Kirsten placed her hand on top of his. “I can’t. Neither of us would be happy, and I think you know that.”
She saw the question in his eyes even before he asked it. “Are you seeing someone? Is that why you don’t want to get back together?”
“No, I’m not seeing anyone.” She hoped John couldn’t see the conflicting emotions she was experiencing. Even though she and Jordan weren’t dating—they hung out and talked on the phone often, but dating had never been mentioned—and they were technically still in the “friend” category, she felt like she wasn’t being completely truthful.
“But there is someone else, isn’t there?”
Well, there it was. The moment of truth. “Yes.” It came out as a whisper, but John obviously heard it perfectly clearly. She wiped her sweaty palms on her napkin and averted her eyes. She had a strong desire to flee the restaurant.
“Who?”
“John, I’m not ready to talk about this yet.”
John slammed his hand on the table, causing water to spill over the rims of the glasses and nearby patrons to turn toward them. “Goddamn it, Kirsten. Tell me!”
“Keep your voice down. You’re making a scene.”
“I don’t give a fuck if I’m causing a scene. I want to know who it is.”
“It’s Jordan. I have feelings for Jordan.”
For the second time that night, John looked stunned and was speechless. Kirsten took a couple of big gulps from her wine to try to calm her nerves, waiting for John’s wrath.
“Jordan? Your physical therapist, Jordan? But she’s a woman.” He looked at her with narrowed eyes. “You’re not a lesbian!”
“Shhh. I know she’s a woman, but I’m attracted to her. I can’t explain it to you because I don’t know what to say. All I know is that I’ve developed very strong feelings for her, and I think she feels the same for me.”
“Have you slept with her?”
“That’s none of your goddamned business.” Kirsten’s ire was beginning to build, and her nails were biting into her palms.
“It certainly is my business since you’re still legally my wife.”
“No, I have not slept with her. But I want to.” Shit. Why did you say that? You’re not a vindictive woman.
The look of rage on John’s face scared her.
As the waiter made his way to the table with their dinners, John stood abruptly and bumped into him, knocking over his tray. John fell to the floor as plates and food went flying. Kirsten stood and tried to help, but he slapped her hand away.
“Don’t you fucking touch me!”
John hastily got to his feet and stormed out of the restaurant. Kirsten fell back into her chair, astonished at what had just taken place. She could feel the eyes of the other diners boring into her.
The manager of the restaurant approached her. “I’m so very sorry, madam. I’ll be sure to have another meal made for you immediately.”
Her face, neck, and ears were impossibly hot. She shook her head and looked up. “That’s not necessary. I’m sorry for disturbing your patrons. Please let me pay for the damage and the meals we ordered.”
He placed his hand on her shoulder and smiled gently. “Please don’t worry. Do you need for me to call you a cab?”
“No, thank you. I have my car around the corner.” She had never in her life wished the earth would open up and swallow her as badly as she did just then.
“Would you like me to walk you to your car? I’m afraid that gentleman you were with seemed quite angry. I want to make sure you are safe.”
“That’s very kind of you, but it’s not needed. I appreciate the offer, and again, I’m very sorry for the disturbance.”
Kirsten stood and shook his hand. She stepped around the workers that were valiantly cleaning the mess John had left. Once she reached her car, she slid inside and leaned her head forward on the steering wheel, finally releasing the tears that had been threatening to fall.
Chapter Thirty-three
Jordan was turning off the lights in her house and getting ready to head off to bed when there was a knock on her door. She looked at the clock and wondered who it could be at this late hour.
She peered through the peephole and gasped. Kirsten was standing on her doorstep flushed and red-eyed. Jordan opened the door and pulled her into a hug. While Kirsten sobbed into her chest, Jordan held her tight, wrapping her up in a safe cocoon. She had no idea what had made Kirsten so upset, but she was pretty certain it had to do with her dinner with John.
