Jordan pulled the sheet back. Even though she’d vowed to keep their relationship strictly platonic, she was having a difficult time keeping that promise. She wanted to soothe Kirsten, comfort her, and make her feel safe. Those were not feelings she had for her other friends, but when it came to Kirsten, she just couldn’t seem to help herself.
“Here, scoot over and lie on your side facing the window.”
Jordan got under the covers and moved up behind Kirsten, spooning her. She wrapped her arm around Kirsten’s waist and pulled Kirsten tight into her body. “Try to relax now. I’ve got you. I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”
Kirsten placed a hand over hers. “I know.”
Jordan felt Kirsten’s body relax and her breathing even out, indicating she had fallen back asleep. She relished holding Kirsten in her arms, and the fact their bodies fit so well was both comforting and frightening. Her defenses were slipping, and her feelings for Kirsten were deepening.
Jordan had lived for so long believing that she was fine on her own, and the only woman she ever needed in her life was the one who warmed her bed on occasion. She didn’t need to risk breaking her heart again. But Kirsten was different. Jordan could feel it in her soul, and against her wishes, the walls she had firmly erected around her heart began to crumble. She wasn’t quite ready for that to happen just yet, but she didn’t seem to have a choice in the matter. All she knew for sure was that since she and Kirsten had grown closer, Kirsten had invaded her thoughts more than anything—or anyone—had ever done before.
Jordan snuggled closer to Kirsten and inhaled deeply, needing Kirsten’s scent to calm her racing heart. She was a tangle of various emotions—excitement, fear, desire, nervousness, arousal, and worst of all, confliction. What if Kirsten decided to go back to John? What if she decided she wanted to be with her? Would she be able to trust Kirsten to stay true to her? Or would she live in constant fear of Kirsten cheating on her the way Kelly had? Kirsten was a woman who deserved to be trusted, but Jordan wasn’t sure if she was capable of doing that.
Before she became too overwhelmed, Jordan took a few deep breaths and willed herself to go to sleep. She didn’t need to make any decisions tonight. Tonight, she would just enjoy having Kirsten in her arms. Tomorrow, she could make herself crazy with all of the “what-ifs.”
Chapter Thirty-one
Once Jordan had finally calmed her mind, she’d slept deeply and peacefully, and the next morning she woke to the smell of pancakes and sausage wafting into the room. It took her a moment to remember why she was in the guest bed, but she smiled widely when she recalled holding Kirsten through the night.
She brought Kirsten’s pillow up to her face and took a deep breath to inhale Kirsten’s sweet smell before she heard the clearing of a throat. Busted! She moaned, utterly embarrassed that she’d gotten caught in the act. She pulled the pillow away to find Kirsten standing in the doorway with her arms crossed over her chest.
Kirsten was smirking at her. “Good morning. How did you sleep?”
“I slept like a baby. That was the longest uninterrupted sleep I’ve had in a long time.” She looked over at the clock and was surprised to see it was almost eight a.m. “Oh, man. I can’t believe I slept so late. What time did you get up?”
“About an hour ago. You looked so peaceful, I was afraid I would wake you when I got out of bed, but you didn’t move an inch.”
Jordan noticed Kirsten was still in her T-shirt and boxers, and her fingers itched to slide up Kirsten’s tantalizing thigh and work their way inside those shorts. Somehow, she managed to resist the urge. Kirsten looked so soft, so beautiful, sitting on the bed next to her. “How did you sleep? Any more bad dreams?”
Kirsten shook her head. “Not a one. I slept very peacefully in your arms. You made me feel very well protected. Thank you for helping me last night.”
Jordan sat up and leaned toward Kirsten but stopped herself before she could wrap her arms around Kirsten and just hold her. She needed to try to keep things platonic. “Do you smell something burning?”
Kirsten jumped off the bed and ran out of the room shouting, “Shit, I forgot about breakfast.”
