A Reason to Be Alone (The Camdyn Series Book 2)

by Christina Coryell

  I watched as Cooper drifted off to sleep, and then I placed him back in his little cart. Trina informed me then that she needed to use the restroom, so I told her I would get the nurse, but she insisted that we were fine on our own. I don’t know what her definition of fine was at that moment, because she was incapable of walking by herself, but she seemed content to let me half-carry her to the restroom. Oh, her legs had the illusion of trying to walk, but judging by the amount of weight I was bearing, I knew they were barely working. I managed to see her safely to her perch, and then I turned away to give her some privacy.

  “I don’t know what you’re so worried about,” Trina scolded me. “It’s not like you’ve never seen me naked before.”

  Okay, technically she was right – she needed help surveying the damage after a very unfortunate waxing incident, but that was completely mortifying for me then, and this was no better.

  “Just…let me know when you need me again,” I muttered from my position beyond the door. I could hear her rustling, and then a minute passed by before I heard her soft voice from inside.

  “Do you see any more net underwear?” she asked.

  “Net underwear?”

  “Yes, net underwear,” she insisted. “I need them. See if you can find any.”

  I began scanning the immediate area for net underwear, not fully knowing exactly what that meant, and my mind overturning a million possibilities of what their use might be. Not finding anything, I poked my head into the hallway.

  Do you need a net to keep stuff from falling out? I thought with a shudder. Oh my gosh, is stuff falling out??? I steeled myself against the door, afraid I might begin to get woozy. Seeing a nurse down the hallway, I began frantically waving, and she walked toward me. I realized with embarrassment that it was the same nurse that checked on us just a few minutes before, but I knew she probably already thought I was crazy, so I might as well give her confirmation.

  “We need net underwear,” I whispered when she came near. I could tell she was trying to hide a smile as she brushed past me into the room, knocking quickly on the bathroom door before entering and pulling something from a cabinet.

  “Oh, thanks,” Trina muttered. I stepped aside as the nurse made her way back into the hall, and Trina informed me that she was finished. Helping her stand, I then half-carried her back to the bed, getting her situated and assuring her that I had things under control. She dozed off before I had the opportunity to ask why the heck she would need net underwear, so I settled back down on that lumpy fold-out with my curiosity unsatisfied.

  The rest of the night passed slowly. Cooper woke up twice more, and each time I checked his diaper and then woke Trina so she could feed him. The second time, I gave up trying to sleep, and instead sat in the darkness and held his tiny frame close to my chest, staring into his face. I could see Charlie in him, mostly. Around the time the sun began to stream through the bottom of the window shade, Cooper roused again. This time when I did my routine diaper check, I groaned as I saw that the black nightmare had returned. It wasn’t going to defeat me again, though. I didn’t even wake Trina until I had calmly cleaned him off, bundled him up, and had him ready for feeding. When I informed her what I had done, she only giggled slightly at my idiotic pride.

  Moving back to Cooper’s cart, I picked up the disgusting diaper and carried it toward the trash can. When I was almost ready to drop it inside, the door swung open and knocked my right arm, hurling the diaper straight into my shirt - again.

  “Oh, you have got to be kidding me!” I huffed as a nurse carrying a tray moved into my line of view. She apologized profusely as she stared at me with wide eyes, but when I returned to the room with that black sludge smeared across my chest, Trina was thrown into another fit of laughter. I put my hands on my hips and stared at her until I realized that the nurse was trying to suppress a giggle as well.

  “I don’t suppose you have another one of those backless gowns?” I asked, daring her to laugh.

  “I’ll get you one,” she said quickly, moving to escape the room. When another nurse brought the gown a moment later, I figured the first one had been afraid to face me. Either that, or she couldn’t stop laughing.

  So, t-shirt number two went into the plastic bag along with the first one, and I folded up the horrible excuse for a bed and sank down onto the chair. Picking up my phone, I dialed Cole’s number as I watched Trina eat her breakfast. When he answered groggily, I felt a little guilty. Just a little, though, because I could guarantee he hadn’t been pooped on during the night at all.

