Ashamed (The Family #3)

by Sam Crescent

  “That must be nice.”

  “It’s nice not to have to worry about everything all the time. I want a place for you, Christie, and any children we have to be safe.”

  “I have every faith in you.”

  When they couldn’t stay back any longer, Luiz took her forward for the introductions. Staring at the man who had ordered the kill on Xander was hard. Being forced to be polite and shake his hand was even harder. What she hated even more was how damn nice Tulip was, and her kids.

  Tulip and Bracken weren’t a recent couple. They had a twenty-one-year-old daughter, Emily.

  With everyone playing nice, Raine took a seat at the edge of the garden, watching.

  Movement behind her made her look to see Reese Turner, one of the guards, the one with the scarred face.

  “Are you hungry, Reese?” she asked. Whenever she saw him around the apartment block she would take him coffee or some food, talk with him for a few minutes.

  “No. I’ve already eaten. Zara’s pizzas are legendary. How are you holding up?”

  “Fine. I guess. Do you know who Bracken is?” she asked.

  “Even to this day his reputation precedes him. What happened to him was awful, and I for one am glad I didn’t participate. Look what they did to his face, not to mention his body.”

  She swallowed the lump in her throat, and nodded. “It is awful.”

  Raine found herself staring at Bracken, wondering if she could ever find it in her heart to forgive him. He was part of The Family. She saw that now more than ever. There was no way she could kill him, or even convince Luiz to do it. In the past couple of months, or over the past few years, she had realized the importance of The Family, and why it needed to change. Luiz, Donnie, Tonio, and Jake, they were four men that had grown up in this life. They knew no different, and they believed in being fair. She had to trust in that.

  ****

  Jake grabbed a bottle of soda out of the fridge and opened it up.

  “Hey, I don’t suppose you could tell me where the toilet is, do you?”

  He lowered the can to see Emily, Bracken’s daughter, standing in the doorway.

  “Yeah, first floor on the right. You can’t miss it.”

  Emily smiled. “Thank you.” She turned away, turned back, and hesitated.

  “What?” he asked.

  “You’re not one for pleasantries I see.”

  “Don’t really have time for them.”

  “And you don’t want to waste them on a man’s daughter?” she asked.

  Jake shrugged. “What do you want?”

  She folded her arms. “You’re the children of the monsters who ordered that done to his face, right?”

  Jake gripped his soda can until it squashed sending liquid all over his hand. “What’s your point?”

  “I don’t think he should trust you. He got hurt by you guys before, and it’s in your blood to betray.”

  “Look, little girl, you think you know what you’re talking about? You’re wrong. None of us ordered that attack on your father. You can believe me or not, but we’ve gone through fucking hell and back to make sure no one suffers like he did, or anyone within The Family. So watch your tongue. Those men out there, they’re my family. My brothers. Don’t you dare insult them.”

  Emily paled. “I’m sorry.”

  “You should be.” He moved away from her, and as he got to the door, he looked back to find her staring right back at him.

  Interesting.

  Chapter Twelve

  Three months later

  Raine had been able to avoid any more Bracken meet-ups. Xander’s ashes were still in the urn, and now she was looking into her future. Christie had settled into her new school, and cleaning the apartment every single day wasn’t what she wanted to be doing for the next fifty years, so she grabbed Luiz’s laptop, and just went ahead, and started on researching what to do with her life.

  College was out of the question. She doubted she had what it actually took to stick with college. She loved being at home, cooking and baking, helping Christie out. There was something more she wanted to do. Christmas was just around the corner, and to get herself out there, she decided to take a small evening class three times a week in culinary school.

  The local college had several classes, and she was working her way through them until she found something that suited her.

  Other than Bracken, and her inability to know what to do next with her life, everything was perfect. Luiz was … amazing. He was the perfect guy, minus the job where he carried a gun and killed people.

  He opened up to her about absolutely everything, so she knew that he wasn’t always happy with doing what he did. It was his job, nothing more.

