Blinded by Fate (The Ugly Roses Book 3)

by Harlow Stone

  “No, just Ryder,” he smartly says in my ear, squeezing his arms around me as he too shudders against my back.

  Removing his finger, he puts an arm to the bed and lowers us down to the mattress. That’s the last thing I remember before falling asleep with Ryder still inside me.

  Chapter Fifteen

  I watch Norm in the back lot. Sniffing around, doing her business and snapping at some sort of insect that keeps buzzing around her head. Ryder is to my right, doing something on his iPad and drinking his coffee. He’s been quiet this morning but I brush it off and chalk it up to a busy night.

  Denny doesn’t seem to sit still for too long. He’s ten feet away, tinkering with some truck part at the picnic table with Ivan. Jimmy, being the last one to show his face comes out the back door while I’m on java number two.

  I’m mid sip of the hot brew when Jimmy plops down into the chair beside me. “How’s your ass this morning, Jay?”

  The hot liquid sprays out of my mouth all over the white plastic table and Ivan howls with laughter, sweet deep laughter while Denny chuckles lightly. Ryder just shakes his head beside me.

  “Sorry man, forget where we are sometimes,” Ryder says, not at all fazed by the comment as he continues to tap away on his screen.

  “No apologies needed,” he says toward Ryder and turns his head to me. “You needed an ass whooping after yesterday, Jay. I love you, but that was even too ballsy for you.”

  Wiping the coffee from my mouth I glare at my friend. “First, you know not to try talking to me before I’ve had two cups of coffee. And second, what the hell? We’ve all made some shitty choices in life. I’m lucky enough mine didn’t backfire and neither has the rest of what you guys got up to last night. End of discussion.”

  Jimmy is obviously in the loop about what Ryder and his team got up to because he doesn’t ask questions. There’s a buzz at the gate and Ivan goes to check it out, allowing Andrei to enter.

  He’s still dressed smartly, but today he lacks a coat and is only wearing a dress shirt, unbuttoned at the top with sleeves rolled up. I’m surprised to see he has ink there but he always did seem pretty badass so it just adds to his flair for me. His dress slacks and crazy expensive shoes complete the Patrov wardrobe today.

  “Morning gentleman, and lady. How’s everyone this morning?” Denny gives a grunt and a nod, Ivan smiles big, replying, “perfect day, suns shining!”

  Jimmy and I nod, and Ryder shakes Patrov’s hand.

  Standing on the other side of the table blocking my view of Norma I look up to him. He has a smile on his face and his Russian brogue graces my ears. “Go on any adventures lately, my fearless one?”

  I smirk and shake my head, “nothing too exciting. Have any bonfires lately my favorite Russian one?”

  Trying to hold back the smirk but failing miserably he replies, “No, just a barbecue. Unfortunately the meat was foul.”

  I throw my head back and laugh, a full-bodied kill myself laugh. “Oh my god!” I say through the tears at the corner of my eyes. Everyone else is in the same state as I am. Doubled over with laughter, howling at the hilarity of a man who is normally so serious.

  “Fuck that was good,” cries Jimmy as he wipes the moisture from his face with his t-shirt.

  “Coffee, Patrov?” Mine is nearly empty and still sprayed across the table.

  “No thank you, I’m only staying a moment,” he says.

  Grabbing my empty cup, I get up from the table on a wince, ready for more java and in need of a bathroom break after the first two.

  “Are you alright?” Andrei asks, concern written all over his face. He probably thinks I got hurt last night. I did not, and unfortunately Jimmy feels the need to share. “She’s fine; Ryder just decided to give her ass his handprint for taking off last night.”

  I don’t bother turning around to see the expression on Andrei’s face. I keep walking, coffee cup in hand, to the kitchen.

  Men.

  ***

  “Jimmy’s heading to the grocery store. He wanted me to ask if you needed anything but I think it was his way of hinting at you cooking us dinner.”

  I smile from my spot on the couch with Norm. That’s definitely Jimmy. “Yes, I’ll make him a list.”

  Ryder comes around the coffee table and sits on it, facing me. “Need to ask you something, Elle.” Not liking where this is going but prepared to be honest I answer, “Anything.”

  He nods his head and looks down at the floor for a moment. Running his fingers through his hair, he brings them back between us and rests his elbows on his knees. “You don’t have to tell me, but I’d like to know because it’s been bothering me.” His eyes finally meet mine. “Is there, or was there something going on between you and Detective Miller?”

  I’m taken aback, mostly because I didn’t think anyone would ever pick up on that. I should have known better when it came to Ryder because he’s too smart. Loving the honesty we have I answer him, nodding slowly. “About a few months after my family were killed, yes I was with him.”

  Closing his eyes for a moment, he exhales. “How long were you with him?” I shake my head at his assumption. “It wasn’t like that, Ryder. We had spent some time together, but I was only with him for one night. In the way that you’re thinking anyway.”

  “He cares for you,” he says.

