THREE SINGLES TO ADVENTURE

by Gerald Malcolm Durrell

  They surrounded us as we landed, a naked, grinning wall of brown humanity, and led us up to the village, talking and laughing excitedly. The village lay behind a belt of trees and consisted of seven or eight large huts. These were just sloping palm-leaf roofs supported on four poles. The floors were raised two or three feet from the ground to allow for any flood water that might inundate the village. They were simply furnished with a few cotton hammocks strung about and one or two iron cooking pots.

  The elderly, wrinkled headman came to greet us, shook hands fervently and led us into one of the huts, where we all sat down and smiled at each other in silence for about five minutes. When a group of people has no common language it cuts down small-talk to the minimum. The headman, still smiling at us delightedly, issued a curt order, and a youth shinned up a nearby palm tree and cut down two coconuts. The ends were lopped off, and they were ceremoniously handed to us so that we could quench our thirst with the sweet milk they contained. I tilted my head back to drain the last drops from the shell, when I saw a creature sitting above me on a beam, and the sight –of it so surprised me that I started to laugh. This is not the wisest thing to do when drinking out of a coconut. Between gasps and coughs I gestured helplessly at the roof; luckily, the headman understood me, and, climbing into a hammock, he reached up and seized the animal by its tail and pulled it off the beam. It uttered a series of pathetic grunts as it dangled by its tail, revolving slowly.

  "Good God!" said Bob, catching sight of its face as it spun round.

  "What on earth's that?"

  Bob's surprise was natural, for the headman was holding one of the most ridiculous-looking creatures imaginable.

  "That," I said, still coughing, "is a real, live pimpla hog."

  Now the pimpla hog was an animal that had kept cropping up in conversation with hunters wherever we had been in Guiana .

  Sooner or later the inhabitants of the place we were in would ask me if I wanted a pimpla hog. I always replied that I did, whereupon they would promise to get me one. That would be the end of the matter. They would go away and never mention the animal again, and no specimen would be forthcoming. Pimpla hogs are tree porcupines, and porcupines are generally common enough and fairly simple to catch, so when none turned up I began to wonder what the reason was.

  Beyond raising the market price of the beast a trifle, I did nothing constructive. I imagined that one porcupine would be much like another, and I was not greatly enamoured of the family. If I had only known from the beginning what charming and lovable beasts pimpla hogs were I would have made desperate efforts to get some. In fact, I would have gone on buying them if they had arrived by the sackful, for once I got to know them I found them quite irresistible.

  The headman set the beast on the floor, where it immediately sat up on its hind legs and gazed soulfully at us, presenting such a ludicrous appearance that both Bob and I were convulsed with laughter. It was about the size of a Scotch terrier, clad completely in long, sharp black and white spines. It had fat little paws and a long, hairy, and prehensile tail. But it was the face that was so ridiculous, for peering out of this mass of spines was a visage so like that of the late W.C.Fields that it took your breath away.

  There was the great swollen nose whiffling to and fro and on each side a small, cunning, and yet somehow sad little eye brimming with unshed. Regarding us with all the shrewd malignancy of the great comedian, the porcupine bunched its little front paws into fists and started to sway back and forth, looking like a pugilist who had received the knock-out blow and was just about to go down for the count. Then, suddenly, it forgot it was being a bloodthirsty boxer, sat down on fat haunches and started to scratch itself thoroughly; a blissful expression spread over its face, while its nose twitched and snuffled.

  I had only to look once at that ridiculous face to realize that I had become a pimpla hog fan for life, so I paid the headman's price without a murmur.

