Spiced

by Jamie Farrell

  It fit.

  Apprehension once more gripped her stomach.

  Or maybe that was one more physical sensation that meant this last round of IVF had been successful?

  “Is she old enough to play this?” Tony asked with a nod to Cinna.

  “Afraid I’m going to kick your ass?” Cinna taunted back. “Don’t worry about sheltering me. Gran taught me everything I needed to know about the birds and the bees before I was ten.”

  “Never too young,” Gran said with a nod. “But everything she knows about cussing like a sailor came from her father’s side of the family.”

  Eugene burped, and either dinner had improved the odd liver and onion smell, or she’d gotten used to it.

  “You should get that checked out,” Gran said to him. “Frequent flatulence can be a sign of underlying issues.”

  “Getting old is my underlying issue,” Eugene said.

  “Ain’t getting any younger,” Gran said. “Only a few years left for getting to know more great-grandchildren. I could set a world record, you know. You have any children, Tony?”

  “Gran—” Pepper started.

  “Legitimate or illegitimate?” he interrupted.

  Pepper choked on air.

  “Both,” Gran said.

  “None that I know of, but the aliens never told me what they planned to do with the sperm they stole from me back in 2010, so it could be in the hundreds.”

  The room fell silent, and even Sadie lifted her head to look at him. With his dry delivery, it was hard to tell if he was joking. But there was a little twitch in the corner of his mouth, a slight dimpling in his cheek that gave him away.

  “He’s a little odd, Pepper,” Gran said.

  “Someone has to take care of him.” She ruffled his thick, dark hair, and instantly wished she hadn’t. His dark eyes turned to her while her fingers lingered in his thick mane. Hold on tight and I’ll take you for a good time, those eyes promised.

  She dropped her hand. “Are we playing this game, or are we grilling the guests?”

  Eugene burped again.

  Tony slung a possessive arm about her shoulders. “Dunno about Eugene, but I’d rather not get cooked tonight.”

  He nuzzled her neck, which was definitely not necessary to sell their story. His breath ignited the nerve endings in her skin. She knew so little about him—just enough to pull off playing his new girlfriend. If this were real, he’d have about eighteen checks in the cons column. But he still managed to put butterflies in her belly and a solid bass beat in her chest purely by whispering a goofy joke in her ear.

  She’d been calculating risks since her first foray into penny stocks as a nine-year-old. She knew better than to sink too many assets into ventures where she couldn’t see a positive return on investment, and that knowledge had steered her through college, through her first job, and through buying into Bliss Bridal two years ago. Even this old house—which she’d fallen in love with at first sight—had been thoroughly inspected from its bones up before she bought it so she’d be prepared for renovation and upkeep costs.

  Tony was the biggest risk she could take.

  And she had too much else going on in life to indulge in crazy monkey sex with a pizza man.

  But there was still a small part of her that wished she could be that girl who would.

  “Seriously, get a room,” Cinna picked up a black card and read it. “Blank is the quickest way to my blank.”

  Tony was the quickest way to Pepper coming undone.

  Nope. None of her cards matched. She plucked handcuffs and world domination from her hand—this word-matching game was fun, and she knew Cinna tended to favor the handcuffs card. Fairly lame as far as this game went overall, but she was playing with her grandmother, an old man she barely knew, her baby sister, and her fake boyfriend.

  She wasn’t playing that whips and chains card for anything.

  Or that horribly irreverent one about baby Jesus.

  Tony studied her over his cards. His stubble was thicker tonight, his focus more intense, making him look like a wild pirate intent on pillaging a fair maiden. Impulsively, she pressed a kiss to his scratchy cheek.

  He slammed his hand to the table.

  But not before she saw his cards. The old ball and chain, Chuck Norris, pussy willow, whacking off, and Cheetos shaped like my scrotum.

  Practically a grand slam of a hand for this game.

  “Cheater,” he murmured.

  “You don’t know Cinna well enough to win this round.”

