“Can I see Gabriel’s room?”
“He…he doesn’t have a room. He sleeps in here. I like him close.”
“Are you serious? This place is huge and he doesn’t have his own space? Where does he put all his toys?”
“We play outside, and in the basement. He doesn’t have too much stuff.”
I swallowed around the knot in my throat. I couldn’t believe what I was about to do. “Why don’t you and Gabriel move in with me?”
“What? I thought you wanted to take things slow.”
I took a step closer so my knees bumped hers. I lifted her chin with the tips of my fingers. “I do. Physically. But I want you around me all the time and I love that little boy. He can put his trains and toys all over my place.”
“Maybe. I don’t know. I don’t want to impose. I haven’t even seen your place yet.”
“That’s fair. Tomorrow you guys come by and I’ll make you dinner.”
“What about dinner here, tonight?”
“I’m sorry, Annie. I tried, but I really don’t feel comfortable here.” I wanted to tell her what her father had said to me, but my desire to protect her made me keep it to myself.
“Okay. I’ll walk you out.”
I followed her down the stairs to the entryway. Her parents hovered behind her; Gabriel sat in the corner, seemingly hypnotized by an iPad. Her mother’s face was Botox-tense and the smile she wore was more of a sneer. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and instead turned to pull Annie in a hug. They shared a look which I caught from over Annie’s head. Fuck them. I didn’t need their approval. If anything, they should want their daughter to be happy considering what she’d been through.
We bypassed her parents and went down the hallway, out into the yard, and back down to the driveway. I looked up at the expansive glass windows, and could see her dad watching me. I wasn’t intimidated by him. He wanted to watch? I’d give him something to watch. I pulled Annie to me, cupped her face, kissed her lips. She was mine, and I wasn’t going to hide our relationship from anyone. She’d spent enough of her life hiding.
A moment passed and I just stared at Annie. Even though we’d only known each other for a short time, there was an ease and comfort level between us that I’d never experienced with anyone. “I’ll pick you up at five.”
“Sounds good.”
I slid into my truck and drove away.
It wasn’t just that her family was loaded; I couldn’t shake the feeling something wasn’t right with her family. And I was going to find out what it was. For Annie’s sake.
29
Patrick
THE NEXT DAY, WE DROVE in silence to my tiny one-bedroom apartment in Pacific Beach. It wasn’t much to look at, but it had a small courtyard for Trigger and was close to all the shops and restaurants.
I showed Annie and Gabriel my medals in my apartment. Gabriel was happy to play with a toy SEAL boat I’d bought for him. Annie seemed impressed and asked a ton of questions about my job. I was touched that she seemed to really care about my career, more so than the typical girl. Most Frog Hogs saw us as nothing more than a notch on their bedposts, a real life hero from one of those sappy romance novels. The SEALs in those books had little resemblance to real Team guys. First off, most SEALs never ever told people what we did for a living. I would’ve never told Annie I was a SEAL, but I needed to make her understand I was capable of saving her. I always told everyone I met that I worked at the airport in baggage claim. Another thing, we never gave details about our missions to civilians, whether we were fucking them or not. And we sure as hell didn’t leave our careers to chase women across the world. Most of the authors who wrote that crap had never even met a SEAL, let alone been fucked by one.
I cooked them dinner, nothing fancy just spaghetti and a salad. Gabriel wouldn’t touch the spaghetti but he was happy eating crackers. I enjoyed taking care of them.
Annie reached for her phone. “I have to call home. They’ll worry.”
“Worry about what? You’re with me.”
“After what happened, they freak if I stay too long at yoga.” She picked up her cell phone and dialed.
“Hi, Dad . . . We’re good.”
She shifted her phone to her right ear, probably so I couldn’t hear her dad tell her what a piece of shit I was.
“Whatever, Dad. I gotta go.”
She ended the call and looked out the window.
“You okay?”
“Yeah.”
I knew her dad must’ve given her a hard time. “What did he say?”
