by Steph Nuss
I washed my hair, rinsed off, and quickly got out of the shower and began drying off. I couldn’t decide if I really wanted to go to bed now. I knew what awaited me when I fell asleep, especially with all the flashbacks I’d experienced already. The horrific night from years ago would play out in full detail, like a home movie my mind kept on hand whenever tragedy struck.
I wasn’t ready for it.
Leaving the bathroom, I went to my room and threw on my pajamas. I sat on the bed and brushed my hair out, avoiding the mirror on my dresser.
A knock sounded at the door. “You decent?”
“Yeah,” I called, laying my brush on the nightstand. I pulled back the covers on my bed and crawled underneath.
Justin came in carrying a glass of water in one hand and an icepack in the other. “I thought you might want these later.” He pulled a couple of ibuprofen out of his pocket and set them next to the other items on the nightstand. He sat on the edge of the bed and smiled. “What are you reading tonight?”
He knew I read every night before bed, and that my Kindle could usually be found charging on my nightstand. “I’m in the middle of a second-chance romance, but I don’t really feel up to reading tonight.”
“What if I read to you?” He unhooked the device from its charger and turned around so he was sitting next to me with his back against the headboard. “Would that be okay?”
“You want to read a smutty romance novel aloud?” I asked incredulously, smiling.
“If it would make you feel better, maybe take your mind off things, then yes, I want to,” he replied, unlocking the Kindle.
“Okay.” I inched farther down the bed so I could get more comfortable. He did the same, propping a pillow up behind his head.
He opened the book I was currently reading and started on chapter ten. I focused on the deep, soothing tone of his voice more than the words he read. The warmth of his presence made me more comfortable than the pillows or sheets around me. I felt safe here with him, protected by his arm wrapped around my shoulders. He ran his fingers along the length of my arm and the soothing motion, combined with the sound of his voice reading to me, lulled me into a light, peaceful slumber I knew wouldn’t last.
Chapter Eleven
Her scream woke me up.
The abrupt, alarming nature of it sent an immediate chill down my spine that made me jump out of bed and pull on my sweats. I ran into her room and found her sobbing hard in her sleep. She was lying on her side, and the moonlight coming in through her window highlighted the sweat lining her skin. The covers shifted closer to her feet the more she kicked.
Sliding into bed beside her, I was careful not to disturb her. Waking her up could possibly cause her more panic and confusion. She likely wouldn’t remember any of this. Trey had been wrong about her nightmares. Nightmares usually occurred toward the end of the sleep cycle, and it was still relatively early. She’d fallen asleep not long after I started reading. When I left her room thirty minutes later, she was still sleeping peacefully.
She was experiencing a night terror: the sweating, the rapid breathing, the increased heart rate, the screaming and the crying. All happening while she slept.
I slowly placed my hand on her back, and her kicking stopped almost immediately. The sobs continued as I trailed my hand up and down her back tentatively. The more she calmed down, the closer I scooted toward her. I brushed her damp hair off of her forehead and studied the distraught features of her face. Her lips trembled as she whimpered and her eyes moved rapidly underneath their lids. Even with my hand on her back, I could feel her heart racing.
Laying my head on the pillow next to hers, I considered the cause of her terror. My thoughts immediately went to her date. She’d been abused earlier, and I noticed right away when I opened the door and found her in the hall that something wasn’t right. She appeared more paranoid than scared. The way she studied her hands after I took her knife away, and the way she peered at herself in the bathroom mirror was so unlike her. She’d been so shaken yet detached at the same time.
But paranoid of what? The guy? The knife? Defending herself?
Whatever the cause, it was disturbing her sleep even if she didn’t know it, and there was a good chance she’d wake up tomorrow and not remember any of this. But I needed her to remember it so I could talk to her about it tomorrow. Not only was talk therapy one of the best ways to treat night terrors, but I also needed her to talk about everything for my own sake. I’d been worried about her ever since I witnessed her wielding a knife. Seeing her so tormented while she slept completely gutted me. The scream from before still rang out in my head and gave me chills. All I could do was lay here with her. The unknown made me feel helpless.
No matter what frightened her, I wanted to know so that I could help her feel safe again. She was the one in our group of friends who’d had it the hardest. The one who grew up in a scary part of the city with parents who cared more about their vices than their children. Whatever demons she carried had come alive again tonight, and I hated watching her fight them alone, even though I knew she could.
Tracing her spine with my fingertips, I thought, You’re the strongest woman I know, Tessa Wilder.
Ten minutes after lying down beside her, her cries simmered and her breathing stabilized. My hand continued soothing her back, but eventually the episode ended with her drifting off into a peaceful slumber again.
***
When morning came, I felt her roll over, but it was her sharp intake of air that woke me up.
She scooted away from me quickly, covering herself up with the sheets despite being fully clothed in her pajamas. “What are you doing in my bed?”
Not knowing exactly how to answer her, I sat up, rubbed the sleep from my eyes, and gazed over at her. She still looked tired with dark circles under her eyes and her hair a mess around her face. The curiosity furrowing her brows gave her an adorable smirk as she waited for me to speak, but it quickly faded into a perceptive glare the longer I took to answer.