Kirsten had told her she was having dinner with him tonight but hadn’t said why. Jordan had spent a good portion of the evening alternating between pacing and trying to read a magazine in an attempt to keep her mind off that dinner. She’d felt herself growing closer to Kirsten, especially after the conversations they’d had on the phone all week. But she’d also tried to prepare herself for the possibility that Kirsten might have decided to give her marriage another chance. She knew it would take some time to get over her feelings for Kirsten, but she also knew that she had to have Kirsten in her life, even if it was just as friends.
She pushed aside her anxiety, took Kirsten’s hand, and led her to the bedroom. Without speaking, she turned on the bedside lamp, pulled a T-shirt and boxers out of her dresser, and placed them on the bed. She sat Kirsten on the edge of the mattress and knelt before her.
Jordan removed Kirsten’s pumps then stood and wrapped her arms behind Kirsten to lower the zipper on her dress. Kirsten still had not said anything, and the tears kept falling. She cupped Kirsten’s face in her hands and wiped them away with her thumbs.
“Change into your jammies, and climb into bed while I get you some water.”
Kirsten nodded, and Jordan closed the door behind her to give Kirsten some privacy. As she walked through her condo, she tried to tamp down her anger at John. He must have said or done something to upset Kirsten this much.
A few minutes later, she returned and placed a box of tissues and a glass of water on the nightstand. She went back to her side of the bed and slid between the sheets. Kirsten was lying in a fetal position, and Jordan scooted behind to hold her. At that moment, she couldn’t get close enough to Kirsten. She held her as Kirsten’s body continued to shake while she cried. Her heart broke for Kirsten while she held her tighter.
“It’s going to be okay, sweetheart. You tell me when you’re ready, and we’ll talk. Until then, I’ll hold you. For as long as you want.”
Kirsten just nodded, and Jordan peppered the back of her head with kisses. Tomorrow, she suspected, Kirsten would tell her what happened at dinner, then she would know her future. She hoped to God it involved Kirsten. But whatever the outcome, tonight she would hold her, comfort her, and protect her. This was what Jordan wanted—needed—to do.
*
Jordan felt Kirsten stir some time later and opened her eyes. Kirsten was still wrapped in her arms, but now she was facing her, watching her. She wasn’t sure what time it was, but she knew they had fallen asleep earlier.
“You okay?”
“I will be. I’m sorry about showing up unannounced, but I didn’t know what else to do.”
“You don’t need to apologize. I’m glad you came over.” Jordan gently stroked Kirsten’s back in an attempt to soothe her.
“I had dinner with John tonight to discuss whether we were going to get back together.”
Jordan froze mid stroke. Her heart thrummed in her chest, and she was dizzy. She held her breath.
Kirsten pushed herself up onto her elbow and looked into her eyes. “I told him we wouldn’t be getting back together. I told him that I loved him but was no longer in love with him and that I couldn’t be ever again.” Kirsten moved closer until her lips were just a breath away. She whispered against Jordan’s mouth, “I told him I had feelings for someone else.” Kirsten kissed her softly. “I have feelings for you, Jordan.” Kirsten kissed her again, this time with more passion.
She moaned as Kirsten’s tongue slipped into her mouth
and delicately danced with her own. She wrapped Kirsten in her arms and rolled over so that she was hovering over her. She broke the kiss, leaving both of them breathing hard.
“Are you sure this is what you want, Kirsten? I need you to be sure.”
Kirsten pulled Jordan closer. She needed to feel Jordan’s weight on her. “I’m surer of this than anything else in my life. From the very beginning, I have felt a bond with you that I have never felt before.”
She kissed Jordan again. She was in awe of the softness of Jordan’s mouth and the warmth of her tongue as it traced her lips. Kirsten knew that she would never want to kiss another person—man or woman—ever again. Everything about this felt right, even though she was nervous as hell.
Besides her roommate in college, she had never been sexually attracted to another woman. Would she know what to do? Could she please Jordan? Would she be able to measure up to the other women Jordan had slept with? Calm down, Kirsten. Jordan will help you and be patient with you. You can trust her.
