Monstrous Maud: Freaky Sleepover

by A. B. Saddlewick

  “Ouch,” said a voice. “Watch out!”

  “Oh hello, Isabel,” said Maud. “Come in.”

  This was going to be interesting.

  “A few house rules,” said Mrs Montague. “Make sure you’re in bed by nine. Be nice and polite to Tracy. Don’t make too much noise and don’t leave the house under any circumstances. Is that understood?”

  “Yes, Mrs Montague,” said the Primrose Towers girls.

  “Yes, Mrs Montague,” said Penelope, smiling sweetly. She kept glancing around the living room at the framed family photographs. Penelope had come around to the house a couple of weeks before, and ever since then she’d been trying to force Maud to admit she wasn’t a real monster. No doubt she’d agreed to come to the sleepover so she could investigate further.

  “Can we try out my new baking set?” asked Milly.

  “Alright,” said Mrs Montague. “But don’t make too much mess.” She looked down at her watch and paced off into the living room.

  “Can we make scrummy cupcakes?” asked Suzie.

  “Yes,” said Alice. “Let’s have a bake-off! Primrose Towers versus Rotwood. If they’re up to it, that is.”

  “Maud couldn’t even make a cheese sandwich,” said Milly.

  “Let’s do it!” said Penelope.

  Maud sighed. The only thing they’d ever been taught to cook at Rotwood was maggot soup.

  Milly opened her baking set, which was a huge pink container with hearts on the side. Inside Maud could see measuring jugs, scales and spatulas made from the same pink plastic, and two metal baking tins with space for six cupcakes each. Milly took one out, handed it to Maud, and said, “Let the bake-off commence.”

  Maud grabbed a tub of margarine and a pint of milk from the fridge, while Paprika fetched packets of flour and sugar from the cupboard. Penelope got a mixing bowl and wooden spoon out from under the sink.

  Maud laid everything out on their half of the worktop. “Do we need anything else?”

  “Mum uses Type A Negative blood in the cakes she makes,” said Paprika. “But I don’t like the taste, so I never eat them.”

  “You’ve forgotten the dead flies,” said Penelope. “You can’t make cupcakes without dead flies. And you’ll need some crunchy spider legs to sprinkle on top.”

  “We’re, um, out of both,” said Maud. “We’ll just have to make do with what we’ve got.”

  Paprika emptied out the entire packet of flour into the bowl and spooned in the margarine in large chunks. At the other end of the worktop, Poppy was carefully measuring out flour with the pink scales.

  “Do you think that’s enough margarine?” asked Paprika. The tub was almost empty.

  “I think so,” said Maud. She glanced over at Poppy, who was pouring a teaspoon of vanilla essence into the mix.

  “Who cares?” asked Penelope. “No one will eat the cakes if there are no spiders on top. That’s where all the flavour comes from.”

  “I don’t know why you came, if all you’re going to do is complain,” said Maud.

  “If you must know, I came to see how Violet was getting on,” said Penelope.

  “Fine, I think,” said Maud. “She’s asleep in her cage.”

  Maud pointed to the cage in the corner of the kitchen, which she’d covered with a tea towel.

  Penelope smirked.

  Hmm, thought Maud. What was she up to?

  After Paprika had finished pouring the ingredients into the bowl, Isabel mixed them with the wooden spoon. Maud was worried that the Primrose Towers girls would see the spoon churning around on its own, but they were distracted by their own baking.

  “Mum!” shouted Milly. “We’re ready for the cooker now!”

  Mrs Montague came in and placed both baking trays on the middle shelf of her oven. Then she glanced down at her watch and dashed back into the living room, muttering, “Tracy ought to be here by now.”

  “Let’s check on Violet,” said Penelope, whipping the tea towel off the cage.

  Maud was expecting to see Violet nestled comfortably in her straw. Instead, she was shocked to find that the hamster was actually hanging upside down from the top bars.

  “Er … do hamsters do that?” asked Isabel.

  Violet opened her eyes and flopped down on to the bottom of her cage. As soon as she’d done so, Poppy noticed her and barged over.

  “Cute!” she squealed. “Look at her hands!”

