Chasing Harpo

by Alan Black

  “Stavros, you will need to make some very big and very splashy arrests very quickly. That will lead up to your announcement that you are running for AG and I will endorse your campaign, but we must drag this investigation out until election time, with bigger and bigger arrests to keep us climbing in the polls.”

  *

  CARL flinched at the sight of the corridor where Teri had been stabbed. He could see the stains were gone, but he still wanted to tiptoe on the concrete floor. The zoo director would have had the great ape house staff hose it down and clean it as soon as the police allowed. The staff of the ape house was good at removing unusual stains. The general staff would also have been cleaning and feeding the orangutans as they always did on Carl’s days off.

  The corridor and office were empty. It was before eight a.m. and normally someone was already here at work. Normally, that would be Carl. He would be checking everything to make sure it was ready for opening time and the first rush of guests. He would also have done a quick review of every resident’s health.

  He checked the office computer’s access log to the ape enclosures. Harpo had been on lockdown since he shot the intruders. The general staff for the great ape house fed Harpo through the locked pass box in the corridor. Harpo was even isolated from the rest of the orangutan shrewdness, his social group, with the door between the two enclosures locked tight.

  Carl entered the codes to unlock the corridor door to Harpo’s enclosure. It felt like a long time since he had seen the great ape, but it had only been a couple of days. He called softly to the ape, but did not get a response. He stepped into the enclosure and shut the door behind him. He did not lock the door.

  Carl stood with his back to the door. He kept his eyes to the floor and his hands in front of him. It was the most nonthreatening pose for a human while wearing clothes. Harpo was usually happy to see him, but Carl was not about to surprise the orangutan by entering the enclosure unannounced and uninvited. Harpo was smart and friendly, but it was never a good thing to assume an animal had a human’s best interests at heart.

  He called out again.

  **

  HARPO was dozing in his tree when he heard the big rock-not-rock at the end of the cave-between-jungles. He smelled Carl immediately. He wanted to rush to see the hairless-not-people, but he did not move except to roll his head. He could see the rock-not-rock for his jungle. Harpo was getting lonely. But, as the leader of the people, it would not be good for Carl to see Harpo as anything less than the leader.

  Harpo was not surprised Carl had not been to see him for a couple of days. Carl often went away to do whatever it was hairless-not-people did. Harpo had the company of the people. But, the small rock-not-rock between jungles was a rock and he had been unable to make it a not-rock.

  He watched Carl come into the jungle and stand by the rock-not-rock. He listened to the hairless-not-people’s high pitched noises.

  “Harpo,” Carl called out.

  Harpo sighed and huffed back. He rolled off his tree limb. He landed softly. He shuffled over to Carl. He used his knuckles on the ground to steady his way across the uneven jungle ground.

  Carl did not move, so Harpo walked up to the hairless-not-people and put his arms around him. He knew he had to be gentle because hairless-not-people were fragile. He had seen the loud and confusing hairless-not-people carry Teri away with Carl helping.

  Wherever Carl took Teri, he came back without her. Harpo could tell Carl was upset. He laid his head on Carl’s chest and huffed quietly. He patted Carl’s back. He did not know what purpose it served to pat Carl. But Carl did it to him. It must be a peculiarly hairless-not-people thing to do.

  Carl said, “Harpo, we babble babble go outside. Babble many people. Harpo must be good babble babble obey Carl.”

  Harpo nodded in the way Carl would know he had understood most of what Carl had said. Harpo was excited. He knew where ‘outside’ was. It was beyond the big rock-not-rock at the end of the cave-between-jungles. Carl always told him that he was never to go outside. It must be good to go outside if Carl said it.

  Harpo hooted with excitement. He let go of Carl and ambled across his jungle. He wanted to take his ball with him if he was going outside. He scooped the ball up and went back to Carl. He held the ball out to Carl so he could carry it for him.

  Carl shook his head. “No ball now, Harpo. Babble babble babble not play now.” Carl tossed the ball away.

