Owlknight

by Mercedes Lackey

  Shandi’s eyes told the story; nothing was going to change her mind. The girl who had seemed so sweet and gentle was gone, and in her place stood a young woman who was gentle only when she felt she could afford to be. She must feel this occasion called for her to be hard and strong. Shandi was not going to budge; she wasn’t even going to compromise.

  But Darian wasn’t going to give up either. Not yet, anyway. “Shandi, they may not be our people, but this is our problem, or rather, it will be. How long do you think it will be before Wolverine eats up every little tribe north of the border and starts to contemplate taking us? I wouldn’t give it five years - and maybe less. They’ve already taken everything Blood Bear had and more, and it’s only because they’ve been going slowly and consolidating their conquests that they haven’t come after us.”

  “So now you’re ForeSighted as well as a mage?” Shandi retorted, with no hint that she meant it humorously. “It seems to me that Wolverine is far more likely to stay up here in the north when they’ve taken in all the tribes. Why should they come south, when every conquering army that’s gone to Valdemar has come back in pieces, if at all?”

  “Because in the south are riches,” Hywel put in solemnly. “In the south are herds of cattle and sheep, horses, grain and fruit for the taking. There are women with golden hair and red, with skin like snow and slim bodies, to become slaves. There are spineless dirt-digging men to be made into slaves to grow crops so that the warriors need never soil their honor with the cultivation of plants. There is gold, silver, gemstones. There is woven cloth, such as the traders bring, for slaves to make into brilliant tunics, warmer and softer than leather. And there are Healers who can cure all ills. That is why they will come.”

  “They can trade all that for fur and amber, and not have to fight,” Shandi retorted. “They know what will happen if they bring an army into Valdemar. If Blood Bear was thwarted by a single village, what chance would they have against the army of Valdemar? We need only fortify the border; we do not have to stop them ourselves.”

  Darian’s whole body telegraphed his distress to Keisha, but she was torn herself. Shandi was right; now was not the time or place to confront Wolverine, regardless of what would happen to Raven if they didn’t. After all, Raven could conceivably leave as a whole, and seek sanctuary with Ghost Cat if they didn’t want to fight or ally with Wolverine. They could join with Snow Fox and Red Fox; the three tribes united might well have enough force to hold Wolverine off. Confrontation was not their only option.

  But part of her agreed with Darian; wouldn’t it be better to take care of the problem now, before Wolverine became an unstoppable force? Valdemar had faced a Northern tribes enemy before - wasn’t that why the Forest of Sorrows had been called a “defensive border?”

  So she stayed silent, dropping her eyes when both Shandi and Darian looked at her for support. I can’t support either of them, she thought helplessly. They’re both right, and I don’t know which of them is more right.

  From under her lashes she watched as Darian looked beseechingly at Wintersky and Kel instead, when he could not get backing from her.

  Kel, at least, had no hesitation. “Darrrian isss rrright!” he hissed, his eyes narrowed as he glanced at Shandi. “You sssaw what they did to Rrred Fox!” His hackles came up and he snapped his beak for emphasis. “You sssaw with yourrrr own eyesss! How can you sssit therrre and sssay that we ssshould do nothing?”

  “I think that what happened to Red Fox was a tragedy, but it’s not our tragedy,” Shandi insisted. “There are likely things like that happening in the Eastern Empire - or what’s left of it - at this very moment, and it’s very sad, but we can’t do anything about it. Life isn’t fair, Kel, and it’s not our job to make it so.”

  “Sssketi!” Kel spat, clearly disgusted with Shandi and Karles together, since it was obvious from the way that they had drawn together that Shandi spoke for both of them. “You call yourrrssself a Herald, and sssay that? That isss cowarrrd’sss talk! If no one trrriesss to make the worrrld fairrr, then it neverrrr will be, will it? Ssso you will alwaysss have that to fall back upon! I do not think that the firrrssst Herr-raldsss in Valdemarrr made sssuch excusssesss!”

  Keisha noticed that Shandi flinched a little at that, but she did not back down. Now she looked at Wintersky and Steelmind, seeking supporters of her own. Steelmind licked his lips and sighed. “I can see both sides,” he said reluctantly. “I can’t see that one outweighs the other.”

