by Bryan Mosier
“Yeah, he did.”
Cautiously Alex steps forward into the aisle and, with great trepidation asks“Larry?” Startled at the unexpected sound of another human being’s voice, the thing that once was Larry turns and with a confused look replies“Al? Is that you?” revealing to the group that he is in fact the thing that still is Larry.
With the sudden change in plans, and not wanting Larry to know just how close he had come to actual death, Brandon steps back and quietly puts his sword back in its sheath
“DUDE! You’re alive!”
Rushing past Alex, Justin and Bryan run to greet their newly resurrected friend.“Dude we thought you were a freakinzombie.”
“Why the hell would you thinkthat?”
“Well, uh…?” starts Bryan as he looks Larry over and tries to find a polite way to say that he looks and smells like a rotting corpse that decided to get up and walk around.
“Never minddude. How the hell are you still alive? This place looks like it was ransacked?”
“Oh dude” starts Larry,“It was like a freakinnightmare. It was like the worst thing I could have ever imagined. There were bodies everywhere, fighting and clawing and scratching.” With a shiver that sends waves rolling through his gelatinous girth, Larry quietly utters to no one in particular“The horror, the horror”.
“Zombies dude, they’re evil.”
“Zombies? I’m talking about the people of All-Mart. Zombies ain’t shit compared to that herd of inhumanity. As soon as everyone figured out that the shit was hitting the fan, it was everybody for themselves. They came in here and was trying to get whatever they could. I saw an old grandma lookin bitch punch a kid in the face over a toaster. What the fuck are you gonna need a toaster for if it’s the freakinend of the world?”
“Dude, that’s messed up.”
“Tell me about it. We almost didn’t make it ourselves.”
“We? Who else…”
As if on cue from the depths of the back aisle near the lay away counter comes the distinctive gravely bass that could only belong to one person.
“Larry you fat sack of butt sludge, where the hell are you? I swear, if you done went and got yourself fuckin bit by some dumb ass fuckin zombie piece of shit I’m going to fuckin rip that fat fucking lump of lard you call a head off them jelly roll shoulders and shove it so far up your fat, undead ass you’ll have to eat your own butthole out just to so you can see which way you fat lard ass is going.”
With a mutual look of recognition, the boys all yell out in unison“Suzie-Steve!!!”
With a look of confusion, the girls similarly ask in unison“Suzie-Steve?”
Jumping out from behind the end of the blue-ray aisle, baseball bat in one hand and the other held out ever so delicately as to prevent the freshly applied cherry red nail polish from smearing, the group is greeted with the definition of dichotomy. Standing a towering six and half feet tall with a strong, muscular build, the twenty something African American former night manager of the All-Mart, Suzie-Steve might at first glance seem the image of masculinity. The hot pink lipstick, iridescent blue eye shadow, leopard print hot pants and size thirty-four double-D breasts trying to escape a thin pink tank top emblazoned with the words“I’m kindalike Jesus, you can accept me or got to hell” scrawled across the front might contradict that image a bit.
“What the fuck? Al? B? Big J? What the fuck are you goofy ass bastards doing here? And where the hell is…” starts Suzie-Steve but is abruptly cut off as Brandon throws his arms around her massive frame?”
“Little B. There you are. I swear if you boys had let anything happen to my boy here you better believe this wouldn’t be the fucking happy ass reunion it is. And, uh, who are these little bitches you got with you. You boys pick you up some end of the world honey lovins?”
Face blushing red, Alex turns to the girls with an apologetic look and explains,“No, they, um, we met up with them, and um…”
“Oh, I’m just kiddinwith you boys. I know good and well that even with the whole world goin ta shit ain’t no self-respecting girls gonna let you get your little white boy willies anywhere near their precious lady parts.”
Looking a bit embarrassed about the whole conversation that just took place, Darla tries to explain,“We…we ain’t from around here. We got stuck in this town when the world kindawent nuts and stuff.”
“So you girls ain’t got no family or nothing ‘round here?”
“No ma’am, uh sir? Um I’m sorry, I don’t know what to?”
