Playlist for the Apocalypse

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by Rita Dove


  This is what you’re thinking. Thinking

  drives you nuts these days, all that

  talk about rights and law abidance when

  you can’t even walk your own neighborhood

  in peace and quiet, get your black ass gone.

  You’re thinking again. Then what?

  Matlock’s on TV and here you are,

  vigilant, weary, exposed to the elements

  on a wet winter’s evening in Florida

  when all’s not right but no one sees it.

  Where are they—the law, the enforcers

  blind as a bunch of lazy bats can be,

  holsters dangling from coat hooks above their desks

  as they jaw the news between donuts?

  Hey! It tastes good, shoving your voice

  down a throat thinking only of sweetness.

  Go on, choke on that. Did you say something?

  Are you thinking again? Stop!—and

  get your ass gone, your blackness,

  that casual little red riding hood

  I’m just on my way home attitude

  as if this street was his to walk on.

  Do you hear me talking to you? Boy.

  How dare he smile, jiggling his goodies

  in that tiny shiny bag, his black paw crinkling it,

  how dare he tinkle their laughter at you.

  Here’s a fine basket of riddles:

  If a mouth shoots off and no one’s around

  to hear it, who can say which came first—

  push or shove, bang or whimper?

  Which is news fit to write home about?

  Aubade West

  Ferguson, Missouri

  Everywhere absence mocks me:

  Jimmy, jettisoned like rotten fruit.

  Franklin blown away.

  Heat aplenty of all kinds,

  especially when August blows its horn—

  cops and summer and no ventilation

  make piss-poor running buddies.

  A day just like all the others,

  me out here on the streets

  skittery as a bug crossing a skillet,

  no lungs big enough to strain

  this scalded broth into brain and tissues,

  plump my arteries, my soul . . .

  Voice in my ear hissing Go ahead, leave.

  Look around. No gates, no barbed wire.

  As if I could walk on water.

  As if water ever told one good truth,

  lisping her lullabies as she rocks

  another cracked cradle of Somalis

  until it splits and she can pour

  her final solution right through.

  Me watching from the other side of the world,

  high and dry on this street

  running straight as a line of smack,

  sun shouting down its glory:

  No one’s stopping you.

  What are you waiting for?

  Naji, 14. Philadelphia.

  A bench, a sofa, anyplace flat—

  just let me down

  somewhere quiet, please,

  a strange lap, a patch of grass . . .

  What a fine cup of misery

  I’ve brought you, Mama—cracked

  and hissing with bees.

  Is that your hand? Good, I did

  good: I swear I didn’t yank or glare.

  If I rest my cheek on the curb, let it drain . . .

  They say we bring it on ourselves

  and trauma is what they feel

  when they rage up flashing

  in their spit-shined cars

  shouting who do you think you are?

  until everybody’s hoarse.

  I’m better now. Pounding’s nearly stopped.

  Next time I promise I’ll watch my step.

  I’ll disappear before they can’t

  unsee me: better gone

  than one more drop in a sea of red.

  Ghettoland: Exeunt

  follow the morning star

  Tell yourself it’s only a sliver of sun

  burning into your chest, a cap of gold

  or radiant halo justly worn by

  the righteous at heart—

  then take it off, stomp it, rip out the seams.

  Wherever a wall goes up, it smolders.

  Gate or street corner, buried canal—

  you’ll catch yourself before crossing,

  stumble over perfectly flat stones,

  skirt the worn curb to avoid a cart

  rumbling past three centuries ago.

  You stop to gaze at the softening sky

  because there is nowhere else to look

  without remembering pity and contempt,

  without harboring rage.

  Spring Cricket

  Nobody loves me

  but the spring cricket.

  —Aviva, age 5

  The Spring Cricket Considers the Question of Negritude

  I was playing my tunes all by myself;

  I didn’t know anybody else

  who could play along.

  Sure, the tunes were sad—

  but sweet, too, and wouldn’t come

  until the day gave out: You know

  that way the sky has of dangling

  her last bright wisps? That’s when

  the ache would bloom inside

  until I couldn’t wait; I knelt down

  to scrape myself clean

  and didn’t care who heard.

  Then came the shouts and whistles,

  the roundup into jars, a clamber of legs.

  Now there were others: tumbled,

  clouded. I didn’t know their names.

  We were a musical lantern;

  children slept to our rasping sighs.

  And if now and then one of us

  shook free and sang as he climbed

  to the brim, he would always

  fall again. Which made them laugh

  and clap their hands. At least then

  we knew what pleased them,

  and where the brink was.