  The tree porcupine is, in my opinion, the only real comedian in the animal world. Monkeys can be comic, but only because they present a slightly disconcerting caricature of ourselves; ducks can be funny, but not surely by any effort on their part they are simply made like that; other animal's can amuse us in different ways. But I have yet to meet an animal, other than the tree porcupine, that has all the trappings of a clown and uses them with such consummate skill. To watch a pimpla hog you would swear that the creature knew it was being funny and, moreover, knew how to play for laughs. The bulbous, wobbling nose almost hiding the small, rheumy eyes with their faintly bewildered expression, the flat, shuffling hind feet and the trailing tail, all these were the make-up of the clown, and the creature seemed to extract the last ounce of humour out of them. It will do something incredibly stupid, but with such a puzzled, benign expression on its face, that you laugh and feel sorry for it in the same moment, this poor, stumbling, well-meaning creature with the balloon nose. This is the essence of the comic art, Chaplinesque genius that can make you laugh at the creature and yet at the same moment be touched by its pathos.

  I have watched two pimpla hogs having a boxing-match. It was fast and furious, and yet not once did one touch the other, nor did their expressions change from that of a kindly and slightly bewildered interest in one another. It –was one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Again, I have watched one juggling with a mango seed, fumbling clumsily, almost dropping it but never quite doing so. I have seen a clown in a circus doing this with far less skill and success I would strongly advise any professional comedian to keep a tree porcupine as a pet he would learn more about his art in ten minutes by watching it than he could learn in ten years by any other means.

  When we had bought the porcupine we made the headman understand by various signs that we should like to see any other animals there were in the village, and in a very short time we had bought four parrots, an agouti, and a young boa constrictor. Then a boy of about fourteen arrived carrying on the end of a stick a furry object which at first glance I thought was some giant moth cocoon. But a second look informed me that it was something much more interesting and valuable than that, and was, moreover, a creature that I had been longing to obtain.

  "What is it?" asked Bob, who could tell by the expression on my face that something special had turned up.

  "One of Amos's relatives," I answered gleefully.

  "What?"

  "A two-toed anteater. You know, the pygmy kind I wanted."

  The animal was about six inches long, tubby as a kitten, clad in thick, silky reddish fur, soft as moleskin. It clung to the branch with its curiously shaped claws and its long tail which was wound round and round the stick. As I touched its back it performed a strange action with incredible speed: it let go of the branch with its front claws and sat up quite straight, supported on the tripod of its feet and tail; it held its arms straight up in the air, as though it was preparing for a high dive. It remained in this position as though frozen. As I touched it again, however, it suddenly came to life; still holding itself stiffly, it let itself fall forward and brought its front legs down with a chopping motion at the same time. If my hand had been in the way the two main claws on its front feet, as large and as sharp as a tiger's claws, would have landed on the back of my wrist. Having gone through this action, the anteater then stood up again, rigid as a guardsman, and awaited the next round. With its little arms raised to heaven it looked as though it was beseeching the Almighty's aid in its defence, and I thought how apt the local name of Tank ‘e God was for the creature.

  There were so many fascinating things about this diminutive beast that I spent a quiet half-hour brooding over it in the hut, while Bob went for a walk round the village, accompanied by the still-smiling headman. As I examined the anteater a circle of silent Amerindians stood round me, watching me with serious, sympathetic expressions, as though they quite understood and appreciated my interest in the little animal.

  The first thing that interested me about the creature was the adaptation of its feet to arb
oreal life. The pink pads on the hind feet were concave, so branches could fit easily into the hollow; the four toes were almost of equal length, placed very close together and terminating in long claws. So when the hind foot gripped a branch, the concave pad, the toes and the curved claws formed almost a complete circle round it, providing a strong and firm grip. The front feet were very peculiar: the hand was bent upwards from the wrist, and the two claws curved downwards into the palm.

  These two long, slender but very sharp claws could be folded or squeezed into the palm of the hand with great strength, rather on the principle of a penknife blade. As a grasping organ this left nothing to be desired, and as a weapon of defence it was extremely useful and could easily draw blood as I found out to my cost. The anteater had a short, rather slender pink muzzle and small, sleepy-looking eyes. The ears were almost invisible in the soft fur. Its movements, except when attacking, were very slow, and its method of crawling about the twigs suspended by its claws made it look more like a form of Lilliputian sloth than an anteater. Being a strictly nocturnal animal it was not, of course, at its best during the day and merely wanted to be left alone to sleep.