With every ounce of aggressive deportment melting away, Suzie-Steve’s demeanor visibly morphs from angry black man with breasts, to a sweet, caring southern black grandma. “Oh, don’t you worry about nothing now sweat heart” says Suzie-Steve as she lays the bat down and walks over the Darla. Like a mother hen protecting her chics, she wraps the girls up in her massive wingspan, careful not to smudge her nail polish,Suzie-Steve tells the girls,“You little sweet thingsain’t got nothin to worry about, no you don’t. You got Suzie-Steve here to help you now. These boys are smart and all but they don’t know shit about surviving out in the real world.”
Lacking the tact that a normal child her age might have but with all the same curiosity, Melody looks up at Suzie-Steve, he chin firmly smooshed in her massive cleavage, with the most innocent expression asks,“So…are them thingsreal?” Without missing a beat Lookingdown into Melody’s angelic freckled face and big green eyes, Suzie-Steve chuckles,“Nope, fake as hell…butthey’re still spectacular.”
Chapter 16
“So, how the hell did you two survive this mess” asks Alex as he looks over what’s left of the looted All-Mart. “I mean, it looks like things got pretty bad here.”
“Aw shoot” starts Suzie-Steve,“them stupid people that come in here looking for shit, they didn’t know what they was doin. I bet when they got bit and were made into walking stiffs, they went up a few IQ points.”
Looking confused Alex turns to Fat Larry with a quizzical look.
“The dumbasses looted the shelves for everything they could get their hands on but not one of them thought to check the storage room. That’s where we hid out tilthe shit calmed down.”
“Yeah” adds Suzie-Steve,“we just locked the doors and waited for the zombies to get their munch on then we herded their asses out the front doors and that was that.”
“How did you get them outside?”
“We made them an offer their hungry dumb asses couldn’t pass up.”
With a look of still unsettled annoyance, Fat Larry speaks up,“She used me as fucking bait is what shedid.”
“Oh would your jelly roll of an ass just get over it. It worked didn’t it.”
“When Larry was outside, makinall kinds of noise and shit to keep their attention, I was shoving shopping carts like a mother fucker to block the front door.”
“Yeah, we saw that. That was pretty awesome.”
“I thought so too but Mr. Man Boobs over their said it wouldn’t work. Showed his fat ass. How the fuck did you all get in anyways?”
“Shopping cart entrance.”
Giving Larry a hard slap on the back of his head sending strands of greasy hair flying. “Shit”, growls Suzie-Steve, turning her glare on Larry,“I thought I told you to lock that fucking thing. Lucky them dead fucks ain’t got enough sense to open a fucking door. Did you all shut it back good? Don’t want none of them nasty fucks stumbling in hear on us.”
“It’sall good” confirms Brandon.
“Oh little B”, starts Suzie-Steve, a compassionate smile filling her face. “How you getting on with this. Where’s Momma B and your paps?”
Unable to hide the concern on his face, Brandon starts to talk but his voice gets caught in his throat.
“They’re fine, I’m sure” jumps in Alex.
“Yeah, they got out before the shit went down.”
With tears in his eyes, Brandon finally manages to speak,“Do you really think they would have left without us? Don’t yo
u think they would have managed to get back home to make sure we were okay? They’re gone. You know it.”
“No, we don’t know that” replies Alex, now with tears starting to well up in his eyes.
“Hey now” says Suzie-Steve, walking over and putting her massive arm around Brandon’s neck,“We don’t know nothing tilwe know it. There’s probably a dozen reasons why they didn’t get back to you boys. Maybe the road was blocked. When the shit went down it was fuckin crazy out there. Military, police, everybody was running round trying to get shit together. Don’t give up on’em, not tilyou know for sure.”
Nodding, Brandon gives Suzie-Steve a hug and walks off to gather his thoughts with Melody quietly trailing behind.
“That boy’s a hurtinAl. He needs his big brother. You boys are the only family he’s got right now so you have to take care of him.”
“More like he’s taking care of us” says Bryan. “Did you know he could ride a four-wheeler? And what’s with all the survival shit?”