  “Hey, did I wake you?” I asked breezily.

  “Yeah, but it’s okay Cam,” I heard over the phone. “How did it go?”

  “Oh, it was perfection,” I lied, gazing over at Trina eating her eggs and hearing my own stomach growl. “I was just wondering, could you do me a favor?”

  “You name it, and it’s done.”

  “Could you have Charlie bring me a clean shirt when he comes?” I could tell by the pause on the other end of the line that he was pondering what had brought about the call, but I was hesitant to offer an explanation.

  “I thought you had a change of clothes,” he replied.

  “Yeah, I did, but not anymore,” I sighed. “It’s a long story, and it involves poop, so I will spare you the details.”

  He assured me that he would give Charlie the message, and as he hung up the phone I could have sworn I heard him laugh.

  Charlie and Cole arrived at around nine that morning, and Charlie had graciously brought me one of Trina’s t-shirts. When he and Cole saw me wearing that stupid backless gown, they shared a look that let me know that they would be finding out the source of my humiliation as soon as I was out of sight. I hurried into the bathroom and changed, and then emerged into the room only to find Trina detailing the previous night’s escapades. When she got to the bit about me standing there in my bra when the nurse came in, I thought Charlie and Cole might die with laughter. When they finally calmed down, I informed Cole that I had been up all night, and I was fairly miserable and tired, and that he shouldn’t make fun of me. He pulled me down beside him and wrapped his arms around me, and within a matter of moments, I dozed off leaning against his warm chest.

  -§-

  Cole and I decided to walk around outside a little bit around lunch time, and I took the opportunity to ask if he was ready to head home yet. He explained that Trina’s mother was supposed to arrive the next day, and he told Charlie we would stay until she got there. Charlie had also given him some tickets to the baseball game that night, since he wouldn’t be able to go. I couldn’t get Cole to admit that he was staying only for the baseball game, so I couldn’t tell if he was being completely altruistic or an opportunist. Honestly, I didn’t care, because I knew going to a baseball game with Cole would be completely awesome.

  When we returned to the room, Trina and Charlie were excited to tell us that she would be released in a couple of hours, so Cole stated that we would go ahead to the house and wait for them there. I was a little surprised that he wanted to be in the house with me alone, since he had been so adamantly against it the day before. When we reached the house, though, my curiosity dissipated when I realized all he really wanted to do was mow the lawn for Charlie. I seized the opportunity to take a leisurely shower and get all the hospital germs off my body, and then I raided Trina’s closet and slid on a Cardinals t-shirt and one of her best pairs of jeans. I seriously doubted she would complain, seeing as how her son had defecated on me the night before.

  After helping myself to Trina’s makeup and doing my hair, I realized I probably needed to do something about those two disgusting t-shirts from the hospital, so I took them to the laundry room. While I was in there, I threw in a load of Charlie’s clothes and then folded everything that was in the dryer. I even took the time to iron one of Charlie’s work shirts before I put it in the closet. When there was nothing left to do, I moved to the kitchen, emptying out the dishwasher and making sure everythin
g was as neat as it could be. When Cole finally came inside, covered in sweat and blades of grass, I told him to look in Charlie’s closet for something to wear. He was really hesitant, so I searched the closet for him, pulling out a Cardinals t-shirt that matched mine and a pair of military green cargo shorts, since I figured Charlie’s pants would be too small on Cole.

  When Cole emerged from the shower, his hair was still wet with that five o’clock shadow clearly back in its normal place. Charlie’s t-shirt was pulled snugly across the muscles in his chest, and he looked so incredible that I had to force a breath and tell myself not to stare. Instead, I made my way back to the laundry room and placed the wet clothes in the dryer, jumping when I felt Cole’s hand on my shoulder. He started to tell me how wonderful I had been helping Trina at the hospital, and how grateful Charlie was the night before, and something about the laundry, but all I could do was think about that disheveled hair and those dark eyes, and before I realized it I had pulled his head down to mine and was giving him the kiss I had wanted the night before. I heard a moan come from deep in his chest and my spine turned to jelly as he pulled away, letting out a long breath.

