Love Undone

by Diana Nixon

  “Like a vegetable, if not worse,” I said, grimacing. I tried to sit, but then I changed my mind, as the bandages on my breast and belly were too tight to let me move.

  “Thank God, you made it out of there alive. We heard about the victims. This is horrible, and so unfair. Poor Ms. Daisy and Mr. Patrick.”

  “Those are the names of the café’s owner and his sister, right?”

  “Yes. They were the regular visitors of our confectionery.”

  “I think I need to call their families and offer my condolences.”

  “They know about your condition. I’m sure they will understand if you do it later.”

  “I can’t even imagine how bad they must be feeling now.”

  “Yeah, the explosion was a shock for the entire city. Who would have thought that such a thing would happen at one of the most popular New York cafés? They could afford the best equipment in the world!”

  “Nothing is perfect in this world, Leslie. Especially modern technologies.”

  “You are absolutely right, Kassie. That’s why I asked our engineers to check all the gas stoves we have.”

  “It was the right thing to do. Daniel says you are a good manager, and now I can see that he’s right.”

  “Mr. Farrell is too kind.”

  “Is he a regular visitor of our café?

  “No, though he used to be. When Adrian and… Oh, I-”

  “It’s okay. I know about Adrian.”

  She smiled sympathetically. “Well, after your brother’s death, you took control of the café. Even though you were too young to do that, you didn’t want anyone else to own it. Your mother wanted to sell The Sweets, but you said that Adrian would never forgive you for letting some strangers ruin everything he had been working for ages to build.”

  “Yes, cooking was his passion. He could spend hours working on a new recipe. I guess I inherited that habit from him.”

  “True. But, I’m sure you would never be able to handle everything on your own. Mr. Farrell helped you a lot.”

  “Did he? Daniel doesn’t look like a man who likes cooking,” I said, thinking about his badass appearance.

  Leslie giggled under her breath. “He definitely doesn’t.”

  “What does he do for living?”

  “He owns a company that manufactures motorcycles. He has about thirty people working for him. But, I doubt he ever lets them do anything without his approval.”

  I raised my eyebrows, amazed. “Why would someone like him be helping me with the confectionary?” Maybe it wasn’t fair to gossip about Daniel behind his back, but I couldn’t help myself.

  “He and Adrian were like brothers. I guess he wanted to do at least something to ease your suffering.”

  I nodded wordlessly in response. I didn’t know what to say actually. It was still hard to believe that my brother was gone, let alone to get used to the idea of living without him.

  “Thanks for coming here, Leslie,” I said finally. “I hope I will be able to get back to my work soon.”

  “There’s no need to rush things. We have the best team in the world, so be assured your café is in good hands.”

  “I hope so.”

  “Let me know if you need anything. Like Martin’s lemon pie, or Jull’s chocolate truffles with your favorite cream.”

  “I’m not even sure if I remember their taste, but thanks anyway.”

  “Get well soon,” Leslie said, before she left, closing the door quietly behind her.

  A new wave of pain and sorrow overwhelmed my body and mind. So many thoughts crashed through my mind. I snapped my eyes shut, hoping I wouldn’t start crying again.

  How was I supposed to live now? I remembered only a few things about myself, not to mention the two years after Adrian’s death that were totally lost. I was sure that losing him was one hell of a trial to go through. No physical pain could be compared to what was a million times worse. And, now it looked like I had to go through it all over again.

  I reached for my cell phone, lying on the bedside table, when someone knocked.

  “Come in,” I said, hoping my voice sounded loud enough to be heard by my visitor.

  “Hey, Kas,” a dark-haired girl said, entering the ward. “I know you don’t remember a damn thing, but I still wanted to see you.”

  “Um, hey. Sorry, I don’t know your name.”

  “God, it sucks to be you now. I’m Emily, Daniel’s sister and your best friend ever.”

  “Oh… Shall I say ‘nice to meet you’?” I said, smiling at her.

