Dead Man Gaming: A LitRPG Series

by A. J. Markam

  I looked around and wondered if there was something I could do that would keep him from killing me when I came out of Stealth. I didn’t see anything. His axe was strapped to his back, and there was nothing in the tent that would be of any real use to me in thwarting an attack.

  On the other hand, when I stepped back outside, I noticed that there were only two guards directly outside the tent. There were others in the camp, but they were off at a distance.

  If I got rid of the two guards before I went inside, then at least they couldn’t rush in and join the fight when Furion called out for them.

  Sounded like a plan. Not a very good one, but at least it was a plan.

  I returned to my body on the garbage heap and touched it. Immediately I was on my back, staring up at the bottom of the tree canopy from my bed in the turnip tops and potato peelings.

  I didn’t want to think what else might be on the trash heap, so I left it at ‘turnip tops and potato peelings.’

  I considered just lying there for a second until I regained my hit points, since everybody thought I was dead already (not just dead like a Revenant, but dead dead), and hopefully they wouldn’t come over to check again. But then I realized that I should be able to go into Stealth mode lying down. Why take a chance when I didn’t have to?

  I thought Stealth. Immediately the whispering started all around me and my body became ghostlike and transparent. I hoped to God nobody had been looking at me when I suddenly disappeared. Although maybe that was a common occurrence in this world. After all, the spiders had faded away. I wondered what the computer-generated guys thought when somebody disappeared?

  I waited until my hit points returned to the maximum, then I stood up and crept back into the camp.

  The two soldiers guarding Furion’s tent were still set off by themselves from the rest of the group. I wondered if I could draw them off into the woods by making a noise or something, so I whispered, “Help!”

  And immediately came out of Stealth.

  Crap.

  The nearest Starlight Crusader looked around when I whispered, saw me, and immediately charged in with his sword drawn. “Fiend! Help me, my brothers!

  This time, I didn’t let fear and shock get the best of me. I just started thinking Vicious Strike and Backstab as fast as I could.

  The first guy went down in less than 20 seconds, and I still had half my hit points. The second guy rushed over and started wailing on me, but I was able to kill him, too. Just barely – my hit points were almost down to zero when I delivered the killing blow. But I did it.

  I kept waiting for the rest of the camp to come running, but I guess nobody had heard all the yelling. Which seemed idiotic. Who can’t hear a fight that’s happening 40 feet away?

  But then I realized that was a peculiarity of the game that was all but necessary. If things were completely realistic, then nobody would turn invisible (haha – talk about being unrealistic), sneak around behind enemy lines, and do missions. As soon as one asshole saw you, you’d immediately have another 20 assholes on top of you and you’d be dead. So I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth.

  The red outline around Stealth disappeared, which I took as a good sign. I thought Stealth and immediately went back into invisible mode. I thanked my lucky stars that I’d gotten at least one lucky break, and I sat there waiting for my health points to regenerate before I went into the tent.

  Furion was still sitting at his desk writing his letter when I walked in.

  If you didn’t hear that commotion outside, buddy, then you DESERVE to get killed.

  This time I didn’t hesitate. I walked up right behind him and thought Backstab!

  I immediately came out of Stealth, but this time I was prepared for it.

  Backstab! Backstab!

  Furion cried out in pain and anger. He reached for his axe, but by the time he hit me with the first blow, he was already down to 50% health.

  I tried to dodge but failed. Getting hit sucked the big one, true, but I just kept plowing away at him. I danced around him like Mohammed Ali, backstabbing him as hard as I could. That’s what did the most damage, so that’s what I put the majority of my energy points into.

  It was all over within 15 seconds. The guy gasped, dropped his weapon, and fell on the ground. He whispered, “May the gods grant me entrance to the Celestial Vault,” and then his eyes went dull and blank. His body stuck around, but I heard the jingle of coins as a ghostly ‘200 XP’ floated through the air.

  A window appeared that said, Loot the body for one pair of boots, a dagger, and a necklace.