“That you were just a typical SEAL who was going to leave me and cheat on me. ‘Remember where you met him, Annie. That’s not the kind of man you want to get involved with or the type of role model you want for your son.’ Whatever, I don’t care. They’ll get over it. They can’t really pretend to try to protect me from anything. I’ve already survived the worst life imaginable.”
“My offer stands, you both can stay here.”
She reached up and kissed me. “I’d like that.”
We popped in a movie for Gabriel, Turbo. He eventually fell asleep in front of the television.
I opened the door and leashed up Trigger for a quick walk. “I’ll be right back.”
“Can I take a shower?”
I was tempted to jump in with her and see the beads of water glisten off her body. “Make yourself at home.”
Trigger was grateful to spend time with me. Some would say it was stupid to get a dog when I was deployed so much. But Trigger was my family. His loyalty was boundless.
We entered the courtyard and Trigger sniffed a tree. I took my phone out and saw I’d had missed a call from Kyle. I called him back and he picked up on the first ring.
“Hello?” his voice sounded groggy.
“Hey, man. Sorry I missed your call. Annie and Gabriel are here.”
“How’s it going?”
“Yesterday I met her family. Her dad tried to bribe me to stay away from her.”
“What an asshole. You said no, right?”
“Of course I did. But that’s not it. There’s something going on with her parents.”
Kyle’s voice deepened. “Keep talking.”
“I don’t have anything yet, but something doesn’t add up. I mean, I found her and I wasn’t even looking. And Dave mentioned those contractors were looking for her. You’d think with all that money they could find her?”
“I thought they also hired some guy who took their money?” Kyle said.
“That’s what the news stories say, but her dad’s a former Naval Officer—he couldn’t check out this guy’s credentials before giving him three hundred thousand dollars?”
“You’re right. That makes no sense,” Kyle said.
I nodded. “I’m going to put some calls in with some friends who work in security contracting firms. See if they know anything.”
“Let me know if you need anything.” Kyle paused. “I’ll text Dave.” I heard a girl’s voice in the background.
Trigger had done his business and was now flirting with a pug. “Sounds good. Later.”
“Bye.”
I took Trigger back into the apartment, hoping maybe Annie would meet me at the door naked. But she was sitting on my bedspread, wearing a silky blue nightie, and texting on her phone.
I unleashed Trigger. “Anything important?”
“Oh, no. I mean, it’s nothing. Chris just asked where I was because he’d stopped by my parents’ house and they’d said I’d left.”
“He just stops by your house whenever he feels like it?” I clenched my teeth. “Are you fucking kidding me, Annie? Are you still seeing him?”
“No, Pat. Of course not. But we’re still friends. He went through a lot you know, being a suspect, everyone treating him like a murderer. And, I mean, he cares about me.”
“Sure, he does. And he’ll comfort you when I deploy, too. Have you slept with him since you’ve been home?”
“Oh, my God. No! Pat, you�
�re crazy. We grew up together, our families know each other. He was so distraught when I went missing. It was hard on him, too.”
My head heated up. “I bet. Don’t play me, Annie. This can end now if you’re going to fuck around on me. I don’t need this bullshit, your dad bribing me, worrying about you when I’m in the field—”
“Bribe you? He tried to give you the reward. Which you should take. You deserve it. You can buy a condo with it.”
Figures, I knew my lifestyle would never be enough to satisfy this fucking princess. “I’m sure Chris has a great condo. Maybe even a beachfront house. Go live with him if you don’t like my crappy apartment.”
The strap from her nightie fell off her shoulder and I could see her breasts. Great distraction technique.
“Pat, relax. That’s not what I meant.” She wrapped her naked legs around me. “I know your ex cheated on you. I’m not her. I would never do that to you. But I’m not sorry I texted Chris. He has a girlfriend. There is nothing going on between us. Nothing. I’m only interested in you. I swear.”