  She laughed in response. “I prefer ‘nice to see you, again’.”

  “Since you are not the first person I don’t remember, I hope you won’t get angry over my stupid questions and slow reaction to everything you are going to say next.”

  “Of course, not! Actually, I’m here to make your memories come back, because there’s no way I will let you ruin our plans for the Christmas holidays!”

  “Ems, I told you not to bother her so soon!” Daniel said irritably, standing at the threshold of my ward. “Sorry about that, Kassie, but sometimes my sister can be a real pain in the neck.” He followed my advice and let the doctors bandage his wounds. He still needed to get changed, but the torn jeans and shirt, combined with a long silver chain glistening in the light only made him look even more attractive. Such a tempting present wrapped in a gorgeous package, I thought to myself. Jeez, where did that thought come from?

  “No worries,” I smiled, switching my attention back to Emily, who still looked a little guilty. “Let her stay.”

  “You sure you don’t want to get some rest?”

  “I don’t think I’ll be able to fall asleep, any time soon.”

  “Okay.” Daniel nodded, trying to fasten his shirt. Of course, it was impossible to do with the only button available. “Shit,” he swore under his breath. “I need to leave you for a while. Call me if you need anything,” he said to me. “Or, if she tries to make you dance.” He looked warningly at his sister. “I know she can do that.”

  “And, here I thought you needed to get back to your work, big brother.”

  “I’ll be back in a few hours. Don’t make me regret leaving you two alone.”

  Emily rolled her eyes. “Get out, Daniel!”

  He shook his head, smiled briefly and left.

  “Now, we are going to have an all-girl party,” Emily said, gathering her dark-brown hair into a ponytail.

  Chapter 2

  Two weeks later, the memories of our all-girl party still made me smile. It turned out to be very funny, with Emily’s stories about our past and her attempts to do my nails. She was sure that even with one hand broken I still needed a manicure. Well, something told me that arguing with her was a lost cause, so I let her do anything she wanted. And guess what? Daniel was right about dancing: Emily actually wanted me to try it, but I refused, leaving the dancing session for later.

  “This room looks so bloody boring and depressing,” she said, sitting in a chair with her legs on my bedside table. “I can’t wait for you to come back home. I miss our Friday nights.”

  “You mean our crazy-dancing-and-laughing-ourselves-to-death nights?” I said, recalling her stories.

  “Exactly.” She grinned from ear to ear, sipping her Red Bull. Unlike me, she was sure it was better than a cup of morning coffee.

  ***

  Today was the day of my release. It took me two weeks to convince Dr. Robinson to let me go home. He and Daniel were still sure it was too soon, but I got my own way.

  It was a little strange to go to a place that I didn’t even remember calling my home. Daniel promised to take me there, and I hoped that getting back to a normal life would also help me get my memory back.

  Daniel and Emily tried their best to make my stay at the hospital less miserable. Every morning I woke up and saw a new bouquet of flowers on my bedside table. Emily spent almost every day with me. We could talk non-stop until Dr. Robinson, my mom or Daniel reminded me about
the rest that I needed so much. It felt so natural to spend time with my best friend and her brother, as if it had always been like that…

  I was looking out of the window when Daniel entered the room. “Ready to go home?” he asked, coming to place a kiss on my cheek. Every time he did that, I felt a surge of warmth rushing through me. And even though his kisses always seemed friendly, once or twice I noticed that mysterious look in his eyes that made my heart beat faster.

  “You can’t even imagine how much I want to get out of here,” I said, trying to sound calm. I didn’t want Daniel to think that I had a crush on him or something. Not that I didn’t like the things his presence made me feel.

  “Let’s go, then.” He took my bag and helped me out into the hall.

  Walking was still painful, but the doctor said I needed to walk more and let my muscles do their usual job. He also promised to visit me once every few days until the bandages on my chest and belly, and the cast on my hand were removed.

