Dogs at the Perimeter

by Madeleine Thien

  “Somebody’s photos were sitting there, in the room, in picture frames. I don’t know why, but I put one in my pocket. A photograph of a woman. She reminded me of my oldest sister. Do you remember her? You always thought she was pretty.”

  Chorn looks up, an embarrassed half-smile on his lips. “They are making an archive in which everything is accounted for, and once a file is there, it is eternal. This is Angkar’s memory. We are all writing our histories for Angkar.”

  Chorn pauses and in the gap, James says, “What happened to your sister?”

  He doesn’t answer. Instead he says, “Listen.”

  The change happens so fast, James doesn’t quite trust his eyes, Chorn’s expressions come and go as quickly as a change in light. Chorn looks past him and James thinks that, finally, after all these months, he is about to be accused. Of what crime? It hardly matters. All the sentences are the same.

  “This woman, Sorya. She had a child.”

  Seconds go by but the words don’t mean anything. It’s a game, James thinks. It’s yet another one of his sadistic games. They used to do this when they were young, tell each other stories. Once he ran home and told his mother that Hiroji had been hit by a car. He had wanted to test her, and he remembers now the strange satisfaction he took from the agony of her cries.

  Chorn says, “Maybe we’re at the end now. There are purges everywhere. One hundred people, five hundred people. Soon we won’t be alone, even here. The Centre is moving, you see. Angkar is running from itself, but it is meeting itself in every corner. Meeting all its enemies. Do you understand what I’m telling you? I have children too. I have children I want to save. I tried to find a name. Someone told me Dararith. I couldn’t ask more without attracting attention. But they told me Sorya named the boy Dararith.”

  The air in the room is stagnant, like a pool of black water into which they are both sinking. It’s Kwan who finds the words, who asks the next question. It isn’t James, James is falling down.

  “Did you keep her here? Was Sorya at this prison?”

  “No,” the man says.

  “Was she here?”

  Kwan gets up from the corner. He comes so near to them, James can hear him breathing, this exhalation in his head. Chorn is looking straight at him, but Chorn’s face is closed, muting all the clues. Only his hands give him away, their immobility, their held breath. His hands are a lie. Was it possible that all this time his hands were a lie?

  “You’re my friend,” Chorn tells him. “Why can’t you understand? I’m giving you this information because you are my friend.”

  “Why did they kill her?”

  Chorn shakes his head, visibly upset. “I don’t know. Maybe she didn’t die. Don’t talk about this. Lower your voice.”

  But then he reaches into his pocket and he takes out Sorya’s letters, five of them, creased and beginning to tear. He sets them on the floor and, for the first time, looks straight into James’s eyes.

  “Why are you doing this?” James says. He is nauseated and the man is breaking apart in his vision.

  “Let her go. The past is done.”

  The man stands up and dust comes off him, it sticks to the air. James wonders why he doesn’t stand up, push Chorn backwards, crack the weight of his skull against the cement wall, spill this man’s life onto the once-elegant tiles, into the black water, go to be tortured and executed for a crime he can truly understand. His thoughts are viscous and slow. He could stand up now and find some strength, take this because there is nothing left to take. So what if Angkar is everywhere, he could kill this one man and be done with it here, he could choke his own weakness.

  The door scrapes closed. James opens his eyes.

  A shadow comes and sits in front of him and James can’t help himself, his head drops forward against his brother’s chest. He can feel the bones there, his brother is skinny, still a boy, but he is stronger and more complete than James will ever be. He cannot bring himself to touch the letters, they sit on the tiled floor too lightly The ox-bell has stopped ringing and now a voice is speaking urgently. Prodding the animal forward. Hours pass. Days fall down, maybe it is a month that he sits like this, or just a few days, eating and sleeping and wasting away, remembering everything. Her watchful face, her scent, her hands pushing him back. No matter what the voice says, the animal won’t move. There is water everywhere, he cries until all the rest comes out, all of it spills onto his ragged shirt, onto the tiled floor, and seeps into the cracks that lead out of the store room. There is no wind in this room, no oxygen. Where is emptiness? No matter where he goes, he can’t find emptiness.

  “Do you believe him?” Kwan asks.

