A Boy's Christmas Wish

by Patricia Johns

  “About me?” Dan said, smiling wanly.

  “I suppose.” Beth laughed softly. “So what do you think? Are you willing to play along when Granny’s with us?”

  Dan sighed. He didn’t want to, but he doubted Beth wanted this, either. It was reliving a painful time in his own life to comfort Granny during this confusing time in hers. But Beth was right. If they simply told her the truth, it would only upset her. It would be cruel to do that repeatedly.

  “I could try,” he agreed.

  “So could I.” Beth sighed. “I do appreciate it. I know it’s a lot to ask.”

  Dan shook his head. “It’s a weird situation.”

  Beth turned away from him and opened a cupboard. She stretched to reach something, but her belly wouldn’t let her close enough.

  “What are you trying to get?” he asked.

  “Hazelnut spread,” she said, giving up. “I’m craving black forest cake like you wouldn’t believe.”

  Dan shot her a quizzical look, and she shrugged. “Trust me, it connects.”

  Dan passed her the hazelnut spread and could see her visibly relax at the sight of it.

  “Pregnancy craving?” he asked.

  “Cookies and cakes and carbs,” she said, unscrewing the cap. “Those seem to be my cravings, and this morning I realized that the one thing to complete me heart and soul would be black forest cake. Since I don’t have that, I’m making do. You want some?”

  He shook his head. He didn’t know about this stage of things—he’d been long gone by the time Lana had been showing, and seeing Beth now brought back all those regrets. Beth smeared some spread onto a cracker and popped it into her mouth.

  “So...” He cleared his throat. “Do you need me to do a bakery run or something? How urgent is this?”

  Beth smiled. “I’m good. No worries. A few carrot sticks wouldn’t kill me, either.”

  She dipped a spoon into the hazelnut spread and brought it up domed in chocolate goo. She began nibbling around the side of the spoon. So much for carrot sticks—not that he blamed her.

  “How have things been around here?” Dan asked.

  “With my dad, you mean?” she asked.

  “Yeah.” Was it wrong of him to care? He’d been willing to join their family five years ago, and that had to count for something.

  “Dad is kind of depressed,” Beth said. “As you’d expect.”

  “Is he writing?” he asked. Rick had always been plugging away on something. His books took a couple of years to finish, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t constantly working.

  “No.” She sighed. “I haven’t seen him write a word since I got back. Instead of facing everything at once, he’s tackling the problems he thinks he can fix. Like child support.”

  “The father isn’t paying?” Dan frowned. “What kind of guy were you with, Beth?”

  He still felt protective of her, whether he had the right to or not. At the very least, he’d expected that Beth’s guy would be head and shoulders above the likes of him, but if he wasn’t even supporting his child... At least Dan had done the right thing eventually. Maybe this guy would, too.

  Beth sipped some chocolate hazelnut off the spoon, then licked her lips. “What kind of guy? The wrong one.”

  “It isn’t that complicated to get child support,” Dan said. “I could show you the government websites that get the process started—”

  “No.” Her tone was decided, and he stopped. “Does Lana pay you support?”

  “No.” He cleared his throat. “I’m fine. I can take care of Luke on my own. Besides, Lana is in a rough spot—has been for years.” He paused. Her expression had changed. “What?”

  “You told me about Lana,” she said. “You’d always said that you two weren’t that serious.”

  “And we weren’t.”

  “But a child together?” She raised her eyebrows. “I don’t care if that pregnancy was planned or not, that makes things a whole lot more serious.”

  Dan sighed. “You have a point, but emotionally—”

  “Emotionally?” Her eyes snapped fire. “That’s semantics, Danny! I told you everything about my past, my hang-ups, my feelings, my hopes for the future. I was an open book with you. But you—” she looked around as if searching for the word “—weren’t.”

  “The last I had seen Lana, she’d told me she had taken a pregnancy test, and she was done with me,” he said. “She never even told me when he was born. She told me about six months later, and she reiterated that she didn’t want me in the picture. It didn’t exactly feel real.” It was a stupid thing to say to a pregnant woman, and he knew it. “I was wrong, okay?”

  “Yes, you were.” She nodded. “But you know what hurts the most? You didn’t trust me enough to tell me. You were a dad. There was a little person out there with your DNA. You had to feel something.”

  “Of course I felt something!” Dan erupted. “And a whole lot of what I felt was shame!”

  Beth didn’t answer, but the fire in her eyes dwindled, and she dropped her gaze.

  “I walked away from my child, Beth.” His voice wavered. “I hated myself for that. Forgive me for not wanting you to hate me, too.”

  They stared at each other for a couple of beats. These were old hurts, ones he’d thought he’d dealt with, but standing here with Beth, it all felt raw. She’d wanted him to share his feelings—but she came from a rather privileged position. She came from a well-respected family who struggled with their own issues, granted, but would she have understood what his life had been like in Vancouver? How empty he felt? How stupid he felt for getting involved with a woman he knew he had no future with?

  Beth sighed. “And now Lana’s the one who walked out. And you’re on your own.”

  Yes, Lana had dropped Luke off and disappeared, and he’d felt angry about that, too, but he’d made his peace with it. Maybe it was even for the best.

