“I could do it. I don’t quit.”
Totally off limits to chicks, I stared at the course. Some of my toughest memories were climbing a rope, carrying logs over my head, maneuvering under barbed wire, and scaling walls. I didn’t think women should ever be allowed to train as SEALs. Call me a misogynist asshole, but why can’t men just be men? Like, we couldn’t even have porn anymore because we couldn’t risk offending women. Fuck that. But the thought of seeing Annie, dirty and sweating, writhing on the ground, and begging me for mercy, made me willing to make an exception.
“Maybe someday I’ll let you try. If you’re a good girl.” I wanted to smack her tight little ass, but I didn’t want to disrespect her. I imagined taking her from behind, dominating her, making her scream my name. But after what she had been through, I was also worried about scaring her. Any sexual experience with her had to be slow, sensitive, and all about her.
We found a secluded spot on the beach. Most of the tourists had deserted by then and we were blessedly alone, shrouded by the trees and warmed by the remnants of the sun. As the sun began to set, I threw a blanket down, pulled Annie on it, and wrapped her in my arms. Whatever this was, she felt right there, like she belonged. Her hair smelled like vanilla, and it drove me wild remembering the night I had her wrapped around me.
“You know, I never was a beach bunny. Chris surfed, and my girlfriends spent all their time down here sunbathing, but it was never my thing. Once I was taken, though, every time I had a chance to look outside, I would try to see the ocean. It meant freedom to me. A way off the island.”
“I actually hate the ocean. You’d think as SEALs, most of us would love it. But after going through Hell Week, spending all that time training while being wet and sandy, the last thing we want to do is spend our free time near the beach.”
She squeezed my knee and smiled slowly. “I’d love to see you wet and sandy.”
Grrr. I wanted to make her wet, but not from the ocean. From my mouth, from my hands, from my cock.
“Tori seemed nice.”
“Yup. She’s amazing. Great woman. Joe lucked out.”
“You saved him?”
I paused. I never talked about my missions with anyone, other than fellow SEALs. But I trusted Annie. Completely. “Yeah. Two years ago, we were in Afghanistan. We were deep undercover. I’d made the call to let some unarmed Afghani civilians go, which is protocol. But we were ambushed. We lost a few men, good men. Joe was wounded, but I dragged him to safety.”
Her hand glided along my shoulder, a soft comforting touch. She didn’t say anything, she didn’t need to. Normally, I would push away any form of sympathy; my machismo thought that expressing my feelings made me weak. But I liked being vulnerable with Annie. I’d seen her at her worst; she could see me at mine.
I reached into my pocket and took out a small box. I shoved it in her hands. “Here. I got this for you, to replace the shitty one I bought you in Aruba.”
She opened the box and pulled out a tiny necklace. It was a small, gold trident. Our symbol. My code.
“I love it! Thank you, Pat.” She turned her back to me and I unhooked the necklace I’d given her.
“Wait. Stop. I want to wear that one also.”
“Why? It’s cheap. Cost me fifty cents.”
She clutched the old necklace to her chest and the sight caused me to feel oddly protective. “But it’s worth fifty thousand dollars to me. It gave me hope. Hope that you would return and save me.”
I hooked it back on and placed the other one around her neck. “I’ve never met anyone like you. You’re so resilient.”
“I couldn’t give up. I had to give Gabriel a chance at a future.”
I took her hand. “I leave again in six weeks. For three months. After that, I’m not sure how long I’ll be back here until our next mission.”
“I don’t care, Pat. One thing I learned in captivity was to not focus on the future or the past. Just take one day at a time. I’m happy with you today. We don’t need to plan out the rest of our lives. As long as you want to be with me now, that’s enough for me. I waited for five years for someone to save me. I’d wait another five years for you to come back home to me. I’d never cheat on you—”
“I know you wouldn’t cheat—I wasn’t worried about that. It’s more complicated. I’ll never see you.” I needed her to really get what life being with me would be like. There was no happily ever after in store for us. Longing, heartache, loneliness. That was all I could provide.