Realizing that they have been standing out in the relative open space of the All-Mart’s main floor, Larry is the first to suggest that they move to a more secure location.
“Hey guys, you want to see the lair?”
“Lair?” asks Carla.
“Oh shit, don’t go calling it that, it sounds fucking creepy when you call it that” chides Suzie-Steve.
“Would you rather I call it the Fat Cave?”
Shaking her head Suzie-Steve gives him a gruff harrumph and gestures for Larry to lead the way.
“Okay, okay, c’mon then.”
Turning and walking towards the back of the store, Fat Larry leads the group to what would normally be the layaway area of the store, right next to the rear public restrooms. Separating the layaway counter from the restroom entrances stands two large metal bay doors. Spray painted across the doors in bright, drippingred paint is the foreboding warning,“Do Not Enter, Zombie Infested Area”
Looking over the message with a look of wariness mixed with comical disbelief, Justin says“Let me guess, that was Larry’s idea?”
With a shrug and downward face-palming glance, Suzie-Steve just nods.
“Hey, it’s worked ain’tit. We ain’t had one person try to get back here.”
“They ain’t been nobody in here, you fat, dumb ass! Besides, you think they get through that parking lot full of nut nibblers, and the thought of a few more are going to scare them off.”
“She’s got a point” adds Darla.
Shrugging off the logic of the argument, Larry just gives a disgusted grunt and pushes through the door. As the group follows him through the atmosphere of the space changes immediately. From the carefully color coded and strategically planned shopping area of the All-Mart’s main floor they are lead into a much less organized and apparently less aesthetically planned storage area.
Large metal shelves reach from the floor to the high exposed metal framework of the ceiling. Unlike the tiled drop ceiling with its bright, skylights, this room looks as if it was left unfinished with air conditioning duct work, electrical conduit and all manner of other wires, tubes and piping running exposed here and there as if designed by a rabid monkey on crack. Running the full length of the massive storage area the shelves are loaded with pallets of all sorts of merchandise that would normally be used to replenish the stock as it was sold out front. Canned food, boxes of laundry detergent, automobile tires and all sorts of other merchandise sit on shelves, undisturbed as if at any moment they would be ready to go out and be placed on the mangled shelves of the main floor.
“C’mon guys, let me show youthe lair.”
“Damn’itI said don’t call it that. Makes yasound like some kind of fucking crazy ass serial killer.”
Stopping suddenly, Larry turns with a sinister smiles stretched across the full breadth of his rotund face, with an evil toothed grin looks at Alex andsays“Hey kid, want some candy?” And with that the boys let out a cackle of laughter with Suzie-Steve just rolling her eyes and the girls looking confused, having obviously not gotten the joke.
As they round the end of one of the long rows of shelves they come into what must
obviously be“the Lair”. It must be because someone, meaning Larry of course, had spray painted in big red running letters“The Lair” on the white painted cinder block wall. Looking around they see that Larry and Suzie-Steve have made a pretty nice place for themselves. In one area, the living room guesses Bryan, sits a couple of the cheap fake leather recliners that used to sit in the house wares section of the store separated by a small glass topped coffee table with generic hunting scenes of dogs and ducks etched in the surface. Apparently Larry and Suzie-Steve had been keeping themselves occupied playing Rockem Sockem Robot, Chutes and Ladders and a number of other kid’s games that you would normally find lining the back wall of the All-Mart toy section. Off to the side is what must be the bedroom area where two roll away cots have been placed parallel to one another. The scene is the picture of dichotomy. One, immaculatein its presentation, has been covered with a bright pink bedding covered in a flower motif that would befit the décor one would find in the room of a pre-teen girl. Topped with red, heart shaped throw pillows“Gottabe Suzie-Steve’s” thinks Bryan. The other tells a much different story. Unkempt and in shambles, this cot, with a notable sag in the middle where the cheaply made springs have been stretched beyond their ability to return to their original shape, is obviously where Larry sleeps. Not really sure if the yellow spots on the dingy white sheet are food stains or the result of some type of horrible biological accident, and not wanting to let that image fully form in his brain, Bryan continues to examine“the Lair”. Seeing what is obviously the kitchen area, Bryan can’t contain his excitement and yells“Hey, you guys got Nutter Butters?” Running over to the pre-fab, ready to assemble counter, Bryan grabs a bright red package from the top of a stack of at least fifteen identical containers and starts tearing into it.