  “You shouldn’t do that to me,” he whispered, resting his forehead against mine. I closed my eyes and stood there listening to him breathe, our heads against each other, until I heard the front door open and Charlie announced Cooper’s homecoming.

  Chapter Six

  Charlie and Trina settled in quickly with Cooper, and within minutes it seemed that Charlie had everything set up and positioned exactly where Trina needed it. She insisted she was fine and went to feed the baby in her bedroom, and Cole offered to go pick up a pizza, so Charlie and I were left in the living room together. He sank down into the sofa and then reclined slightly, giving me a sly smile.

  “I think we’re adults, Cammie,” he sighed.

  “Partially, maybe,” I agreed with a smirk. He smiled and closed his eyes, and I thought back to all the great memories I had made in that house, with Charlie by my side. Now it would be Cooper’s turn to make memories. Instead of Grandma’s Christmas dinner, it would be Trina’s. We never had any guests at holidays, but Cooper’s uncle and aunt would be there, probably. No, not probably - most definitely.

  “You want to know what a terrible dad I am?” Charlie asked out of the blue, sitting up and leaning his elbows against his knees. “I asked Cole to go to the game with me tonight. You know what he said? ‘You really should take Cam, since she stayed at the hospital last night.’ Talk about feeling like a jerk. Your fiancé cares more about you than I did my wife who just gave birth. What kind of person leaves his wife home with a newborn baby the first night they’re home?” He rubbed his hand roughly across his forehead, shaking his head.

  “You’re not a terrible dad, you’re just not used to the extra responsibility yet,” I offered carefully. “You’re going to be great, Charlie. Don’t be too hard on yourself.”

  “That’s easy for you to say, after you offered to stay at the hospital last night,” Charlie stated, smiling at me sadly. “You are truly an awesome sister.” I chuckled at him as I rolled my eyes.

  “Don’t praise me too highly,” I warned him. “The only reason I offered to stay was because Cole didn’t want me here, because he didn’t want to be alone with me.”

  “Wow, he really is a saint, isn’t he?” Charlie laughed. His words reminded me of the nickname Cole had back at the firehouse in Nashville – Saint Cole. Funny that Charlie should use that word. “Cammie, Grandma and Dad would be so impressed with Cole. He’s just a great guy. I mean, to come back here and mow my lawn like he did…”

  “Yeah, he’s pretty perfect,” I sighed. “I’m still not sure what he sees in me.”

  “Don’t sell yourself too short,” he insisted, smiling at me like he used to when we were kids. “You know, when he came here asking my permission to propose to you, my first thought was that he had to be insane. I made it a point to tell him about the other guys who proposed to you right off the bat, trying to talk some sense into him. He said he already knew about all of that, and there was absolutely nothing I could say to dissuade him. Believe me, I tried. Then we hung out a while, and I realized that this guy wasn’t crazy like I thought initially, he was just totally in love with you. He was a normal, funny, really nice guy who thought you were the girl of his dreams.”

  I felt a little self-conscious at his explanation, and I tried to shrug it off.

  “No, your first instinct was right,” I teased. “He’s totally insane.”

  Charlie stood up and moved to the back door, looking out the window into the yard, his sandy blonde hair looking golden in the sunlight. It was so easy to fall into teasing tones with him just like the old days, and to think of him as that Charlie – my great protector and my greatest offender simultaneously. It was a little harder to see him as a man, with a family, and a great deal of responsibility. I wondered if that was what he was pondering as he moved back toward the couch, stopping at an end table to pick up a picture of Grandma with the two of us. He looked up at me with a grin and then set the picture down, sinking back onto the couch.