  “She struggles with depression,” he said. “And she’s been self-medicating with street drugs. It’s only gotten worse. She couldn’t send money if she wanted to.”

  Beth put down the spoon she’d been holding in one hand, forgotten.

  “So why aren’t you going for support payments?” he said. “Are you scared that the dad will want to share custody or something?”

  Beth shook her head. “You know how you don’t want to talk about some stuff?” she asked with a bitter smile.

  “I’ll talk,” Dan said. It had been five years, and he wasn’t trying to marry her—this was different now. “Because I’d understand it if you were scared that the dad would want his rights. I live every day with the fear that Lana will decide she wants to be in Luke’s life again. I’ve been doing my best to raise him and love him, and the thought of her just waltzing back in and taking him for half the week...or taking off with him—” His chest clenched at the very thought. He cleared his throat. “I understand, is all.”

  “It isn’t that.” She raised her blue gaze to meet his.

  “Then what is it?”

  “I don’t know who the father is.”

  Dan hadn’t expected to hear that. He frowned, looked away as he processed that information.

  “And no, I wasn’t sleeping around,” she added. “I was monogamous to a fault until Collin dumped me for a job on the East Coast. My girlfriend convinced me I needed to let loose for an evening and wash the memory of Collin out of my system with a steady flow of alcohol. Long story short—” She gestured to her belly.

  “So you really don’t know who...”

  “No idea,” she replied. “Except for an Australian accent.”

  “Okay, so child support is out,” he agreed. That was obvious. She was very much on her own.

  “And for some reason, telling my dad that—it’s harder than I though
t. I don’t want to disappoint him.”

  “Hey, that’s how babies are made.” He shot her a wry smile. “Biology.”

  “It’s just the timing. This wasn’t planned... I’m not ready, and I’m a grown woman. I’m not supposed to be coming back to my father for help. We’re past that. We’re supposed to be past that.”

  Dan shrugged. “But with this baby, everything is going to change,” he said. “You’re a mom now, and it changes all those roles, including how you relate to your father.”

  “Tell my dad that.” She shook her head. “He doesn’t see it yet.”

  “Then it’s your job to point it out.”

  There was no other way around it. But relationships would change, and so would Beth. She wouldn’t have the luxury of pleasing everyone anymore.

  Beth sighed. “I’m sure you’re right.”

  Dan glanced at his watch, more to break the awkward moment than anything else. He’d said more than he’d planned today, and he felt a nervous tension rising inside him. He needed to get out, to get away, get his head on straight.

  “I’d better go,” he said. “Luke will be off school soon, and I have some things to finish up.”

  “Okay.” She gave a quick nod. “Well... Thanks for bringing Granny home.”

  “No problem.” He met her gaze for a moment, and it all felt so familiar that it ached. Yet everything was different now. For her, for him... They were now two single parents trying to figure things out alone.

  “What I told you...about the father—” she began.

  “My lips are sealed,” he interjected. “That’s not my secret to tell.”

  She’d trusted him with some sensitive information, and he felt the responsibility there.

  “Thank you.” She visibly relaxed. “I really appreciate it, Danny.”

  They might not be engaged anymore, but they were both parents now. She could count on some solidarity. He of all people could appreciate how complicated parenting could get.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  ABBY WAS TRUE to her word, and when Beth arrived at the town hall the next evening for the rehearsal, everyone was expecting her. Beth knew a fair number of the volunteers, and if she didn’t know them personally, they had connections in common. A school friend’s older sister was working the lights; the drugstore owner’s brother-in-law was directing the band. North Fork was small enough that no one was a complete stranger.

  Town hall was a large brick building on Main Street, next door to the bank. That town hall had been standing for over ninety years, ever since North Fork had been founded. Local government meetings were held here, as well as all the mayor and aldermen’s election speeches. In the summer, the Food of the World Fair was also hosted in town hall. Around North Fork, the exotic foods available were mostly Ukrainian and Polish, so there were a lot of variations on the cabbage roll and the pierogi. When Abby’s family moved into the area, there was great excitement at the prospect of new culinary offerings. The mayor himself visited the Oduwales and begged them to be a part of the food fair the following summer. It was the most popular fair they’d ever had, and it was also how Beth met Abby. Their booths were side by side—pierogies next to Nigerian dodo and akara, which were deep-fried delicacies. They’d both sold out in record time, and the girls became fast friends in the process.

  But winter brought the Christmas pageant, and everyone was included. Abby’s family was invited to take part that year, too, as North Fork did what North Fork did best—gave every last person a job to do. It turned out that Abby could both act and sing. She had no hope of escaping the pageant again, and she’d played a lead part every year since.

  “Are you in the pageant this year?” Beth asked her friend.

  “I’m Angel Number Four,” Abby replied.

  “I thought this was A Christmas Carol?”

  “It’s A Christmas Carol with some tweaks.” Abby winked. “We found some gorgeous angel costumes and didn’t want to wait to use them.”

  Beth laughed. “Whatever works.”

