Bound by Duty (Bound Series Book 1)

by Smith, Stormy

  I was proud of my little made-up tale until I turned again to face Aidan. This time, the pain was visible everywhere. His jaw was set, lips in a thin line, brows furrowed. He was looking straight up at the sky but the emotion that invaded the air was thick and dark, angry and desperate. “Aidan? Did I do it wrong?”

  Without looking back at me, he squeezed my hand tightly, his fingers pressing hard into the divots between the bones in my hand. He clutched at my hand as if I could keep him here, pull him away from the memories that overwhelmed him; that threatened to pull him down into a place I could feel he didn’t want to go.

  “You can tell me, but only if you want to.” I put the words between us and let the silence follow. Turning back to stare at the sky, I gave him time to decide. I had no idea what he had been through, what he would say, but I understood what the darkness of truth could do to you if you let it.

  “I don’t know why, but I want to tell you, Amelia. It’s insane because I never tell anyone this stuff. But, I want to tell you. Before this goes any further, I want you to know who I am.” He still wasn’t looking at me so while I saw him in my peripheral, I kept my gaze on the clouds. “Then, tell me,” I said. Taking a deep breath, I finished with a surprising, “Tell me and I’ll tell you.”

  The longer Aidan held my hand, the more I got used to the feel of my nerves being raw and the increased sensations that vibrated from our point of contact throughout the rest of my body. As I lay there, waiting for him to speak, he kept our hands locked, sliding his middle finger up and down in a slow rhythm over the back of my hand. I could feel callouses on his palm and the heat he radiated. It was soothing and, for once, I was truly in control, at least as far as my power was concerned. My heartbeat, however, raced triple time as I had time to realize that I was laying on the forest floor holding hands with Aidan Montgomery, waiting for him to unlock doors I hadn’t known I wanted inside of. Someone I could give some of my truth to and who wanted to give me theirs in return.

  “I don’t remember what happened the night my parents died. I was only two. I remember them. People say I can’t, or that I shouldn’t be able to. That I was too young. But, I do. I remember the sound of her laugh and the smell of cigars and fir trees that would cling to his clothes when he would carry me to bed. It’s harder now to see their faces, but I have a picture that I look at every day to make sure I don’t forget. And the song, the one you were humming, it’s one of the few true memories I still hold. Every single night my dad would carry me to bed and my mom would come in and sing that song. I would fall asleep to the sound of her voice.”

  We both continued to stare at the sky and he maintained the steady pace of running his finger up and down the top of my hand. “They tell me there was a breakin. That someone killed them during a burglary. Somehow, the burglars never found my room, and I never woke up. They told me how lucky I was to survive.”

  He laughed. It was dark and dry and held no humor. “Lucky. I was lucky to have no one who would come forward to take me. My parents had no records of their family and the state couldn’t find anyone. I was lucky to spend my entire life bouncing from one foster home to the next. I was lucky enough to have a string of people constantly deciding I wasn’t the kid for them and passing me on to the next person.”

  I couldn’t help but squeeze his hand then. It was all I could do to stop myself from vaulting across the small space between us and pulling him into a hug. I knew what he was saying. What that kind of hurt did to a person. The blackness that leached into your soul and told you every day that no one loved you, no one wanted you… that you weren’t good enough to make them stay. I knew he didn’t want my pity, so instead I spoke my own truth and tried to show him that I understood.

  “My mom died while having me. I never even knew her,” I said. “I’ve seen pictures and my brother has told me about her, but she died minutes after I was born and my dad went crazy. Like, literally. He wouldn’t come out of his office for days at a time. We had a nanny and she’s the only reason I was fed or taken care of. When my dad would come out, he’d barely speak to me unless it was to yell at me for not following his rules and then lock me in my room again. My brother moved out when he turned eighteen, I was ten. He couldn’t take it anymore. He…well, he had to. I get it, but he just left. And…and I have nightmares. I wake up crying, sometimes screaming. It seems like every night I dream terrible dreams that I can never remember, but still don’t fully forget.”

