Blinded by Fate (The Ugly Roses Book 3)

by Harlow Stone

Stubborn bitch on, I ask, “what if I wanted to say goodbye to Brock and Sam? And how did you get my car here? Do I want to even ask how you knew where I was?”

  Starting the car he puts it in drive. I know he wouldn’t put it past me to get out and take a cab so it isn’t until we pull on the highway when he responds. “You can invite them to our wedding and say goodbye then. I flew to Indie and picked up your car and drove it back, and I knew where you were because Brock called Denny and Denny called me, but I already knew you were there when Denny called. I tracked your phone and you texted Matty from Indianapolis.”

  I shake my head in disbelief. “Well don’t leave anything out,” I say, totally laced with sarcasm.

  He nods, remembering something. “And Brock told me who you flew with so when I was in Indie I redirected your flight. I told the pilot I wanted to surprise my future wife by taking some of the load off, not making her drive all the way home.”

  I watch his profile as he drives and take in everything he said. “Did you really want to take the load off or did you just want to avoid an awkward eleven hour drive in the same car as me.”

  Taking his eyes off the road, he removes his sunglasses when we come to a stoplight to look at me. “I don’t say shit that I don’t mean, you know that Elle. You also know that I love you and regardless of how fucking stubborn you are I know I don’t need to repeat that to remind you.”

  He pauses, allowing that to sink in before he continues. “That shit aside, I’m pissed you ran away from me, not toward me when something is clearly fucking with your head. I had a chat with Brock, he told me why you were there, and I get it beautiful, I do. You needed to set that shit straight and let your friends know who you really are so you can move on, but I’m asking you now, do not fucking run from me again. I don’t like it, and call me a goddamn pussy if you want but when you act like you don’t need me, well that shit burns.”

  Taking his eyes off me he puts them back on the road, putting his sunglasses back on. He allows me to absorb everything he just said. I know I fucked up. Kind of. Okay, not a lot but I’m used to being on my own and he wasn’t supposed to be home. I reverse the situation and I know I would be pissed if he didn’t tell me where he was going, but half the time I don’t know where he is or what he’s doing either. I’m accepting of that because it’s his job and I love him.

  I don’t currently have a job, but I do feel like what I did was more important than any job because it was incredibly important to me that I get that shit off my chest and open up my once closed off self to the people who helped me get where I am today.

  Chapter Thirty

  “I apologize for upsetting you Ryder, but I don’t apologize for leaving. I didn’t just need to do that, I had to.”

  There, that should placate him.

  Or not, as I get no response. He stews in the driver’s seat. My phone pings in my pocket and I glance over Brock’s last message, now understanding what he meant. I send a quick ‘no worries’ before I move onto the next one. I can’t help but smile when I see a text from Matty, but when I open it my eyes glaze over.

  Not wasting another second I call him, he answers on the second ring. “Gina?”

  He’s clearly upset. “Matty, what’s wrong buddy? Your text wasn’t a happy one today.”

  He sighs, “Sorry, Gina.”

  I correct myself. “Matty, you have nothing to apologize for. I just worry about you and I want to make sure you’re okay, alright?”

  “Okay, Gina.” he replies, sounding defeated.

  “What’s wrong buddy, you can tell me.”

  He’s silent for a moment and I swear I hear a sniffle. “We lost Bambi today, it was really sad.”

  “Who’s Bambi, Matty?” I ask in a soft voice.

  “A puppy, she had spots and Nancy let me name her Bambi. I brought her a ball this morning but when I got here she was already gone.”

  I hate how defeated and upset he sounds. I want to hug him but I know it won’t cure the loss he just experienced. “Matty, has Nancy talked to you about how not all of the animals you try to help will make it? Sometimes they go to heaven earlier than we want them too.” I hold back the sob as I get those words out, completely emotional as it’s not lost on me that I am giving him advice that I too have learned the hard way.

  “She did Gina, I’m just sad,” he says.

  I close my eyes, not bothering to wipe the tear that escapes. “It’s okay to be sad, buddy. It’s also okay to find ways to make up for it, sort of like moving on even though you don’t forget because it just makes you work harder the next time. Does that make sense?”

  “It makes sense. Like how I’m helping the kitten and she’s doing really well. She won’t take the bottle as good from Nancy. She says the kitten must really like me,” he says with a little more spark in his voice.

  Swallowing my emotion I say, “that’s exactly what I’m talking about Matty, I’m sure you’re doing a great job.”

  I can hear his smile through the phone, not big, but a smile none the less. “Thanks, Gina. I’m going to go feed the other cats now while the kitten’s sleeping. I’ll call you soon.”

  “Do you need me to come and see you, Matty? If you need a friend you know I will.”

  “No, that’s okay. But you’re coming to the barbecue, right?”

  I truly smile into the phone. “I’ll be there, I promise.”