  The dagger was the first thing I went for.

  Knight Crusader’s Dagger

  Damage: 1.15 per second

  Durability: 50 of 50

  Excellent. I switched out my crappy second dagger and sheathed the new blade.

  Furion’s coin purse yielded 5 silver, plus I picked up a pair of heavy leather boots (+4 armor, +2 stamina). There was a necklace he was wearing that I inspected:

  Enchanted Necklace of Protection

  +2 armor

  +2 agility

  +5 stamina

  Not bad. I thought about changing my boots right then and there, but I really didn’t have time – I needed to get the hell out of here in case any other Starlight bozos decided they needed to speak to the commander. So I tried stuffing the boots in my little bag. Surprise, surprise – the boots actually disappeared as soon as they touched the edge and became the little icons on the bag screen.

  This was a weird-ass world, man. You could fit something the size of watermelon inside a coin purse, but they wouldn’t let you kill somebody and stay invisible. Go figure.

  As I was getting up, I glanced at the makeshift desk and the letter on top of it. The ink pot had spilled during our fight and splattered the paper, along with a few drops of Furion’s blood. It wasn’t mine – from what I’d seen while getting stabbed dozens of times, I didn’t have any.

  That’s what drew my eye to the letter. Then I noticed a faint glow around it. I bent over closer to look, and immediately a new window appeared.

  New quest available! Furion’s letter to the regional commander of the Starlight Crusade reveals key pieces of information about their strategy. Take it back to Magistrate Taleros for five silver and 100 experience points.

  I hit ‘Accept,’ grabbed the letter, and stuffed it in my purse. Then, hoping and praying, I thought Stealth –

  – and immediately became transparent again. Basically, a ghost without dying.

  Sweet!

  I walked out of that camp as easily as I walked in, with nobody noticing I was even there. In fact, I don’t think I heard a single cry of alarm until I was halfway through the forest and almost back to town.

  18

  I went back to the Magistrate’s Hall to turn in my quest. I walked right up to Taleros and he immediately began talking.

  “Is Furion dead?”

  “Yes.”

  The skeletal bastard threw his hands up in the air with an exclamation of joy. ‘500 XP’ floated up in front of me, along with the ladies singing hosannas as I was engulfed in light and ‘Level 4’ appeared. I heard some jingling, and sure enough my purse had a few new coins in it.

  In addition, a window appeared that said, You have reached Level 4! You have a talent point you can now spend.

  Remembering Arkova’s warning, I immediately thought NO WAY and dismissed the message with a swipe of my hand.

  I looked for a new skill in my action bar, but apparently I didn’t get one this time.

  “Excellent!” the magistrate crowed as he handed over my ‘Jerkin of the Damned,’ a leather jacket with +5 armor and +2 stamina. “We have finally been freed from that murderous fool! You have served your people well, Korvos. Do you have anything else for me? Did you find any intelligence while you were in the murderers’ camp?”

  Oh yeah – I almost forgot.

  I reached in my bag, pulled out the paper, and handed it over. The
droplets of blood and ink had smeared all over the place, but it was still legible.

  The magistrate’s withered hand grasped the letter, and he hunched over to read it. After a second, he exclaimed, “What an incredible stroke of luck! Korvos, you are truly the greatest spy the Revenants have seen in years!”

  I have to admit, I was feeling pretty smug about that last part.

  Another ‘200 XP’ floated up in front of me.

  “The Starlight Crusade is getting ready to begin a new offensive in the town of Markolis. This is our chance to break their back – they will never know what hit them! Korvos, as my most trusted operative, will you go to the front lines and inform Captain Varitu what you have found?

  A new window appeared:

  Deliver Magistrate Taleros’s letter to Captain Varitu on the front lines.

  200 XP, two silver. Not bad for playing the US Postal Service. Or was it the Dead Guy Postal Service?

  The magistrate pulled a letter out of his robes that was sealed with an imprinted blob of wax. “Take this to Captain Varitu. May the Darkness speed your path!”