  So, when I had finished examining it, I propped the stick up in the corner, and the anteater, clutching the branch passionately, went peacefully to sleep, making no attempt to escape.

  When Bob returned he was carrying rather gingerly on the end of a long stick a battered wicker basket. He looked very pleased with himself.

  "While you were wasting your time crouching over that creature," he said, "I have been obtaining this rare specimen from one of the women, who would otherwise have eaten it, if her signs meant what I think they meant."

  The rare specimen turned out to be a baby electric eel, some two feet long, which was wiggling vigorously round and round the basket. I was very pleased, for it was the only electric eel that we had obtained up till then. Having praised Bob for his astute piece of collecting I gathered our strange selection of purchases together, and we made our way down to the canoe. Here we thanked the headman for his help, and also the assembled villagers, smiled lavishly at everyone in sight, climbed into the canoe and pushed off.

  I had put all the animals up in the bows, and I sat next to them. Then came Bob and the two paddlers sitting behind him. The pimpla hog amused us by doing a very skilful cakewalk up and down the shaft of my paddle and then curling up between my feet and going to sleep. Clutching his twig up in the bows, the Tank 'e God stood frozen in his attitude of supplication, looking not unlike an old ship's figurehead.

  Below him the electric eel still wiggled hopefully round its basket.

  The setting sun gilded and polished the creek to a blinding radiance and flooded the forest with light, making the leaves seem an, unearthly green against which the orchids stood out like precious stones. Somewhere in the distance a troop of red howlers started their evening song, an immense roaring, thundering cataract of sound that was echoed and magnified by the forest depths. It was a mad, savage, bloodcurdling noise, the sort of cry I could imagine a lynch mob giving if they saw their victim escaping. We often heard the red howlers roaring in Guiana , mostly in the evening or at night. Once I was awakened at two o'clock in the morning by their cries, and at first half-asleep, I imagined it to be the sound of a giant wind tearing through the forest.

  When the howlers' song had died away, quiet returned to the creek. Under the arch of trees it was already gloomy, and the water lost its amber tints, becoming as smooth and black as pitch. Lazily we paddled, light-headed with hunger and fatigue, humming a vague accompaniment to the songs of the paddlers and the steady beat of their paddles. The air was warm and drowsy, full of the scents of the forest. The regular clop and gurgle of the paddles had a soothing, almost hypnotic, effect, and we began to feel pleasantly sleepy. At that bewitching twilight hour when everything was quiet and peaceful, as we relaxed contentedly in the smoothly sliding canoe, the electric eel escaped from its basket.

  My attention was suddenly drawn to this by the pimpla hog, who shinned up my leg, and would, if I had let him, have gone right up to my head. I passed him back for Bob to hold, while I investigated the bows of the canoe to see what had frightened him. Looking down, I perceived the eel wiggling along the sloping canoe bottom towards my feet. I will always maintain that, next to a snake, an electric eel approaching your feet will produce the most astonishing muscular reaction the human body is capable of. How I got out of the way I don't know, but when I landed in the canoe again the eel had wiggled past and was heading towards Bob.

  "Look out!" I yelled, "the eel's escaped."

  Clasping the pimpla hog to his bosom. Bob tried to stand up, failed, and fell flat on his back in the bottom of the canoe. Whether the eel had turned off its current, or whether it was too frightened to bother about electrifying my companion, I don't know, but the fact remains that it slid past his wildly thrashing body as harmlessly and swiftly as a stream of water and headed for the first paddler. Evidently he also shared our aversion to coming into close contact with electric eels, for he gave every indication of abandoning ship as the creature approached him. Our combined attempts to get as far away from the eel as possible were making the canoe rock violently. Bob, in trying to sit upright, put his hand on the porcupine, and his yell of surprise and agony convinced me that the eel was returning and had attacked him in the rear. Apparently it convinced the porcupine as well for he hastily shinned up my leg again and tried to clamber on to my shoulder. If the first paddler had jumped over the side I am sure the canoe would have turned over. As it was, the situation was saved by the second paddler, who was obviously used to frolicking about in canoes with electric eels. He leant forward and pinned the creature down under the broad blade of his paddle. Then he made wild gestures at me until I threw him the wicker basket. This was now very much the worse for wear, as I had knelt on it by mistake while avoiding its occupant. The second paddler, by some ingenious means, pushed the eel back into the basket, and everyone felt better and started smiling at everyone else in a rather forced sort of way. The paddler handed the basket to his companion, who passed it hastily on to Bob, who, in turn, reluctantly accepted it. He was just passing it to me when the bottom fell out.