  “You sure you don’t want anyone to help you with cooking and the rest?” Daniel asked. He insisted on hiring a maid, but I was so tired of hospital rules and medical personnel checking on me every hour or so. All I wanted now was a few days of peace and quiet.

  “I’ll be fine,” I assured him, getting into the car. Today he looked a little nervous, and I couldn’t stop wondering why. “I will order food. And I’m sure you have already taken care of cleaning my house,” I added, smiling at Daniel’s surprised expression.

  “Emily told me you went there yesterday to make sure that the dishes and floors were washed. Even my mom worries about me less than you do.”

  “Sometimes my sister forgets how to keep her mouth shut,” he snapped a little too harshly, and started the engine.

  “Don’t be angry at her. I was packing my bag and couldn’t find the keys, so she said you took them to get the apartment ready for my return.”

  “Not a big deal. Here’s one more thing for you,” he said, giving me a cell phone. “Since yours was broken, I thought I would buy you a new one.”

  “You shouldn’t have.”

  “I tried to restore your contact list as well, but ended up with ten numbers only. People will still be able to call you, since I left your old phone number.”

  “Thanks.” I fastened the seat belt and looked at Daniel again. He was tense and avoided looking at me, as if he was afraid I would see something that he wanted to keep to himself.

  “Is everything okay?” I asked cautiously.

  “Yes, why?”

  “You’re acting strange.”

  “Am I?” He smiled briefly, but I could still see the worry filling his eyes. “I’m fine, Kas. Just some problems at work.”

  I looked at him doubtingly. Somehow, I was sure his worry didn’t have anything to do with his work, but with me. What was he up to?

  “Your neighbor, Barbara said your shower was broken, so I called the plumber to come and fix it and-”

  “You know what the weirdest thing is?” I stopped him mid-sentence.

  “What?”

  “It looks like my mind refuses to remember anything but my childhood and a few things from my school life. I don’t remember anything of what happened after Adrian’s death. I don’t remember you, or the place you are taking me to.”

  “I don’t see anything weird about it. The doctor says it’s normal.”

  He didn’t sound convincing, which only made me even more curious about the reasons for his strange behavior. Daniel was a very reserved person. He didn’t talk much, and every time I tried to ask him something about my past, he only paid with fine speeches. Maybe that’s why I wanted to know more about him. There was something magnetic about the way he talked and looked at me, as if he was afraid I would get too close to something he had been trying to hide. He always looked confident, though when it came to my memories he hesitated with the replies, choosing his words carefully.

  “Kas? Are you still listening?”

  “Sorry, I got lost in my thoughts for a moment.”

  “It’s okay. So the fridge is full, you don’t need to go to the store. Since it was a new apartment, and you didn’t have time to furnish it, I took the liberty of buying a few things that I thought you might need. The washing machine will be delivered tomorrow, but a coffee maker is already there. I know you can’t live without coffee.”

  “Now, you know me better than I do. But still, you shouldn’t spend so much time fussing over me. I’m sure you have other things to do. ”

  “Things like what?”

  “Like working or dating.”

  My words made Daniel chuckle. “I don’t have a girlfriend. And thank God, I do have people to do my job for me.”

  “I hope you are not going to move into my apartment just to make sure that I can handle my new life.”

  “That’s exactly what I was going to do.”

  “What?” I asked, shocked.

  “Just kidding.”

  I felt my cheeks reddening. “Sorry, I didn’t mean for my surprise to sound so harsh. It’s kind of strange to live with someone you don’t even know.”

  “You do know me, Kassie,” he said, giving me a side glance. “Maybe even better than I know myself.”

  “Yeah, well, I don’t remember that part.”

  He smiled and for a moment, I thought he was actually glad I couldn’t remember anything about him. Weird, huh?

  Half an hour later, we stopped at a twelve-storey building on one of the streets of Tribeca.

  “When did I move here?” I asked, looking at the building.

  “About a month ago. Why?”