  One December night, it was snowing quite badly, and she didn’t want to call Luiz to pick her up, so she walked the few miles home. Her teacher had let them all out early so there was less risk with half of the class driving home. The entire city was aglow for Christmas, looking breathtakingly beautiful.

  Putting in her earbuds, she wrapped her jacket around her, and speed walked all the way to the apartment block.

  She rushed in, giving Reese a wave as she always did and ran to the elevator. “Hold it, please,” she said, rushing on.

  Her hands were numb, as were her cheeks. She turned to say thank you only to freeze. There, by her side, stood Bracken.

  “Oh,” she said.

  She was about to get off the elevator when it started moving up.

  “Hello, Raine,” he said.

  His voice was incredibly deep, and scary. She nodded, and it was hard for her not to look at him, as their reflections could be easily seen in the doors. Closing her eyes, she wondered if anyone was actually looking down on her. Her music had died, the device running out of batteries. Now she was on an elevator, which suddenly stopped.

  She frowned, looking at the buttons to see them all flashing.

  “That’s not good.” Bracken reached out, tapping the buttons.

  When that didn’t work, he hit the console, and again, nothing happened.

  “Stop hitting it. You’ll break it.” She grabbed his arm, and pulled him away. Going to the emergency phone, she dialed the front desk. “Hi, Reese,” she said.

  “We’ve already put a call out to come and help you.”

  “Does Luiz know I’m here?”

  “Yes, and he’s pissed. I’ve got you on the camera, you and Bracken.”

  Not that it would do any good. If Bracken wanted to murder her, he could do it easily now.

  “Do you want to talk to them?” she asked.

  He took the phone from her, and she took a seat in the corner of the elevator, and decided to just relax and wait.

  “It’s not like we can do a great deal, is it?” Bracken asked. Seconds later he slammed the phone down. She opened one eye to see him take a seat in the opposite corner. “Well, it looks like you can’t avoid me anymore.”

  She glared at him and didn’t say anything.

  “You’re going to remain silent the entire time.”

  Again, she ignored him.

  Seconds passed, and when she was able to feel her fingers, she removed the gloves, followed by the scarf.

  “I didn’t ask for this,” Bracken said.

  She opened her eyes, and looked at him. “What?”

  He pointed at his face. “Working for The Family was a great honor to me. I enjoyed it. I knew I could get men to be better.”

  “The very men you helped to save, ruined you.”

  “They didn’t ruin me. I had loyal men, and they helped me to escape. Even Xander helped me, but he wanted something from me.”

  “And yet you still killed him.” She stared at him, seeing the monster that he was, and yet, his eyes, they held a pain she had never even seen before. “Did you want to kill him?”

  “No. I taught Xander. We used to train everyone together. We were the top dogs. Expendable to a point, but we knew who a snitch was from a good, hard-working sold
ier. We both knew a change was coming, and that we’d have to be expelled, eliminated. We posed a threat for our beliefs.”

  “What do you mean?” she asked.

  “There are two types of soldiers in my mind. There’s the type that will shoot first, ask questions later. Then there is one who will reason, who will do everything before blood is spilt.”

  “Which one were you?”

  “I was the latter. I didn’t believe violence was always the key, but the boys’ parents, they believed that fear was the answer. Once you are feared, you will remain in power, ruling over the few.”

  “You didn’t agree with that?” she asked.

  “No. I’m of the great belief that you can reason with nearly everyone. There’s some blood that has to be spilt. It always does. I was starting to become a problem because I wouldn’t just start shooting. I’d wait. Bide my time. See what else there was to be done.”

  “They didn’t like it.”

  “No, they didn’t.”

  “So what happened for Xander? Why did you target him if he was one of the men that helped you?” she asked.

  “When I came to, he was there, and he told me. He told me that he was disgusted with himself, and he didn’t know why he didn’t just pull the trigger and end my misery rather than add to it. Xander was … broken before the attack, but this just took him over the edge.”