  “What’s her name?” asked Alice.

  “Violet,” said Maud. “And they’re paws, not hands.”

  “Hmm,” said Milly. “I think she deserves a much prettier name than that.”

  “Let’s call her Princess Snuggly,” said Poppy.

  “No, let’s call her Fluffy,” said Alice.

  “No,” said Milly. “I’ve decided that we’ll call her Cuddles.”

  The Primrose Towers girls crowded around the hamster’s cage and cooed.

  “She’s so sweet!”

  “How adorable!”

  Maud peered over their shoulders to check they weren’t frightening the poor animal with their fussing. Violet seemed perfectly fine, though.

  Maud heard the doorbell ring again and went into the living room to find Tracy trudging in.

  The babysitter was dressed in a long black skirt and a purple t-shirt and had dark make-up around her eyes that made her look like a tired panda. She had her earphones in and was chewing gum in time with the music.

  “How are you, Tracy?” asked Mr Montague.

  Tracy took one of her earphones out and said, “What?”

  “I was just asking how you were,” said Mr Montague.

  “Whatever,” she said.

  “We’re off now,” said Mrs Montague. “We’ll be at the theatre if you need us. The details are on this flyer.” She put a leaflet on the table and ushered her husband out.

  “Bye Mum, bye Dad,” said Maud, closing the front door.

  “By the way, Penelope,” she heard from behind her. She turned around to see Milly giving the witch a suspicious look. “Why is your hair purple?”

  Maud sighed. It was going to be a long night.

  Maud was on her way to the garage to check on Quentin, when she glanced up the stairs and noticed the portrait of her great-aunt Ethel. She’d forgotten all about the picture. The last thing she wanted was for Penelope and Paprika to find out she was related to the headmistress of Rotwood. Maud unhooked the picture, dashed upstairs and hid it in a drawer.

  When she got down to the garage, she found that Quentin had burrowed deep into the sawdust at the back of his cage and was taking a nap.

  “Wake up, Quentin,” Maud said softly.

  Quentin stretched and replied with a sleepy squeak.

  Bang! Maud heard a loud noise from the kitchen and thought she’d better go and investigate. She took Quentin’s cage along, so she could keep an eye on him.

  Everyone had gathered to look at Tracy, who was covered in tiny pieces of pink cake.

  “Oh, what a hilarious joke,” Tracy said. “Give the babysitter an exploding cake.”

  “We didn’t give it to you,” said Milly. “It was you who took it out of the oven. It probably just wasn’t ready yet.”

  Maud noticed that Penelope was stifling a giggle with her hand. Another spell, no doubt, to get them all into trouble.

  “Upstairs, all of you,” said Tracy. “Right now!” She glared at Quentin’s and Violet’s cages. “And take those disgusting vermin with you.”

  “That’s no way to talk about Maud’s friends,” said Milly, and her Primrose Towers friends giggled.

  Maud went upstairs, holding Quentin’s cage. Paprika followed, carrying Violet’s cage. Penelope came next, still sniggering to herself.

  “We’re going into the bathroom,” said Milly. “No Rotwood rejects allowed.”

  “We don’t care,” said Maud. “We’re going to the bedroom. No Primrose princesses allowed.”

  “See you three later,” said Poppy.

  �
�You four,” muttered Isabel.

  Maud led the way into her bedroom and sat on her bed. She scooped Quentin out of his cage to stroke him, but he wriggled out of her hands and ducked under her pillow. “Anyone for a game of Monopoly?” she asked.

  “I’ve never heard of that,” said Paprika. He was sitting on the chair in front of Milly’s dressing table with Violet in his lap. “Do you have Diabolical Pursuit? Sea Serpents and Ladders? Hungry Hellhounds?”

  “I don’t think so,” said Maud. “I’ve got Twister, though.”

  “I hate that game,” said Isabel. “That’s the one where everyone stands on your hands and they don’t even apologise.”

  “I thought games like Monopoly and Twister were for humans,” said Penelope, her eyes narrowing. She was examining Maud’s half of the bedroom. “In fact, you seem to have a lot of human things.”

  “Have I?” asked Maud. “I’ve never really thought about it.”

