Shelter in the Dark

by Kathleen Hearn

  I accepted the glass from Rosie. “The drive between Rowan and Orchard Hill is only two hours,” I said. “It’s not bad at all, really.”

  Visible shock crossed Rosie’s features. Her eyes were wide and curious. “Really? I wouldn’t even consider that long distance. I always assumed the commute was way longer than that. Jenna’s boyfriend lives all the way out in Colorado, but she visits him every month.”

  Leah and I exchanged a quick glance before both of us shifted our eyes away. The truth was, I didn’t visit home very often because I wanted to avoid the constant chastisement and questions from my parents. Leah’s work schedule wasn’t very flexible, so the two of us were usually unwilling to make the commute. Within the last year, we’d only seen each other in person three times. Deep down, there was a part of me that resented Leah for it. She was busy with work, but she usually worked longer hours than she really needed to. I wished she would take some time off to visit now and then. It was always me who had to make the drive to see her, and Leah knew how much I dreaded spending the entire weekend in my parents’ house.

  Rosie glanced between the two of us, noticed the tension, then proclaimed, “Anyway, cheers!” She lifted her glass to mine. After our drinks clinked, she grimaced at my outfit and said, “God, Dani. Please let me lend you something else to wear.”

  “Does it really matter?” I asked. “Leah isn’t dressed in business chic either.”

  “No one at the party will give a damn what she looks like.” She threw her head back and consumed her shot of liquor in a single gulp.

  Leah shot her a piercing glare. “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “Oh. I didn’t mean to offend you,” Rosie said. “It’s just that you’re not a student here, so it doesn’t matter if you follow the dress code.” She turned toward me. “You on the other hand need to change into something more formal.”

  I followed Rosie to the closet with a groan. I was a tomboy who hated wearing dresses, but I knew she’d force me to borrow a skin-tight gown of hers.

  “Here,” Rosie said, yanking a gold, sparkly romper from her closet. “Put this on.”

  Although the freshman dorms were low budgeted and stripped to bare minimum essentials, Rosie and I paid higher tuition so that we could have our own bathroom; this was courtesy of our earned scholarships, of course.

  As I got changed in the bathroom, Rosie hovered outside the door. I had left the door open a crack, and for a split second I wondered if she was watching me. She had a habit of observing me often, as if I was in constant need of her help and supervision. It annoyed me sometimes.

  With a light knock, she said, “Can I come in real quick?”

  “Just a sec.” I slid the romper over my waist and slipped my arms through the holes.

  After a beat, Rosie pushed the door open and entered. “So I talked to my uncle this morning. You know, the one who works for the gossip column. He said he can set you up with an internship.”

  “When?” I asked.

  “ASAP,” Rosie replied. “Gotta start building your resume now if you wanna be an anchor.” She swept her gaze over my body, her eyes trailing along my torso and hips. “You look really sexy in that, by the way.”

  Heat sweltered like a furnace in my cheeks. “Thanks,” I said with a shy grin.

  “So what do you think?” she asked. “Will you take the internship?”

  “Oh. Um.” I kept my voice low to make sure Leah couldn’t overhear us from outside the bathroom. “I’ll think about it. Me and Leah were talking on the way here. I don’t know if being a media anchor is the right career for me.”

  Rosie crossed her arms, eyebrows raised. “And what is?”

  “Well, I’ve always wanted to be an independent journalist.”

  Rosie’s mouth dropped open. “Oh my God, Dani.” She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. “That’s not a career you can just fall into. You need to build an audience and gain a following. You can’t expect people to read your work if they have no idea who you are.”

  Heat spread from my cheeks and down my neck. “I can start a travel blog,” I said.

  “Oh, a travel blog?” Rosie laughed mockingly. “Do you know how many of those there are out there?”

  My gaze dropped to the floor. “You’re making me feel stupid all of a sudden.”