“Hey, that’s my…” starts Larry but one stern look from Suzie-Steve and he immediately gets quiet. “You got plenty to share you fat bastard. Lord knows you could stand to let’em have a few. The way you been goin through’emyou was gonna be out within a week anyways.”
“I’m sorry Larry, I wasn’t thinking. This is your stuff. We can find our own.”
Feeling guilty about his initial stinginess,“Nah, don’t worry about it” says Larry. “We got plenty. There’s still cases of stuff we haven’t even looked in yet.”
“So what’s yourguys’ plan?” asks Brandon.
“What d’ya mean?” replies Suzie-Steve with a puzzled look on her face.
“Your zombie plan. You do have one don’t you?”
“Oh, sure chimes in Fat Larry. It’s pretty complicated and requires a lot of explaining but essentially itsSTAY RIGHT FUCKING HERE!”
“Really?” says Suzie-Steve as her stare of contempt bores proverbial holes into Larry’s large pear shaped head. “How the fuck long do you think this is gonna last you fat dumb bastard. It ain’t like it’s gonna be over in a week or two and then it’sall back to fucking normal. Shit has changed for fucking ever your fat fucking slug.”
“Sodo you have a plan Suzie-Steve?”
“Oh hell yeah. When the time is right I’m gonna pack my shit up, find a car and make for the first Army or National Guard camp I can find.”
“What makes you think there’s anything like that. For all we know everyone else is dead.”
“Well, when the shit started getting crazy the National Guard started trucking people out of here by the shitload. They had to take’em somewhere’s. I figure one of them camps can’t be too far from here.”
“Can I come with you?” asks Larry.
“Hell yes. In fact you,my fat ass mother fuckin friend are essential to my plan.”
“How’s that.”
“If the shit gets real I’m gonna feed your big fat ass to the zombies. Bound to take’ema week just to get through the blubber.” Seeing th
e look of complete horror on Fat Larry’s face Suzie-Steve lets out a thunderous cackling laugh and says,“You stupid fat fuck, you really think I’d let those dead fucks eat your fat ass?” With that Larry lets a sheepish grin crawl across his face. “Nah, I knew you was just kiddin.”
After a collective chuckle from Suzie-Steve’s explanation of her zombie plan its Bryan who breaks up the brief moment of levity with a more somber question.
“What do you think happened?”
“What d’yamean?” asks Larry.
“The zombies. What do you think caused all of this mess?”
“Aw, who knows? Probably some weird experiment the government was doing that went wrong.”
“Yeah, it’salways the government” chimes in Melody.
“Oh hush” says Darla, giving her little sister a scolding look. “You sound like all of them nut jobs that used to try to get mom and dad to join up with them.”
“Nut jobs?” asks Alex with a curious look in his eyes.
“Mom and dad were both pretty serious about being prepared for when something like this would eventually happen. They were pretty hardcore about it but they weren’t like those weird conspiracy wack-o’s that think the government is secretly behind everything that goes wrong. They just wanted to keep us safe is all. They used to come around all the time trying to get mom and dad to join up with them in some way or another but they would just tell’emno thanks and send them on their way.”
“So if it wasn’t the government that did this, then who.”
“Oh, I know exactly who did this shit” exclaims Suzie-Steve.
“Oh really?” asks Alex a look of surprise on his face. “So who was it?”
“Oh shit, now you went and done it” interjects Larry.
“What?”
“Don’t get her started. All I’ve heard about for the last three days is how our“Ovarian Overlords” are out to ruin herlife.”
“Ovarian overlords?” asks Darla.
“Yeah, you know I’m right you fat ass fuck tard” yells Suzie-Steve as she vents someobviously pent up frustration. “You know damn good and well who did this shit.”