  I was really feeling my oats as I walked out of the hall. Greatest spy they had ever seen… I was tired as hell and ready to take a break, but this sounded like a huge emergency. They needed me on the front line – really needed me!

  Then I overheard two guys talking nearby. They were obviously players, because their names were hovering in blue above their heads. They were slouched against the building, looking for all the world like two coworkers taking a cigarette break.

  “Did you get the request to go to Captain Whatsisface?”

  “Yeah. You the greatest spy that they’ve ever seen?”

  “Of course. Aren’t we all?”

  They both snickered.

  I didn’t feel quite so special after that.

  Once I realized that it was all just part of the stupid game – and that I was one of a thousand people tasked with bringing the all-important letter to whatever the dude’s name was on the frontline – I decided to take a little break. I walked over to the inn, ordered myself a Death Stout, and relaxed at the bar.

  The stout tasted great. Really went with the lingering taste of bacon still in my mouth.

  When I remembered why I tasted bacon, though, I winced and took another gulp of beer, trying to wash the taste (and memory) out of my mouth.

  As I sat there at the bar, I got to thinking about the last 24 hours and what the hell had happened. Then I thought, I wonder what time it is back in the real world?

  I didn’t know how to find out, so I brought up the menu and looked for something that might tell me. I had to dig through submenus, but I finally found an option that said, Display Local Time.

  I clicked it and immediately gasped as I saw the readout that appeared.

  9:07 AM.

  Holy crap! I’ve been in here all night!

  I guess I knew that, but it was weird – it was still dim and gloomy outside, like this place was under an eternal cover of darkness. And while I knew I had been playing for hours, I didn’t realize for exactly how long.

  I guess sneaking around in forests and killing giant spiders and religious lunatics will do that to you.

  I was seized with absolute panic when I realized that my family didn’t know where I was. I had to call them.

  I remembered the deal I made with Agent Alvarez – that she wouldn’t tell my family what had happened – and knew I had to get out of the game as quickly as possible.

  I’d forgotten to ask how to logout, so I looked in the menu again. There it was, the bottommost option: Exit Game. I clicked on it, and a window appeared in front of me: Logout now? Yes/No

  I chose ‘Yes,’ and suddenly the entire world began to fade away.

  Then I opened my eyes.

  I was back in the pod with dim glowing lights all around me. Something like a hamster’s drinking tube was in my mouth, dribbling drops of water on my tongue.

  “Hey!” I yelled. “Get me out of here!”

  A woman’s soothing voice – not Agent Alvarez’s, that’s for sure, because nobody could ever accuse her of being soothing – said, “Exiting pod.”

  The DeLorean door opened up, and I could see the drab white room of the FBI building.

  I stumbled out of the pod, feeling oddly refreshed. My body felt good and I wasn’t sleepy at all. In fact, I was definitely feeling more rested than I had been back in the game when I was at the inn.

  Weird.

  The feeling in my guts told me I did have other things going on that I needed to take care of, though. I went straight to the bathroom, did my business, washed my hands, and then came out. By that point my stomach was grumbling. I remembered what Arkova – I mean, Alvarez – had said before I went into the game: if you want water or food, press ‘0’ on the phone and an agent will get it for you.

  I picked up the phone receiver and dialed zero. A man’s voice answered.

  “What?” he asked tersely.

  “Can I get some food and something to drink?”

  He grumbled “Fine,” then hung up.

  Wow – the FBI was just full of dicks.

  I had no idea how long I was going to have to wait, so I figured now was as good a time as any to call my family.

  I still had my cell phone on me. Since I was never formally processed by the cops, nobody had ever taken it away from me. I guess they weren’t too worried about me spilling my guts to anybody, since if I did, I was going back to jail.

  I have to admit, I was incredibly nervous as I opened my phone.

  Not because of the FBI, but because I had to choose somebody to call.