  “Would you want him to end your misery?” she asked.

  Bracken shook his head. “No matter what was done to my body, I couldn’t do that to Tulip. She is the light of my life.”

  She smiled, thinking of Luiz. “I know what you mean.”

  “The memory of her. That kept me safe.”

  “Xander gave me the gun, and told me to kill him. He told me to end his life, and I refused. I wasn’t going to help him like that. So, we had an agreement. Xander helped me, and in return, in years to come, he was going to ask me for a favor, and I would have no choice but to do as he asked. He knew even then that the only person capable of having him killed was me. Xander was damn good at hiding, but he also knew that I wasn’t going to kill him myself, and he wasn’t going to force me that day, after everything.”

  “I know. He taught me everything I know, but I also know that Xander was a man who struggled at times.”

  Bracken nodded. “I got a call a week before, and he told me it was time. I asked him why now? Why not just live? I didn’t want to kill him, and I could hear the happiness in his voice. I was over what had happened, and he needed to do the same.”

  Tears filled her eyes. “What did he say?”

  “He told me that no matter how happy he was, he couldn’t stop the darkness. It was his time to go. He’d done what he needed and that was to bring two people together. I had no idea you were there, Raine. I didn’t want to do it, but a deal’s a deal. Xander and I, we had an agreement, and I don’t care if others understand it. It’s between the two of us.”

  “You’ve killed the other men who hurt you?” she asked.

  “Yes. The men who helped me, I spared. Killing Xander went against everything that I believe. I hope in time that you can forgive me, but I understand why you don’t. Why you won’t even talk with my wife.”

  The moment Tulip arrived at Paige or Zara’s house, Raine always found an excuse to leave.

  “Tulip, she’s everything that is good. She’s pure in so many things, and all I ask is you don’t blame her for my shame.”

  Raine wiped away the tears that were sliding down her cheeks. “You certainly have a way with words.”

  “I would do anything to make this easier for you, Raine. I accept that I’ve hurt you. Every time I look at you, and at Luiz, I know I took someone dear to you. I can handle that pain. Don’t do it to my wife. We want to make this work for all of us. I believe I can help make The Family great again, just like your man does. We can work together as a team.”

  Tears slid down her cheeks, and she released a little breath.

  “I know this is going to sound weird, but I don’t suppose I can give you a hug right now?” she asked.

  “Even with this face?” he asked.

  “Xander had a lot of scars. They mean nothing to me.” He opened his arms, and she moved toward him, and sank against him. She knew Xander, knew him better than he even realized. Everything that Bracken said was the truth.

  “Does this mean I’m forgiven?” he asked.

  “Yes. It’s hard. I’m not going to lie. I wanted to kill you. I hated that they were going to partner with you, but … he taught me better than to act with the gun first.” He’d trained her to keep an open mind, and she wasn’t going to dishonor Xander’s memory by going against his most fundamental teachings.

  “Thank you, Raine. It means a lot to me.”

  She nodded.

  “I hate to say this to you, but, erm, I really hate tight, closed spaces, and I’m struggling to keep it together,” he said.

  Raine looked up at him, and saw his brow was covered in perspiration. “You’re not joking?”

  “Nope. It’s one fear I was never able to conquer.”

  He was breathing deeply.

  “I think you’re incredibly brave,” she said. “Tell me about Tulip, and your kids.”

  She distracted him, helping him, and the situation was entirely surreal to her. For the next hour she listened to the love he had for his family, and knew in her heart that Xander would be proud of her. This would be what he wanted from her.

  After two hours, they finally got out of the elevator. Luiz was there with Christie, as was the rest of The Family.

  Going into Luiz’s waiting arms, she enjoyed his warmth.

  “Do I have to be worried?” he asked.

  “No. Were you?”

  “A little. I know how damn hot you are. Why didn’t you call me to come and pick you up?” he asked.