Jordan made her way into the kitchen to find Kirsten cursing under her breath. She laughed when she saw her in disarray. Kirsten turned with a frown. “I wanted to make you a nice Sunday breakfast.”
“It’s not the food that makes this a nice Sunday. It’s you being here that makes it nice. We could have toast and juice, and it would be perfect.”
“Well, I managed to not burn all of it. At least the sausage and the first batch of pancakes are edible. Go take a seat at the table, and I’ll bring you over a plate.”
Kirsten fixed her a plate and filled a glass with orange juice and then placed the food and juice in front of Jordan. Kirsten then returned with her own breakfast. Jordan was famished, and the mouthwatering aroma made her stomach growl. She took a bite of pancake, closed her eyes, and moaned.
“What did you put in these? These are the best pancakes in the whole world.”
Kirsten looked pleased. “I followed my grandmother’s recipe and put some vanilla, sugar, and cinnamon into the batter, and then I cooked them in the sausage grease. Do you really like them?”
Jordan nodded. “I love them. I wasn’t kidding when I said these were the best pancakes in the world.” She grinned. “At least the best I’ve ever tasted. If there’s a better pancake out there somewhere, well, I just don’t think there is.”
She loved the look of pleasure on Kirsten’s face and reminded herself to make sure she continued to compliment Kirsten to inspire that expression.
When they’d finished eating, Jordan started to gather the dishes and take them to the kitchen. Kirsten stood and intercepted, snagging the plates from her. “We’re not going to have this conversation again, are we? Go sit down.”
She knew better now than to challenge Kirsten when she had her mind set on something, so she shrugged and made her way to the couch. The Sunday paper had been spread out on the coffee table with the sports section sitting right on top. She was touched that Kirsten had remembered what she’d said about her grandfather instructing her to read the sports section first. That little act of thoughtfulness made Jordan continue to question her exile on relationships.
Kirsten eventually came into the living room with an ice pack and Ace wrap. She sat at the opposite end of the couch, placed a pillow in her lap, expertly wrapped the ice pack around Jordan’s swollen ankle, and laid her legs across the pillow. She grabbed the metro section and started to read the front page, gently stroking Jordan’s lower leg as she did.
Jordan tried to calm her racing heart and picked up the sports section. She started to read the piece on the young star making a name for herself on the women’s national soccer team, but she could only concentrate on the feel of Kirsten’s hand rubbing her leg.
Her mind began to take her away to a future that included spending Sunday mornings just like this one. She envisioned Kirsten in the kitchen making breakfast as she let their dog outside. She saw them strolling the neighborhood hand in hand, taking the dog for a walk. Jordan had never really given much thought to having children, but in her mind’s eye, she saw them pushing a stroller that held a mini version of Kirsten with dark brown hair and bright blue eyes.
Tears welled in her eyes and started to escape, and she was grateful she had the newspaper covering her face. She didn’t want Kirsten to know she was crying. What would she say? Nothing to worry about, Kirsten. I just imagined us married, with a kid and a dog, living happily ever after. Jordan wiped the tears from her cheeks and again attempted to read the paper.
She flashed back to her time with Kelly. At the ripe old age of twenty-two, she had pictured the same scene with Kelly. But now that she was older—and possibly wiser—she realized that while what she’d felt for Kelly had been love, it hadn’t been an all-consuming love.
Jordan had an inkling she was in the infancy of that type of l
ove now. She felt things for Kirsten that she hadn’t felt for Kelly. Kelly had meant so much to her at the time, but those feelings were different from the ones she already had for Kirsten.
Jordan had a great time sleeping with women, but maybe Alex had been right. Maybe there was potential for her to fall in love again. Hell, it had been seven years. Perhaps it was time for her to give this another shot. Kirsten was special. It would be so easy to fall in love with her.
Don’t kid yourself, J. You’ve already fallen. Just keep it on the back burner until Kirsten makes a decision about her marriage. She has to make up her own mind without any influence from you.
