Closing my eyes, I sat in my car in silence, replaying what I had just seen. I wasn’t going to cry…not going to shed any tears. He wasn’t worth it. If he wanted an old cougar, he could have her.
Why didn’t I see any signs? I saw her flirt with him, but he had turned her away and I believed him. I deserved better. What was better? The last two men in my life who I was in love with cheated on me. What was wrong with me? What was I doing wrong?
In love, you take your chances, but this was unfair. I would stop breathing if Brandon told me to. “Through sickness and health, for better or for worse, till death do us part,” are the words we said from the heart––at least I did.
I remembered that Ryan had given me a key to her house in case she lost hers or in case I needed it for anything. I couldn’t drive all the way home––not to the house I shared with him.
I sat at her dining room table and waited for her to arrive after I poured myself a glass of vodka––no cranberry juice––straight vodka on the rocks. I needed to not feel the pain that was breaking my heart, making me want to die.
I never thought Brandon would do this to me. I never imagined that we would get a divorce––let alone that he would cheat on me. I thought he was a good man. I gave him my world. He was my world and now my world was crashing down around me.
I turned Acyn down a million times. He told me that he wanted to make me laugh and not cry. That he wanted to be my everything and that he loved me. I thought I had my everything. I would never cheat on Brandon.
“Spence, what are you doing here?” Ryan asked, coming in the front door.
I took another sip of the vodka. It burned my throat as the cold liquid flowed down.
“I…”
“You what?”
I couldn’t get the words out. I looked into her brown eyes, trying to find the strength to tell her what I had seen.
I stood, wanting to stomp around the kitchen in anger, but fell to the floor as tears poured out.
“Spencer, what happened? Why are you not in L.A.?”
I couldn’t speak. My tears were finally trying to heal my pain.
“Please tell me why you’re crying,” she said, holding my head against her chest as she stroked my back.
“Brandon,” I whispered. I was hyperventilating as the words struggled to come out.
“Brandon what? Is he okay?”
“He…”
I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t get the words out. The image of him and her on his desk played over and over in my head as I remembered.
“He’s calling me,” she said.
“No!” I screamed, reaching for her phone.
“Spencer, please tell me what’s going on. You know I’m here for you.”
“I caught him cheating on me!” I screamed. Salty tears dripped from my chin onto my black blouse.
“Oh my God! Are you sure?”
“Yes I’m sure. I saw him––in his office with grandma!”
“Grandma?”
“Mrs. Robinson!”
“That bitch! Give me my phone back, I’ll call this fucking bastard and ring him a new one.”
“No, I don’t want him to know where I am.”
“Well, I’m going to kill him,” she said, still rubbing my back to calm me.
I told Ryan what had happened, starting from our fight before I left for the expo. Her phone kept ringing over and over and we ignored it. A few times I had to beg her not to answer. I loved her, but this wasn’t her fight. This was mine and I needed to deal with it on my own terms.
Ryan poured me another vodka on the rocks and herself a cranberry juice.
“You’re not drinking with me?”
In the past, no matter what, we always drank together when shit hit the fan. It was tradition to drink vodka and eat our mint chocolate chip ice cream straight from the carton.
“No, I have something to tell you, but it’s not the right time.”
“What do you mean?” I wiped my tears away from my cheeks.
“Want some ice cream?”
“Ry,” I said, giving her a stern look.
“Max and I are pregnant,” she said, trying to hide her excitement.
I cried again. Everyone’s life was perfect, but mine. She had finally gotten what she wanted and I had a cheating husband.
“See, this is why I didn’t want to tell you right now.”
“No, I’m happy for you,” I said through my tears.
Ryan’s phone kept ringing, but we didn’t answer it. He would get the hint eventually. I cried more as I tried to force a smile for Ryan. I was happy for her. My best friend was happy, getting her happily ever after that she longed for. I didn’t think mine would ever come now. I couldn’t imagine dating another guy and having my heart ripped from me again.
“Why aren’t you answering your phone?” Max said, walking in the front door.
“Because, we aren’t talking to that asshole,” Ryan said.
“What? Why?”
“He cheated on Spencer!”
“When? He’s in L.A.”
“What?” I questioned, lifting my head to finally look at him.
“He got a call from Donna. Acyn’s dead.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
I couldn’t save him like he saved me. I left him and he died. I would never be able to see his smile again, hear his laugh or even turn him down for a date. Work wouldn’t be the same anymore and I already missed him.
Even though I left L.A. because I didn’t want to be alone with him and threatened to fire him, I would miss him dearly. He saved my life and I owed him much more than what I said to him my last night in L.A. He was a good guy, a guy who just wanted love––my love—the love I would never give him.
Would he recognize me the next time I saw him––in heaven? He would look the same, but I would look different––older, hopefully. Never had I imagined him dying without me being able to say goodbye. Now he was looking down on me from heaven, watching me cry, wishing he was here. I’d always assumed he would be here.