  Christie was asleep against his chest. She stroked a hand down their girl’s back, and smiled. “I didn’t want her to get worse.”

  She took another deep breath, and turned toward Tulip. “I was wondering if you and your family would like to come to our place tomorrow for dinner.”

  Tulip looked so damn happy, and nodded. “I’d love that.”

  It was the start of the future, and that was what she wanted to do.

  ****

  “What if she says no?” Charlene asked.

  Luiz glared at her. “Whose side are you on?”

  “Well, I don’t know. Raine’s side. You’re asking her to marry you. Shouldn’t you know she’s going to say yes?”

  “I’m hoping she’ll love me enough to say yes.”

  “Oh, so you don’t know?” Charlene asked.

  “Stopping being mean,” Tulip said. She carried out the plates. They were having dinner in Donnie and Paige’s house. The tree was in the corner surrounded by presents. This year was going to be pretty special for him. He didn’t have to worry about splitting his Christmas down between his friends and his family. They could all be together.

  “Reese is bringing her and Christie. They had to pick up a couple of gifts,” Paige said, entering the kitchen. She had given birth two weeks ago to a little boy, called Donnie Junior.

  Luiz was really happy for his friends.

  His hands were shaking as he looked down at the engagement ring.

  “She’ll say yes,” Bracken said.

  “How do you know?”

  “She loves you, doesn’t she? She gave up her whole life for you and Christie. Raine’s a strong woman, and she doesn’t strike me as the kind to do something like that unless she loved them.” Bracken patted his shoulder. “Are you ready to be married?”

  Luiz was more than ready. He wanted to bind Raine to him so that he didn’t have to worry about her hiding from him. He was aware of Xander’s skill. His friend had taught Raine everything he knew, and now it was up to Luiz to keep her by his side. The more he thought about it, the more he was sure that Xander had done it on purpose. Luiz had never have b
een one that liked things to come to him easily. He had always appreciated something that he had to work for.

  “Yeah, I am.”

  The front door opened, and Luiz made his way toward her, and toward his future.

  “Wow, that is so damn cold.” Raine removed her jacket, and she stood beside Reese. The moment she caught sight of Luiz, she smiled. “Do you want to feel how cold I am?” she asked.

  She placed her hands on his cheeks, and Luiz knew this was the perfect time.

  Sinking to one knee, he held out the black velvet box.

  “That wasn’t what you practiced,” Donnie said.

  “Marry me, Raine. Please?” He held the box open, and she smiled. Behind her back, she held out another box.

  “I’ll marry you, if you marry me? What do you say?” she asked, going to one knee before him.

  “You bought me a ring?”

  “I figured if I left it to you, I might not get married until my thirties, and then my early forties before kids. I wanted to speed it along. Of course I’d marry you.” She took the ring out of the box, and they placed their rings on their fingers.

  Raine flung herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

  With their family and friends around them, he kissed Raine’s mouth, thankful that she had never given up on him. She had made him the happiest man in the world, and he didn’t care how clichéd it was.

  Epilogue

  “Are you ready for this?” Raine asked.

  “Yes. It’s what he would have wanted, and keeping him on our shelf wouldn’t have been it,” Luiz said. He held the urn as he looked out of the ocean. They had taken a journey on a small ferry. He’d paid so that he and Raine were the only two there.

  Christie was at school.

  She was too young, and he didn’t want this to touch her.

  “Do you want to say anything?” he asked.

  “Xander, I hope you find the peace that you’ve been craving all your life. I’ll always remember you, and I’ll always think of you. You’ll never be forgotten,” she said.

  “Old man, there were times I wanted to kill you myself. You would always challenge me, always question me. You were just trying to make me a better man, and for that, I’ll always be grateful. You gave me everything I was searching for. I hope that in the time that I knew you, I gave you something you always wanted.” Luiz finished, and he swallowed away his own tears. Upending the urn, he watched as the ashes fell to the water.