Searching (Hidden Truths Book 1)

by Quell T Fox

  Thorne has been lying to me.

  The thought sends a sharp pain to my chest.

  He’s been playing me this entire time. And why? As a joke? A sick and twisted joke? It explains why he kept talking to me when Castor and Hunter wanted nothing to do with me. Did he pull the short straw? Lose in rock, paper, scissors?

  I knew none of this made sense. They were best friends when they came here. They all showed interest in me. All of them took me on dates. Then suddenly two of them start to act like I kicked their puppy while the third acts like I shit rainbows.

  I really thought he liked me. Even after what those girls said, after what I heard about them, I still trusted him.

  Maybe they agreed to back off for Thorne because he liked me more than they did.

  Did I really think that or is it just what I told myself? Is it what I wanted to think?

  He was talking to me for them. For some plan. What fucking plan?

  What if… they’re working for my dad? My stomach rolls at the thought. Were they trying to get close to me to take me? I don’t think that’s true because Thorne had plenty of opportunities to do that. He would have, right? He could have. He seemed sure about keeping me safe. No, I don’t think they have anything to do with the other.

  He’s a shifter, though. A bear shifter, no less. As amazing and shocking as it is, from what Callan mentioned, the wolves don’t like working with anyone else. Would they hire a bear if it meant it would help them, though? Callan also mentioned them having Circles, like his with my brother and Friday. So not all shifters stay within their species, but it seems wolves do. I think that’s what I’m getting from everything Callan said… Fuck! I should have asked more questions. I should have taken this more seriously.

  Acceptance.

  It’s not out of the range of possibilities that Thorne is working for my father, I just think it’s unlikely.

  Part of me wants to talk to Callan about it.

  A bigger part of me doesn’t. I can’t admit how wrong I was about Thorne. The first boy I have true feelings for, and this is what happens.

  “You shouldn’t be out here alone.”

  His voice sends goosebumps all over my body. I feel them. Actually feel them. I wiggle my toes in the sand, digging myself deeper into the water. I don’t turn around. I look down at my toes, sinking deeper, disappearing. A cold chill runs up my spine, but I don’t blame it on the water.

  “It’s dangerous.”

  I don’t care, a little voice in the back of my head whispers. A voice I keep quiet more often than not. One I haven’t heard in quite some time now. One that was around a lot when I was with my mom and for a short time when I moved here, but it slowly quieted until it disappeared entirely.

  But now… now it’s back.

  How easy it would be to wade into this water. Hypothermia would set it.

  Would it be painful?

  How bad would it hurt?

  I’ve always felt like I don’t belong. Like I wasn’t wanted.

  Unloved.

  I don’t fit.

  Then I moved here and had a taste of love, of a family, but I still feel like I don’t fit in anywhere. Lenny is part of a Circle. He has his family. Then there is me, his little sister who busted in and messed up their perfect life. I call three guys uncle even though we have absolutely no relation. I refer to Lenny’s kids, who, let’s face it, aren’t even his real kids, as my cousins.

  They aren’t.

  The only person I have any semblance of a relationship to is Lenny. And at that, it’s barely.

  We share a mother. It isn’t even a full sibling bond.

  And our mother, the awful, evil bitch she was... that’s what Lenny and I have in common, the one thing we share.

  A piece of evil tying us together.

  How easy it would be to take a step forward… and then another.

  Could I do it? Or would the pain be too much?

  Would I chicken out?

  Would he… save me?

  “Can we talk? Please. I need to explain.”

  His words aren’t rushed. They’re sincere. They are not angry. They’re apologetic.

  Do I want to hear what he has to say? Do I care?

  Will it matter?

  “So you can go back and report to your buddies?” I ask, looking over my shoulder but not making eye contact. My voice is stronger than I expected it to be, yet there is no emotion at all. As angry as I feel, as hurt as I feel, both of those are overrun by emptiness. Nothingness. A void.

  A darkness.