“I can’t connect with anyone back home. My parents, my friends, Chris. It’s so crazy. Everyone expects me to be who I was before I left—like I can just slip back into my old life. But I’m not the same person. And I’m also not some careless girl who ran away for five years. I’m a woman. I want to fall in love. I want to take control over my body. I want to feel pleasure. Those men took five years of my life and I won’t allow them to take a second more. Being kidnapped was something horrible that happened to me, but I refuse to make it define me. And I have the greatest gift from that experience. Gabriel. I hate to be a bitch, but I hear my friends whining about stupid stuff, like not having enough money for new clothes, or their boyfriends spending too much time with their friends. Who gives a fuck? I mean, I was raped every day for five years. I’m a recovering heroin addict. That will be a part of who I am for the rest of my life.”
I shook my head; she had to listen to me. “I hear what you’re saying, but I can’t give you what you need. As much as I want to. You will always be lonely. There will be days, weeks where you won’t know if I’m alive or dead. And you have Gabriel. He needs a constant presence in his life.”
“I’d never be lonely with you. You are here in my heart. I’m trying to tell you that with you, I don’t have to explain myself, apologize for what happened, or lie about the past. You know what I’ve been through, and you’re still here. You don’t see me as a victim. You see my strength.”
“I don’t want you to be anything other than what feels right to you, Annie. You’re perfect just the way you are and no one or nothing can change that. You proved that by surviving.”
She was angled in my lap with her legs thrown over mine, her head resting against my chest and in that moment I realized I didn’t want whatever it was between us to end. I wasn’t ready to call it love. All I knew was I wasn’t ready to let her go.
“That means a lot to me. I hate lying to everyone and even my parents act awkward whenever I’m around. My dad won’t even look at Gabriel. You’re the only one who seems to treat me like a person.”
The breeze coming off the water surrounded us with the salty sea air, like a warm cocoon. With the lock of her gaze on mine, the rest of the world seemed to fade away and it was just us, wrapped in each other. “I want to make this work.”
She pulled out of my arms and her brows creased. “You do?”
It had just slipped out, but the more that I thought about it; the more I was growing to like the idea. The time without her those first few months had been hell and the more I was around her, the more I wanted to throw caution to the wind.
“I’m serious.” I pushed a lock of hair off her forehead, tucked it behind her ear. “I know I said I didn’t want for us to take this any farther than the boat, but apparently nothing stops you, which I admire more than anything. I do enjoy spending time with you and Gabriel. I want you.” I moved my lips just a hairsbreadth from hers and I felt her deep inhalation at my declaration.
She smiled and her delicate hand drew up to press against my cheek in a soft caress. “I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. I don’t know how or where this is going to go, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking of you. You’re the only one I feel comfortable with.”
I pressed my lips to hers. I poured every ounce of pent up lust and frustration into the kiss. My hand on her waist crushed her to me, the other tilting her head to the side to take the kiss deeper.
Her hand shifted into my hair to hold me ag
ainst her and the kiss turned emotional, softer, more loving.
The fabric of the dress she wore billowed out around us, concealing the motion, though the beach was pretty much deserted. I shifted, sliding my hands down the slope and dip of her hips and wrapped around to grab her tight ass. I clenched and gripped to guide her movements, pressing her more firmly against me with each slide.
I wanted to take her then and there, connect with her completely. I hadn’t had sex in a year and even then it was a one-night stand before I left for deployment and met Annie. I didn’t even remember the girl’s name. Jamie? Janie? But I had a feeling a year from now, ten years from now, I would remember this moment, just as I could recall our kiss on the boat. There was something about this girl, the way she focused on me, and saw right through me.
And that’s exactly why I stopped. My hands dropped and my lips detached from hers.
“Don’t stop, Pat. I want you.”
“Hey, I’m right here, babe. I’m dying to be with you, but not like this. I want it to be perfect, romantic. Not on some beach. There’s no rush. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Relax, I’m not a virgin. We don’t have to wait.”