*
After a day of doing nothing but lounging and napping, Kirsten cooked a simple dinner of turkey burgers and sweet potato fries. Kirsten had picked up moments of melancholy from Jordan during the day, but when she’d tried to ask about them, Jordan had just brushed her off and told her it was nothing.
Once the dishes were done, Kirsten saw it was getting late and reluctantly decided she needed to get home to get ready for her workweek. She didn’t want to leave, but Jordan was getting around much better now and said that she could manage on her own. Jordan walked her to her car and opened the door for her.
“Are you sure you’ll be okay on your own?”
“I’m fine. I appreciate all of your help this weekend. I don’t know what I would have done without you nursing me back to health.”
She playfully slapped at Jordan’s arm. “You stay out of trouble for the rest of the night. Don’t make me come back to punish you.”
“Ooh, promises, promises.”
She blushed. Jordan laughed and leaned in to kiss her on the cheek, but she turned her head, leading Jordan’s lips to hers. It was a soft, gentle kiss that lingered for a few seconds, and it was enough to make her a little dizzy. Jordan rested her forehead against her own then backed up to close the door.
Kirsten rolled her window down, not wanting the night to end. What she really wanted to do was go back inside with Jordan and go to sleep in her arms again. Maybe some time apart would help her come to a conclusion about what she should do. Or, at the very least, get closer to coming to a decision.
She started the car, and Jordan stepped away. She backed out of the driveway, and before she drove off, she waved to Jordan one last time. She looked in the rearview mirror before she turned the corner and saw that Jordan was still watching her.
Kirsten returned home to find the message light blinking on her voice mail. There was a message from her mom just calling to say hi. She realized it had been a couple of weeks since she had talked to her parents but saw it was too late to call them back. She would call the next day to catch up.
The next message was from John, and he sounded a little irritated. “Hi, baby. I tried calling your cell, but I guess you have it turned off. I was hoping to get together today to talk. I’m getting a little worried. I hope you’re okay. Call me please.”
Kirsten pulled her cell out of her purse and noted the battery had died. “Oops.” She hooked the cell phone to the charger, then dialed John’s number.
“Kirsten?”
“Hi, John. I’m sorry about missing your call, but I just realized my phone was dead.”
“Why was it dead? Did you forget to charge it last night?”
“Um, no, I didn’t have my charger with me.”
“Where were you last night?” John sounded annoyed.
“I was with Jordan. I told you yesterday that we were going out to dinner last night.”
“What does that have to do with you not charging your phone last night?”
Kirsten sighed and decided to tell him the truth. “I went to Jordan’s basketball game, and she injured her ankle. She could barely walk, and I thought she needed my help, so I spent the night. I just got home.”
“It’s nine o’clock. Jesus, what have you been doing all day?”
She didn’t like John’s tone and was becoming agitated. “It’s none of your business what I’ve been doing all day. Besides, I already told you that I was helping Jordan. Why are you getting so pissed?”
Kirsten heard John blow out a forced breath. “I’m sorry. I was just worried about you when I couldn’t reach you. I wanted to get together, but it’s late. Can we meet during the week sometime? How about I take you to dinner? Just let me know what day works best.”
“Sure. Let me call you tomorrow when I see what my work calendar shows.”
“Okay. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I love you, Kirsten, and I’m sorry I got upset.”
“It’s okay. We’ll talk tomorrow.”
Kirsten hung up. She poured herself a glass of merlot and went out to the patio. She turned on the pool lights and sat at the table, reminiscing over the weekend spent with Jordan.
She couldn’t remember when she had felt so relaxed or had so much fun doing practically nothing. She thought of sleeping in Jordan’s arms last night, having breakfast with her this morning, and the feel of Jordan’s smooth skin under her touch. She recalled their good-bye kiss, and her stomach fluttered.