  I hang up the phone and when Ryder asks what’s wrong I give him the short of it. Ryder lays a heavy hand on my thigh and leaves it there in silent support. Too choked up for more words I stare out the window until we get home.

  ***

  I’d like to say I stopped crying, but I haven’t. Silent tears run behind my sunglasses and down my cheeks. I grab the long sleeve of my black top and wipe my eyes, ignoring the fact I want to cry harder when I see the ring Ryder gave me.

  I knew this was going to happen. I have changed. But apparently in many ways, I haven’t. I don’t notice it’s time to get out yet until Ryder opens my door and crouches down beside me. Unbuckling my seatbelt, he swings my legs his way and inserts himself between them.

  Removing the sunglasses from my face and already taking his off our eyes meet. “I know you love him, beautiful, and I know you missed him, but he’s going to be okay.”

  His declaration makes my breath hitch and I put his face in my hands, rubbing my thumbs along the stubble, ignoring the snot that won’t stop running from my nose.

  “I know he will, but that’s not it,” I choke out, gasping for breath, watching the emotion in his eyes.

  His eyes turn hard, determined. “What is it? You know I’ll fix it. Just tell me, Elle. I don’t know what to fix until you tell me.”

  God love this man in front of me and his sincerity. Truly he’s the most remarkable man on the earth and he’s all mine. I’ve been a bitch but it was for my own selfish reasons because my head is like a goddamn rubix cube sometimes.

  I needed to get away. I needed to think. I needed to clear my conscience and start this new life fresh. I needed to drop some of the baggage I didn’t need and bring back what I would let Ryder help carry.

  So I decide to let out the only secret I’ve held from him. The last of me that he has yet to learn and hope to fuck he can guide me through this seeing as I have yet to overcome the anxiety.

  “I’m pregnant, Ryder,” comes out of my mouth on a whisper.

  I watch as hope, shock and love take over his face before he lets out the breath he must have been holding. Shaking his head, disbelief and unshed tears spring from his eyes.

  “But you can’t? You couldn’t? Fuck, I don’t understand, Elle?”

  Digging my fingers deep into his neck, I hold his head still, willing myself to get it out fast because he looks as if he’s going to lose his shit if he doesn’t get the answers fast enough.

  “I was sick.”

  “What?” His head snaps up, furious eyes meet mine.

  I shake my head. “No handsome, not
like that. I just got sick the other day and I thought it was nerves.” I swallow the lump before continuing. “My period’s irregular but that’s nothing new, and I was worried how Matty would settle in at Willow Beach so I chalked it up to nerves.”

  He’s focused, absorbing every word so I continue. “When I brought you and the guys lunch at work a few days ago I went into the clinic afterward. I thought I knew but I wasn’t totally sure, so they did a scan and some blood tests.”

  I swallow again, allowing him a moment to take it in before I continue. “The blood tests showed that I was pregnant and the scan showed my tubes had grown back together.” I shake my head, still confused at the odds. “Ryder, apparently this only happens to like twelve women out of a thousand, but a new passage formed and I’m pregnant.” I rush out, not able to let him hang on any longer and scared to shit at what’s going to happen.

  I didn’t want another child.

  I can’t have another child.

  I’m scared.

  I’m happy.

  “I’m gonna be a father?” Ryder whispers, as if this conversation is too important to have in a high tone. Our voices have been hushed.

  “You’re going to be a father,” I whisper back.

  If I could bottle the smile spreading across his face, I would. It’s the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen and it only adds to the tears running down my face.

  “When?” he asks, pressing his lips to mine.

  I press my lips to his, enjoying the taste of him and the saltiness of my tears as I respond, “According to the doctor next August. And if he’s right and the scan was accurate, we got pregnant at the beginning of last month.”

  I watch the wheels turn in his head. “I was only with you for a few days before I was gone for the week for work.”

  I nod my head, knowing what he means.

  “You’re telling me that I either got you pregnant when I asked you to be my wife, or the morning after. We didn’t have sex for a week after that because you weren’t feeling well and then I was gone for work.”

  I nod my head because he’s right; I was spotting and wasn’t feeling well. “That’s what I’m telling you because that’s what he told me.”

  “We’re having a baby?” he asks.

  I choke on my breath a little but reply, “we’re having a baby.”

  After that I can’t hold it in. The sobs, the emotion, the hope. It all runs out my eyes and surprisingly his too. Ryder lifts me out of the car, wrapping my legs around his body, pushing his hands into my hair, holding my face to his. “We’re having a baby.”

  I sob against his mouth, not caring and neither does he I have snot running out of my nose. He just kisses me for all that he’s worth and all that he has and I take it. I take it all until he presses his forehead to mine and squeezes my body tight to his.

  “Are you okay?” he asks.

  I speak against his lips. “I wasn’t at first, that’s why I had to go, clean up my past and figure out how to start fresh.”

  “I’m sorry I was an asshole, beautiful.”