  Relieved that he had put into words what she felt, Keisha looked up and nodded eagerly. “Exactly,” she said. “Both of you are right.”

  “That’s my feeling,” Wintersky told them. “You know, none of us have ForeSight, so how can we know for sure what’s likely to happen? And - Darian, just what are we supposed to do; there’s only the nine of us - sixteen, if you count the dyheli. How big a difference can nine creatures make?”

  “That’s a mage, a gryphon, a Companion, a Herald, three Tayledras and a seasoned Ghost Cat warrior,” Darian retorted. “It’s not as if we were nine plowboys!”

  “It’s not as if we were an army either,” Shandi countered, glaring at him. “And what about our duty to get back home and warn Valdemar about all this? Karles and I can only send so much - Anda needs more than we can tell him - ”

  By the sudden light in Darian’s eyes, Keisha knew that Shandi had given him an opening, and he saw a way to get her to compromise.

  “All right. Then let’s at least get him some real information!” he insisted. “We can do what no one in Raven can. We can get in close to Wolverine and see what their numbers are, and what their equipment is! Why, I’ll bet we could even get in close enough to find out some of their plans, just by listening to the warriors’ boasting!”

  Which would make us close enough to work a little sabotage, no doubt? Keisha thought. She knew how Darian thought; once they had worked themselves in that close, there would be opportunities to disrupt the enemy tribe, and no matter what Steelmind and Wintersky thought now, they would not be able to resist taking advantage of those opportunities.

  Shandi frowned fiercely, and Keisha had a good idea what was in her sister’s mind as well. Shandi wanted, very badly, to object, but there was nothing she could really object to. She and Karles exchanged a long, wordless look, neither of them happy about the position they’d been placed in.

  “I think that’s an . . . acceptable compromise,” Keisha said tentatively, and earned herself a frown from Shandi.

  Of course, I’m not one of the ones who’ll be going on these scouting forays -

  “I think that’s the best answer, personally.” Wintersky sounded a lot more decisive than Keisha, but that was to be expected.

  Kel, however, was clearly not enamored with halfhearted measures. “I ssstilll sssay we ssshould do morrre than that!” he began, but a look from Darian silenced him, and Keisha sensed another mind-to-mind exchange like the one that Shandi had exchanged with Karles. Kel’s beak snapped shut, and he looked a little happier; that was when Keisha knew that she had guessed right about Darian’s intention of adding sabotage to the scouting forays.

  Steelmind looked from Shandi to Darian, and held out his hands, palms up. “I think that will work,” was all he said, with no elaboration on what he considered “that” to be. So he knew, or guessed, too.

  Shandi gritted her teeth and glared, but it was obvious that she was outvoted. She gave in, but not with good grace.

  Keisha, however, had extended a careful tendril of Empathy toward her sister, and there was more going on beneath that hard surface than Shandi was allowing to show. I wonder - will she go off by herself - To Keisha’s satisfaction, that was just what Shandi did; she exchanged another look with Karles, and got up and left the fire. The men interpreted it as going off in a sulk; Wintersky raised his eyebrows at Darian who shrugged, and Hywel snorted derisively. Steelmind looked defensive, but said nothing.

  Keisha waited a few moments, then when the men began to d
iscuss possible “scouting forays,” she excused herself and left. It was not at all difficult to tell where Shandi was; at least, not for her. Shandi might think she was away from all eyes, hidden in the shadows on the outskirts of the village, but Keisha followed a surer summons than vision.

  Her senses led her correctly. Keisha approached her slowly; Karles was a white shape in the darkness and Shandi a dark, upright slash against him. “Shandi?” she said quietly. “Why didn’t you just tell the truth?”

  The dark slash practically vibrated with tension; upon closer approach, Keisha could see that Shandi was trembling, handling an arrow wrapped in red ribbon. “What truth?” Shandi asked, in a tone very like anger - except that it wasn’t.

  But Keisha knew what the emotion gripping her sister really was. “Why didn’t you tell them that you’re afraid?”

  “Me? Afraid? What are you talking about?” That was bluster, and Keisha only needed to hear how Shandi’s voice shook to know it.