This was a mistake. Going to her house, kissing her, inviting her back to my place. Even under the best of circumstances, it was hard to have a successful relationship with a Team guy. We had so much working against us. Her family, her past, my job, the way we met. And I hated to admit it, but it was hard for me to deal with the fact she had been a prostitute. I didn’t blame her for it, nor think less of her. Nothing like that. I understood she had been forced. But at night, the images of all of those other men, random faceless men fucking her, filled my head, like a never-ending movie loop.
I unwrapped her legs. “I don’t know if I can do this. We’re too different.”
“Get over yourself and think of me for a second.”
“I am—”
“No, you’re thinking of how I fit into your life. Think of me. What I want. What I need.”
“I’m tired. I’m going to take a shower and then crash.”
She nodded and I went into the bathroom and turned on the hot water. SEALs hated cold showers, reminded us of freezing our balls off in the ocean during BUD/S.
I was trying to push her away. I knew that. I couldn’t risk letting her in and having her betray me also. But hadn’t I already let her in?
I dried off and went back into the bedroom. Annie was lying under the covers, reading a book she must’ve grabbed from my nightstand. I needed to give her—us—a chance.
“Sorry. I trust you. I just don’t trust him, or any guy for that matter. If he’s your friend, I need to meet him.”
Her voice became quiet. “Why?”
“Because I need to look him in the eyes. It’s important to me.”
“Fine. I’ll ask him.”
“Tomorrow. Lunch at two.”
Her fingers moved across her phone. She smiled when she received a reply. Pissed me off. I wanted to be the only one to make her smile.
“He says okay.”
Yeah, I’ll bet. Fucking ‘Jody’, just like we sing about in our cadences—“Your baby was lonely, as lonely could be, Til Jody provided the company.” He’ll be happy to shake my hand tomorrow and fuck my girl when I’m gone.
I wanted to believe her words, the promises she made with her kisses. But now I wasn’t sure. My next deployment wouldn’t be easy. It’s brutal going months without any communication. And if we were deep undercover, that’s exactly what would happen. I’m sure Chris would be waiting with open arms to take care of her.
30
Annie
I WOKE, HOT, BREATHLESS, SCARED. For a second, I forgot where I was. But seeing Patrick splayed in the bed next to me quickly made me feel safe again.
I snuck out of bed, and crept into the living room. Gabriel was asleep on the pullout sofa, Trigger stood guard. Trigger’s ears perked up when he saw me. As if to ask if I needed him for anything. I pet him on the head; he circled and lay back down.
The small kitchen was clearly the home of a bachelor—minimal appliances, refrigerator stocked with nothing more than beer, condiments, eggs, and bacon. My mind raced—I wanted to take care of Pat. Cook for him, love him, brighten up his life. Were we moving too fast? I knew it seemed anti-feminist to say this, but all I wanted was Pat. I didn’t care about my parents, my old friends, going back to school. For now. I couldn’t help myself; I was falling in love with him. I wanted to be his wife, have him adopt Gabriel, create a family. Was that so wrong? God, how pathetic was I? He hadn’t told me he loved me. He wouldn’t even make love to me. Was this connection in my head? I had to know.
I poured myself a glass of water. Little things, like the freedom to get up in the middle of the night and leave my room, make a snack, get a drink, were still so enjoyable to me. I never took anything for granted.
But I was not healed. No matter how hard I wanted to be. Noises rattled me, I had to keep the window shades open at all times. Somehow, being with Pat again allowed my mind to calm down. Like I felt with him by my side, I’d never be in danger again. I was making progress in my journey back to myself.
I crept back into the bedroom. Pat was just collapsed on the bed, his strong back shined in the moonlight. He was so fucking fine, I couldn’t believe it. I still felt guilt for being attracted to him, not sure why. Like because I was a prostitute, I shouldn’t have sexual thoughts? I wanted him, completely. I imagined him making love to me, kissing me gently, tasting my flesh, licking me like an ice cream cone, making me come, begging me to scream his name. I needed him so fucking bad. But not just soft and loving. I wanted him to fuck me hard, his huge cock filling me up, making my pussy throb. Could Pat ever fuck me? Not make love to me but screw me senseless? Or would he always be worried about traumatizing me.