  “I liked my old apartment. Did I sell it?”

  “I’m not sure. But you wanted something closer to your café. You are a real workaholic. I wonder if you ever get tired of making cakes and creams,” he said, laughing. “Come on, let’s get inside. Maybe there you will remember things.”

  Unfortunately, Daniel was wrong. Nothing about the apartment felt familiar. The only thing that did make me feel better was the way it was decorated.

  “You said you bought only a few things, but I sure as hell didn’t have time to choose these pictures,” I said, pointing to the wall on my right side. “Or the carpet,” I added, looking at the oval rug in the center of my living room. It was beautiful, by the way, made in my favorite combinations of ivory and dark brown.

  “Well, it was supposed to look like home.” Daniel put my bag on the sofa, and opened the curtains. “You always wanted to have a view of the city.”

  Only now, I realized that I didn’t know anything about Daniel’s house. “Where do you live?”

  “I have an apartment not far away from here. There’s also a country house an hour away from the city, but I rarely go there.”

  “So you are a city-type?”

  “Not really. I hate the noise of the surroundings, and I would gladly move to the country, but… Well, the house is too big to live there alone.”

  “I would love to see it. I like country houses. At least I think I like them.”

  Suddenly Daniel’s expression became very sad. “You do. “And, you always did.” He looked at me with eyes full of pain, making shivers run up and down my spine. It was the second time that he had let his emotions out. I didn’t know what made him become so sad, but I desperately wanted to take a part of his worries away. Instinctively, I came closer and put my arms around his waist, drowning in the waves of his warmth and the scent of his cologne that awakened something new inside me. I didn’t know how to describe the feeling.

  First, Daniel’s muscles tensed, and it took him about ten seconds to embrace me in response, as if he was afraid of touching me like that.

  “You know, I had a very interesting dream last night,” I said, shifting so I could see his face.

  “Really? What was it about?” he asked, looking down at me. The answer froze on my lips. I could barely think straight when he was so close to me. What the hell did that mean?

&nbs
p; I cleared my throat and said, “Well, it was mostly about me, but you were there too.”

  In the blink of an eye, Daniel became distant again. Slowly, he took a step back and crossed his arms, squinting suspiciously.

  “And?”

  “I was in a park with lots of white flowers of different kinds. There were many people around me; one of them was Adrian. He was saying something into a microphone, but I couldn’t catch his words. Then, the band behind him started playing a slow song, and he left the scene. Then you came and asked me for a dance. And, then, I woke up.”

  Daniel nodded slowly and, reaching into the back pocket of his jeans, took a small picture from his wallet. From what I could see, it was taken in the very same park that I saw in my dream.

  “So, it was real,” I said quietly, looking at the picture of my brother and Emily. The two of them looked so happy. They were holding hands and laughing at something I couldn’t see.

  “This picture was taken on the day of their engagement.”

  “What? Emily didn’t tell me they were engaged.”

  “She doesn’t like talking about it. As well as about Adrian, and everything that reminds her of him.”

  “We shouldn’t judge her. I’m sure they loved each other very much.”

  Daniel didn’t say a word. He took the picture from my hands and put it back into his wallet.

  I looked around sighing; a lump formed in my throat.

  “How could I have forgotten so many things?” Tears burned my eyes and this time I didn’t try to stop them. I took a seat in one of the chairs and hid my face in my hands. Every damn thing about my life was in a mess.

  “It’s not your fault,” Daniel said, hugging me. “Everything’s going to be okay. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but it will be fine.”

  I don’t know how much time we spent sitting like that. We didn’t talk, but it was still good to feel Daniel’s arms around me. Somehow, being in his embrace went with being home.

  When he left, I looked at the clock on the wall and it showed midnight. I went to my bedroom, a part of which was filled up with boxes of different sizes that I apparently hadn’t had time to unpack. I took one of them labeled as ‘Trash’, sat on the bed and took out the first thing I saw inside.