  “Hush up and let the man play, and no cheating,” Gran said. “You can learn a lot about a man by the cards he picks. Gotta make sure this one’s good enough for you.”

  “I like your family,” he said. “They make mine look normal.”

  “Was that a compliment?”

  His grin sent her spiraling every time. “It’s whatever you want it to be, sweets.”

  * * *

  Three hours later, Tony and Eugene had departed for the evening, and Pepper was waiting for Sadie to finish her business in the backyard so she could get to bed. Busy weekend coming up for Bliss.

  Her cheeks were still burning from the card game. Gran, on the other hand, was already snoring upstairs.

  “How much are you paying him?” Cinna asked.

  Pepper spun away from the back door, hand to her chest. “My house is going to charity if I die, so quit trying to sneak up on me and give me a heart attack.”

  Cinna yanked out a chair and plopped onto it. Her red hair was tied up in a messy bun, and she’d changed into her coffee pajamas. “You forgave Tony for his cat attacking Sadie.”

  “Lucky’s a rescue. Had a hard life. And it only happened once.” She’d been worried about Gran. Not Cinna. This wasn’t good. It either meant extortion was coming, or—huh.

  Nope, she couldn’t come up with anything other than extortion.

  “You don’t forgive men for anything,” Cinna said.

  “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”

  “Yeah? Tell that to Brent.”

  “Brent?”

  “Your high school boyfriend? The one you dumped because he told you he had ADD?”

  Pepper opened the back door. Sadie did her bunny hop back inside with a happy doggy smile on her lips. She stopped just inside the kitchen and sat, tail wagging. Bedtime, Mommy? Heck yes, it was bedtime. She had a full shift at the boutique tomorrow, and she was volunteering with the Knot Festival committee to put on the Battle of the Boyfriends this weekend. She needed her sleep to keep healthy for the little one hopefully growing in her belly right now.

  “Brent. Right. I dumped Brent because he was copying my homework. And you were two. How in the world would you even remember Brent?”

  “Saffron told me. Also, didn’t you dump Joey because he lied to you about his mother?”

  Joey. More recent, and much more epic. “He told me his other girlfriend was his mother. And he married her two weeks after we broke up.”

  “Oh.” Cinna wrinkled her nose. “No one would think less of you if you just joined a convent.”

  “As for Tony, I get it. He’s just as protective of Lucky as I am of Sadie. Can’t really fault a guy for loving his pet.”

  Ten sisters, ten distinct personalities, yet each of them had the same I’m not sure I believe you squint.

  But more than any of the rest of her sisters, Cinna loved chaos. She loved a good story. And she loved being in the thick of pranks and knowing things no one else did. Probably because she’d spent her entire life being told she was too young for this, that, or the other thing.

  “Mom’s not having any luck finding a new retirement home for Gran,” Pepper said. “I’m starting a group text message with the family to get volunteers for extra babysitters, and I’m dropping her with Basil tomorrow before I head into work.”

  “Just because she’s old doesn’t mean she needs babysitters.”

  “She needs babysitters because she’s Gran.
Left to her own devices, she’ll invite all her friends over for Senior Citizens Stripping Class.”

  “Yeah, but it’s not like she has access to YouTube to upload videos of it.” Cinna sighed. “I want to be her one day.”

  Pepper smiled. “She’s pretty special.”

  “Until she plays the my vagina card. Then I agree. She needs a babysitter. I thought Eugene was going to stroke out right there. Tony took it like a man though. You ever dated a divorced guy before?”

  “Not to the best of my knowledge.”

  “Huh. Maybe he’ll break your streak.”

  “I really don’t care if he—” She stopped herself.

  But Cinna was quick. “You don’t care if he breaks your streak?”

  Sadie went down on all fours and turned pitiful, I’m tired puppy dog eyes on Pepper. She sucked in a deep breath. “I don’t care if he breaks my streak,” she said slowly, “because dating with the sole purpose of finding a man to marry hasn’t really worked out for me. So I’m trying something different this time.”

  “Just dating him for the sex, huh?”

  “Yep. It’s all about the sex.”

