Chasing Harpo

by Alan Black

  The guard stepped out of his shack with an electronic pad. He fingered through a few screens, glanced at the truck’s logo and hit the gate release button. He waved the truck through and turned back to the small TV screen in the shack. Something caught the old man’s attention and he turned back around in time to see one of Seku’s men running towards him.

  The guard grabbed a taser from a back pocket and dropped the charging African warrior to the ground. Dropping the taser, he pulled his cell phone from a holster on his belt. Before he could hit any buttons, Seku buried a twelve-inch knife hilt deep into the man’s back. Seku grabbed the man’s hair and dragged the blade across the already dead man’s throat.

  Seku said, “Albo, you replace the guard. Drag this carcass into the building out of sight. Change shirts, but try to stay out of the light. The shirt is blood stained and will give you away if anyone looks. Drag Choloo back to the trees until he wakes up from that taser shot.”

  Seku and the one remaining man jumped onto the running boards of the delivery truck. The driver followed where Seku pointed. The lights were dim as they drove along the driveway. They turned off the road onto the open access area between the Monkey Habitat and the Great Ape House.

  “Grab her!” Seku shouted and pointed at the lone figure as she walked across the open area.

  THREE

  TERI did not register the approach of the delivery truck. They were common at this time of evening. It was late enough that everybody was gone and deliveries could be made without interruption to foot or vehicle traffic.

  She had finished her end of month reports for the zoo director and gotten a jump on the first of the month reports for her direct boss. She almost reached her car in the employee’s parking lot when she saw Carl’s car in its usual spot. She had been sure he had left an hour ago, but he must have come back.

  She did an about face and marched back across the zoo. She was going to talk to Carl. She had tried to get up the courage to ask him out earlier. He must have sensed her plan. Out of politeness, he had excused himself from her office.

  She wanted to ask him out. No. She needed to ask him out. Her fantasy was they would not actually go out, he would do her right there in his office on the concrete floor. Her reality was that it would not matter if…no, not ‘if’, but ‘when’ he said no. She had to ask, no matter what the outcome. He could not be interested in a girl as plain as a mud fence, but she was going to ask him anyway. She needed to ask for her own sanity if nothing else.

  The man was gorgeous. At least, this late at night, there would be no one around to see her embarrassment when he turned her down. He would turn her down politely, of course. There was not any reason that a man with a butt that tight would be interested in a chubette like her.

  She screwed up her courage to face Carl just as rough hands grabbed her from behind. The men dragged her to the Ape House service door and threw her toward the locked keypad.

  “Open it,” a tall, black man said. He gestured toward the door with a huge knife. A man behind the leader waggled the muzzle of a gun in her direction.

  Teri did not know anything about guns, but she had seen enough TV to recognize when the business end was pointed at her. She punched the access code into the door pad without hesitation.

  *

  HARPO lay on his back. His feet were stuck in the air and his head hung over the bank of the small stream. He let the water tickle the top of his head. He dug a booger out of his nose and flicked it at the seeing-rock. Normally, he would have laughed as it stuck, but he was bored.

  Carl was back, but he paced in the cave-between-jungles. Harpo had paced with Carl for a while. He could smell the heat coming off Carl’s sex, but that did not matter to Harpo. Harpo was bored with pacing, so Harpo had gone back to his jungle. He left his rock-not-rock almost closed so he could go check on Carl when Carl finished his walk.

  Harpo did not understand Carl. He should go find a female and mate if Carl wanted to mate. Harpo knew Carl wanted to mate with Teri. He could smell the change in Carl when Teri was around. But, if Teri was not around, Carl should go find any female to mate. Harpo did not understand the mating rituals of the hairless-not-people. Harpo had no interest in the mating rituals of the hairless-not-people.

  He grabbed a ball and tossed it at the seeing-rock. It bounced back, hit a rock and bounced again. Harpo was too bored to chase after it.

  A sound perked up his ears.

  He heard the big rock-not-rock at the end of the cave-between jungles open. He jumped to his feet and rushed to the not-twigs at the back of his jungle to look. This was not boring. No hairless-not-people ever visited this late at night. Even Carl would have been long gone.