“He told you, didn’t he?” she asked, immediately crawling out of bed.
“Yes,” I replied, running a hand through my hair.
She paced over to her closet and began rummaging through the clothes. “I can’t believe he would tell you something so private.”
“He’s your brother,” I said, placing my feet on the floor. “He worries about you.”
“Well, he doesn’t need to.” She found an outfit, threw it on the bed and then studied her shoe rack.
“Tessa.” I stepped toward her, but she moved past me and grabbed her door.
“I really need to get ready for work,” she insisted coldly, avoiding eye contact with me. “So, if you could—”
“No,” I said abruptly, shaking my head. “I really need to talk to you about last night.”
“Well, I don’t want to talk about it right now!” she exclaimed, waving to the hall. “I want you to get out so I can get dressed for work.”
“Okay,” I said, which seemed to appease her since she finally looked at me. I planted my ass on the edge of her bed and crossed my arms over my chest. “I’ll talk while you get dressed for work. It’s not like I haven’t seen you naked already.”
“Why are you being like this?” she asked with a scowl, pulling her tank over her head. Her small, perky breasts bounced as she wiggled out of her shorts and sauntered over to her dresser wearing nothing but a thong.
Jesus, look at her. She carried a strong presence about her that I found absolutely breathtaking, marching around the room, naked and pissed off.
Focus, Jameson.
“I’m worried about you,” I replied, holding her gaze in the mirror as she slipped her arms through her bra straps. “Do you remember last night? Do you remember what the terror was about?”
“Of course I do,” she said, rolling her eyes. “It’s the same every time. Now, could we please drop it?”
“No, I want to know. What was it about?”
She scoff
ed, shaking her head as she pulled on a pair of navy dress pants. “Trust me, you don’t, and I’m not telling you.”
Feeling defeated, I stewed quietly and watched as she finished getting dressed. She pulled a green print sweater over her head and stepped into a pair of heels. She spritzed on her signature scent, and went to work on her hair, powerfully brushing the strands in an attempt to rid them of their knots. She seemed to avoid the mirror at all costs.
As I stood up and walked over to her she turned around to face me. My eyes immediately went to the black-and-blue mark on her cheek and wondered if that’s why she couldn’t look in the mirror. “Why won’t you look in the mirror?”
“What?” she asked, feigning confusion. “What are you talking about? I’ve looked in the mirror.”
“This entire time you’ve been brushing your hair, you’ve been looking down at the floor,” I explained, caressing my thumb over her unmarred cheek. “You’ve been standing in front of the mirror, but you won’t look in it. Why?”
“Because I don’t want to see the mark he left on my face!” she replied angrily, turning her head away from my hand. “Will you drop it now?”
“That’s not it! You could look at it last night, but not now? You’re stronger than that, Tessa,” I said, gritting my teeth. “It’s something else, and I want to know what it is.”
“It’s none of your goddamn business!” She went into the bathroom, and I followed close behind. She flipped on the vanity light and started applying makeup. “See, I’m looking in the mirror just fine. Please, Justin, just let it go. I’m fine.”
You’re not fine, I thought, feeling beyond irritated. “This isn’t over.”
***
A few hours later, Carter and I walked into Elly’s clinic for lunch. Part of me had been dreading coming here all morning because I’d texted Tessa and she never responded. I worried she might be pissed at me over our morning discussion, which only pissed me off because she’d evaded most of it. But Elly sat at our usual table alone with her lunch already out on the table.
“Where’s Tessa?” I asked, sitting down across from her.
She glared at me. “What the hell happened to her face?”
“What’s wrong with her face?” Carter asked, seeming confused.
Elly sighed and rolled her eyes. “She has a bruise on her left cheek, and she thinks makeup is doing a great job of covering it up but it’s not. I was waiting to talk to her about it over lunch, but she left to have lunch with her brother.”
“Oh.” I opened my bag of chips and ate a couple.
“Justin!” Elly exclaimed, kicking me under the table. “You have to tell us what happened. She’s supposed to come with us to our doctor’s appointment this afternoon. I need to know if I should talk to her about it before or after.”
“I’d wait until after.” I uncapped my water bottle and took a drink. “Even though you probably won’t get much from her. I tried talking to her this morning, and she dodged almost every question I asked.”
“So, you don’t know how she got the bruise?” Elly asked.
Taking a deep breath, I leaned back in my chair and exhaled. “I’m not a hundred percent sure how it all happened. All I know is that she came home from a date, the guy called her a tease and hit her because she didn’t want to invite him in, and when I opened the door to the commotion in the hall, I found her threatening to shred his manhood with a knife.”
“Holy shit,” Carter muttered, dropping his sandwich. “A knife?”
“Yeah, a fucking knife,” I said, shaking my head. “He kept complaining about his eyes, so I’m assuming she sprayed him with mace first.”
“Fuck,” he said with a shudder.
“She was defending herself,” Elly contended, glaring at us. “What was she supposed to do? Just stand there and take it?”
“God, no,” I retorted with a scowl. “But why does she need mace and a knife?”
“I don’t know.” Elly shrugged and turned her attention back to her food. “Maybe she feels safer with two forms of protection.”