  The Spring Cricket Repudiates His Parable of Negritude

  Hell,

  we just climbed. Reached the lip

  and fell back, slipped

  and started up again—

  climbed to be climbing, sang

  to be singing. It’s just what we do.

  No one bothered to analyze our blues

  until everybody involved

  was strung out or dead; to solve

  everything that was happening

  while it was happening

  would have taken some serious opium.

  Seriously: All wisdom

  is afterthought, a sort of helpless relief.

  So don’t go thinking none of this grief

  belongs to you: Even if

  you don’t know how it

  feels to fall, you can get my drift;

  and I, who live it

  daily, have heard

  that perfect word

  enough to know just when

  to use it—as in:

  Oh hell. Hell, no.

  No—

  this is hell.

  The Spring Cricket’s Grievance: Little Outburst

  Tired of singing for someone else.

  Tired of rubbing my thighs

  to catch your ear.

  When the sky falls tonight,

  I’ll stand on my one

  green leaf

  and it will be my time,

  my noise,

  my ecstasy.

  The Spring Cricket Observes Valentine’s Day

  Twenty-four hours dedicated to the heart

  and the heart in question a caricature

  of something that never existed: half a butterfly

  squeezing out of a lace-trimmed corset,

  a fantasy floozy, dipped in red,

  favorite color of the criminally insane.

  Equally ferocious, this insistence

>   that love resides in the chest,

  when everyone knows it pitches itself

  into ether. That’s why they speak of falling:

  You step out without looking, and even

  the best parts of you won’t hold you up.

  Ah! The lobed boxes, the chocolates softly

  sweating in their pleated wrappers,

  the flowers trussed and crackling on doorsteps!

  From my shrub I watch them navigate

  the handover—eyes shining, kisses—

  then send out my own Valentine

  into the darkening meadow: one crimped note

  scratched from two back legs, a spark

  rubbed to flame; all that I cannot be

  yearning for wings, their glazed flight

  becoming all of me—which I give to you

  wherever, whoever you are.

  The Spring Cricket’s Discourse on Critics

  Everybody’s got a song

  they’ve gotta sing.

  So they say. So they

  think. Everybody’s got

  a pair of fat thighs

  they believe they can

  just crush together

  & crank out the golden

  tunes, ye olde razzmatazz,

  & the opposition will drop like—

  no, I’m not going there.

  I’m gonna sit here

  awhile & watch the dew

  drop: its letting go

  so lurid a metaphor for Failure,

  I can’t help but take it

  out of circulation. Everybody’s

  hungry, everybody’s hunkered

  in their hedges, hanging on—

  in the end nothing’s left

  to talk about but Style.

  Hip Hop Cricket

  This ‘hood’s vast

  and I’m its chief

  sentinel, a natural

  born horn.

  I’m a clarion

  nation, the itch

  in heaven’s

  evening clothes.

  Where I’m from

  ain’t no “my bad”—

  I am bad: That’s

  truth. So pony

  up, falsettoed

  crotch-grabbers, you

  whistling wannabes,

  and listen to

  what’s real: I don’t

  have to touch it

  to know that it’s there.

  Postlude

  Stay by the hearth, little cricket.

  Cendrillon

  You prefer me invisible, no more than

  a crisp salute far away from

  your silks and firewood and woolens.

  Out of sight, I’m merely an annoyance,

  one slim, obstinate wrinkle in night’s

  deepening trance. When sleep fails,

  you wish me shushed and back in my hole.

  As usual, you’re not listening: Time stops

  only if you stop long enough to hear it

  passing. This is my business:

  I’ve got ten weeks left to croon through.

  What you hear is a lifetime of song.

  A Standing Witness

  People are trapped in history

  and history is trapped in them.

  —James Baldwin

  Beside the Golden Door

  Prologue

  Surely there must be something beautiful to smile upon—

  the umbered blue edge of sky as it fades into evening,

  the brusque green heave of the sea. When I

  look up, surely there will be a cloud or a lone star

  dangling. Truth is, the Truth has gone walking—

  left her perch for the doves and ravens

  to ravage, hightailed it to the hills, to the quiet

  beyond rivers and trees. No matter

  what ragged carnival may be thronging the streets,

  what bleak homestead or plantation of sorrows

  howling its dominion, Truth would say these are

  arrogant times. Believers slaughter their doubters

  while the greedy oil their lips with excuses

  and the righteous turn merciless; the merciful, mad.