  Harpo saw Carl look up in surprise as the big rock-not-rock opened.

  “Teri-” Carl started to say, but he stopped.

  A bunch of hairless-not-people rushed into the cave-between-jungles. One of them was dragging Teri.

  One of the new hairless-not-people shouted at Carl. He jabbed Teri with his knife and roughly tossed her to the hard ground. He shouted at Carl again and waved his arms.

  Harpo growled in his throat. He grabbed the top of the rock-not-rock and swung feet first. The rock-not-rock was not latched shut. It slammed open and knocked one of the new hairless-not-people to the ground.

  Harpo continued his swing through the open rock-not-rock and dropped to the ground with a thump next to the one who had thrown Teri. He grabbed that one by a skinny upper arm and tossed it aside. It crashed into another of the new ones. Both of the new ones crashed to the ground. One of them banged his head against the hard ground and lay still. The thing in its hand skittered across the ground to stop at Harpo’s feet. The other one jumped to his feet and waved a big shiny knife at Harpo.

  Harpo had seen knives. He knew that Carl used smaller ones to cut up his fruit and vegetables, but he did not think of it as a weapon. The people did not use weapons. It was bright and shiny enough to be a toy.

  Harpo saw the thing at his feet. It was not shiny or bright, but it must be a new toy. He picked it up. It was hard like a rock, not squishy like his ball. He shook it and shouted at the new hairless-not-people.

  “Show me how to play,” he shouted. He knew that the hairless-not-people would not understand true speak, but he shouted in his excitement anyway. He shook the toy at them so they would understand that he wanted to play with it.

  Harpo squeezed the toy.

  The Military Armament Corporation Model 10 (Mac10) is a compact 9x19mm Parabellum machine pistol originally developed by Ingrams. It fires at a rate of over 1,100 rounds per minute with an effective range of fifty meters. When Harpo squeezed his new toy, the Mac10 was a lot closer to the Hutus than fifty meters.

  Harpo was startled when his new toy started to shake and jitter in his hands. It made the scary thunder noise he remembered from when he was a baby in the other jungle. He tried to drop the new toy but it was hard to let go. He wanted to give the toy to Carl, but he was too scared to move. He did not feel it when he urinated on himself. The urine splattered on the hard floor and splashed on the new hairless-not-people.

  The new ones jumped around to get away from the scary thunder noise. Harpo shouted at them, trying to give them back their toy. Trying to run away, the hairless-not-people fell to the ground. The new toy quit the noise and he let it drop to the ground.

  Harpo rushed back to his jungle. He slammed the rock-not-rock shut behind him. He screeched in terror and did not stop until he was as high in his tree as he could climb. He could see Babec in his jungle. Babec just stared back. He could hear the small-hairy-not-people cry in fright in their jungle, but he did not dare look.

  **

  CARL stood stunned. It happened all so fast.

  Four men dragged Teri into the corridor. One of them stabbed Teri and threw her to the ground. He shouted at Carl to unlock the gorilla compound and if he did not, he would kill him too.

  Carl started to say he would be more than willing
to comply. But, before he had a chance to say anything, Harpo crashed into the men scattering them in the tiny hallway. Faster than Carl could think, Harpo picked up a dropped gun. The orangutan held it upside down and somehow squeezed the trigger, emptying the weapon.

  Harpo was back in his compound. The door slammed shut and locked. Teri lay at his feet, not moving. Blood soaked through her tan safari-style shirt. Three of the intruders lay on the floor. The fourth man waved a machete and shouted at Carl. He shouted in some African language that Carl did not recognize. But, the machete was language enough.

  Carl stepped between the man and Teri. He did not know how badly she was hurt or even if she was alive, but he did not intend to let this man hurt her again without going through him.

  FOUR

  CARL stepped through the door of the B6. He was greeted by the familiar “Get your hands off me, you damned dirty ape.” But, this time he was also greeted by loud applause and a standing ovation.

  He shook his head and waved back at everyone, “It wasn’t me. I didn’t do anything but stand there and not get hurt.”