One thing Kirsten knew to be certain—kissing Jordan was like finally finding home. She had always felt as though something had been lacking when she’d kissed men, even John. But kissing Jordan was more than she had ever expected. She’d never been so aroused. She was throbbing and wet. She needed more. She wrapped her arms tightly around Jordan’s waist and moved her hands under Jordan’s shirt, exploring her smooth, muscular back.
Jordan moaned and shivered as Kirsten’s hands found her skin. She shifted her body and insinuated her leg between Kirsten’s. Kirsten began to move her hips against her leg as she broke free from the torrential kisses. She was breathing hard and fast and was so turned on that she didn’t want to stop. But when Kirsten began to remove her shirt, she froze. As excited as she was, she wanted to slow it down, which just confused the hell out of her.
Kirsten looked into her eyes. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”
She rolled off Kirsten onto her back and looked at the ceiling, then took a deep breath. “I can’t do this, Kirsten.”
She heard Kirsten’s breath hitch. “What? Why? Don’t you want this? I thought you felt the same.”
Jordan realized what Kirsten had heard, but that wasn’t what she’d meant. She struggled to find the right words as she gathered Kirsten in her arms. “Oh, no, baby. As much as I want to see where we can take this, I can’t make love to you tonight.” She bit the inside of her cheek and pulled back slightly. “I haven’t been with a woman I really cared about in over seven years, and I want to make sure I do this right. I don’t want us to rush, and I want our first time together to be incredibly special. You mean so much to me, and you deserve the very best I have to offer.”
The words tumbled out so fast, she was unsure if Kirsten realized what she was saying. When she felt Kirsten’s body start to relax, Jordan knew she’d understood.
Kirsten chuckled. “You almost scared me half to death. I thought you were saying you didn’t feel the same.”
“That’s not it at all. But after what I went through with Kelly, I haven’t been able—haven’t wanted—to let another woman into my heart. I built up such strong walls, determined never to get hurt again.” She placed a gentle kiss on Kirsten’s lips. “But you came into my life, and the walls started crumbling. I’ll admit that I’m scared out of my mind of being hurt again, but my heart never stood a chance with you.”
She kissed Kirsten again. “I want to take this slow. Can you be patient with me?”
“Oh, Jordan, of course I can.” Kirsten looked into her eyes. “So, now what do we do?”
She brought Kirsten into her arms. “Now, I hold you all night long, and in the morning, I’ll fix you breakfast.”
Kirsten settled at her side, wrapped an arm around her waist, and laid her head on her shoulder. She squeezed Kirsten tightly. “Sounds like a great plan.”
Chapter Thirty-four
Jordan woke early on Saturday morning to the light of dawn creeping through her blinds. The night before felt like a dream, but it was real. Very real. The weight of Kirsten’s head on her chest, the arm across her waist, and the leg entwined with her own were very real. Jordan had slept with a lot of women, and sometimes she even woke up with them in the morning, but she usually felt suffocated when her sex partner had her body draped over hers. With Kirsten, it was different. She was overcome with a feeling of contentment. It was wonderful, exhilarating, natural, and peaceful.
Jordan recalled Kirsten’s declaration that she had feelings for her, the kisses they’d shared, the near removal of clothes. Had it been anyone other than Kirsten, she would be in a post-coital haze right now. But it was Kirsten, and Jordan was falling for her, too. This was all too new for her, the possibility of making love to a woman she actually cared for, and she wasn’t quite ready for the emotions that realization evoked.
Jordan thought back to the day in the coffeehouse when she’d first spotted Kirsten. She had never seen a woman more stunningly beautiful. Her heart began to race as she recalled the first time they’d met, the electricity she’d felt when they’d shook hands. But it was when Kirsten had become her patient—and after, when they had become friends and started getting to know each other—that Jordan had begun to develop feelings for her.
Ever since the disastrous ending to her relationship with Kelly, Jordan had kept things safe—she deliberately hadn’t allowed another woman into her heart. That had worked so well up to this point. But there was something about Kirsten that she couldn’t deny. The very thought of her made Jordan’s insides tumble, and she really didn’t have a choice anymore. She trusted Kirsten with her friendship, and now she would have to try to trust her with her heart. She hoped she knew what she was doing.