I hadn’t lost many friends before. The only people who I had lost in my twenty-nine years were my great grandparents. I wish that I could turn back the hands of time…wish that I could go back to the minute before Acyn chose to get in the car with the brunette from the expo.
*~*~*
I waited at Ryan and Max’s for Brandon to arrive back from L.A. This was turning into the longest, most painful day of my life.
Brandon didn’t know that I was coming home and wanted to show up at the expo to surprise me. He had been in the air at the same time I was, and when he landed, he had a missed call from Donna. She had tried to call me, but my phone was off as well since I was in the air.
As it turned out, Brandon wasn’t cheating on me in his office––it was Blake.
I didn’t know what to think. Only mere hours prior, I thought my world was crashing down and it turned out to be a mistake. I thought about what I had seen and now that I was thinking more rationally, I realized that I hadn’t seen Brandon’s car in the parking lot and I never actually saw his face while in his office. Blake and Brandon could pass for twins if you only looked at their profile.
Mrs. Robinson intentionally made me believe that it was Brandon. She knew what she was doing, and it was the last straw. Brandon was giving me the pleasure of telling her that her membership was revoked and she was no longer allowed on the premises.
When Brandon finally arrived back in San Francisco, he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. I told him about everything that happened since the moment I stepped off the plane. He held me in his arms the whole time, rubbing my back and telling me that he would never ever cheat on me.
After I calmed down a little, Brandon called Blake and ripped him a new one. Blake didn’t see the big deal. He and Stacey were once again broken up because of the distance––at least that is what he told Brandon. I wasn’t convinced they were broken up. I had come to learn that my brother-in-law was a manwhor
e. I hoped he wasn’t a cheater, but I had a feeling that if he thought he wouldn’t get caught, he would cheat.
He got caught, but would I ever tell Stacey?
I didn’t even know what to think about what Blake did. Of course, we didn’t fire him for violating company policy, but Brandon put him on probation and explained to him that he was not allowed in the gym for three months. He was only allowed upstairs where he was doing the renovations for the nightclub.
His probation would also help him focus on getting the nightclub up and running. He hoped that it would be hoppin’ by the end of July, which was three months away…if he lived long enough to see that day. With everything he just put me through, I was ready to kill him.
I thought my life was over. I thought my own happily ever after was never going to happen. But, it wasn’t true. It was Acyn’s life that would never get that happily ever after.
*~*~*
The day after the accident, Acyn’s mother flew to L.A. to retrieve his body. The brunette had also been killed. They were just a few blocks away from a restaurant where they had been having dinner when a car crossed the center lanes and slammed head first into their car. Acyn and the brunette both were killed instantly by the drunk driver who also died in the crash.
I still wish that there was something I could have done––stopped him from getting in the car or made him go out to dinner with Donna and me instead…instead, I left him.
A week after the accident, Brandon and I flew to Alabama for Acyn’s funeral. It was the least I could do. I needed to say goodbye to him. I needed to tell him I was sorry. Sorry for being so cruel when all he wanted was love.
The casket was closed at his funeral. His body was so wrecked that his mother didn’t want anyone seeing him in that state. It was a hot humid day; Brandon and I stood next to his mom and watched his casket being lowered into the ground after the priest gave his speech that I didn’t heard a word of.
I stood on shaky legs, feeling as if my body would collapse into itself if it hadn’t been for Brandon holding me upright. Of all the things that were swirling in my head, the most prevalent was the realization that it could have been me in the ground. The one whose life was cut short if the person whose life was tragically now over hadn’t saved mine.
I couldn’t find the words to express how grateful I was to this man who was now an angel in heaven. I wish that things hadn’t been left on uncertain terms, and that we had managed to become friends and not worry about walking on eggshells because of how he felt about me.
What was hurting me the most was how amazing he was in life and all the things he’d done. He’ll never get that happily ever after that I will have with Brandon. He will no longer have first kisses, the butterflies that flutter when you meet the one, and he will never have children.
I felt myself tightening the grip around Brandon’s arm, and he acknowledged me with a kiss to the crown of my head. He knew how I was feeling, because he felt it, too. If not for Acyn, I probably wouldn’t have still been breathing.
It wasn’t a doubt in my mind that Michael would have had Colin kill me after Brandon wired them the money.
I tossed the single yellow rose I had been holding during the ceremony into the opened hole in the ground. The yellow rose meant friendship and I would always treasure Acyn as my friend for as long as I live.
I leaned into a hug with Acyn’s mom while she wept. I never met her before this tragic event, but I told her that her son once saved my life. I felt bound to her in a way, because like me, she never got to say goodbye.
I tried so desperately to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill. It didn’t hold. Hot tears streamed down my face, blurring the sea of people who were here to say their final goodbyes. I felt Brandon’s hand caressing the back of my shoulder. He was my rock, and I loved him even more for it.
The minister spoke low to Acyn’s mom and she nodded, walked over to the pile of dirt and picked up a handful. Her voice a low whisper, I could vaguely make out the “I love you” and “you made me so proud” as she sprinkled the dirt she held clutched into her tiny fist onto the box below.