  James, wherever he is, trickling across the ground, spreading down to the lowest places, says no.

  “No,” Kwan says. “Okay, James. Okay. Let go.”

  “I can’t, I can’t. I can hear her.”

  “Don’t listen.”

  “I promised to bring her to the sea.”

  “Let go, brother.”

  “I promised her.”

  “Let go.”

  The last letter comes to him much later. He is standing at the Laos–Cambodia border and it is 1981, two years since the Khmer Rouge was defeated. In all that time, James, now known as Kwan – a mute, a smuggler, and a solitary man – has heard the most remarkable stories: the people who have been recovered, the strange ways in which children were protected, the objects returned to their owner’s hands. He hears them at each and every encounter, when he trades the sugar and salt he has carried on his back from Thailand. The stories are repeated so often, they change into fairy tales of the most devastating kind.

  In 1980, he went back to their apartment on Monivong Boulevard. There was a family living there, one of those new Cambodian families consisting of orphans: a man and woman with someone else’s children, a friend turned uncle, a stray niece. They had traded everything of value in the apartment but they had held on to the photographs, without the frames, which they kept together in a blue plastic bag. Kwan gave them one precious U.S. dollar and came away with photos of Sorya and Dararith, and of James. The stray niece came running after him and asked if she could keep the plastic bag, so now the photos stay in his shirt pocket, held to the fabric with a paper clip.

  Chorn was right. This is the city of before. Five-year-olds fending for themselves, and the Khmer Rouge, arrogant, shit-faced, still prideful in their stronghold in the north, still holding their seat at the United Nations and hobnobbing with the Western elite, conspiring to take it back. Phnom Penh is no longer the agitated city he remembers, no, the dial has ticked back and stripped the place of people and goods, it is a city now where the kids run naked, where people walk around with photographs of missing family, where, by accident, you step into a pile of bones, rinse your foot off, and then move on, where men and women dress in hothouse colours, clashing motifs, to push back the memory of black clothes and black hearts. Those barbarians had sawed off the hands of the ancient Buddhas and thrown them into the water, now the children fish them up and stack them on the riverside and try to sell them to the aid workers or the off-duty Vietnamese. Other, more terrible losses, come up from the mud.

  He went to Kampot, riding on the back of a moped driven by a ten-year-old who had stolen it from who knows where. This ten-year-old is so wizened, he doesn’t smile or laugh or anything. He just names, matter-of-factly, the price, U.S. dollars or Thai baht, no other currency accepted. When the boy takes the cash in his bony fingers, he chews his lip and studies the bills, already assessing the things he has to buy. What a bombed-out ruin Kampot is now, buildings made unstable by the shelling, buildings that look like someone kicked them in the kneecaps, hard. In his youth, Kwan drove a lorry so he knows these roads well, but still it’s a shock to see the devastation and how the sea just keeps rolling in, unstoppable.

  “Cigarettes,” the kid demands.

  Kwan shakes his head.

  “You can speak now,” the kid says abruptly. “Angkar
is done. Finished.”

  Kwan gestures that he can’t speak, he has never spoken.

  The kid shrugs, folds the bills up, tucks them somewhere in his pants. “My name’s Joe,” he says, mangling the word. “You need anything, you ask for Joe.” He revs the accelerator, the engine hacks, and he wobbles away over the cracked street.

  That night, sitting on a mound of stones, he hears someone playing music on a record player. A man calls out the name Sorya and he lifts his head and sees a thin woman dancing slowly, her wrists turning in the same way they must have done decades ago, when she was a girl and this was Indochina and the French swanned down the wide boulevards and hid their guilt in a veil of opium smoke. Khmer dance is its own language, this is what Dararith had once explained: “This gesture means you have come across a flower, a lotus, and you are offering it, and this gesture here means love. And this gesture is water.”

  “Water, water, everywhere,” Sorya had said. “Come and dance with me, Dararith. Nothing so classical. Just the ramvong. Just the lindy hop.”

  “Wait,” Dararith had said. “Let me take your photo.”

  “Click away,” she said.

  Here she is now, in his pocket.