  My own words were quiet. They seemed to float away on the breeze as I said them, making it easier to speak out loud about things I hadn’t even shared with Bethany. Things that, until that moment, I didn’t know I wanted to share with Aidan. But, he was right. I wanted him to know me, too.

  He slowly slipped his fingers from mine and I instantly missed the connection. It only took a second before he moved behind me and pulled me back between his legs, my back leaning against his chest. There was a moment of panic as his arms slipped around me but it calmed as my power reacted with a sigh instead of a rebellion.

  We sat there for a few minutes, nothing but the sounds of our breath and crash of the ocean waves below us. Then, Aidan leaned down and whispered, “I guess we’re all a little broken, aren’t we, doll?”

  I could only nod as ill-timed tears filled my eyes. He wasn’t supposed to do this. He wasn’t supposed to see directly to the core of me and address my worst fears in one afternoon. He wasn’t supposed to fill me with unspoken words and unknown emotions. I hadn’t realized that making this choice to not walk away from him would literally change everything, but in the course of twenty-four hours, it had.

  We sat there for a little while longer, but as the sun started to set, it was time to go. The drive back was just as quiet but Aidan never let go of my hand. As he dropped me at my car, I turned and asked, “Why do you call me doll?”

  He tilted his head and I could tell he hadn’t thought about it himself. “I don’t know. Probably because that’s what my dad called my mom. I have some of their old letters and he always called her doll.”

  I couldn’t stop the blush that crept across my cheeks and the nerves that fluttered in my belly. It was both a compliment and a little too real to have our…situation…compared to the iconic love he saw in his parents. “Okay, then. See ya.” I tripped over the words, shyness taking over.

  As I went to push myself out the door, Aidan pulled me back toward him, my face stopping dangerously close to his. I looked from his eyes to his lips and back. They were swirling silver and projected exactly what he was feeling. He leaned in until our foreheads were touching.

  “I’m not going to do it because I can tell you’re still scared, but I want you to know that I want to kiss you, Amelia. I really want to.” He so rarely said my name that, in that moment, his voice husky and deep, I wanted to let him. I wanted to move the extra half-inch to do it myself. But, it would take us somewhere that I shouldn’t go.

  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as I nodded ever so slightly. “Okay.” It was a tiny word. The same word that started everything, but now I used it to neither agree or disagree. “Okay,” he replied, assuming my consent that the time would eventually come. “I’ll be in touch, doll, you can count on it,” he whispered. Again, I tried to smile, but I know it didn’t go further than my lips. He looked confused as I fumbled my way out of the car and into my own.

  I waved as he pulled away, trying to look as happy as I’d been just minutes before. As soon as he turned out of the parking lot, I burst into tears. I had made a selfish choice, thinking only about myself and the relationship I wanted. But, now I had fallen for someone. A human. A tortured yet amazing human who already saw too much of the person so few people had ever tried to know. And, I still didn’t know what my final choice would be when the time came. There were just too many unanswered questions.

  Chapter 10

  I got home and found Bethany sitting on the couch, surrounded by notes and textbooks. “How’s your new boooooyfriend
?” she drawled out with a laugh, like we were in fifth grade and going to start talking about people kissing in trees.

  I shook my head and dropped down beside her in the one place she hadn’t covered in paper. “I don’t know, B.”

  “Um, hello, girl? What do you mean you don’t know? I saw you two love birds yesterday. You were almost drooling all over each other. What’s not to know?” She looked completely baffled and I hated that I couldn’t just be out with it.

  “It just might be too much, too fast. He’s just…intense, and I think it’s moving more quickly than I’m ready for.” I couldn’t even look at her as I said the words. They weren’t the truth and she’d know it.

  “Ohhhh. I see exactly what’s happening here.” Bethany shoved her books and notebook to the floor and shifted so we faced each other. “You’re scared. Honey, that’s normal. Be scared. Enjoy being scared. He’s new and scrumptious and scary. That’s how it’s supposed to be!”