  “I’m an Empath, too, Shandi,” Keisha said. The reaction to that could only have been predicted by someone who knew Shandi as well as her older sister did. Instead of blustering further when her bluff was called, Shandi dropped the arrow, and flung herself away from Karles and into her sister’s arms. Keisha held her as she had when she’d been much smaller, and had suffered an emotional, childish tragedy. Only now, she was a young woman, and this crisis was anything but childish.

  Shandi shook in every limb, and sobbed wordlessly into Keisha’s shoulder; there was no point in trying to coax her to talk until she was over the first bout of tears. As Karles stirred restlessly, Keisha led her sister to a fallen log and got her to sit down on it. It took a long time before Shandi cried herself out enough to speak, but Keisha was perfectly willing to wait as long as it took. Poor Shandi! They taught her haw to handle other people’s emotions, but not her own.

  “A chick can’t go back in the shell, and a young hawk can’t unfledge. I’m your sister, Shandi. We’ve grown up together, but we aren’t the same as we were when we were little. We’ve always trusted each other, so trust me now. You have to remember that when you wall things out, you can wall them in with you, too,” Keisha said into Shandi’s hair as she held Shandi’s head against her shoulder. Her own eyes stung a bit as she held back tears of sympathy. “Shields can work both ways - bottle up fear and it will eat you alive, sweetling.”

  “But I’m a Herald - ” Shandi wept. “I’m supposed to be strong and dependable - ”

  “Since when does that mean never showing fear?” Keisha countered. “You saw how we all acted, when the cold-drake caught us. Hawkbrothers, dyheli, and even a gryphon - we were all terrified and showed it. And since when is fear a bad thing? Fear keeps us from doing a lot of really stupid things. Hey, fear kept me from becoming a good little miller’s wife, right?” She smiled, trying to cheer Shandi, and pulled her a little closer, feeling very much the Big Sister once again. “It’s perfectly all right to be afraid about this. I know I am, and you can tell, right? I’m afraid - as far as that goes, really very afraid.”

  “How can you possibly understand?” Shandi retorted. “You’ve faced all kinds of terrible things without being afraid! I can hardly stand the sight of blood! How can you know how I feel - ”

  “How? I’ve lived with you, sweetling, or have you forgotten?” Keisha almost laughed. “I don’t even need to be an Empath to know, sister! You spent most of your life being a good maidenly daughter, then became the belle of the village - everything in your life was sweet, perfect, and predictable. Then suddenly you got Chosen - which is every child’s secret daydream, but there aren’t too many who would know what to do if it happened - whisked out into another world, with no family around, and put through strange schooling so fast it made your head spin. And as if that wasn’t enough on your plate, no sooner did you get someplace where you thought you might be able to catch your breath than you were thrown onto a dangerous mission that goes right off the map without anyone who taught you to help or advise you! You’ve seen some horrible things that you’d never imagined in your worst nightmares. And now this idiot mage wants you to help him fight an army? You’d have to be crazy not to be in a panic, and I know you aren’t crazy!”

  Shandi had been silent through all of this - and now her body began to shake again as she clung to her sister. “How could you know - how did you guess - ” she sobbed weakly.

  “Because I’m your sister and your best friend, and I love you,” was the simplest answer she could give - and must have been the best. Shandi completely dissolved in tears - and now, so did Keisha, tears that flowed down her cheeks silently, without the kind of painful knot she got in her throat when she was fighting to hold them back. But Keisha’s were tears of happiness mixed with relief, for now, at last, she knew that Shandi was never going to wall her out again.

  It was well past midnight when Shandi had talked herself out; by then, Keisha was cold and stiff, but she wouldn’t have moved to save her soul.

  “ - and the worst was when Kel said that the first Heralds wouldn’t have been so cowardly,” Shandi said, in a voice made hoarse with talking and crying. “He was right, I knew he was right - I wanted to sink into the ground, but I knew if I showed anything, they’d all think that the only reason I was against Darian was because I was afraid! And it’s not, it’s not, I swear it!”

  “If you hadn’t spoken up, I’m not sure any of the rest of us would have said anything,” Keisha told her truthfully. “I mean, after all, we may each have our own private agendas, but at the heart of it, this is Darian’s personal quest we’re helping with. With his parents asking for help - how could his best friends let him down?”