  “I don’t mean to make you feel stupid. I just…” Rosie took a step closer to me. Our eyes met through the mirror. She ran a smooth hand over the fabric of my dress, making me stiffen beneath her touch. “Dani, you might be the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen in my life. Seriously. Look at yourself.” Her hand slid up to my shoulder, and she coiled the ends of my hair with her fingers. “Your cheekbones…your jawline…your eyes. You’re radiant. And you’re articulate and well spoken. People like you can actually make it as news anchors. Your social media accounts will explode, and you’ll reach a wide audience.”

  “But I’ll be censored,” I said. “I won’t have my own voice.”

  “You have to start somewhere,” Rosie said with a shrug. “And if you keep taking advice from Leah, you’ll never get anywhere. She doesn’t understand the industry like I do.”

  “Her opinion still matters to me,” I replied.

  Rosie rolled her eyes. “She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. I’m telling you…if you want career advice, listen to me.”

  After a brief and thoughtful pause, I opened my mouth to speak, but Rosie cut me off.

  “I need to fix my makeup, by the way.” She gestured for me to move away from the mirror. “Would you move over?”

  “Sure,”I said dryly.

  When I left the bathroom, Leah was still sitting on the edge of my twin-sized bed. “What were you talking about in there?” she asked curiously as I approached her.

  “Just…party plans,” I said. That was a lie, obviously. But I knew that if I told Leah the honest truth, it would cause tension between her and Rosie. I was already sensing a weird, palpable energy surging between them, and the last thing I wanted to do was make it worse. Changing the subject, I asked, “Will you be ready to go in a minute? I’m just waiting for Rosie to finish her makeup.”

  Leah hesitated. Her face went pale. “Is the bathroom door closed?”

  “Yeah. Why?” I asked her. “Everything okay?”

  She glanced up at me, her lips hardened into a grim line.

  “Babe, what’s wrong?”

  In a quiet and careful voice, Leah said, “Rosie looks at you funny.”

  A light chuckle escaped me. “I’m not sure what you mean by that. But if you’re jealous, believe me. Rosie is as straight as a ruler.”

  “I don’t mean she’s into you.” Leah chewed her bottom lip, appearing deep in thought.

  “Then what do you mean?”

  Leah gave me a serious look. “She looks at you like she wants to own you.”

  I stared at her. “Own me?”

  “Ever notice the way she constantly wants to remind you how much you need her?”

  “I don’t know what you mean,” I said. “You just met her ten minutes ago.”

  Leah opened her mouth to reply, but froze when the clicking of Rosie’s high heels caught her attention.

  Rosie emerged from the bathroom with a fresh application of dark eye shadow. “Ready to go?” she asked.

  With a grunt of pain, which I assumed was prompted by her injured ankle, Leah rose from the bed and limped toward the counter to grab her wallet. The puddle of rum that Rosie spilled hadn’t been soaked up with a towel yet. Without noticing the puddle, Leah stepped through it and slid on the dark liquid. The sole of her foot brace skidded across the floor. Her ankle rolled, her knees buckled, and she collided into the floor with a hard thud.

  I lurched forward to grab her, but she collapsed too quickly.

  “Shit!” Leah grumbled, her head arched back and her eyes squinted in agony. She ripped the Velcro off her medical boot and cradled her ankle in her hands.

  Rosie
stood watching, then opened the mini refrigerator behind her bed. “Here’s some ice,” she said as she pulled out a bag of frozen steamables and tossed it to me.

  I thanked her and handed the ice pack to Leah, who gently placed the cold compress on her skin. I knelt down beside her. Visible redness and swelling had already rushed to the injured region. “You don’t think it’s broken, do you?” I asked.

  “No,” Leah replied. “It’s just wear and tear.”

  “Now will you listen to me when I tell you to give your body a rest?”

  A hard wrinkle formed between Leah’s eyebrows, distorting her face into a painful grimace. “It’s a little late for that.”

  “Let me help you to the bed,” I said softly. I took her by the hands and guided her to a stance. She slung her arm around my shoulders and used me as a crutch. She limped toward the bed with my assistance. I laid her down and wedged a fluffy pillow beneath her leg.

