I had to get in the huge machine. I felt extremely uncomfortable and claustrophobic, but Grey got to speak to me to help my nerves over the intercom leading to the room. Even though my chest felt like it was exploding, a smile was plastered on my face the entire time. After that, I had to get an X-ray and many more tests. It felt like it would never stop, the testing and uncertainty of what’s happening to me. I just wanted everything to just…stop.
Finally, I am wheeled into a private room. My heart skips a beat when an IV is hooked up to my arms, like last time. A chest tube and breathing tube is mentioned again. I cry again. But this time, Grey denies it firmly, and I am saved from the ultimate form of weakness.
The room is quiet with the exception of the heart monitor tracking my jittery heart. I can’t speak. There is a simmering burn creeping through my throat, and my tongue is heavy with guilt. I know what he’s thinking. He’s wondering if this has been going on for a long time. Thinking of the numbers to dial to get me out of school and the program. Wishing that he didn’t have such a sick girlfriend. Contemplating if I am worth it.
“How…” he speaks up after a while of silence and beeping.
“For a month or so,” I rasp, cutting him off.
His grip on my hand makes me look up at his wide eyes. “How…how could you not tell me?”
I shrug, unable to say.
“Liv, you have to talk to me. Please. I don’t understand how you could be going through so much and not tell me,” he pleads softly. It’s heart-breaking.
A tear escapes my eyes, and I shrug again, fiddling with his charm. “I didn’t want to look weak. I didn’t want to appear like a broken doll. So small and feeble.”
“Baby, you are a freaking sculpture. And you may have a few cracks here and there, but they do not lessen your beauty or strength.” His words cause more tears to flow.
“I just didn’t want That Night to make my life hell, like I wouldn’t be able to move on from it.” I sniffle and look into his eyes, and a wave of adoration hits me square in the chest. “I had the program and school, and I was doing well. I saw the future, and I grabbed onto it so quickly, I didn’t want to let it go. And I still don’t.” I clasp my hand over his and plead, “Please, don’t take them away from me.”
His brows furrow, and he sucks on his lower lip. I can practically see his mind going wild with thoughts running around. He will pull the plug on everything I’ve worked so hard for. I know it. I know by his lips pulled in a thin line and his eyes darting to the heart monitor.
I pull my hand from his and sneer, “I hate you.”
“W-what?” He does a double take, eyes wide and lips curled in a frown.
I sit up and yank the IV out of my arm and stand, wobbly. “I said I hate you.”
“Liv, stop! What the hell are you doing?” He rounds the bed and grasps my arms, trying to push me back onto the bed.
“I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!” I scream over and over and pound my fists into his chest. My own heart curls in on itself, and I stumble as I push him away from me, as hard as I can. The rage that pours out of my mouth and seeps into my veins is incredibly strong. All I see is red and black and white. Hazy vision. I stumble toward the door, but I am wheeled around to see black.
“Stop, you need to calm down,” he says, then goes ahead and calls for help.
I hear the squeaking of tennis shoes outside of the room.
My heart goes wild.
“Let go of me! Stop it! I hate you, I hate you! Why do you want to restrict me? I fucking hate you!” I am a complete maniac as I twist and writhe in his strong hold. He yanks me into his chest, but I don’t resist. I need to get free. I can’t breathe. I see stars, and my breathing hitches. It feels like
my body is on fire, like I’ve been thrown in Hell, and someone’s stolen my heart just to be a dick. It’s this man in front of me. This fucking man I thought loved and supported me. But he just wants me strapped to a bed for the rest of my life. I should have taken the damn job in New York and left him the minute it was offered to me.
“Liv, please stop,” he begs as he tears up.
Two buff nurses burst through the door, and I squirm and burst into tears as they stride over to me. A sedative needle is jabbed into my side, and my mouth feels heavy and wet. Too wet.
“What the fuck?” Grey screams and cups my face. “I love you, Liv. Please, I am just trying to help you.”
“I hate you, Grey Wyler,” I whisper before finally succumbing to the dark tugging at my eyelids.
His tear-filled shocked face is the last thing I see.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Soothing silence surrounds me and allows my mind to relax. I am sat upright in the bathtub, legs pulled up and breaths shallow. I bite my inner cheek as I glide my hand through the milky white water, feeling the fizzle of the bath bomb spritzing around me. I can already feel my tense muscles loosening under the cool water and bubbling sensation. This bath was much needed after the tense and slightly awkward week.
A little over two months has gone by since I was dragged to the hospital. That first night in the hospital after the massacre was incredibly long and painful; I can still feel my bones vibrating and my teeth chattering, the intensity overwhelming. Turns out I had hemoptysis. There are several causes of the disease, like bronchitis, pneumonia, and many more. I got it as a result of my weak lungs and trauma from That Night. It was the reason for my weight loss, nausea, and constant chest pains. It still amazes me how one tiny bullet could wreak so much havoc in my life. I had to get emergency surgery, and the infected lung was removed. I haven’t been able to do anything since then. Grey has been taking care of me ever since.
He called both the school and Garrett to explain what happened to me and asked for me to have some time off. The chancellor of the University and he made some sort of agreement with Grey. He won’t tell me what exactly. And Garrett was more than okay with it. I will resume whenever my doctor approves. But not knowing how long it will take me to heal completely will drive me insane; I know it. But Grey says he’s okay with my crazy. He’s had twenty-two years of his own crazy—his words, not mine. To that, I shushed him with a kiss.
Grey: New Beginnings (Spectrum Series Book 5) Page 16