I didn’t laugh. “It’s not just about you. I told you; I was raised by a single mom. I refuse to pop in and out of Gabriel’s life, any more than I have to because of my job. We just started dating. I’m not going to make love to you until I can commit to you and Gabriel. Once I commit, I do it one hundred percent. If we are going to make this work, we need to base this relationship on something other than the fucked up way we met.”
She threw her arms around my neck. “That’s the sweetest thing I ever heard.”
I kissed her again. It was like a relationship in reverse. She’d sucked my dick before I even knew her name. I only had one choice now. Go slow. So slow it would hurt. “Let’s go. Just in case Gabriel wakes up.”
She stood up, dusted the sand off her dress, and we walked back to my truck. It was late and I had to pick up Gabriel and take them both back to her home. And I knew now I wouldn’t be able to put off meeting her parents much longer.
28
Patrick
I’D PROMISED ANNIE I WOULD finally meet her parents now that we were together. I drove my rusted truck up the I-5 North toward Annie’s parents’ home in Encinitas. The damn truck still ran, thanks to my buddies taking care of it. With all the money I’d saved up during deployment, I briefly considered upgrading it to a brand new Ford Raptor. I needed to put down some roots, maybe buy a condo. But in this real estate market, the chances of doing that were slim.
I arrived at Annie’s house, and I flashed back to dropping her off here six months ago. She’d been so scared, so hopeful. She’d already come so far.
The grand gate opened and I pulled into their driveway. It was sad that with all the resources her parents had, they hadn’t been able to find Annie. Just hire former SEALs to bring her back home—real SEALs, not some asshole pretenders. But Dave said he’d seen some guys looking for Annie—who were they? I knew a few security contracting firms filled with former Team guys who could’ve gotten the job done. I’d sell every possession I owned to save my daughter. Give my life.
I glanced in the car mirror. I wore a collared shirt and khaki pants. I’d even shaved. I looked like a preppy asshole—should fit right in.
Annie came around to the side of my truck, carrying Gabriel. I recognized her parents immediately from all the news coverage. Her father had a distinguished white beard and piercing blue eyes. Her mother looked like one of those reality television housewives—long, shiny black hair, almond-shaped chocolate eyes, and porcelain skin.
I removed my sunglasses and stepped out of the truck. Her father observed me coolly, and offered a hand, which I took. “It’s an honor to meet you, Patrick.”
Her mother gave me a quick hug. Tears shone in her eyes as she looked up at me. “Thank you for saving my baby.”
“You’re welcome. I didn’t do it alone.”
“Yes, but you risked your life and career for her.” Her mom hugged me again and I could smell her strong perfume. “You brought our Annie back home.”
“Okay, Mom, can we at least go inside before you start losing it?”
“Of course, baby.”
I followed Annie up to the elegant entry stairs. The view of Moonlight State Beach from the living room blew me away. This home had to be worth at least three million dollars. I felt more at home in the brothel than I felt in this palace.
Her father stood in front of the bar. “So, Patrick. Can I get you something to drink? A martini perhaps?”
Who did they think I was—James Bond? What twenty-five-year-old guy drinks martinis? I grunted. “Thank you, sir. That sounds great.” Fuck. I didn’t even know how to talk to these people.
I studied Annie as she sat with her back erect on the white leather sofa and bit her nails. This was her home, but she didn’t seem comfortable. And it sure as hell wasn’t kid friendly for Gabriel. Sharp-edged glass table, ceramic vases. Couldn’t they hire someone to child proof now that they had their grandson living here?
This place was so pristine, like a museum. If her parents had seen where she had been living for the past five years, they would’ve had heart attacks. Well, at least with their cover story, no tabloid would return to Aruba and try to retrace Annie’s steps, expose what had happened to her. The brothel burnt down, so even if they ever went back her parents wouldn’t know how bad her existence truly had been.