  When Leah settled into the sheets, Rosie bounced her gaze between the two of us and said, “Looks like I’ll be attending the party alone. No?”

  “You two go ahead,” Leah said.

  I narrowed my eyes at her. “You don’t want me to stay here with you?”

  “And stare at the ceiling all night?” Leah asked. “You’ve already gotten dressed up for the Christmas party. Don’t let me stop you from having a fun night. I’ll be fine. It’s just a sprain, if anything. It’s not like I’m dying.”

  The mattress springs creaked below my weight as I sunk onto the bed beside her. “But we haven’t gotten a chance to spend time together in months. Let me stay here with you. I’ll replace the ice pack when this one melts.”

  Leah exhaled. “I know, but if I’m being honest, I’ve been exhausted all day. If you hadn’t showed up at the diner to surprise me, I would’ve gone to bed early tonight.”

  I hesitated, glancing between Leah and Rosie. Rosie stood waiting by the door, pacing.

  I shifted my focus back to Leah. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes.”

  I shot Rosie an imploring glance, and she shrugged her shoulders in response, as if saying, Don’t look at me. Not my problem.

  “Alright,” I said, turning back to Leah. “My phone charger is plugged into the wall beside my bed. You can use my laptop if you want to watch Netflix or Youtube.”

  Leah smiled gratefully, but I could sense by the heavy bags under her eyes that she would fall asleep shortly after Rosie and I left. Exhaustion hung heavily over her face; she was drained like an engine running on dangerously low fuel. Heavy sorrow rippled through me. Leah was only nineteen years old, but the stress of life had already added several years to her face, and she wouldn’t let anyone help her.

  I tucked her into bed, planted a passionate and lingering, perhaps desperate kiss on her lips, and then followed Rosie out the door. Clutching her purse, Rosie skipped forward confidently, her high heels sending an echo across the cinder block walls.

  When we reached the dorm building exit, I said, “This feels wrong.”

  Rosie arched her head back and sighed. “Dani, she told you she doesn’t want you to stay with her. She said it five times.”

  “We haven’t seen each other since the summer.” I stood hovering by the door, reluctant to follow Rosie outside. “It was a bad idea to even suggest going to a party and staying out late tonight. Leah has been working double shifts the entire month. I shouldn’t have assumed she’d want to make the trip all the way here.” I spun around to go back, but Rosie latched onto my wrist with a tight grip. She yanked me around to face her. Her sour perfume burned into my nostrils.

  “You don’t need to make everything about her,” she said. Her voice was neutral, but her eyes were firm. “All semester long, I’ve practically had to beg you to give studying a rest, just to have a drink with me. The sorority girls barely know you because you’ve been spreading yourself so thin. Do you realize that when you pledge into a sorority, you’re obligated to socialize? That’s kind of the point.”

  “I know, but—”

  “But your girlfriend hurt her foot. You’re not a magician. You can’t fix it overnight. She doesn’t need you to sit at her side and coddle her. She made it pretty damn clear that she doesn’t want your company.”

  Leah’s words from earlier rung into my thoughts. I don’t need you to rescue me, she had snapped, as if she was offended that I wanted to help her.

  In that instant, I became suddenly aware that Leah’s pride was going to thicken the space between us, which was already growing. For the last four months, she’d been unwilling to take off of work and visit me at school. I had to be the one to drag her here, and once I finally did, she decided that she didn’t even want me by her side. She’d demanded that I leave and socialize with sorority girls instead of her. Of course, it was selfish of me to ask so much of her. Long hours at the diner had rendered her overworked, stressed, and—

  Rosie’s voice lured me away from my thoughts, as if she was reading my mind.

  “Leah isn’t the only one who has a lot going on right now,” Rosie continued. “You’re a full-time college student. Give yourself some credit where it’s due. You don’t need to feel guilty for going out and enjoying your Saturday night.”

  Thoughtful silence hung in the air. “Okay. I guess you’re right,” I said with a dismal sigh.