  “It’s not like that. It-it’s not what you think. If you’d just let me explain…”

  I spin around. Moving towards him quickly, I reach him in a second flat. My hands connect with his chest and push him as hard as I can. He isn’t expecting it and takes a step back to balance himself. He doesn’t go far at all, but he looks offended and upset.

  Good.

  I wish he’d fallen. I wish that had hurt.

  I raise my fists and beat on his chest.

  He lets me.

  He doesn’t say a word. He lets me throw punch after punch, slap after slap. Tears pouring down my face. He doesn’t say a word, he doesn’t stop me. He lets it go on. He lets me let it out.

  As the tears fall harder, my sobs growing louder, my fists slow down and weaken. I sink into him, my knees weakening. He wraps me in his arms and lifts me up. My head rests on his chest and I feel warm.

  So warm.

  He smells so good.

  My eyes fall closed and they won’t open. I’m tired. I’m exhausted. I’m just… done.

  How easy it would have been to just take a few steps forward.

  Chapter Thirty

  Leona

  I’m not sure how long I lie in Thorne’s arms, barefoot in the middle of the woods, but I think I fall asleep.

  In fact, I know I fell asleep.

  I open my eyes slowly. Thorne is sitting on the ground, his back against a large tree. I’m cradled in his lap, one of his arms around my back while the other is over my thighs, holding me tight. I look up at him, his eyes are closed but I don’t think he’s sleeping. I take the opportunity to appreciate his face and how perfect it is. His chest rises slowly, the thump of his heart can be felt against my skin.

  His jaw looks amazing from this angle. The hair along it is dark and neatly trimmed. His lips full and completely kissable. He opens his eyes slowly, focusing straight ahead, blinking every so often. I want to reach up and touch his face. I want his arms tighter around me. I want to spend more moments like this; warm, in his arms.

  I just want to be warm.

  But then I remember…

  I remember what happened. Why I am here. Why he is here.

  My stomach twists and knots into a heavy ball.

  And I wonder… does he deserve my time?

  Do I owe him this?

  I’m not sure I do, but the weak part of me gives in. The part that knows he could do worse and I’d still forgive him, because I’m too damaged on the inside. I’m not strong enough to walk away from what he gives me. I’ve had too many bad things happen in my life that chipped away at my soul; it’s too fragile. Any chance I have to not take another hit to it, I’ll take. And this is one of them. So I put my heart aside, I tell my brain to shut up, all to keep my soul intact.

  My hand slides up and pauses on the center of his chest, right in the dip between his firm pecks, his heart beats rhythmically behind his rib cage. I begin to stroke him with my thumb, gently moving it back and forth. His head turns down and his eyes meet mine.

  They’re filled with apology.

  Hurt.

  Pain.

  Agony.

  And since I’m on a roll of doing things I shouldn’t, I slide my hand up his chest, over his collarbone and around his neck. I pull him down towards me and press my lips to his. Soft and warm. He tries to go slow, kissing me with passion, with apology. He knows he fucked up. He is savoring this moment, not understandin
g why this is happening and why I am acting this way, but slow is not what I want.

  I need to feel something.

  And I want to feel him.

  All of him.

  I slide my tongue along his bottom lip, he hesitates for a short moment, but only just. He latches onto my lip with his teeth, tugging ever so gently. His hands wrap around me tighter, pulling me closer to him. I rearrange myself so I’m straddling his lap, his erection pressing between my legs. His hands grip my ass, pulling me into him as I grind down on his hard length. He matches my pace, kissing me like I am the air he needs to breathe. My hands roam his chest, wanting to feel every inch of him… of his warmth.

  I’ve been cold for so long. Empty for so long. I just want to feel.

  There is something about him that makes me feel more whole, something I can’t put into words.

  “Fuck me, Thorne,” I whisper into his lips, my words urgent and needy.

  “I—”

  “Just do it,” I say, cutting him off. He pulls back, looking me over for a second. “I want you to.”