Carter excused himself to use the restroom, and the minute he was out of earshot, I pointed at Elly. “You know something.”
“I do not,” she insisted.
“You met Tessa during a counseling program, right?” I asked, knowing for a fact that was true. “Why was she in the program?”
“Justin, I can’t tell you that. Even if I knew why, it would be unethical.”
“I know.” I stared down at the wood tabletop and traced the design with my finger. “I think last night triggered something. She did things that don’t add up for me.”
“What do you mean?” she asked curiously.
“She studied her hands,” I said, holding my hands out in front of me like Tessa had done the night before. “Like they had something on them. She patted her shirt and then stared at her hand again, like she was looking for something even though she was the one who had the knife, not him.”
“What are we talking about now?” Carter asked as he sat back down at the table.
Elly hushed him with a glare and then waved her hand at me to continue. “Go on.”
“Before she took a shower, she studied herself in the mirror and she wasn’t just looking at the mark on her face.”
“Sounds like she was in shock,” Elly speculated.
I nodded, leaning my elbows up on the table as I ate a few more chips. “Then she had a night terror last night. I mean, full on crying during her sleep. Her scream woke me up. If Trey hadn’t told me she had nightmares, I wouldn’t have known what to do to calm her down. He said she has them every once in a while, and that he didn’t know what triggered them. But I think that guy hitting her triggered it.”
“Did she remember any of it this morning?” Elly asked.
“Yes, she knew exactly what it was about,” I said, growing more frustrated. “But she wouldn’t tell me. She avoided talking about it, and now she’s not here for lunch. I bet you she didn’t even have lunch with Trey. She was pissed this morning about him telling me about the night terrors. I think she’s displaying symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder.”
“Justin,” Elly stated warily.
“What!” I shoved away from the table, screeching my chair across the floor. Treading around the small space of the lobby with my hands resting on the back of my head, I thought out loud. “She told me it was none of my business, but it is my business! She made it my business when she moved in and made me fall for her! I can’t help her if she won’t tell me what’s wrong!”
“Have you told her how you feel?” Elly asked.
“What? No,” I answered with a grimace. “I mean, I’ve eluded to it, but I haven’t come right out and said it to her.”
Carter smirked. “You have to tell her, man.”
I stopped pacing and looked at the two of them huddled close together, smiling at each other. Carter’s hand rested on Elly’s pregnant belly as she leaned in and kissed him.
“Can we please focus on the real issue here?” I bit out in an irritated tone.
They broke away laughing, and Elly rested her head on Carter’s shoulder. “Justin, did you ever stop to think that she might open up to you if she knew how you felt?”
“Are you kidding me?” I asked, astounded. I pulled my chair back up to the table and sat down. “I’m surprised she doesn’t know already since you two gossip like a couple of schoolgirls.”
“She’s my best friend,” Carter said, kissing his wife. “Of course, we’re going to talk about the rest of you.”
Elly smirked. “And we weren’t really sure.”
“Thanks.” I continued eating my lunch, overwhelmed with curiosity. “How am I supposed to tell her?”
Carter grinned at Elly. “I think you tell her the same way you told us.”
“But I was angry,” I replied, significantly confused. “I don’t want to scare her.”
Elly giggled and rolled her eyes. “There’s this thing c
alled passion, Justin. You may have heard of it before.”
“And?” I deadpanned.
“Falling in love will bring out the passion in you,” she explained, smiling at Carter. “Cherish it.”
Chapter Twelve
I was feeling ecstatic as I arrived back at the apartment after Carter and Elly’s doctor appointment. I was the only one who knew the sex of their baby, and I couldn’t wait for them and the rest of our friends to find out what they were having at the gender reveal party I was planning. I spent the whole way home brainstorming reveal ideas and how I could decorate Judge’s. I even sent Paige a text to get her opinion on one of my ideas, but I’d yet to hear back from her.
Listening to the heartbeat and watching how amazed both Elly and Carter were over the sound of it made me feel both inspired and sad at the same time. I wanted what they had, that endless love that continuously radiated between the two of them. They gazed at each other, and anyone who witnessed it knew they were still falling in love. I wanted that kind of love: the kind that kept a person falling for another over and over again, knowing their feelings were reciprocated.
I also wanted a baby. It was hard not to with Harper and Maverick’s little angel already around, and Carter and Elly’s arriving in a few months. Before their appointment, Elly and I had been shopping online for baby clothes. The adorable outfits made me want a baby of my own, but I’d happily play aunt, spoil those babies the best I could, and dream about motherhood in the meantime.
“How’d Elly and Carter’s appointment go?” Justin asked as I walked through the door. My joy turned to uneasiness.
“Great,” I said, slightly on edge. I’d avoided him today, mostly because I didn’t want to talk about the topic from this morning, which only caused me more anxiety. He was hard to ignore. The texts he’d sent went unanswered¸ even though I took solace in them because his words meant he cared. I’d left for lunch, too worried we might pick up where we left off this morning.
Those same worries ate at me again now that we were alone together.
“I ordered a pizza for dinner,” he said, sitting down on the couch. “I hope that’s okay.”