  Harpo shook his head sadly. Carl was bright for a hairless-not-people, but he did not know everything. Harpo scooted after his ball and then came back to Carl. He huffed quietly, tucked the ball in the crook on one arm and held out a hand to Carl.

  Carl smiled. “Babble. Babble go outside now.”

  Harpo’s hand slid into Carl’s hand. Harpo was careful not to squeeze because, like most hairless-not-people, Carl was easy to break. Harpo grasped Carl’s hand with just enough force that Carl would not be able to get away and get lost.

  Harpo did not know much about outside, but he remembered outside from when he was younger. It was a bigger jungle than the people had now and it was dangerous.

  Carl pushed open the big rock-not-rock at the end of the cave-between-jungles. Harpo stepped into the outside for the first time in longer than he could remember.

  Carl said. “Stay close. We go to babble. Babble babble hurry.”

  Carl started to cross the open meadow, but Harpo held firm and pulled him back. Carl wanted to go to the hairless-not-people-cage across the open meadow.

  Harpo huffed and pulled Carl behind him. He knew Carl wanted to hurry, but it was better to be safe than rush across an open meadow. He walked close to the bushes and hurried to a line of trees edging the meadow. He glanced up. He would have preferred to climb the trees. He could make his way around the meadow, but Carl did not do well in trees. Carl had joined him once or twice in his tree in the jungle, but hairless-not-people moved in trees worse than young people did.

  Harpo shook his head. It would not be as safe on the ground, but it would have to do. He pulled Carl along through the grass next to the trees. He stayed off the flat rock in this patch of trees. It was a path of some kind for some large animal. Since Harpo did not know what kind of animal walked on such a smooth flat rock path he would be sure to avoid walking there if possible.

  Carl quit tugging on his hand. He was hurrying along side Harpo.

  Harpo huffed. He knew Carl would soon understand they were going to end up in the same place across the meadow. This way was much safer than straight across the open.

  He glanced around him. He was amazed at how many of the hairless-not-people-cages cluttered the area. They were all sizes and all shapes, with rock-not-rocks and seeing-rocks of different sizes. Many of the hairless-not-people-cages would not hold more than one or two hairless-not-people, but some were large enough they would hold more hairless-not-people than Harpo could count. The flat rock paths lead to, from and around the hairless-not-people-cages.

  Harpo slipped up next to a tree and froze in place. Carl tugged at his hand, but he did not budge. Across the meadow a small, hairless-not-people-go-fast-cage rolled by.

  Harpo knew about hairless-not-people-go-fast-cages. He clearly remembered being jammed in a cage when he was younger. That cage was then stacked on top of a larger cage. A hairless-not-people got into part of the larger cage and both cages moved faster than any people could move. The jungle of his youth blurred and was gone. He had never seen that jungle again.

  A hairless-not-people in the cage across the meadow waved at Carl. Carl waved back.

  Carl said. “Good. Babble not see you.”

  Harpo snorted. He was not surprised the hairless-not-people had not seen him. He had hidden behind a tree. He was glad Carl was pleased he had hidden. He liked to please Carl.

  Carl said, “Come on, Harpo. We babble get to my babble. Babble babble babble.”

  Harpo quit listening. He usually quit listening to Carl when the hairless-not-people began talking not-sp
eak. He followed along with Carl now that Carl was sticking close to the trees and stayed out of the open.

  It was not long before Carl led him to a place full of cages lined up in a meadow. Harpo was alert. He watched the edge of the meadow. He looked around each cage as Carl led him up to a small cage.

  Carl opened the cage and gestured for Harpo to get in.

  Harpo huffed. He was not happy. He did not like cages. But, he trusted Carl and climbed into the cage.

  Carl said, “Sorry babble babble. I have to strap you down.”

  Harpo knew all about being strapped down. He had been strapped down more than once, but Carl was the only hairless-not-people around. There did not seem to be others around to poke at him and stab him with sharp sticks. He let Carl put the strap around him and watched Carl through the seeing-rock as the hairless-not-people closed Harpo in the cage.