  “Nonsense,” Gary shouted back from his bar stool. “It has been on the news most of last night and all day today. You and Harpo stopped a bunch of armed gangsters bent on doing God-knows-what at the zoo. Sit it here. I am buying supper.”

  “Thanks Sailor,” Carl eased onto the barstool next to the big veteran. “I am more up for breakfast than supper.”

  “Hey, Monkey-man,” Rome shouted as he wrapped his arms around Carl’s head. He gave Carl a gentle noogie. “It is almost sundown. That makes it supper, unless it has been a while since you ate.”

  Carl said, “Lunch yesterday, I think. I was going to eat last night, but Billy-Bob wouldn’t serve me. I spent last night and all day at the hospital with Teri.”

  Rome said with a laugh, “Hey! The news has been showing a picture of your girlfriend. You never told us she was related to Harpo.”

  Carl started to stand. “Wha-”

  Gary backhanded Rome across the side of his head. “Shut up, you moron.” He put a hand on Carl’s shoulder and pushed him back to his seat. “He don’t mean nothin’, Carl. He has been drinking since Amy shot him down hard last night.”

  Carl said, “I don’t understand what he is getting at. Maybe I am feeling a little dense since I haven’t eaten and I haven’t slept since I don’t know when. But if he wants to insult Teri, I am right here.”

  Rome said, “I am sorry, Doctor Marks. I only meant that she has the same hair color as Harpo and kind of the same round face.” He held up his hands in front of him. “Sorry, Carl. I mean it. Take it easy there, Boss. She is a pretty girl. I didn’t mean nothing. Honest, just trying to be funny and not doing it right.”

  Carl nodded and sat down.

  Gary placed an arm over Carl’s shoulders. “How is she doing? The news says that she went through surgery for a knife wound and she was in stable condition, but you know the media. Can’t trust ‘em any farther than you can trust a Somali pirate.”

  Carl looked at the plate Billy-Bob put in front of him. It was bowtie pasta primavera with a ring of edible gold-gilded rose petals sprinkled around the rim, topped with fresh basil and a sprig of rosemary.

  Carl ate the pasta. He did not taste it. He knew he should enjoy it. Billy, or Bob, made everything from scratch with local ingredients. He was more of an artist than a chef, but everything seemed flavorless.

  He nodded at Gary. “She came through surgery okay. The doctor said that I was able to stop enough blood loss before the paramedics got there that it saved her life. I don’t know. I wish there was more that I could have done. She looked so pale and so…hurt. Her family is with her now.”

  Rome said, “Man, you saved her life. You have a lock on getting laid now.”

  Gary said, “Jerome, you really are an idiot. Do you know that?”

  “Hey! I just meant-”

  Gary said, “Shut up, Rome. Don’t mind him, Carl. He just thinks with his dick, not his head.” Gary pointed up at the television over the bar. “Look at that. You’re back on the tube.” Billy-Bob turned up the volume on the TV over the bar.

  The talking head was in mid-sentence. “-word from the families or associates of the dead men. We still are asking why they were at the zoo at such a late hour, well after closing time.”

  The television reporter paused, with ill-disguised dramatic effect. He glanced at some papers on his desk. “This just in: one of the bodies at the zoo has been identified as that of Luther ‘Bud’ Guidon, a fifty-nine year old, well-liked security guard for the Birmingham Zoo. Zoo security recovered his body behind the guard shack at the service entrance. We are asking, why was Mister Guidon stabbed to death? Did he work for the intruders or did he just get in the way?”

  He glared out of the television. Intensity burned in his eyes. One cocked eyebrow destroyed the look. “We also have to ask: according to the brief statement from the zoo’s ape expert Doctor Carl Marks, the orangutan known as Harpo, one of the zoo’s main attractions, did indeed fire the weapon killing two men and the orangutan did assault a third man who is still unconscious from a concussion. What now for Harpo: celebrated hero or dangerous animal?”

  Carl thought, “Yes. What now for Harpo?” The great ape was terrified and refused to come down out of the tree when Carl had tried to call him down. Unbidden, the scenes at the zoo flooded back. He saw Teri get stabbed. He did nothing to stop it. He saw it over and over again.