But I would never forget. The smells of sex, drugs, sweat, and smoke were permanently ingrained in my head.
When I looked up, I met her father’s glare. He’d returned a few moments prior and by the narrowing of his eyes he must have seen me watching her. Great.
Her father handed me the martini, his cold eyes assessing. “Can I have a word with you on the deck?”
The martini even came with the standard-issue blue cheese stuffed olive. Bonus. I took a sip of the liquor. I suddenly had a feeling I would probably need all the alcohol I could get.
“Sure, sir.” I followed him out to the redwood deck. I’d rather be interrogating a terrorist than be alone with this former Naval Officer. I downed the rest of the martini.
I breathed in the salty ocean air. I would never own a house like this. My own one bedroom rental could fit in the size of their living room.
“So, Patrick. Annie told me everything. How you met, how you rescued her. I’d like to thank you for your service.”
My service? “It was the right thing to do.”
He reached into his pocket and placed a folded piece of paper in my hand. “This should cover your expenses.”
I opened it. It was a three hundred thousand dollar check made out to Patrick Walsh. I’d be able to help my mom out, buy a new truck, and put a down payment on a condo. Pay off debt. I could live a fairly comfortable life for years on the amount of money I held in the palm of my hand.
I didn’t hesitate to hand it back to him. “I can’t accept this.”
Mr. Hamilton laughed; his nose lifted in disgust, and shoved the check back into my hand. “Yes, you can. I knew men like you in the Navy—pieces of shit who would cheat on their wives with hookers. I hope you can leave us alone to heal. In private.” His eyebrow rose. “Annie has been through enough. Seeing you is a reminder of her past. How you used her, forced her to get you off. I don’t want scum like you hanging around my daughter.”
My own vision narrowed, I opened my stance and took a few controlling breaths. Who the fuck did this guy think he was? “I can’t be bought off. If it wasn’t for me, Annie would still be shooting up heroin and screwing strangers. Or dead. You think I’m scum?” I sneered. “You should’ve seen her pimp.” I ripped up the check, went back inside, and charged toward the front door.
No one was going to tell me how to live my life and who I could see.
Annie was waiting in the dining room, her mother close by her side. Their heads both shot in
my direction as I strode through the perfectly appointed kitchen and then past them. I ignored the smirk on her mother’s face and the frown on Annie’s.
“Are you leaving?” she called after me. “We haven’t even eaten yet.”
If I left, I’d be doing exactly what her father wanted. He wasn’t going to win. I wanted to be with Annie and no one was going to stop me.
“No. I just need a second.”
“Okay, do you want a tour?”
“Sure.”
I took the stairs behind her two at a time and followed her into a room, where she sat down on the bed; her shoulders hunched inward, hands lying limply on her lap.
“This is my bedroom,” she whispered.
I glanced around the room. Its stark white walls had weird pictures of Victorian children in frames above the sleigh bed, and tiny little porcelain dolls arranged on an antique vanity. It reeked of a combination of mothballs and potpourri. “Your room? Are you eighty? This place is creepy. You actually sleep in here? No wonder you have nightmares.”
She gave me a dazed expression. The same one I had seen back on the boat. “Well, my mom had it redecorated after I went missing—used it as a guest room. I understand, I guess. They had me declared legally dead. For insurance and stuff. I don’t see the point in redecorating it. I’m going to move out at some point. I don’t really feel comfortable here.”
“How do you not feel comfortable in your own home? Didn’t you grow up here?”
“Yes.” She stroked the flowery bedspread. “But it feels so different now. All traces of me had been removed. I don’t blame them for moving on.”
What the fuck was wrong with her family? I didn’t understand rich people. My mom worked two jobs to support me. She still lived in the same crappy thirteen hundred square foot house I grew up in back in Sacramento. Even when I brought my ex-fiancée back home to meet her, she hadn’t changed one thing about my room. Hadn’t Annie’s parents wanted something to remember her by when they thought they’d lost her forever?
BEAST: A Bad Boy Marine Romance Page 27