  “Try to keep it at his place. My virgin ears can only take so much.” Cinna stood and stretched, then ambled toward the door. “Don’t go crazy-Pepper on him, okay? I like him. Oh, also? I invited him to the Blueper Bowl Party. And he said yes. Night!”

  She dashed for the stairs.

  And left Pepper with that sinking feeling that her easy weekend had suddenly become infinitely more complicated.

  She’d told Tony not to go.

  Which almost definitely meant he’d show up.

  * * *

  There wasn’t much on TV, but Tony didn’t care. He was content lying in his bed, flipping channels, his mind wandering back to the way Pepper tucked her hair behind her ear when she was nervous and how she always smelled like flowers and all the times she’d made him smile tonight.

  And trying not to glance out his bedroom window toward her backyard.

  Plus, if he moved, he’d risk disturbing Lucky. His little fur ball had curled up on his chest as soon as he propped himself on a mountain of pillows and snagged the remote for his big-screen TV hanging over his carved maple dresser. Her deep, incessant purr vibrated against his chest, and every time he stroked her silky fur, she kneaded her needlepoint claws through his shirt to prick his skin.

  She’d completely destroyed the roll of toilet paper in his bathroom today. The pen cup he kept on his desk had been upended, pens and pencils scattered all over the floor, and he’d dug six paperclips out of her water bowl.

  Perfect, happy little kitty. She made his house a home.

  Not quite the home he’d always wanted—the happy wife, noisy kids, two dogs terrorizing the cat and probably a hamster and a bird and maybe a pet snake too—but more of a home than he’d thought he’d have again after Tabitha happened.

  His phone buzzed on the nightstand. Lucky lifted her head to give him a stern you are not going into work tonight, mister, glare.

  “Just a text message,” he told her. “They’d call if I had to go in.”

  She stretched out her claws and pushed the pads of her front feet into his pec, then settled her head back down with a kitty sigh. He dropped the remote and eased his phone off the nightstand to peer at the screen.

  Did you tell Cinna you’d come to the Blueper Bowl Party Sunday night?

  He almost laughed. For a woman with ten sisters, she was remarkably gullible. Thank you for coming to my house tonight, Tony, he typed back. I’m so grateful to you for playing the part of the doting boyfriend even though it meant we all had to picture my grandmother doing the hibbity-jibbity with Eugene during that one horrible round.

  Her texting bubble popped up nearly as soon as he hit send.

  Maybe he’d get lucky and she’d send him a boob shot.

  His groin stirred.

  You’re a prince among men, Pepper replied. Especially if you stay out of the Blueper Bowl party. This is legitimately for your own good.

  Screw texting. He hit her number, and she picked up before he heard the phone ring on his end. “It’s four solid hours of family time. My parents will be there too, along with both my brothers and my three brothers-in-law and all eight of my nieces, plus the babies, and I halfway expect Sage to bring an animal, though I haven’t heard what her latest pet is. Last time it was a turtle, which was a big improvement over the snake.”

  “I’m not worried. I’m bringing my family with me for backup.”

  She squeaked. No words, just a little squeak. Lucky lifted her head and sniffed at the phone, white whiskers quivering on either side of her nose.

  Tony let himself chuckle. “You got played.”

  “I—dammit. She didn’t invite you at all, did she? She’s getting salt in her coffee tomorrow morning.”

  “You fix her coffee?”

  “No, but I control the sugar bowl.”

  “That’s why my sugar bowl is full of sprinkles. Nobody colors salt.”

  He could picture her tilting her head, debating with herself if he was serious. She burst out in laughter. He smiled and rubbed Lucky harder.

  “They’re green,” he added. “My sisters won’t touch it because they think I’ve let my sugar go moldy.”

  “If you show up at the Blueper Bowl, I might accidentally lose that paperwork to get Pepperoni Tony’s on the recommended restaurant list. Don’t think being invited to one basketball game means you’re in.”