  Gary shook his shoulder, “I think you just fell asleep on duty here, Monkey-man. Let’s get you home, before Billy-Bob get’s upset that you swallowed one of his special dishes whole without even chewing. No, Rome, you don’t get to go. You go home and whack off. Come back when you are thinking straight.”

  Carl said, “Yeah, I think sleep is a good thing. It feels like a couple of days since I slept.”

  Gary said, “It seems that way because it has been a couple of days. Teri is in good hands and Harpo is safe in his habitat.”

  Carl said, “Is Harpo really safe, Gary? You heard the newscaster. You know what they do with animals that kill humans?”

  Gary said, “That is a concern, but we are humans. We don’t do nothing fast. Give us time and we may try to do something, but you got time for a nap.”

  “Maybe, Gary. Maybe.”

  *

  CARL stretched. He pushed the blankets away from his face. He could smell coffee brewing, which was odd for his apartment; very, very odd. He checked under the blanket. He had slept in his underwear, which was unusual for him as he was a pajama kind of guy.

  He heard a clang in the kitchen and decided to go investigate. His head started to throb the minute his feet hit the floor. He recognized the symptoms of a bad hangover, but he could not remember having anything to drink. He did remember being steered home by Gary, but not much after he stepped through the front door. Unbidden, memories of Teri’s stabbing flooded back. It caused his head to throb more.

  Carl shuffled into the kitchen, he half hoped he would encounter an armed burglar who might shoot him and put him out of his misery. All he found was Gary.

  Carl nodded at the man. “Morning, Gary. Sleep over?”

  Gary nodded back and said “I hope you don’t mind, but I crashed on the couch. May I offer you some of your own coffee?”

  Carl accepted the offered cup and slumped into a kitchen chair. “Thanks for babysitting me last night. Did we start drinking last night after we got here?”

  Gary said, “Not a drop. You hit the door and almost collapsed. I had to put you to bed. You feelin’ hung over?”

  Carl nodded gently.

  Gary patted him on the head and set a plate of toast on the table. “Can’t find a thing in this place to eat. Don’t you ever cook?”

  Carl shook his head gently, “Cook? Man, if you are going to start using four letter words you can just get the heck out of my darned apartment. Cook! Not likely. I would rather starve to death than kill myself with food
poisoning.” His laugh died as he grabbed his head. “I must have caught food poisoning from somewhere.”

  Gary laughed, “Not likely at the B6. I have seen this condition before. You were running on empty before the attack at the zoo. Then you experienced an adrenaline rush during the attack, and burned through all of your body’s reserves. You are suffering from a combination of adrenaline hangover, food deprivation and most likely some dehydration as well.”

  “I did eat something last night at the B6.”

  “You did eat a meal after your body ran out of gas, but it was just pasta and vegetables. You should have had a protein packed meal. Sorry, I wasn’t thinkin’. I had one too many beers myself or I would have said somethin’.”

  “You could have said something last night to stop the way I feel this morning?”

  Gary said, “No, Carl. I ain’t that good. I would have had to do somethin’ instead of just saying somethin’.”

  Carl said, “If I had done or even said something last night then Teri might not have been hurt.”

  “Ease your rudder, Monkey-man. First, you did and said what you did and said. You can’t change that. Besides, you saved her life with first aid and you stopped the bad guys. Second, it wasn’t last night. It just seems like it, cuz you just slept a bit. Not long enough, only about six hours, but that is some.”

  “Six hours?”

  Gary said. “Yes, sir. It is still not quite morning yet. I shouldn’t be giving you coffee, but it looks like you are up for good.”

  Carl said, “Six hours a night is about it for me. The coffee seems to help. The toast, not so much.”

  “Yeah, it is carbs. You didn’t even have jelly in your fridge to add a bit of sugar to your system. Like I said, your condition warrants one of those big breakfasts with steak and eggs for a big protein push to your system. And water. Lots and lots of water. So, no second cup of coffee until you down at least two glasses of water.”