  He had felt, at the time, lonely: an outsider watching these two siblings, this self-sufficient love. But he knows now there are no outsiders. There is no walking away at the end, delusion has to finish somewhere, it has to end or else weakness will outlast them all. He has to commit to something or be done. From Kampot he travels to the prison where Chorn, too, was eventually arrested, eventually tortured and killed. In the storeroom where he passed nearly two years, boxes are rotting in the heat, files and pages, confusions, accusations. He went through them and found the sixth letter, the last one, the same thin weight of paper, but her handwriting had deteriorated, the pen had hardly any ink. Who was she writing to? Not James anymore, or not just James. They are throwing us away, she wrote, and I can’t understand why because all I wanted was for the war to end, no matter who won. I never admitted any allegiance. My name is Sorya. I am the sister of Dararith, the daughter of Kravann and Mary, the wife of James. I was a teacher. There was a biography and a confession, and in the biography was the name of their son, just as Chorn had told him. The prison file had dates, but no date of death, there was not even a photograph, there was no file for the baby, and he dared to believe that they had been absolved. That she wandered, like him, with a different name and a new soul.

  Everyone is searching. Everyone is looking into every passing face and wondering if the next person along the road will be the beloved, the dreamed of. Maybe this life is the dream. If gods existed, he would still be waking up to the sound of her moving through the apartment. Here she is now, coming into the room to wake him. Here she is.

  “I’m a selfish Buddhist,” she had told him once. “Something of me will return, something will come around and around forever, but it won’t be Sorya. I have only this one chance.”

  He travelled on, chasing a rumour of Dararith, to the Laos—Cambodian border where caves slip into one country and out the other. He, too, had hidden here for several months after running away from his work unit, they had been cutting trees in the forest when he attacked the lone cadre and left him for dead. Now he hardly remembers that he killed a boy. It is difficult to move during the rainy season. He can guess the date of his son’s birthday. Small children, he knows, were sent to America, to France, they took flight to places he can’t imagine, or they persevered, here, like Joe. They sold things or sometimes they sold themselves. The jungle has invaded the cities but now the hungry people are cutting it back. They are skinning the trees again and eating the bark. From place to place he defaces the walls with a black marker, Khmer words, Khmer letters: Sorya Dararith James. You can follow the trail but you can’t know in which direction you are headed, down to the end, or reversing, forever, to the beginning.

  Hiroji

  Monday, March 6

  [fragment]

  It is April 1976. A burning hot day and the sky so delicate a blue, the white sun will surely burn the colour off. Hiroji should have sunglasses but he lost them in a Bangkok government office where an official with concerned eyes hid them under an airmail envelope, distracting Hiroji with instructions to another border town, where the sixth and hopefully final permit could be obtained. He should have said something, he should have snuck his hand under the envelope and retrieved his sunglasses, but he didn’t. He could only sit, dazed by the heat and the man’s shy audacity, and watch.

  Now, a half-dozen permits later and several months gone by, he stands on the Thai side of the border and stares across a narrow river into Cambodia. When Phnom Penh fell to the Khmer Rouge, the airport was in ruins. A year later, and it hasn’t reopened. There’s been no word from his brother in all that time, not a letter, not a clue. James has been wheeled into another room but the room itself has disappeared. On the opposite bank, the Cambodian side, blistered grass unrolls, folding up into stark mountains. The heat is dizzying. He shifts his feet on the dry ground, blinks the sweat from his eyes, and tries to comprehend what he’s seeing. A black-clothed boy, the Khmer Rouge guard, stands alert at the end of a one-lane bridge, his Kalashnikov leaning against his fingertips, barrel up. The border is eerily quiet and then, abruptly, gunfire sounds. Khmer Rouge soldiers arrive. They gaze disdainfully across the border, at Hiroji. When they depart, one remains, like a black feather fallen from the crow.

  Soon the rainy season will arrive and it will be nearly impossible to travel in the flooding. Even James won’t be able to manage it. Hiroji paces the border. In his head, he adds up his expenses: how much cash he needs to stay another month, another two months. How much for a lift to the next refugee camp, from Sa Kaeo to Aran, and farther north. Fees and living expenses for September, when he must return to university. The return flight, all his bills. He paces until the sun has burned a headache deep behind his eyes. It’s a twenty-minute walk back to Aranyaprathet, a long walk through wrinkled scrub and gnarled trees, behind tin shacks, beside military trucks that shake the road and heave the dust up. He walks slowly because he is still not used to the heat. In all his life, he has never felt so powerless.