  He was surprised when Carl ran to the other side of the cage and got in with Harpo. He was even more surprised when Carl strapped himself down.

  Harpo patted Carl on the leg. He wanted to comfort Carl and let him know that it would be good. It would only hurt for a little while if any other hairless-not-people did come to poke them with sharp sticks.

  Harpo watched as Carl pushed and turned buttons and knobs. The cage became a hairless-not-people-go-fast-cage. It started to move. Everything outside the cage rushed past. Harpo was curious about how Carl was making the cage move. Everything on the other side of the seeing-rock soon distracted him.

  Harpo glanced at Carl. The hairless-not-people had a hat on his head. Harpo wanted a hat too. He reached over, took Carl’s hat and set it on his own head.

  Harpo huffed happily and watched the world rush past the cage. He wondered where this cage would take him. The last cage took him from the jungle of his youth and brought him to this jungle where he became the leader of the people. Maybe the next jungle would be better with more females to mate.

  ***

  CARL felt Harpo take his jungle hat. He glanced over at the great ape as Harpo jammed the hat on his hairy head. The floppy brim helped to conceal the ape’s face.

  “Good disguise, Harpo. I should have thought of getting you a hat.”

  He eased the Smart Car through the employee gate, timing his exit so the morning’s incoming workers distracted the guard. He barely came to a stop at the end of the driveway.

  “Sorry for the California rolling stop, Harpo. I know better. We should come to a complete halt, but we need to get some distance between us and the zoo. But now…where?”

  Carl frowned. He really had not thought that far ahead. His only concern was to get Harpo out of the zoo and out of harm’s way. He could not go back to his apartment. It would be but a matter of minutes, an hour at most, before someone noticed that Harpo was gone. It would not take a Sherlock Holmes to detect that Carl had taken Harpo. The access log would show he was the last one to unlock Harpo’s compound.

  Before Carl could react, Harpo pushed the button to open the glove compartment. The little door swung open. Harpo huffed happily and flapped it back and forth a few times. He slammed it shut and opened it again.

  Carl said, “Well, little buddy, it is just a glove box after all.”

  Harpo grabbed the lid with one hand and twisted the door off the glove box. He huffed and handed the twisted metal to Carl.

  Carl said, “Okay I guess we need to figure out where to go pretty quick before you decide to take my car apart a piece at a time.

  Harpo bounced in the seat. It was more comfortable than the rock and tree limbs he was used to sitting on. Harpo leaned to one side, pointing his butt at Carl. With a laugh, he farted long, loud and juicy.

  Carl said, “Oh man. That is gonna stink. Oh, yeah. It already does. Dammit, Harpo, that is just uncalled for.”

  Harpo laughed.

  Carl’s eyes began to water, but he did not want to open a window. That would show Harpo how easy it was. He needed to keep the ape contained as long as he could. He set the air conditioner to circulate the air in the car with outside fresh air.

  “That is really uncalled for, my friend. I mean really! You’re not any better than cous…” Carl let his voice trail away. After a bit he continued. “Yes, sir. Harpo you remind me of when I used to go camping up in the Oak Mountain State Park with my cousins. I would have to share a tent with my cousin Rooster. He was a farting machine that would put you to shame.”

  Carl thought for a minute, “Look, Harpo, this is a great car, but it is not going to get us from here to where we need to go and then back to Oak Mountain. I can get some camping gear from Rooster.”

  Carl checked the fuel levels. “Okay. We can get to his place if we go west up highway 78 towards Carbon Hill. It will keep us off any of the interstate highways. 78 is a good road, but it is a state road, so maybe we will get farther without being spotted. We will just have to see if we have enough juice to get us from 78 to his place. Even if he can’t help outfit us, he will at least be able to get us more gas without having to pull into a station.”