  “I know he does, but not like I care for you and you care for me,” I tell him. Reaching out and grabbing my hands, he pulls them to his mouth. Kissing the palms on both of them he says, “It was hard at home. By home I mean North Carolina. I see the way men look at you, but I knew at that time you had no interest in pursuing anything. Now, you’ve changed. You’re still you, but you’ve opened up more. You’re coming back out from those walls you built around you and now it’s harder to see other men admiring you. Especially ones you know, and ones you’ve been with.

  “I need to know how serious it was Elle, because the way that man looks at you makes me want to do things that would probably fuck up my reputation as a decent human being and a leading security expert. I can’t not know because now that you’re coming out from behind these walls it makes me wonder if I’m not the only one who was waiting for them to come down so they could barge in and claim you as their own.”

  I’m completely baffled by Ryder’s words and his insecurity. Perhaps I haven’t given him enough to make him understand that I’m not going anywhere? I don’t know, and I’m confused.

  “Ryder, Miller was a long time ago. He slowly became a friend after my parents died and one night I was at a bar. Not Frank’s, a different one, having a few drinks. I didn’t want to be around my regular people, I just wanted to be invisible. Anyway, long story short he was there and after a few glasses of wine I went home with him. It was a shitty move on my part, I was depressed and lonely. I took advantage of our friendship by seeking something to make me feel again.”

  Ryder holds up his hand. “Beautiful, it’s not taking advantage when he looks at you like he does. He wanted it.”

  I shake my head at him. “That’s my point Ryder, I knew he did. I didn’t. I just wanted to be held for a night and to forget. He provided that and he was kind, he still is kind. Regardless, it was wrong of me when I knew I wouldn’t want more. I apologized the next morning, he wouldn’t accept, so we’ve been acquaintances ever since. He dropped a few hints here and there afterwards, but I knew I wasn’t ready, and I didn’t want to be rude but I knew when I was ready it wouldn’t be with him.”

  Placing another kiss on my wrist he replies, “It’s not easy knowing you’ve been with him. Not gonna lie, beautiful I don’t like it.”

  I agree with him. “I get it, Ryder. I met Tina, then Anna, then I had the pleasure of hearing about Claudia, trust me, I get it.”

  He shakes his head, “But it doesn’t feel the same because I have no respect for any of them Elle. You respect Brian Miller and that’s what makes it harder. I’m not good with this shit, neither of us are. But I think we’re do
ing well right now and I’m trying really fucking hard to explain it to you from my point of view without making you upset or me getting pissed off.”

  I look into his eyes. “That’s part of what last night was, wasn’t it? You weren’t just pissed because I went to Robert Wallace’s house. You were pissed with the way Miller looked at me when he was leaving, weren’t you? That’s it, isn’t it?”

  I pull my hands from him and sit back on the couch, watching him scrub his hands over his face before he looks at me. “Not gonna lie to you Elle, that’s why I’m sitting here. Yes, it pissed me off. On top of you going to Wallace’s house, it pissed me off. I’m not saying I took it out on you because I thought you would act on it, but, well, I was pissed.”

  “You were more than fucking pissed Ryder, I can barely sit on a hard surface let alone a soft one.”

  He shakes his head at me. “You were dripping down your legs woman. Don’t try and tell me you didn’t like it.”

  I throw my hands up, but still speak rather calmly. “That’s not the point, Ryder! The point is that instead of asking me about it you allowed it to fuel your already burning frustration toward me for leaving. I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy myself, but the motivation behind your actions was because of another man, not because I went against what you asked me to do. Essentially, to me that says there’s an underlying issue of you not trusting me, because if you did, if you really did Ryder, you wouldn’t have batted an eye at Miller’s actions. You would have let it slide off your shoulder because you knew without a doubt I’m yours.”

  Standing, he paces around the coffee table. “I didn’t bring this up to fight with you Elle, I didn’t. I don’t want to. I trust you, I do.”

  I stand up. “You don’t, not if you took it out on me like that you don’t. Actions speak louder than words, Ryder. You know that as well as I do.” I walk past him to the steps leading to the shop.

  “Where are you going?” he shouts behind me.

  “With Jimmy to the grocery store,” I say, walking down the steps.

  “Ivan!” Ryder shouts again, “you’re on tail duty at the store.”

  Ryder doesn’t bother following me down the steps. My eyes meet Jimmy’s and he knows I’m in a mood. Wisely, because he knows me so well he says nothing as we head to the truck. Ivan steers us left toward the SUV he drives, I say nothing as we all get in and head to the store.

  Chapter Sixteen

  “What’d he do now?” Jimmy asks as he tosses random shit in the cart.

  “He asked about Miller, and I told him. Then I figured out that’s what he was stewing on last night when he painted my ass red.” Jimmy chuckles at my rendition of the night before.

  “We all know Miller wanted you but even I know he’s not your type. Want me to talk to Callaghan?”

  I shake my head. “Don’t stir the pot. I doubt he would listen right now anyway. Let him be stubborn for a while.”

  “You know all about stubborn, I won’t argue with you. But if this shit is still brewing at dinner I’m saying something. I love you Jay, and I’m not letting you fuck this one up.”