Either way, I couldn’t handle the guilt. This insane sadness that I couldn’t shake. I don’t deserve love, I don’t deserve sex, I don’t deserve him. My father’s voice rang in my head, telling me that Pat was worthless, a player. Real men don’t buy girls, he said.
But I forgave Pat. Forgave him for going to a brothel. Forgave him for his words that echoed in my head, “Fine, we don’t have to talk. Blow me.” He didn’t even see me back then. I was an object.
Pat was a good man. Not just because he saved me. That was his job, I got it. But the way he looked at me, the way he played with my child, the way he respectfully held himself back when I knew he wanted me. I could see his desire, every time he touched me. His level of self-control was unreal.
I cuddled up next to him, kissed his shoulders, his neck.
He turned to me. “Hey. You okay?”
“Yes babe. Sorry to wake you. I need you.”
His strong arms pinned me under him. He pressed his hips into mine. I could feel his big, beautiful cock pressing against my panties. I wanted him, I wanted this, I needed to feel every inch of him.
No words. He kissed my neck, nibbled my ears. One hand pinned my wrists above my head, while his other hand worked its way down my body.
I still felt so dirty—why would he want to make love to me? Did he truly see me as beautiful like he claimed? Instead of the worthless woman he had hired to blow him?
My back arched, I wiggled free and his hand quickly released the hold on my wrists. A guilty look washed over his face.
“I’m sorry, Annie, did I hurt you?”
“No no, that’s not it. I want you.” I tugged at his boxers, his happy trail taunting me. I wanted to see him, feel him inside of me. “Make love to me, Pat.”
His lips curled, and I glanced at his boxers. I could see his desire for me. “No, Annie, tonight is for you. All for you. Lie down.”
I did, hesitantly. He knelt beside me, his knees by my hip and his hands on either side of my body. I watched him intently. I was scared, yet excited. What if I could never enjoy myself again?
My body trembled, and it was a feeling so sweet it made my heart hurt.
He smiled down at me as he lifted a hand to move the hair off my forehead. The stubble on his face tickle
d my skin. I shuddered, imagining him going further, that same stubble grazing my thighs. I closed my eyes at his soft touch, my back arching off the mattress with a loud creak. He trailed his hand down my face and along the line of my jaw. I sucked in a breath as his hand continued down my neck to follow the soft material of my nightie over the rise of my breast.
I opened my eyes. My fingers grasped at the sheets when he dipped a finger under my nightie to tease at my nipple. He moved his finger to pull the strap of my nightie, down my shoulder to bare my breasts. He trapped my arm under the strap and moved his head to take one into his mouth. My other hand pressed his head closer. He kept at one breast, and then lavished attention on the other until I was writhing under him.
“Pat, that feels amazing.”
His tongue traveled from my chest, down the centerline to dip in my belly button. He nibbled down my stomach to the line of my panties. Nuzzling it with the scrape of his stubble caused me to gasp in pleasure.
“Babe, please. Don’t stop.” I wanted this, I wanted to feel pleasure. I wanted to see if my body could respond to his love.
His lips kissed my soft skin. I couldn’t believe what he was about to do. I’d fantasized about this so many times, but I was afraid he would think I was dirty. His kisses erased that thought in my mind. He touched his tongue to my opening. My thighs clamped around his neck and my fingers grasped at his shoulders. My head arched back and I groaned with pleasure as his tongue fluttered over me.
I gasped for breath. I became wetter, hotter, hungrier for him. His pace varied, sweet loving to fast and frenzied. My body responded. I wasn’t broken.
“Pat, don’t stop, please, baby, you make me feel so good.” My body bucked on the bed and, when he slipped two fingers deep inside me, I exploded around them with a moan for an endless moment and he eased up to watch the erotic response ripple across my face.
Complete bliss, which I never thought I would feel again.
I collapsed across the bed. A thousand spikes of pleasure still bounced through my body. I gasped in a final breath, savoring the moment. I had to tell him something.
BEAST: A Bad Boy Marine Romance Page 28