  “It’s not that simple. He’s been through a lot. What if I disappoint him like everyone else has? People did that to me. I can’t do that to him.” I felt so guilty already, just knowing that I would more than likely have to follow through with the betrothal. That there may very well be nothing I could do about any of it in the end.

  “Is that your plan? Are you planning to string him along and then just drop him?” I looked up, surprised and shocked that she would even ask that. “Just what I thought,” she said with a smirk. “Of course you aren’t.”

  “Amelia, you’ve got to trust yourself a little more,” she said, patting my knee. “Relax. Chill the heck out. It’s not all life and death. What you feel right now could last forever or it could last three freaking days. Maybe you’ll find out that he chews his food with his mouth open and you can’t stand the sight of him anymore. Just let it be what it is.” With that, she tapped my hand with her own and picked up her books again.

  I spent the rest of the night stewing over that and finally decided she was right. I wasn’t in love. This was all new. I needed to cut myself a break and just chill out. I grabbed my phone and sent Aidan a quick text.

  Double date this weekend?

  His response came minutes later.

  I suppose Richie Rich isn’t optional?

  I laughed out loud as I responded.

  They are a package deal, but he isn’t that bad.

  If it means I get to sit next to you, then I can handle him. ;)

  I kept trying to think of clever responses but eventually gave up and just grinned as I stared at the screen.

  We hadn’t been able to have our double date over the weekend like I’d wanted, but the free time had given Aidan and I more one-on-one time and I wasn’t complaining. We were in an easy rhythm that felt safe. Meeting for lunch, texting relentlessly, and finding out as many random factoids about each other as possible. His favorite color was blue. He loved alternative and hated country. He hated cold pizza. The one thing we didn’t do was kiss. He had made a few attempts since our conversation in the car and I was able to circumvent each one. Not always gracefully, but it worked and he seemed to get the message because he backed off. I wanted to kiss him, but knowing deep down that I might have to leave him made me continue to pull back. Kissing meant commitment. I couldn’t do commitment.

  We finally managed to sync up schedules, so Aidan, Micah, Bethany, and I were sitting on an outdoor patio, eating appetizers, and chatting as the sun went down. People were everywhere along the boardwalk, enjoying what was left of the seventy-degree day. We were all laughing at a joke Micah had made — and a little at him. He never seemed to realize just how prudish he could come across.

  “But, really,” he said as he tried to contain his long hair in the leather tie he miraculously always seemed to have, “don’t you think the women of this country have something better to do than watch some ridiculous television show that proves exactly how impossible it is to fall in love in a matter of weeks?” Bethany instantly bristled. No one bashed reality TV in her presence and lived to tell the tale.

  I rolled my eyes at Aidan and laughed as he shook his head. Listening to the deep rumble of his laugh had become one of my new favorite pastimes. I couldn’t even pay attention to Bethany’s lecture or Micah’s continued skeptical questions because I didn’t know how to stop staring at Aidan.

  He sat there, watching me watch him, with a fire in his eyes I didn’t want to acknowledge. I could see that he hadn’t had a haircut since we met and the ends had started to curl. He had that barely-there five o’clock shadow I couldn’t resist and I had to stop myself from reaching over to run my hand along his jaw. My eyes roamed to his broad chest, stretching his bright blue button-down. He had the sleeves rolled to his forearms and the muscles bulged as I noticed him flexing his fist. I finally raised my eyes back to his to find myself locked in his gaze. The bright blue flecks in his eyes stood out against the slate gray depths that were pulling me in and making promises again. Though I successfully managed to avoid any scenarios up to this point where he had another chance to kiss me, that didn’t mean I didn’t want it just as much as I was terrified by it.