She turned to me and gave me a small smile. “Spencer, please go next,” she said, her own tears streaming down her face.
I nodded. Brandon held my hand as he walked me over so I could pick up my own handful of dirt. I stood to the side of the grave, opened my hand and let the dirt fall.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered and turned into Brandon as my tears soaked his black dress shirt.
I watched as Brandon held the dirt in his free hand, the other still wrapped around my shoulders with me leaning into his side. His words were practically silent until he looked up to me and held my eyes and whispered, “Thank You,” as a tear fell from the corner of his eye.
We both had so much we owed to Acyn and we would never get to return the favor. He went away, but I would never get over the way I wished I could have saved him that day.
Every time I pray, I’ll be missing you. Till the day we meet again, I’ll keep you in my heart.
The other mourners followed one by one, taking a handful of the earth and letting it fall along with their goodbyes. Walking away after that emotional scene was harder than I anticipated. Brandon helped me into our rental car, buckled me in and kissed me before shutting the door.
He started the car, put it in gear and took off down the winding cemetery road. His hand reached over and took mine as I just stared out the window at the blurry sites as we passed by.
Ten minutes later, Brandon was pulling up to the front of our hotel. The valet opened the door and I climbed out like a choreographed robot. Brandon was right next to me in seconds, guiding me through the lobby and into the elevator. He didn’t say a word; he just stood by, comforting me.
There were no words that needed to be spoken.
I didn’t know how I got there, but I was standing at the balcony, looking out toward the city. I could feel Brandon’s fingers tucking strands of hair behind my ear. I turned and looked at him, his eyes red-rimmed and filled with sadness, and I lost it.
I clutched my fists into the front of Brandon’s shirt, my legs finally giving away, and my knees hitting the concrete floor. I cried, again soaking the front of his shirt all while he held me and rubbed circles across my back.
“Let it all out. It’s okay, Baby, I got you,” Brandon spoke low into my ear and I did. I let everything out, every single bit of pain, purging every bit of heartache that I kept bottled up.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Almost three months had passed since I lost my friend, Acyn. It was true—the vibe around the office was different. Everyone missed him, but each day was getting easier. I was starting to finally be able to think about filling his position at work. I needed to fill it, but I just couldn’t imagine that person not being Acyn––not yet.
“Want a glass of wine?” Brandon asked from the kitchen.
It was Monday; we had just come home from doing our hour workout at the gym after work. I was doing more kickboxing as of late, trying to get out all my frustration and stress.
I was finally beginning to love that I was the boss, but having that much responsibility at this time––sucked. I almost wanted someone else to step in and take over, but I knew it had to be me. Everyone knew I was the boss, and even though Acyn was more than a co-worker, it was my duty to find someone to do his job.
“Yes, please.”
Brandon’s drinking had returned to normal––normal as in the sense that he only had a few beers a few nights a week. I was surprised. I was turning into a royal bitch. One minute I would be okay, and the next I was biting someone’s head off for no reason.
I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I thought I was dealing with Acyn’s death better than when I first found out that he died, but I was angry. I was tired, angry, and sometimes I would throw things for no reason out of frustration.
I knew Brandon was worried. I’d even experienced these things when I
wasn’t thinking about Acyn. A part of me still felt guilty for not being there to save him. I kept thinking how if I had never left the expo, maybe he wouldn’t have wanted to get with that chick. Everyone kept telling me that it wasn’t my fault, but I still thought that I could have saved him like he saved me.
“How was your day?” Brandon asked, setting my wine down in front of my plate of chicken Carbonara.
“It was good.”
I was once again physically drained. Usually working out helped me release my stress and gave me energy. Lately, I just wasn’t feeling like myself.
We talked about my day, his day and the nightclub that was opening soon. Everything seemed on track but me. I was still in a funk.
“Can you give me a massage after dinner?” I asked.
“Of course.”
We still had our weekly massages at the gym, but they weren’t helping me any.
“I mean longer than ten minutes. You still owe me from our poker game at Christmas.”
I had forgotten about that bet until now. Brandon always wanted to touch me, please me and satisfy me so I never “cashed in” my winnings.
“Oh––that’s right,” he said, giving me that naughty smile.
I blushed; he still had that effect on me. His hands on my body felt right…made me forget…made me relax.
*~*~*
His big hands splayed across my back, rubbing vanilla scented lotion over my skin, working the tension from my tight muscles as I was face down on our bed. His hands pressed into my back, moving down to my bare ass as he rubbed knots that I had no idea were there.
His hands moved down my legs, to my calves and back up on either side. He pulled my legs apart and my pussy lips separated slightly, causing a delicious sensation to form between my folds.
His fingers lightly grazed my center, making my pussy moisten. The pull on my legs kept opening my pussy a little, like my center was playing with itself. The suction on my lips opened my folds and then closed them––opening them enough for the cool air to send a shiver through my body.
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