  He nods slightly, his eyes darting to my lips. He runs his tongue along my own, his hands sliding up my back gently. I slip my hands under his shirt and pull up, lifting it over his head and tossing it to the ground behind me. I notice just now he doesn’t have any of his things with him either. Not his jacket or his backpack. He flips me over so gently, as if I weigh nothing, placing me on his shirt to have a little something between me and the dirt. The ground is cool but it’s welcomed. The heat of his body pressing over me makes up for it.

  He hooks his thumbs into my jeans before asking, “Are you sure?”

  I grip his wrists with my hands and move them down, helping him to pull them off the rest of the way. He gets them off and runs his fingertips up the sides of my legs, causing goosebumps and a moan to leave my lips. I close my eyes and my head falls back. The feel of his fingers on me, it feels better than I could have imagined. Feeling him touching me like this is exactly what I need.

  The warmth of his mouth on my inner thigh startles me, a quiet moan leaving my lips.

  “I’ll make you feel good, baby. I’ll go easy, I promise.” Another kiss. “If you want me to stop, just say so.” Another kiss, a little higher.

  I’m aching for his touch. I need more.

  When his mouth reaches my core, it takes everything in me to not scream out. Not that it matters because we’re in the middle of the woods. I can’t imagine any normal person being out here. The husky laugh slipping between his lips nearly sends me over the edge, the tiny vibrations felt everywhere on my body. As he pulls my panties aside, I run my fingers through his hair. It’s as soft as I’d imagined it to be.

  His long waves fall along his shoulders, dark brown touched with light brown highlights that shine in the bit of sun sneaking through the trees. His beard tickles the inside of my thighs as he moves closer, nuzzling his nose into my skin, teasing, tasting. I grip his hair, twisting it into my fingers and pulling the slightest bit.

  More.

  I need more.

  “So,” another kiss, “impatient.”

  I open my mouth to argue but that’s when I feel him on me. His hot tongue running over me from bottom to top, swirling his tongue around my clit. My hand tightens in his hair as he licks me slowly, savoring me like his favorite dessert. My heart pounds wildly behind my ribcage as I cry out at the sensation.

  “Why do you taste so good, baby?” He asks between licks. “Tell me.” I moan as a response, but that’s all he’s getting. This feels so good, too good. I’m getting so close already, but I don’t want this to end. I don’t ever want this feeling to fucking end. “Come for me so I can fuck you.”

  I let go at that point, giving him what he wants. There is no stopping it. I allow the orgasm to take over my body. It starts in my lower belly and spreads like wildfire, my entire being hot with pleasure. As I come down from my orgasm induced high, I open my eyes and find Thorne sitting back on his knees, looking down at me. His eyes dark and full of heat. His hand reaches out and slides a finger inside of me, curling it up and rubbing at a sensitive spot. I thrust my hips upward, meeting his movements.

  Because I still want more.

  My chest burns with need. Aching for him, for every piece of him; heart, soul, and body.

  He adds a second finger, so slowly. It’s uncomfortable at first, almost to the point of pain but the more he does it, the better it feels. And he does as promised; he goes slow.

  “Are you sure?” he asks me again, pulling his fingers out of me. I nod, biting my bottom lip, missing the feeling of him already.

  I am so sure.

  Already shirtless, he strips his pants off and then his briefs, tossing them to the side. He slips his fingers under the fabric of my panties and begins to pull them down. I lift my hips up so he can pull them off; they too get tossed to the side. He moves closer, bringing his knees between my thighs. He slides his fingers back inside of me while stroking himself with his other hand. I look away, knowing if I watch him I’ll come again, and I really want to enjoy it this time. I want to know what it feels like to come with him inside of me, with him filling and stretching me. He leans forward, pulling my shirt up and over my head. His thumb finds my nipple already hard. He pinches and tugs on it, earning him more moans. It’s all I seem to be able to do, is moan. Words are lost. Even my vision is starting to go. All of me is focusing on Thorne and where his hands are, the sounds he is making. That’s it. That’s all that matters.

  He leans forward, the tip of him rubbing against me but not moving any further.

  “Are you on the pill?” he whispers, pressing a kiss to the corner of my mouth.

  I nod.