  A chorus of giggles came from the bathroom, followed by shrill squeals.

  “What are they up to?” Paprika asked.

  “I don’t know,” said Maud.

  “Well, whatever it is they’re doing, they’re going to have to stop,” said Penelope, “because I need to use the toilet.” She stomped out of the room and across to the bathroom.

  “Don’t worry about the noises,” said Paprika to Violet, who was sitting on his lap.

  Violet didn’t look in the least bit nervous as she sat there, perfectly still. She looked like she could sit through an earthquake without blinking.

  There was a shout from the bathroom, and Paprika’s eyes widened.

  “Don’t touch me!” shouted Penelope again.

  Paprika looked at Maud. They were both thinking the same thing. Something was making Penelope cross. They ran into the hallway as the sound of a struggle came from behind the bathroom door, and Maud heard the witch start to mutter.

  “Quick, she really mustn’t cast a spell,” she whispered to Paprika. She hammered on the door. “Let Penelope out, or I’ll … I’ll …” she yelled, firmly.

  Suddenly, the bolt slid across, and the bathroom door opened. Huge swirls of steam billowed out into the hallway, and Penelope ran out. As she emerged from the mist, Maud saw that her face was covered in Milly’s mud mask, and her wiry purple hair had been forced into curlers.

  “We’re doing makeovers,” Milly explained.

  “I … I … I want to go home,” said Penelope. Her hands shook as she pulled the rollers out of her hair. “I don’t like this game.”

  Maud felt a little sorry for Penelope. She’d never exactly been fond of her, but she didn’t think Penelope deserved this torture. A makeover was probably just as frightening for a witch as a night in a slime-pit would be for a human. So frightening that Penelope probably hadn’t even been able to cast a spell.

  “Noooo …!” howled Milly, who was now standing in the bedroom doorway.

  “What now?” asked Maud.

  She ran back to the bedroom door and peered in past Milly. She couldn’t believe it. In the couple of minutes she’d been away, the room had been completely trashed!

  It looked as if a hurricane had blown through the bedroom. Maud’s half looked pretty much the same, but Milly’s was unrecognisable.

  All the drawers had been dragged out of the dressing table and their contents were tossed randomly around. All over Milly’s side of the floor, white socks and pink dresses were muddled up with dolls and her collection of Magic Dream Princess books.

  “I knew this would happen,” cried Milly. “I told Mum these Rotwood scruffs would vandalise the house, but she wouldn’t listen.”

  “Was this you, Isabel?” Maud whispered.

  “How could it have been?” Isabel said. “I was with you the whole time.”

  “If you say so.”

  Maud wondered if Penelope could have cast some sort of untidying spell on the room while she was in the bathroom, but it seemed unlikely. She was far too upset about her makeover to think about what was going on in the bedroom.

  She noticed that her pillow was on the floor, but Quentin had disappeared.

  “Has anyone seen Quentin?” she asked.

  “And Violet,” added Paprika. “I left her on the bed.”

  “Never mind about them,” said Milly. “Help me pick up my stuff. I need to check nothing’s broken.”

  Maud trod carefully across the floor, making sure she didn’t accidentally step on either of the rodents. She noticed that one of Milly’s white vests was quivering very slightly, and she lifted it up to discover Violet sitting casually on her back legs and rubbing her paws together. The hamster didn’t flinch at all, as Maud lifted her up on to the dressing table. She was sure there was something odd about the hamster, but she couldn’t quite work it out. Was it her eyes? They seemed to be glowing like lamps.

  Quentin proved a little harder to find. Maud turned over all the books, monster costumes and masks on her side of the room with no luck. It was only when she looked behind her desk in the corner of the room that she found him, pressed tightly between one of the back legs of her table and the skirting board.

  “What’s spooked you?” Maud asked. “You look like you’ve seen a cat.”

  She carried Quentin back over to her bed, where he curled up into a ball.

  “I know what will cheer your disgusting rat up,” said Suzie. “Let’s make him a costume.”

  “We could make him some beautiful fairy wings,” said Alice.

  “We could knit him a lovely cardigan like the one I made for my teddy bear,” said Poppy.