Jordan placed gentle kisses on the top of Kirsten’s head. Kirsten began to stir, and after a few minutes, she looked up with sleepy eyes. She didn’t know how it was possible, but Kirsten had never looked as lovely as she did at that very moment.
“Good morning.” She placed a languorous kiss on Kirsten’s luscious lips.
Kirsten smiled and gazed into her eyes. “It certainly is.”
Kirsten leaned in for more kisses, and Jordan happily obliged. She cupped Kirsten’s cheek as they continued to kiss. Kirsten’s skin was like silk beneath her fingertips. She moved her hand until Kirsten’s black tresses were flowing through her fingers, and she deepened the kiss. Kirsten allowed her entry into her warm, soft mouth, and their tongues began a sensual dance, exploring deeper, harder.
Kirsten’s hands didn’t stay idle for long and worked their way under her shirt, caressing her skin. Jordan’s muscles rippled and tensed under that touch. When Kirsten’s hand moved south under the waistband of her boxers and cupped her ass, Jordan felt a flood of wetness between her legs and broke the kiss, panting heavily.
“Okay, we need to stop.”
Kirsten began kissing her neck and slowly moved to the outer rim of her ear, making her shiver. “I think that’s a terrible idea,” Kirsten whispered.
“You’re right; it is a terrible idea. But if we start now, I’ll never let you out of this bed, and I promised I would make you breakfast.”
“We could skip breakfast and just nibble on each other,” Kirsten said enticingly, making her consider that possibility.
“We could, but then that would negate the idea of taking this slowly. I was serious about what I said last night. I want to do this right. I want us to date, and I want us to be sure before we make love.”
Kirsten sighed and hugged her tightly. “You’re right, sweetheart. I want that, too. But just so you know, you don’t make this easy for me. You shouldn’t be so damned sexy or such a fabulous kisser.”
She pulled away just far enough so she could see Kirsten’s face. “You think I’m sexy?”
Kirsten smiled seductively. “You are the sexiest woman I have ever met. And when the time is right, I’ll show you exactly how sexy I think you are.”
Jordan shook her head. “Breakfast. I must go m
ake breakfast.” She climbed out of bed but leaned back and kissed Kirsten again. “Feel free to take a shower or relax in bed. The food should be ready in about twenty minutes.”
After making a pit stop in the bathroom, Jordan went to the kitchen and did the most important thing first; she started the coffee. Once the coffee started brewing, she went to the refrigerator and pulled out some eggs, sausage, half-and-half, and a loaf of Texas toast and went to work on fixing breakfast.
She was just putting the plates of food on the table when Kirsten came walking in, hair pulled back into a ponytail, but she was still wearing her boxers and T-shirt and looking all kinds of adorable. Jordan couldn’t resist wrapping Kirsten in her arms.
“Just in time.”
She released Kirsten and pulled the chair out for her to sit. She gave Kirsten another kiss and then hurried back to the kitchen for their orange juice and coffee. Once Jordan took her seat, they both dug in.
They ate at a leisurely pace then cleaned up and relocated to the living room. They sat together on the couch, each working on her second cup of coffee. Jordan noticed the morning newspaper sitting on the coffee table with the sports section sitting on top.
She looked to Kirsten and smiled. “When did you do this?”
Kirsten seemed pleased with herself. “Just before I came into the kitchen.”
Jordan rewarded her with another kiss. “Thank you.” She had no interest in reading the paper right now; she was more interested in talking and touching and definitely more kissing. “Do you want to talk about last night? You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but I’m here to listen.”
Kirsten nodded and swung her legs onto the couch and into Jordan’s lap. Jordan began caressing Kirsten’s calves, encouraging her to begin her story.
“I’ve known for quite a while that my feelings for you were deepening, but I felt bad because I was still married. But after last weekend, after staying with you and talking and getting to know more about each other, I realized I’d been delaying the inevitable and that I finally had to tell John our marriage was over.”
New Beginnings Page 16