  I shake my head at him. “You love me, you weren’t an asshole and I understand. Anyway, when I found out, didn’t think I would be okay because it scared the shit out of me, but I am. I’m okay. I’m going to be a mom again and I’m okay.”

  Smiling against my mouth he says, “and I’m going to be a dad. I didn’t think I could love this life anymore beautiful, and I’ll always love you but I have to say thank you. Thank fuck for you beautiful. I love you.”

  I smile against his handsome face. “And I still love the fuck out of you, Ryder Callaghan. Now take me home.”

  We’re parked in our driveway, but that’s not home. He knows home is us together, so I don’t object when he walks me onto the back deck and lays me down on the outdoor couch, ridding my lower half of clothing so he can bury himself inside of me.

  Wherever Ryder is, is home.

  Our home.

  Chapter Thirty-one

  I walk up the few small steps, crossing the light blue painted porch. I don’t knock yet because I’m too busy taking in the small things. The little porch swing just big enough for two people. The hostas we planted in the garden along with two begonia hanging baskets from the porch roof. It looks like any other duplex owned by someone who looks after it.

  It’s beyond normal.

  It’s perfect.

  I take two more steps to the white front door and knock. It’s a security door with a small window. The wooden porch door was propped open with a ceramic dog that reads, Welcome.

  I wait, more nervous than I have been in I don’t know how long. Why I don’t know, he’ll be happy to see me. I debated barging in but I wanted to give him his space, his own space, for the first time in his life.

  I want him to have a choice before he lets someone in.

  The security door opens, and I’m greeted with the biggest of smiles from the sweetest of men. I can’t help but smile back because it’s contagious. How could someone not smile back at that sweet face and bright eyes?

  Impossible.

  “Gina!”

  I don’t bother correcting him, I know I never will. I simply walk into the arms of the man who’s but a child and half a foot taller than I am. It’s not a manly embrace, it’s a child’s, one where he waits to be welcomed despite the fact I showed up at his home and he should be welcoming me.

  He doesn’t understand, and that’s okay. More than okay as I seize the moment to squeeze him tighter than I have anyone in a while. I press a kiss above his ear and hold him as close as I can for as long as he’ll let me.

  “Happy Birthday, Matty.”

  “Thanks! I missed you, Gina! I called you because I finally got my present!”

  Matty has going on and on about his present. His actual birthday is tomorrow but he wanted to celebrate today because apparently they have a dog at Second Chance that is having surgery tomorrow and he doesn’t want him to be alone.

  That’s my sweet Matty for you.

  He never told me what his present was, just that it was a surprise and it was coming soon. It’s not that I don’t pay attention to him, I do. I pay more attention to Matty than I have many people in years.

  However, sometimes I can’t help when I forget. I don’t mean to, never. I just have so much on my mind that it only holds the imperative stuff. I still have not completely gotten over my attack and that fucks with my head sometimes but it’s rare. Mix that in with a pregnancy and I’m a regular hormonal head case. Complete with going to the store to buy milk and coming with everything but.

  I allow Matty to pull me by the hand into his living quarters. I pass through the orange colored hallway and enter the light green living room which is off of a bright yellow kitchen. It’s not at all my color but I asked Matty what he wanted, and where he wanted it. This house is what we ended up with. I didn’t hire out the work, because I wanted to do something with him, not just for him. So we painted some very unique colors that don’t match at all but he loves it so we’re happy.

  “Look, Gina, look!”

  I don’t look at what Matty is pointing at, or who.

  I can’t.

  Matty has a small living space and the patio out back is open, leading to a common area. It’s there that I look. I can’t take my eyes off of them. The back screen door is propped open giving me a clear view of the Callaghan Security men. Cabe, Maverick, Finn and Hunter, Ivan and Denny sit on the edge of a concrete planter. Finn and Hunter who I haven’t had much time to spend with sit at the small table.

  My eyes finally land on Ryder, standing next to a barbecue that clearly has something cooking on it for lunch.

  “Did you see, Gina? Look at him!”

  He’s still pointing near the doorway to the living area but my eyes are too watery to take it in. Ryder’s lips tip up as Maverick lets out a whistle. Only then do I allow my eyes to follow the movement of white moving to the ground level patio.

  “Come on Ry, come ba
ck here!” Matty says as he runs out of the house, chasing after the little white fluff of fur as Norma comes out from the distant water’s edge. I cover my mouth when I reach the patio, overcome with emotion, hormones and happiness. Ryder’s strong arms surround me, his large hands resting on my baby bump. “Calm, beautiful. He’s well.”

  His words do anything but as I sob into his shirt sleeve, looking at all these strong men, enjoying a Pepsi no less on my friends back patio. I hope they understand how much it means to Matty, because I can barely voice how much this mean to me.

  I watch Matty run back up to the patio, his new little dog and Norma in tow. “Did you see that, Gina? Rydelle finally chased a stick and brought it back! Did you see that?”