  Bob was holding the basket as far away as possible from himself, so when the eel fell out it landed on the side of the canoe draped like a croquet hoop. It was unfortunate that its head should have been on the outside, for it needed no second chance: a quick wiggle, a splash, and it was gone into the dark depths of the creek.

  Bob looked at me.

  "Well," he said, "I'd rather it went outside than in."

  I regret to say I agreed with him.

  It was quite dark when we reached the last stretch of water.

  We paddled along a carpet of reflected stars that quivered and danced in the ripples of our wake. Crickets and frogs all around us wheezed, purred, and tinkled like a shop full of clocks. We rounded the last bend and saw before us the hut with a flood of yellow lamplight streaming from the windows. The canoe grounded in the sand with a soft, lisping sigh, as though it was glad to be back. Collecting our animals we made our way across the soft sand, ghostly in the moonlight, towards the hut. We were tired, hungry, and rather depressed, for we knew that we had just made our last voyage into the magical world of the creeks and that we were soon to leave.

  Finale

  In a tiny bar in the back streets of Georgetown four of us sat round a table, drinking rum and ginger beer and looking acutely depressed. On the table in front of us was a pile of papers, boat tickets, lists, travellers' cheques, bills of lading and so on. Occasionally Bob would look at these papers with evident distaste.

  "Now are you sure you'll remember all that?" asked Smith, for the hundredth time.

  "Yes," said Bob gloomily, "I'll remember."

  "Don't lose the bill of lading whatever you do," warned Smith.

  "No, I won't," said Bob.

  We were all depressed for different reasons. Bob was depress
ed because he was to leave Guiana the next day, taking with him a collection of our more bulky reptiles.

  Smith was depressed because he was quite sure that Bob would lose the bill of lading or some other equally important document. I was depressed because Bob's departure meant that I would soon be leaving myself, for my passage –was booked three weeks after Bob's. Ivan seemed to be depressed for no reason except that we were.

  In the tree-lined canals that ran through the streets of Georgetown the giant toads were starting to croak happily, a noise like hundreds of rather tinny motor-bikes starting up.

  Smith dragged his mind away from the bill of lading with an effort and listened to the chorus.

  "We must catch some of those toads some time before you go, Gerry," he said.

  I had an idea.

  "Let's go and catch some now," I suggested.

  "Now?" said Smith doubtfully.

  "Why not? It's better than sitting here like the cast of a Greek tragedy."

  "Yes," said Bob enthusiastically, "it's an excellent idea."

  So Ivan unearthed a sack and a torch from behind the bar, and we went out into the warm night for the last hunt that Bob would have.

  Along the edge of Georgetown runs a broad esplanade, bounded on one side by the sea and on the other by an area of trees and grass, intersected by numerous canals. This was a favourite haunt for toads and courting couples. These toads are great putty-coloured beasts mottled with chocolate blotches. They are attractive creatures, with wide mouths set in a perpetual grin, large, dark pop-eyes that are shot with silver and gold, and a portly and well-fed appearance.

  They are, as a rule, rather lethargic, but, as we discovered that night, they were capable of an astonishing turn of speed.

  These toads had hitherto led a tranquil life, meditating by day and singing part-songs by night, so they were amazed and affronted by the appearance in their midst of four people who chased them vigorously with a torch. No less amazed and affronted were the vast number of courting couples who littered the grass almost as thickly as the toads. The toads strongly objected to the torch being flashed on them, and so did the courting couples. The toads did not like being chased across miles of grass, and the courting couples were unanimous in their opinion of the four maniacs who leapt over their recumbent bodies in pursuit of the toads.