  I stop the cart and face him. “You’re shitting me right? I’m the only one who can fuck up a relationship?”

  He smacks my already sore ass and Ivan chuckles from the end of the isle when I wince. “Don’t put words in my mouth Jay, I hate when you do that. You know damn well what I’m saying.”

  “Fuck,” Jimmy says under his breath. A woman about my height with black hair is headed our way.

  “Jimmy!” she cries, not at all noticing me beside him, or pretending not to.

  “Randi,” Jimmy says casually. I snicker knowing exactly who she is. I pretend to ignore him and act extremely interested in the canned kidney beans beside me. Who knew there were so many different types of beans?

  “I tried calling you, like twice the other day. And last night; I tried last night too but it went to voicemail,” she whines.

  God, why are women so dense?

  I know Jimmy is very upfront with the women he sleeps with. He’s not a bad guy, at all. He’s just not ready to settle down, regardless of the fact he’s over thirty. He tells them straight ‘don’t expect anything more from me’, and yet they still come back for more.

  “Look Randi, I’m not trying to be an asshole, but I told you straight up what I was about. I apologize if you heard me wrong, but I think you’re just not listening. I’m not interested in a relationship with anyone. I’m a busy man and I got a lot going on at the moment,” he says, very diplomatically I might add.

  “Ya, I see you’re busy,” she huffs. “Couldn’t even get you to stay for coffee and now you’re already out with someone else? Shopping?” she screeches.

  “Here we go,” Jimmy sighs. At the same time, Ivan says, “fuckin’ women,” and I say, “oh my god.”

  “Oh you’ll be saying ‘oh my god’ alright! Then he’ll leave before you even wake up in the morning,” she says with her hands on her hips.

  I shake my head at her. “Sweetheart, I’m not sorry if he hurt your feelings because I know he tells his women the score before they jump into his bed. If you couldn’t handle that, then you shouldn’t have jumped. So please, stop embarrassing yourself and move on.”

  Grabbing the handles of the cart, I ignore what I was learning about brown beans in tomato sauce versus brown beans in molasses and swerve around the crazy lady with the black hair and scratchy voice. Thank shit she stayed put stunned in silence because I didn’t want to listen to her anymore.

  “Where in the ever loving fuck do you find them, Jimmy?” I ask.

  “Frank’s. Sometimes The Pretty Kitty,” he nonchalantly says.

  “Good lord my friend, if you’re going to The Pretty Kitty you must be running out of options,” I say. He bumps my shoulder. “Hey don’t knock it. They have new owners now and the place is like a classier gentleman’s club. It’s nice.”

  Looking behind me where we left the crazy black haired woman I point over my shoulder and say, “Hunny, there was nothing classy about what we left in the brown bean isle.”

  Ivan laughs at our banter. “This is better than my big Russian family dinners. That’s hard to top. Fuck, I might have to move to Canada.”

  Shaking my head at them both I keep walking. “C’mon, I just need meat now.”

  “Shit Jay, could have sworn I heard Ryder give it to you this morning. You that hard up already?”

  I answer with an elbow to the gut and keep walking.

  With a smirk on my face.

  ***

  I look around the picnic table at a bunch of satisfied faces. I forgot how much I missed cooking for people. This used to be the norm and the only people missing today were Laura, Brad and the kids.

  Well, I shouldn’t say the only people. My family would have been the ultimate dinner guests but I’ll settle for the new little family I have found. Ivan, Denny, Patrov, Jimmy and Ryder all sit around Jimmy’s big oak table in the shop. The garage door is open to the rear so I didn’t have to loop around through the small man door with trays of food.

  I decided on surf and turf, and made steak Neptune with seasoned rosemary potatoes and a homemade Caesar salad. From the grunts, groans and little conversation I know the men were happy.

  “Well fearless one, thank you for dinner it was excellent. But I have business I need to attend to.” Patrov stands from his chair and moves around the table. He places a small kiss on the top of my head. I’m not sure what happened when he came to visit me in the infirmary, but since then it’s like he has a newfound respect for me and I treat him with the same.

  “Anytime Andrei, I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

  Saying goodbyes to the rest of the men he exits through the front. Words of thanks come from all the men, and Ryder reaches under the table and gives my leg a squeeze. We haven’t talked much since I got back, mainly because there have been people around and I was getting dinner ready, but I can see the guilt in his eyes for essentially
making a poor judgment of me when it came to my relationship with Miller.

  I tip my head to the side and he leans in, giving me a small kiss on the forehead. I catch Jimmy looking at me, sending me a wink, confirming that he did in fact have a talk with Ryder when we got back.

  I really didn’t need him to, but with a full belly, a few glasses of wine and a busy day with my new little family I’m content to let it go. Sometimes the glass is half-empty. Today it’s half-full.

  Grabbing the plate of leftovers, I set it down for Norma who lays down and savors the first real food she’s had in a few days. By that I mean we have all been living on a lot of pizza and Chinese, so she’s super happy about the beef and crab meat on her plate.