  —

  Aranyaprathet smells of overripe pineapples and mangy dogs. Beside his guesthouse, a shrill, dead-eyed woman tries to sell him Buddha heads. She scratches at him with her fingernails, tugs at his clothes, alternately whispers and barks at him until, finally, he chooses one, a sleepy bodhisattva with its eyes half-open, cold against his fingertips, too light for this world. The old woman clucks reassuringly, scratching the bills together, she drums them on the surrounding objects, holds the money up against her forehead, smiles generously.

  Upstairs, inside his room, he sets the bodhisattva on the desk, inside the square of sunshine floating through the window. He removes, from his shirt pocket, two colour photographs of James, damp from his sweat, and lays them on the desk to dry. Hiroji sits on the edge of the bed, thinks of making tea, thinks of calling his mother, thinks of an empty stairwell in the School of Medicine at the University of British Columbia, the carpet of grass out front, where he used to read and watch the girls go by. Objects in the hotel room begin to disconnect from one another, first the mirror turns away, then the table stutters toward the door, then the walls come apart. The bodhisattva falls face down as if to kiss the earth, he’s so tired and he hasn’t slept in days. Hiroji blinks his eyes. It’s his birthday, today or tomorrow depending on the time zone, and he wonders if the party (the non-existent party) will bring him gifts or money, plans for the future, or just fond memories.

  A rattling at the door bothers him. He watches the knob turn of its own accord, the door jumps open and a face appears at the level of the table: furtive eyes, a heavy frown. The Cambodian boy, Nuong, comes into the room, exhales a jumble of Khmer words. His flickering hands clutch his stomach.

  “I’m sorry,” Hiroji says, ashamed. “I lost track of time.”

 
Nuong looks at him, wide-eyed and anxious.

  “Okay. Let’s go.” Hiroji returns the photographs to his shirt pocket and they descend. Nuong, hunched like a shrivelled leaf, hurries quickly along the road.

  At their regular place, they step through a windowless wall, drop down onto red plastic chairs. A long-faced man brings them two bowls of noodles, they arrive in a bouquet of steam. Hiroji removes his glasses and lays them, arms open, on the table. It’s crowded in the restaurant this morning. Men in undershirts snap their newspapers back, hold them high like flags. The regulars nod at him: Thai Red Cross and USAID workers, gamblers, black market profiteers, foreign service officers, stringers for AP, AFP, Reuters, stringers as the conscience of the world, here for a few days before pulling out. The owner has a bird in a bamboo cage, the cage covered by a thin sarong. The bird chortles in its private darkness.

  Hiroji closes his eyes, rubs the dust and wetness from them. He isn’t upset, just tired, but Nuong, his mouth bursting with noodles, stares at Hiroji in shocked sadness.

  “Allergies. I have allergies,” Hiroji says, even though the boy doesn’t understand much English.

  To trick the sadness from Nuong’s eyes, he pushes his food toward the boy. Nuong accepts. In minutes, the noodles are gone.

  “They won’t confiscate your food,” Hiroji says, but the boy just looks up at Hiroji expectantly.

  After lunch, Hiroji stops in at the makeshift Red Cross office, where a terse woman his mother’s age operates the Xerox machine, telling him, as it spits out posters, that his bill is running high and he should clear his account, then she disappears behind a stubble of folders. He takes the posters out of the machine. By the time he carries them outside, the sheets are already moist from the sweat on his hands.

  James’s face smiles out from Aranyaprathet’s bulletin board where the locals come to read the daily newspapers, James smiles from all the downtrodden shacks along the road toward the border, Hiroji keeps going until he runs out of posters, and then he turns back to see the sheets dancing along the road, Nuong running back and forth to gather them up. Cheap glue. The ink fades fast in this climate and he’ll do it all over again next week, this is what he tells himself and it works, it makes his heart slow down, it calms his hands.