  I had laid in bed this morning, for the fourth morning in a row after another long, sleepless night, plagued by worse than normal nightmares, scolding myself for continuing this with Aidan. I warred with myself between Bethany and Rynna’s words of encouragement and the realities of what I had learned from Cole about Julia. Would I be strong enough to just walk away? Was it fair to drag Aidan into this without him even being able to understand what was at stake? No matter what I felt for him, I couldn’t justify hurting him. But, every time I convinced myself today would be the day I’d tell him it was over — whatever this was — he would give me that smile and look at me like I was the only person that mattered in the world. It was the thing I ached for; to be wanted for who I was. Aidan had no idea of what was happening to me and he never would. He had no idea what my actions would mean for our people in the future. He just knew a girl. A regular, normal girl.

  “Hey. Hey, Ame, what’s wrong?” Aidan leaned into me, whispering in my ear as he tucked me into his shoulder. “What’s going on in that head of yours, doll? I just watched you run away without making a move.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead that sent me into overload. I hadn’t cried in a long time. My emotions and my power had been really level for a while now, but the fact that he saw me — that he read me and knew me enough already to know something was wrong — made it obvious that this was more real than I had ever allowed myself to acknowledge.

  I tore myself from him, muttering about having to go to the bathroom. Through my lowered lashes and the dark curtain of hair I’d let fall into my face, I saw the look in his eyes and knew he had seen the well of tears in mine. His jaw tensed and his eyes asked questions I couldn’t answer without the tears falling, so I walked away without a word. This was real. We were real. What was I doing?

  I walked past the bathrooms and out the back door. I wasn’t ready to face Bethany either and she would be sent after me. A sob built in my chest that I swallowed down. It always seemed to work this way; I would think I had it all under control and then one thing would snap me to pieces. What didn’t make sense was that the farther I got from Aidan, the more my power rebelled. It had laid dormant while the realizations mounted, but it wasn’t until I walked away that it pushed back. It pulled and shoved and pounded on me with every step I took until finally I stopped and leaned back against the wall, sliding down to the ground.

  Aidan was everything I wanted and wasn’t supposed to have. I sat there silently crying with my knees pulled to my chest and my head down on my arms. I heard someone running toward me, though it sounded as if the footsteps were in a cave. I could feel the emotion rolling off of them and before I could react, they reached down and grabbed me. I was instantly pissed, on top of being scared. When I looked up, I saw Micah get thrown back against the door I had just come out of, his whole body smashing against it with a force I’d neve
r seen, actually leaving a dent in the old metal.

  As he slid down and his feet finally touched the ground he whisper-yelled, “What the hell was that, Amelia? I’ve been calling your name and we’ve been searching for you for the last ten minutes. Aidan’s losing his mind. You need to rein yourself in! I was able to follow your signature back here, which means other Mages could have, too.”

  Micah was dusting his perfectly-pressed khakis and polo off, shaking his limbs out. He closed his eyes and I watched him stand taller as he clearly used his power to ease the aches in his body from smashing against the door. He looked around, his expression oddly relieved.

  I, on other hand, couldn’t move. I sat there, stunned, with my mouth open, my open palms still held out in front of me and my rogue power humming through my system after being set free. It was that same feeling of being on the cliffs that night.

  “Oh my,” Micah said as he stooped down in front of me and took in my response to what had just happened. “You’ve never used force on someone before, have you? How far behind are you exactly, Amelia?” He cocked his head to the side and let out an audible sigh. “I’ve let you be, but I think it’s time we have a conversation.”

  Before I could react or even laugh to myself over the fact that it was supposed to be me pushing Micah to help me, Aidan came running down the alley with Bethany struggling to keep up with his long strides. I didn’t even have a chance to stand before he scooped me up as if I were a child and, without saying a word, stalked back out of the alley and to his car. I locked my arms around his neck and tucked myself deep into him as he walked, hiding my swollen eyes and the eyeliner that was running down my face. He marginally relaxed; his steps slowing. After he deposited me in the passenger seat and buckled me in, he touched his forehead to mine before slowly inhaling. He looked into my eyes and, in the most simultaneously controlled and violent tone I had ever heard, said, “You can’t keep running from me, Amelia. You’re scared, I can see that. But, next time, you will talk to me. Okay?” With wide eyes, the only thing I could do was nod.