  “Well, I suppose I’ll be better than not having a dad, won’t I?” he asked himself verbally. “Not that I’m not grateful for everything Grandma did for us, but… Well, it is what it is, I suppose.”

  “It doesn’t do any good to think like that, Charlie,” I warned him. “You don’t need a dad in your life to be a great dad. Just do your best, like you always do at everything.”

  “Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he agreed. “One thing’s for sure – Trina will definitely be better than the BM.”

  I chuckled aloud when I heard him use the phrase that we had thought up as kids. When I was probably seven or eight, Charlie and I decided that the best way to insult our mother was to name her after a bowel movement. We knew Grandma would never approve, though, so we shortened it to BM. Whenever we slipped up and used the acronym in front of Grandma, Charlie would insist it stood for birth mother. I’m sure Grandma would have given us a stern lecture if she knew what we were up to, but what kind of respect did my mother deserve when she up and deserted her kids to start a new life halfway around the world? No, BM seemed to suit her just fine.

  “I found a box of her stuff in the attic,” Charlie stated. “I can get it out later if you want to look through it.”

  “Why would I want to do that?” I huffed, wrinkling up my nose. “I hate that woman.”

  “Hate’s a pretty strong word, Camdyn. Maybe you should choose a different one next time.”

  “No, Charlie, that one suits me fairly well,” I told him. “How can you not feel that way, too?”

  “Well, I certainly don’t care about her, if that’s what you’re asking,” he stated in a surprised tone. “I think I’ve just found myself in a state of general indifference regarding the whole situation. She doesn’t have any impact on my life now, and I really don’t think about her.”

  “General indifference,” I stated, rolling my eyes. “I forgot, you haven’t seen her in twenty years. She didn’t leave you at the airport to rot in a foreign country. Remind me about this conversation in another ten years or so, and we’ll see if I’m to the point of general indifference yet.”

  Charlie opened his mouth to say something, but he was cut short when Cole walked in with the pizza. As I watched the two of them fall into easy conversation, I felt a little bad for almost scolding Charlie about his feelings. I walked over and put my arm around him, giving him a squeeze.

  “Sorry for being confrontational,” I told him, and he put his arm around me in return.

  “Hey, no problem,” he said. “Let’s just agree not to talk about the BM anymore. It’s not proper.”

  Charlie and I both laughed then, with Cole looking at us curiously.

  -§-

  I couldn’t tell you why, but I was really excited about going to the baseball game with Cole. Maybe it was because this would be the first time in three
days that I wouldn’t be in some family setting. Or, I could have been happy because we were actually going somewhere that didn’t involve moving, having a baby, a birthday party… This almost felt like an actual date. Of course, there would be thousands of people there with us, but beggars can’t be choosy.

  Cole appeared to be excited as well, and he was very chatty on the way to the stadium. I had become accustomed to pensive, largely quiet Cole in the truck, and this Cole was animatedly expressive. It was hard to hide my smile as he kept looking over at me and beginning on one subject, and then another.

  We stopped before finding our seats to grab a couple of lemonades. Cole asked me nonchalantly when I had been there last, and my mind immediately flashed back to that night at the World Series, the middle of the sixth inning, Trey’s proposal, my humiliating exit from the stadium, waiting on the street for Trina… I shrugged and told him it had been a while, and he gave me a knowing smile as he took my hand.

  We started the descent to our seats, and when we were just a few rows away, I saw him. I could only see a tiny bit of his profile, and the back of his head underneath that baseball cap, but it was positively Trey. I was suddenly incensed at Charlie for not telling us that he had been planning on watching the game with Trey, but surely Charlie hadn’t known. If he had, he wouldn’t have given the tickets to Cole.

  I quickly turned around, causing Cole to bump into me on the steps. He looked at me like I was crazy for walking into him, and I tried to think quickly.

  “You know, it’s kind of warm over here,” I told him. “Maybe we should go back over there and stand in the shade for a while.”

  “Are you kidding me?” he asked incredulously. “We have great seats. It won’t be warm long when the sun goes down.”