  Carl took a few moments to navigate his way out of town. He took as many back streets and alleys as he could find. He noticed people looking at them as they went past, but most people did not see beyond the Smart Car. The car itself seemed to be a distraction, as it was unusual looking in its own right. That would be good for now; no one seemed to recognize that there was an orangutan in the front seat. However, people might remember the car if the police started looking for him.

  “Not ‘if’,” Carl said. “It is ‘when’ the police start looking for us. Sorry Harpo, but I wouldn’t know how to take myself off the grid, much less how to make you disappear. So, the plan is: we need to get to Rooster’s place. I am confident that he can loan me the camping gear. Then we can head back south-east of Birmingham to Oak Mountain State Park and hide in the woods until this blows over.”

  Carl said, “Oh crap. I hate camping.”

  He looked over at Harpo. “And you are going to have to behave yourself at Oak Mountain, because I can’t put a leash on you. I would not be able to catch you if you run away from me while we are in the woods. Oak Mountain may not be as wild as the jungles of Sumatra, but it has some pretty deeply forested areas. Moreover, you would not be able to survive on your own, even with our mild winters. Your jungle survival skills are not quite as sharp as they used to be.”

  Carl shook his head. He said, “I don’t know Harpo. Maybe giving you the chance to survive on your own is better than letting them put you down for something that wasn’t your fault…even if you don’t make it, you will have a chance to try.”

  SIX

  JACK KEEGAN stood in his usual spot in front of the orangutan enclosure at the Great Ape House in the Birmingham Zoo. He peered through the glass at the fake jungle that housed Harpo. It was all so normal on the outside, but he felt so wrong on the inside. He was standing in the exact spot he planned to stand with Mindy and Mandy.

  For the first time, his trooper uniform felt out of place. He missed the feel of his nieces’ tiny hands wrapped protectively in his. This was the girls’ favorite spot in the zoo, except maybe for the ice cream stand near the pink flamingos. It had broken his heart to call his nieces and cancel their day together. Then to have to come to the zoo without them was like the frosting on the septic tank.

  Harpo’s enclosure was empty.

  Jack could see all the way through the fake trees and plastic bushes to see the access door to the corridor. It was wide open. He had not expected to see Harpo. When he arrived at the zoo, the Director informed him that Harpo and Dr. Marks were both missing.

  He would have to find them.

  He did not have time to put together any kind of team. He would have to rely on the local law enforcement officers. The LEOs were bound to object to his taking control of an investigation they saw as an infringement on their turf.

  The zoo security team was a good outfit, for a civilian team. He had been able to find out that most of them were retir
ed cops and ex-military, lead by a retired U.S. Army major. They were bound to object to the Birmingham Police infringing on their turf, as well as his infringement on everybody’s jurisdiction.

  Jack knew he would have to bring in some state troopers if Dr. Marks and Harpo managed to get out of town. The LEOs had already put out a ‘Be On the Look Out’ (BOLO) for the pair and on the car Dr. Marks had registered in his name. The LEOs were quick and efficient. They had started a search before he reached the zoo.

  The zoo security team pulled the access logs to the Great Ape House, but there was no doubt in anybody’s mind that Dr. Marks had taken Harpo. No one had seen them leave the zoo. But, the gate guard remembered having seen Dr. Marks’ little car come in earlier. Since it was not in the employee parking lot, it did not take a Magnum P.I. to figure out that wherever they found Dr. Marks, they would find the orangutan.

  Jack thought, “But, where would he go?”

  A voice broke his concentration. “You the big boss of this crap-fest?”

  Jack turned to see an average sized man in his fifties, balding, overweight, starting to wrinkle, but with a tough edge to him. The man wore a button down shirt with the zoo logo over the pocket. The man still wore his major’s gold clusters on the collars.

  Jack smiled. He hoped his smile looked as sincere as it felt. “Major,” he offered a handshake. “I am Jack Keegan. And I don’t really see myself as the big boss, no matter what our beloved AG tells the press.”