  “I’ve got an even better idea,” said Milly. “Let’s make him a wedding suit. Then he can get married to Violet.”

  “Oh super!” said Suzie.

  “How romantic!” said Alice.

  Milly grasped hold of Quentin, who struggled in her hand.

  “I don’t think he’s very keen on the idea,” said Maud.

  “Nonsense,” said Milly. “He’s looking forward to it. Why wouldn’t he be?”

  “Let’s get your bunny, too, Milly,” squealed Poppy.

  Milly shook her head. “Lollipop’s been really boring ever since she got sick last week. And anyway, we’d have to go outside to the hutch to fetch her, and I don’t want to.”

  Tracy opened the bedroom door and shoved a pizza leaflet into Maud’s hand.

  “I’m ordering from here,” she said. “What do you lot want?”

  “We’ll have a Margherita,” said Milly from over in the corner.

  “Boring!” said Penelope, who seemed to have recovered from her ordeal already. She snatched the leaflet from Maud’s hand and scanned through it. “What sort of pizza place is this? They don’t even have Locust and Pineapple. I suppose it will have to be a Meat Feast.”

  “Don’t forget, I’m vegetarian,” said Paprika.

  “That’s okay,” said Maud. “Let’s get one that’s half Meat Feast and half Vegetarian Delight.”

  “Fine,” said Tracy, slamming the door.

  “Ta-da!” cried Milly, holding up Quentin in his wedding costume. He had a white scarf made from a scrap of handkerchief and a black top hat made out of a marker pen lid, held on with a rubber band. His tiny pink feet were floundering up and down, desperately seeking the floor.

  “And here’s the beautiful bride,” said Poppy, holding up Violet. She’d made her a bouquet of daisies and a tiara of tinfoil.

  “Put them in the wedding carriage,” said Suzie, wheeling the open-top car from Milly’s old Barbie collection across the floor. Milly and Poppy plonked the rodents down in the back seat. Quentin tried to scrabble out, but he couldn’t get a grip. Violet nuzzled up to him, and he struggled frantically against her, squeaking and hissing, his nose twitching wildly.

  “What on earth has got into you, Quentin?” asked Maud, rescuing her rat and putting him back into his cage. She carried it back to her bed. She glanced back at Violet. The hamster’s eyes were even brighter now, glowing b
rilliant indigo as she watched them from the toy car. Maud had always thought that hamsters were peaceful animals. Now she wasn’t so sure.

  As soon as she heard the doorbell, Maud ran down to collect the pizzas.

  “Promise you’ll be quiet,” said Tracy, holding the pizza boxes high above Maud’s head as she jumped up for them. “There’s a horror film called Night Creepers on TV tonight, and there’s no way I’ll be able to get properly frightened if I can hear you messing about.”

  “I promise,” said Maud.

  She ran upstairs with the pizza boxes and placed them in the middle of the room.

  “Mum says we should always wash our hands before we eat,” said Milly. “Especially when we’ve been touching dirty rodents.”

  They all piled into the corridor to queue for the bathroom. Maud could see Poppy at the front of the queue rubbing lavender moisturiser into her hands.

  “Hurry up,” shouted Maud. “The pizza’s going cold.”

  Maud was last to wash her hands. As soon as she finished, she ran back into the bedroom. But when she picked up the monsters’ pizza box, it weighed practically nothing. She threw the lid back. Someone had already scoffed half the pizza! The vegetarian half was untouched, but on the other side of the box there was nothing but a slither of crust and a smear of tomato sauce.

  “Who stole my half?” asked Penelope.

  “Well, it wasn’t me,” said Paprika, scooping up a vegetarian slice. “I hate meat.”

  “Ours is fine, too,” said Milly, biting into a slice of cheese and tomato. “Mmm, yummy.”

  “It must have been Isabel,” said Penelope, folding her arms.

  “Who’s that?” asked Milly. “Aren’t you a bit old for imaginary friends?”

  Poppy, Alice and Suzie giggled.

  “It wasn’t me,” muttered Isabel in Maud’s ear. “I always get blamed for everything. It’s not fair.”