  Your Tired, Your Poor . . .

  FIRST TESTIMONY: 1968

  Who comforts you now that the wheel has broken?

  No more princes for the poor. Loss whittling you thin.

  Grief is the constant now, hope the last word spoken.

  In a dance of two elegies, which circles the drain? A token

  year with its daisies and carbines is where we begin.

  Who comforts you now? That the wheel has broken

  is Mechanics 101; to keep dreaming when the joke’s on

  you? Well, crazier legends have been written.

  Grief is the constant now; hope, the last word spoken

  on a motel balcony, shouted in a hotel kitchen. No kin

  can make this journey for you. The route’s locked in.

  Who comforts you now that the wheel has broken

  the bodies of its makers? Beyond the smoke and

  ashes, what you hear rising is nothing but the wind.

  Who comforts you? Now that the wheel has broken,

  grief is the constant. Hope: the last word spoken.

  Bridged Air

  SECOND TESTIMONY: 1969

  Year of the moon, year of love & music:

  Everyone in batik, dripping beads & good will;

  peace to the world, peace to the Universe!

  Sing along, kiss a stranger; blankets quilting the hill.

  Three days of music—did you really imagine

  this was all the excuse you would need?

  Rain be damned; rock ‘n’ roll in the mud!

  The bread can run low, but please not the weed—

  then the last one steps onstage, fringed like a wild saint.

  Do you see? he pleads. A scorched sound:

  Hear it? Lost in combat, blind to love—your anthem

  shredding the heavens as the bombs pour down.

  Giant

  THIRD TESTIMONY: Ali

  Butterfly, butterfly on the wall

  Can’t you hear your country call?

  Black man’s got no business being

  both pretty and bold—with a right hook

  as swift as his banter, his feet

  a flurry of insults, disguised as dance.

  There’s a war going on, but he’s having

  none of it. He flicks those angry eyes,

  then flings out a rhyme

  quick as tossing a biscuit to a dog.

  He’s our homegrown warrior, America’s

  toffee-toned Titan; how dare he swagger

  in the name of peace? No black man

  strutting his minstrel ambitions

  deserves those eloquent lips:

  Swat him down, pin him to the mat!

  On and on they mutter, hellbent on keeping

  their own destiny unscathed

  & brazenly manifest.

  Huddle

  FOURTH TESTIMONY: Watergate

  I’m not a crook he crowed, and people believed him,

  persuaded by flags and honor guard;

  that he had trusted his generals’ reports

  did not justify terminating their trust in him,

  leader of the free world balls-deep in the muck

  of a war no one would claim to have started,

  though everyone agreed it must be brought to an end

  sooner rather than later. By any means necessary,

  he was thinking, as he recorded another muddy deal,

  then sent his plumbers out to plug the leaks.

  Who wouldn’t prefer to be standing high and dry

  with someone else’s fingers in the dike?

  A little eavesdropping, a few ruffled papers

  hardly constitutes a heist! Let’s call it a domestic incursion;

  and that the facts have been brought to light
r />   means the system is working. No need for alarm:

  A crook is just a bend in the road not yet traveled—

  he’s simply waiting for the smoke to clear.

  Woman, Aflame

  FIFTH TESTIMONY: Roe v. Wade

  She was a mother. She was a girl who dreamed of becoming

  a mother someday. She was either a tease or a tramp, a lover

  or a wife—still she had to do the counting; was accused of

  lacking spontaneity, being a cold-hearted bitch;

  but if the days didn’t add up, she’d end up

  straddling a cold table in a dingy back room

  or waving Goodbye Future. She was jogging. On the late shift.

  Unlocking her car. And though she still remembered

  the tart smack of his sweat when he held her down,

  horseradish on his tongue—

  none of this was she permitted to say

  while lawyers argued her right to privacy, citing

  statute and precedent until the court declared Enough!

  And she and her body were free to go.

  Mother of Exiles

  SIXTH TESTIMONY: The Iran Vigil

  I wish I could describe how it felt to weather

  the acetylene blare of their constant labor,

  the bright chatter of Industry. Each day

  the next card slipped into a disappearing deck;

  each night dumped its used confetti at my feet

  in grim, glittering heaps. But you’re not

  interested. It’s your turn to watch as hours

  flatten into days and weeks and months

  until even the staunchest among you will crumble

  when you catch yourself grabbing a beer

  before settling down in front of the TV

  where the countdown grows. Only then, perhaps,

 

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