  “Good girl,” Rosie said. “Plus, it’ll save us both from being embarrassed if Leah doesn’t attend the party with us. She’d stick out like a sore thumb, wearing that baggy flannel she had on. She wouldn’t fit in.”

  Rosie held the door open for me, and I followed her into the night air.

  Chapter Sixteen - Six Months Prior

  After Leah’s first visit to campus, our reunions grew more sparse. She’d decided that she didn’t like Rosie, which was not surprising, considering their polar opposite personalities. I never expected the two of them to grow close, but I hadn’t expected their distaste for one another to run so deep. They’d only met each other once, after all. And their interactions were short lived.

  It got to the point where I refused to mention Rosie’s name in front of Leah. Toward the end of my freshman year, I had invited Leah to visit campus for a Memorial Day Weekend party. She had declined the invitation, of course, saying that her co-workers at the diner were having a get together after the restaurant closed. In a snide tone, Leah had remarked, “Plus, I don’t own anything business chic.” This was meant as a personal dig at Rosie. I had laughed the first few times that Leah mentioned the business chic incident, but after a while, I wondered when she would just let it go.

  During my sophomore year at Rowan, I didn’t come home for the holidays or spring break. This was because I had finally decided to accept the internship that Rosie’s uncle had offered. There was no guarantee that I’d eventually secure a full-time position for the company. I still hadn’t decided where I wanted to work after graduation, but in order to build my resume, it didn’t hurt to get my foot in the door somewhere. Balancing both the internship and a full-time course load felt like climbing a mountain that only grew steeper as I went along. I slipped, tumbled, and lurched toward my destination, but my goal was so far away that I couldn’t see the end. I had no idea what my future looked like. All I knew was that if I didn’t work myself to the bone, I’d never look in the mirror and like who I saw. That’s what my parents had always told me, and no matter how much I avoided home, their lessons were instilled so deeply and irreversibly into my brain that I couldn’t escape them. I had to work. I had to study. My satisfaction in life could only be determined by my achievements.

  After our freshman year, Rosie and I had moved out of our dorm and rented a two-bedroom apartment on campus. This was a delight for Rosie, because now she could throw parties without receiving noise complaints from other girls on our dormitory floor. The apartment allowed more freedom and wiggle room. But for me, the distractions that circled around me were problematic. Not only was I surrounded by friends on a daily
basis, but the sheer abundance of alcohol that circulated into my life. In order to have a productive day, I had to submit my school work by five o’clock in the evening. If not, it was impossible to avoid the frequent visitation of friends, who always cracked open their first drinks before five. If I was still busy working at my desk when they came over, I’d shut my bedroom door, press noise-canceling headphones into my ears, and strain to focus over the cacophony and chatter.

  Eventually, I fell into a productive rhythm. I woke up at five o’clock every morning. As the sun crept over the horizon, I’d sit at my desk, type vigorously on my laptop, and review scribbled notes in my textbook. Then, by nine o’clock, my shift started at Through The Lense. With a Red Bull in one hand and a stuffed backpack in the other, I’d rush out the door and commute into the city. While completing my internship, I took classes online to ensure the flexibility of my schedule. I often spent my lunch breaks studying at the office and avoiding small talk with co-workers. I didn’t have time to make new friends. I had to stay focused.

  Hangovers became the bane of my existence, the only variable that slowed me down. Yawning, temple rubbing, and vomiting in the toilet were frequent habits of mine. If Rosie and I weren’t roommates, I probably wouldn’t have had such a hard time declining party invitations. But Rosie’s presence was inescapable. She’d often knock on my bedroom door and flop herself onto my bed, watching me work at my desk.

  “You done now?” she’d ask.

  Keeping my eyes glued to my laptop screen, I’d say, “You done annoying me?”

  With a sigh, she’d lay flat on my bed, her smooth legs dangling over the edge. “When will you just relax? God. You’re twenty-one years old, and you’re already a workaholic.”

  “Can’t stop until the work is done,” I’d reply, my fingers dancing relentlessly over the keyboard.

  “Well, when you’re done, come hang out in the kitchen. I’m making margaritas.”