  She wasn’t subtle, was she? Refreshing, if he were being honest. He’d never been able to read Tabitha’s mind, and he’d thought he’d enjoyed the challenge, but now he didn’t have the patience for bullshit. “Four biggest pizza holidays of the year—New Year’s, Thanksgiving, Halloween, and the Super Bowl. I’ll be working.”

  “Oh. Right.”

  “Happy to deliver something to my favorite customer though.”

  “Oh, stop.”

  “You’re right. I like that chick over on Elm better. Gives better tips, if you know what I mean.”

  “Elm? Isn’t that the street they call Widow Row? You know why those old ladies are tipping you, and don’t try to deny it. But now I’m wondering if you were here tonight for me, or if you were here for Gran. Tony Cross, you like the cougars, don’t you?”

  Normalcy was highly underrated. This—outrageous conversations with a pretty girl who didn’t want him after a fun non-date date—was damn near perfect. “I don’t care how old they are, so long as they’re tigers in bed.”

  She laughed again.

  Home run.

  “You busy tomorrow?” he heard himself ask.

  And there was the awkward pause. The reminder that she was fun, but not real, and they’d already broken the no-date rule this week.

  “I have to work,” she said. “With Nat out on maternity leave, things are a little crazy at the boutique.”

  “Crazy busy, or crazy falling apart?” He’d seen both at Pepperoni Tony’s. Some good, some bad, some his fault.

  “Busy. Good. I like the crazy days. Reminds me of being home.”

  “Because having your grandmother and Cinna living with you isn’t enough?”

  “Compared to wondering if you’ll find all your underwear flying on the flagpole when you get back in from feeding the goats in the morning, and not being sure who to go after for revenge, so you plot vengeance against twelve people instead, while proactively working to pin said revenge on one of those said twelve? Nope. Gran and Cinna by themselves are actually easy.”

  There was a smile in her voice, and his shoulders relaxed. Lucky purred harder on his chest. “Sounds like sheer insanity.”

  “You have siblings?”

  “A few.”

  “They didn’t prank each other all the time?”

  “Never lived with all of them at the same time.”

  “You let that stop you?”

  “I was a highly responsible child. Adulthood corrupted me.
Speaking of, what are you wearing right now?”

  “A red teddy and four-inch heels.”

  He bolted upright. Lucky leapt off him, leaving scratches down his chest, and scrambled under the bed. The lame come-on had rolled off his tongue with the practiced ease of a man who’d spent the better part of the last year convincing his family that his heart hadn’t been shattered beyond repair, but he hadn’t had as much recent experience with instant hard-ons. “Be right there.”

  “No, wait, I’m in a University of Missouri T-shirt and pajama pants with singing hamsters. Whoops. The teddy was last night.”

  “Slippers?”

  “Toe socks with rainbow toes.”

  His chest ached, and not just where Lucky had scratched him. “Hair up or down?”

  “In old granny curlers. I’m about to put a plastic bag on my head and apply a green face mask too.”

  The idea of watching Pepper go through a nightly routine—with or without the curlers—was so domestic, it should’ve choked him. Instead, he was getting harder with every word she uttered.

  Nightly rituals were so intimate. Watching a woman, unguarded, in her own haven, with no more pretenses to keep up for the world at large, was more revealing than if she’d stripped naked.

  I got so mad at my boss today, but I couldn’t tell him without wanting to cry, Tabitha had confessed to Tony one night early in their marriage while he leaned in the doorway to the bathroom and watched her wash off her makeup.

  I always wanted to be a teacher, but I’m not smart enough for college, another night. He’d offered to put her through school, to let her prove to herself that she could do it, but she’d declined.

  Showing her insecurities. Her fears. Her lack of confidence. He’d tried to tell her she could do anything, but that he’d love her even if she never wanted to do more than work as a cashier at the dollar store in Willow Glen. She’d never believed him.

  But she’d believed her lover.

  “Not so eager to come over now, are you?” Pepper teased.

  He swallowed hard. “Nope. I like my women dolled up and stripped down. Speaking of, what are you doing after work tomorrow?”