  Only now did Karles take the few steps needed to move to Shandi’s side and gently rub his warm, soft nose against her shoulder - and Keisha’s hands. Shandi reached up and patted his neck. “Karles - tried to help me, but - ”

  :I am not an Empath,: Karles said simply, surprising Keisha once again by speaking to her as well as to Shandi. :I cannot shield her from her own fear, when I am just as afraid - I cannot even shield her from mine! This is not Valdemar, and I am ... out of my element.:

  “We all are, to some degree or other,” Keisha told both of them. “Never doubt it.”

  :But Valdemar is home, and I have never been away from it!: The plaintive note in Karles’ mind-voice came as a second shock; all her life she had been raised to think that Companions were near-invulnerable and infallible -

  :We are different, with a few powers, yes, and more experience, but hardly infallible.: Karles sighed heavily, and nuzzled Shandi once more. :Shandi and I are two halves of a whole; we complement and complete one another. That is the way of Herald and Companion. We are still as prone to weakness and mistakes as any other soul. If being Companion and Chosen made us infallible, think how many disasters in Valdemar’s history could have been avoided!:

  “Good point,” Keisha replied, but kept her thought of and how nice of you to have finally admitted that! carefully under shields. “Shandi, do take it from an older and more experienced Empath - and not just your big sister - that you are doing yourself no good by keeping those walls up, inside and out. You need to do a certain amount of shielding, but not to the point that you feel nothing from us, and let nothing of your own emotion show! We need to know how you feel about things as much as you need to know how we feel, otherwise we cannot work with each other. Out here in the wild unknown, that could cost a life, maybe even mine.” Keisha smiled again and kissed her sister’s forehead gently. “Neither of us would want that, yes? Now let’s get some sleep, and see what matters look like in the morning.”

  Is Darian thinking clearly? Is he so caught up in trying to impress his parents, to give them anything they need, that he’s not able to be objective? No doubt, Shandi was already thinking those things, without Keisha’s experience with Darian to bolster her faith in him.

  And Steelmind needs to know more of how you feel than all the rest of u
s put together, she thought, but also under shield, as Shandi got stiffly to her feet and gave her sister a hand up. It wasn’t her place to give Shandi any advice about romance, and she wasn’t sure that Shandi would take it, even if it was her place. Maybe Shandi and Karles hadn’t seen it as clearly as Keisha had, as a result of how much they had tried to wall themselves off from their own emotions and others’, but day by day there was much more in Steelmind’s attitudes toward Shandi than a passing interest in a fellow traveler.

  I’ve been lucky enough to find Darian. Maybe the best gift I can give to my sister is getting her to open up enough to see that Steelmind is right next to her. And, just maybe, when he sees she will open up to him now, Steelmind will open his arms to her. We are farther away from home than any of us ever imagined we’d be, and all we have is each other.

  Darian woke up all at once, with the disorienting impression that Kuari was trying to dance a jig on the roof of the log house. Then what Kuari was trying to tell him penetrated his muddled mind, and a moment later he leaped from bed and was pulling on his clothes in grim haste, as Keisha stirred grog-gily beside him.

  “What?” she managed, raising a face half-covered with sleep-tousled hair.

  “We’ve got to alert the village,” he told her, for there was no time to tell this gently. “Kuari’s seen something. I think there’s something bad - a tribal army coming straight for us.”

  :Kel!: he blasted into the gryphon’s dreaming mind. :Kel, wake up1.:

  :?: The reply was foggy and inarticulate. :Food sleep preen mate fight what?:

  :Up! Alarm! Enemies!: He kept his reply simple; it took a moment for Kel’s mind to get working. A moment later, Kel’s war cry ripped through the village, shocking everyone within hearing distance awake.

  In another moment, Hashi’s howl started all the dogs in the village up, which ensured that no one slept. Darian left Keisha struggling to organize herself while he headed for the door to get the village mobilized. He was already outside before his parents, reacting to the unholy cacophony, pushed their way out of their sleeping cubicle. Keisha could explain to them; he had to get the rest of the village alert so defenses were in place before the enemy arrived.