  My brother Daniel?

  Not a chance. He’d rake me over the coals and guilt trip me, then bitch about how he’d worked so hard for the last six years while I rotted in prison.

  My family’s land line at home wasn’t an option. I might get my grandmother, and I didn’t think I could bear listening to her cry. I also didn’t want a lecture in Russian, either. Both were bad options.

  I settled on my mom instead, and hit her name in my contacts list.

  She answered on the second ring. I could hear the sounds of the auto shop where she helped my brother out by being the bookkeeper / cashier.

  She sounded nervous as she asked, “Jimmy – what happened? Why didn’t you come home?”

  “I’m in Vegas, Ma.”

  Not exactly the best lie, but definitely a believable one. Vegas was only four hours away.

  “Vegas?!” she screeched. “You just got out of prison and you leave your family and go to VEGAS?!”

  Oh great, here we go.

  “Isn’t that against the terms of your probation?!”

  “I got a special exception,” I lied again. “I called them up and told them where I was going to be, and they said it was fine as long as I reported back in… several days,” I finished lamely.

  “Why didn’t you tell us you were going to Vegas?! We’ve been worried sick!”

  You and Baba have, I thought. If Danny even noticed, he probably just cussed me out.

  “I’m sorry, Ma.”

  “You can’t just get out of prison and expect things to be normal! You can’t live with us if you’re going to pull this kind of garbage!”

  “I’m sorry, Ma.” I started to get defensive about my imaginary vacation, coming up with all sorts of reasons to justify my phantom trip to Vegas.

  “Who are you there with?”

  I was going to say Rod, but what if he had been around the house or something? What if he had dropped by to ask where I was to establish an alibi?

  I finally decided on the truth. Or something close to it.

  “I met a girl,” I said. I doubted Agent Alvarez would have liked being my excuse, but whatever – she wasn’t here.

  “Oh,” my mother said, and her tone of voice changed. “Do I know her?”

  Not unless you hang out with FBI agents, I thought.

  “No, I just met her
,” I said, which was technically true.

  “Well… I suppose you deserve a little fun,” she said mischievously.

  “Uh… thanks,” I said, definitely uncomfortable where this conversation was headed.

  “You be careful, though. Any girl who’d run off to Vegas after you just met her, she’s probably not the most upstanding girl in the world.”

  I figured it was a little hypocritical of her to say that about my imaginary date, when I was the one who’d gone to prison for safecracking – but I didn’t think now was the best time to bring it up.

  “You didn’t go out there to marry her, did you?”

  “No, Ma, it’s nothing like that – just to have some fun, that’s all.”

  “You wear a condom. I don’t want you catching anything.”

  “MA!”

  “Don’t believe her if she says she’s on the pill. I don’t want any grandchildren from some floozy you just met, you hear me?”

  “Okay, OKAY! Can we stop talking about this now?!”

  “Where did you get the money?”

  Surprise won out over disgust and sideswiped me good and hard. “What?”

  “Going to Vegas may be cheap, but it ain’t free. Where did you get the money?”

  “Uh – the girl.”

  Mom snorted. “Well that’s a first. A man who just got out of prison, and the woman paid HIM for sex.”

  “MA!”

  When she brought up the prison thing, she sure as hell did it with a vengeance.

  “You be good and don’t get into trouble, you hear? You’re not in trouble now, are you?”

  “I’m fine.” It wasn’t the truth, but I definitely wasn’t going to be giving her any grandchildren in my current situation, that was for sure. Not unless they were digital and pasty white.

  “Have you seen Rod?” I asked, fighting hard to keep the anger out of my voice.

  “Didn’t he go to Vegas with you?”

  “No, he had to do something. I was just wondering if you’d seen him around.”

  “No, I haven’t.”

  “Okay. Don’t tell Baba about this, okay?”

  “You mean about Vegas?”

  “Yeah.”

  “What am I supposed to tell her, then? She was worried sick about you too, you know! “