Kirsten looked out to the pool and remembered the night Jordan had come over for dinner. She thought about having her legs wrapped around Jordan and kissing passionately and felt warmth and wetness pool between her legs. The memory sparked a slow roll in her stomach, and her pulse started racing.
She had never in her life been as turned on as she had that night in the pool with Jordan. But this weekend had been different. This weekend, there had also been tenderness, affection, and friendship. They had fallen into a familiarity, like they had known each other and been together all their lives.
Kirsten couldn’t deny that she felt strongly for Jordan. She was starting to accept that she had never felt like this about another person, and she went to bed imagining being wrapped in Jordan’s strong arms.
Chapter Thirty-two
The week had been a busy one for Kirsten but not so busy that she couldn’t text Jordan occasionally during the days. Just little messages. Good morning. Thinking of you. How’s your day? What are you wearing? Well, not that last one, but she had thought about it before deciding it was too soon for that.
Some of their texts had even developed into some light flirting and bantering. Kirsten had a hard time concentrating on work and found herself grinning whenever her phone alerted her to a new text. But she also felt a little guilty flirting with Jordan before settling things with John.
It had taken some serious soul searching, but toward the end of the week, she had finally accepted that her marriage was over, and it had nothing to do with her growing feelings for Jordan.
She had known for some time that she didn’t love her husband the way a wife should, and she knew that if they got back together, they would both end up being miserable. She had to gather her courage, put on her big girl panties, and let John go. He was a wonderful man, and he deserved to have true love in his life, but that wasn’t something she could give him any longer.
Kirsten had called John earlier in the week to arrange to have dinner with him on Friday night at a nearby Italian restaurant. As she walked through the door, she spotted him at the bar, sipping on what she presumed to be his favorite scotch. She approached him and touched him on the shoulder, and he turned to greet her.
Her stomach was in turmoil. She had been dreading this dinner all week, knowing that she was going to end her marriage for good tonight, but she still wasn’t sure exactly what she was going to say to him. She didn’t plan on bringing up her feelings for Jordan, but she knew she wouldn’t lie to him if the topic came up.
She hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Jordan and the way she felt when they were together. She was sure that she wanted to explore what could develop in their relationship and desperately hoped Jordan felt the same. But before she could even begin to think about that, she needed to end things with John.
John stood and hugged her, bringing her back to the present. “Hi, Kirsten. You look beaut
iful tonight.”
Kirsten looked down at herself and surveyed the outfit she barely remembered choosing—a blue print silk dress that came to just above her knees and black pumps. “Thank you, John. You look nice yourself.” He was dressed in a navy blue pinstripe suit that she’d always thought he’d looked particularly handsome in.
“Our table should be ready anytime. Would you like to order a drink now or wait until we’re seated?”
She fidgeted and tried to calm her breathing. “I’ll wait.”
Her heart began to thunder as the hostess showed them to a table in the back corner of the restaurant. She was grateful they would be far enough from the other tables that they would be able to have a relatively private conversation.
She took her time looking at the menu despite the fact that she wasn’t hungry because of the roiling in her stomach. She didn’t want to be there, nor did she want to have this discussion with John. What she really wanted was to be in Jordan’s arms where she was safe, calm, and cared for. The waiter appeared to take their orders, and once they were placed, they were alone.
“What’s wrong, honey?” John asked.
Tears stung her eyes, and she looked up from the napkin in her lap. “I’ve been thinking about our marriage. I think it’s best if we filed for divorce.” The tears started to escape, and she dabbed at them with her napkin. “You were right to leave in the first place. There has been something lacking in our marriage for quite some time, but you were the one with enough guts to leave. I love you, but I don’t love you enough to stay married. You deserve to be with a woman who will. You are such a wonderful man, but we both deserve to have passion and intimacy in our lives. We don’t have it with each other.”
John sat there with a stunned look on his face. “Kirsten, I love you, and I’ll do anything to make you happy. Please don’t do this. Give us another chance.”
New Beginnings Page 15