  “Good, because I wasn’t prepared for this. If you’ve changed your mind, Leona…”

  “I’m...” I find words. “I haven’t,” I say. “I want this. Please, I want to feel you.” I reach up, stroking his beard with my thumb, and I don’t miss how firm his jaw is behind it. How kind his eyes are. What I feel for him…

  “There’s something I need to tell you,” he says.

  “Not now. Please. I just…”

  “Not now.” He brushes my hair away from my face, pressing a gentle kiss to my lips. He moves his hips forward, pressing his cock further into me. He goes slow and it doesn’t hurt at first, but I realize there is still a lot more to go. He pulls out before going back in, this time a little further. It burns but it isn’t unbearable. Thorne takes his time getting himself fully seated into me, going as slow as he can. I’m aching and ready for him, my pussy slick with need.

  It hurts for a few moments longer, but the pain soon fades away turning into an indescribable pleasure. He slides in and out of me at a teasing pace.

  “Fuck, you feel so good, baby. Does it hurt?” he asks. I shake my head and nuzzle into his neck. I wrap my arms under his and dig my nails into his back, wanting to prove how much it isn’t hurting. Or maybe wanting to prove how much I can handle. He growls, the muscles in his arms tensing.

  “Is that what you want?”

  “I want you to fuck me,” I tell him again. His eyes are soft as they look at me, but quickly harden. He rests back on his knees, pulling my leg up and resting my ankle on his shoulder. One arm is wrapped around my thigh, while the other is pressing my hip into the cold, hard ground, keeping me in place. He pulls out of me and slams back in without hesitation. And fuck did it hurt, but in the best way possible. Pain by Thorne filling me up, is the most delicious pain I could ask for.

  “You want to be fucked? I’ll fuck you.”

  He pulls out again and slams back in, his fingers digging into my skin, probably drawing blood. It feels too good to care. Every ounce of pain quickly turns to pleasure, easing something inside of me. My hands find his forearms and I grip them, needing something to hold onto. He slams into me until there is no more pain, only euphoria. His groans tell me he feels the same way I do, and when they become erratic, I know he’s gettin
g close. Knowing that sparks my own flame and I quickly start the build to my own orgasm.

  His fingers dig into my flesh as he moans and drives into me. Wet slaps fill the air around us, the cool air kissing my skin. I clench around him as I hit that crescendo, the orgasm taking over. He pumps into me once more, twice, and then he slows and stops. His face twisting into pleasure as he pulses inside of me, his cum filling me up. He leans down, pressing a kiss to my forehead before he pulls out and rolls on the side of me, his naked body lying prone in the dirt.

  I’m enjoying the post sex bliss, my skin vibrating from the orgasm aftermath.

  This moment, it’s almost perfect. The way I feel, I could be glowing.

  I ignore my brain that’s telling me I shouldn’t have done this. I ignore my heart that’s aching with hurt over what Thorne did. But my soul…

  “You’re my mate,” he says.

  Well, I’m not sure about my soul.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Leona

  Mate.

  Mate?

  I’m his… mate?

  I don’t know how to process this. It’s like my mind is shutting down. It’s on overload to begin with and I’m not sure I can handle any more surprises about my life. I thought wolves only mated with other wolves? Why would I be mated to a bear? And… oh my god! What about Castor and Hunter? Are they my mates too? Or are they not… and that’s why they’ve been jerks lately? This is all so much to handle, too much information.

  Finding out Thorne is a bear was good news. I thought I’d found someone who could help me, and I guess this hasn’t changed anything but… it changes everything.

  I agreed to date Thorne, but I wasn’t looking at my life with him past this year. Hell, I hadn’t looked past this month. I haven’t thought about what would happen when we graduate and go to college. What is he doing? Where is he going? What are his plans?

  Boyfriend is indefinite

  Mate is so… final.

  I stay silent for a long time, the chill in the air brushing over my skin. I’ve always enjoyed the cold. I feel it, like everyone else I think, only it doesn’t bother me. Kind of like what I would expect a tattoo to be like. Everyone knows it hurts, but some people enjoy the pain. That’s how it is with me and the cold.