  As Beth and Abby walked inside, they were met with a barrage of busy people. Beth gave hugs to the people she knew, tolerated the belly touches and allowed Abby to lead her over to a section backstage where kids were being fitted for their costumes.

  “Beth!” called an excited voice. Beth looked over to see Mrs. Connolly, a local seamstress. She had a pincushion on her wrist and a child standing on a milk crate in front of her.

  “When are you due?” Mrs. Connolly asked with a smile.

  “January fourth.”

  “That’s so exciting! So...the dad?”

  Beth and Abby exchanged a look, and Abby grimaced.

  “Out of the picture,” Beth said.

  “Say no more.” Mrs. Connolly tugged at the dress of the little girl in front of her. Thank goodness for small ears—it effectively stopped any more awkward conversation.

  “Beth is here to help out, and Marg suggested you could use a hand in costumes,” Abby said. “Can you put her to work?”

  “Without a doubt,” Mrs. Connolly replied past a pin held between her lips. A small boy stood to the side, waiting with a rumpled gray wig in his hands. “I haven’t seen Linda in a long time. How is she?”

  “She moved back to Edmonton,” Beth replied.

  “Well, that’s understandable, considering. I don’t expect you’ll see her much,” the older woman said. “I should have gotten her email address or something. I miss having tea with her. You don’t happen to have it, do you?”

  “No, sorry.” Beth cleared her throat. Linda had had friends and work associates at the elementary school where she was a secretary, but if she wanted to keep in touch with them, that was up to her. Beth wasn’t going to run messages for her ex-stepmother.

  “Oh!” Mrs. Connolly turned toward the boy who was waiting. “Luke here has been having trouble with his wig—it’s a tad too big, so we’ll have to figure something out for him. He, um... Well, you must have met him when he was rather small.” She paused, glanced over at Beth with a tense look on her face and cleared her throat uncomfortably.

  Luke? Beth’s heart skipped a beat. This was Danny’s son?

  “Go on over to Beth,” Mrs. Connolly said, a little too brightly, then she turned to Beth. “Is this...okay?”

  “I’m fine.” Beth forced a smile to her face. “It was a long time ago.”

  Mrs. Connolly nodded. “My box of tricks is right behind you. Get creative.”

  “Have fun,” Abby said, shooting Beth a cautious look. “I’ve got to get back to rehearsal. You’ll be okay?”

  “Of course,” Beth said, and she looked past her friend toward the little boy who approached with a gray-haired wig in hand. He didn’t look much like the three-year-old she’d seen at Danny’s place when he’d called her over saying, “This is big, babe. I’ll explain when you get here...” She’d been shocked when she saw the toddler, angry when she’d realized how much her fiancé had hidden, and then terrified, because she’d seen the way Danny looked at the boy...

  I’ll figure something out, Danny had said. He’s...mine. It’ll take some adjustment, but I can do this. He’s my son, and it’s time, I guess. My God, Beth...he’s mine.

  That sleeping toddler might have been his, but Beth had never felt more distanced from Danny. He’d looked down at his son, and she’d seen he was filled with emotion about what that meant for him. It was understandable, of course, but she hadn’t known where she fit. It had taken several hours before Danny had used the word we to mean him and Beth. Until then it had meant him and this sleeping boy. He was a father, but what was she?

  This child in front of her wasn’t a toddler anymore. Luke was wearing black pants that were a tad too loose, a dress shirt and what looked like a man’s tie. He had Danny’s dark hair and eyes.


  “Hi,” Beth said, trying to sound normal. “I’m supposed to help you with that wig.”

  “Okay.” Luke came closer and handed it over. “It keeps falling over my eyes.”

  She took the wig from his hands, darting an extra look at the boy. He looked like his father—there was no denying that. Beth glanced over at Mrs. Connolly, but she was busy with another child, leaving Beth and Luke in relative privacy. When Beth turned back to Luke, he shot her a brilliant smile, and she was surprised into returning it.

  “Are you gonna fix it?” he asked.

  “I’ll try. What part are you playing?” Beth asked.

  “I’m a townsperson,” he replied. “An elderly townsperson. And I sing two lines.”

  “Do you?” She grabbed a milk crate and moved it up in front of her. “Have a seat. We’ll see if we can keep your wig on, old man.”

  Luke grinned again, but this time impishly. “You aren’t supposed to call old people old.”

  “They aren’t tricked when you call them elderly, either,” she quipped.

  “I thought elderly was younger than old,” Luke said.

  “No, sorry.” She examined the wig and then looked at the box of pins, needles, scraps and thread. “But that’s okay. There comes a point when no one can deny it.”

  “Are you—” He stopped.

  “Am I old?” she asked and laughed.

  “No, are you going to have a baby?”

  “I suppose there is no denying that, either. Yes, I am.” She held out the wig. “Put this on, and we’ll see where it’s loose.”

  Luke put it on, and she tugged here and there, seeing where a little tightening might help keep the wig in one place. Riley squirmed as Beth leaned forward, crowding the baby’s space.

  “I saw something move!” Luke exclaimed.

  “Yes, she just kicked. I felt that, too.” She plucked the wig off Luke’s head. “She’s pretty active in there right now.”

  “It’s a baby girl?” he asked.