Chasing Harpo

by Alan Black

  Rooster chimed in, “Lieutenant, we know that your job is to arrest Cousin Red and kill the ape. We saw that on TV, Stan the Man said so, right?”

  Jack said, “Yes, we do have judicial warrants that-”

  “Then you and yours can get off my property right now, unless you have a search warrant.”

  Daisy May put a hand on Rooster’s arm. “Now Marks, there ain’t no sense in being inhospitable. Since Red ain’t here no how and we can honestly say we don’t know where he is, then their being here can’t hurt him none.” She smiled at Natalia. “Would y’all like some lemonade? Come up on the porch and sit for a spell.”

  Natalia said, “I would love some lemonade, Mrs. Marks. However, I need to stay near the car and my maps for broadcasts since the police are still looking for Dr. Marks and Harpo.”

  Daisy May said, “Well then, we can bring the lemonade right down here. Spud, you go drag over a few lawn chairs from the backyard for our guests.” She turned and shouted toward the house, “Opal, you bring the fresh pitcher of lemonade I just made and enough glasses for the adults out here. Pearl, you just sit on Darren if you have to. You keep him in the house. I just gave him his bath and I don’t want him out here rolling in the dirt.”

  She smiled at Natalia and pointed at the police cruiser. “Is that one of the calls you’re supposed to be listening for?”

  Natalia listened for a second, sitting in the car, she jotted a few notes. She grabbed her map from the seat and took it out to spread it across the hood of the police cruiser. She made a small notation just outside the town of Haleyville. She covered the small blue symbol with a red circle/backslash.

  Daisy May handed Natalia a glass of lemonade and leaned in to look at the map. She whistled in appreciation. “That is some system you got going there, Natalia.”

  Natalia nodded, “Thank you, Daisy May. I can call you Daisy May? It is just a system of notes I am using to see if I can spot of pattern for where Dr. Marks might be hiding Harpo.”

  Daisy May pointed at Birmingham. “Looks like most of your scribbles are down in the big town. What do those characters stand for? Is that everywhere Red was seen?”

  “Well, the green notations are where we had calls about possible sightings of Red and Harpo. But you see I have circled ‘no’ in red meaning it was determined it was a false sighting.”

  Daisy May said, “I see you didn’t spot him in town after all? Now you have started a whole new batch of blue and red symbols scattered all over the countryside.”

  Natalia looked at Jack.

  He looked back and shrugged, “That is because we haven’t actually sighted Dr. Marks or Harpo since they left the zoo early this morning.”

  Daisy May smiled, “I am surprised, what with all of your big brother surveillance cameras, black stealth helicopters and what not, you haven’t run Red to ground already. What makes you think he was here?”

  Jack smiled, “We don’t ‘think’ so, Daisy May-”

  “Mrs. Marks, if you wouldn’t mind, Lieutenant Keegan,” Daisy May interrupted.

  Rooster looked as if he wanted to say something, but at a look from Daisy May, he took a sip of lemonade instead.

  Jack nodded, “I apologize, Mrs. Marks. We intercepted a cell phone call from one of the Rwandan gangsters telling their leader that he had spotted Dr. Marks and the ape here.”

  “Cell phone call? Hummm. I suppose it was a warranted cell phone tap?” At Jack’s shrug she said, “I suppose I could concede that point. If State’s Attorney General Porrizzo could push through an order of euthanasia on an endangered species without so much as howdy-de-do, he could surely get a judge to issue a wiretap warrant. However, you say it was one of the alleged Rwandan gangsters that supposedly saw Red here?”

  Jack said, “Well, yes. But I don’t know about alleged-”

  Daisy May said, “Be that as it may, would this be one of the same men y’all just shot to death? Yes, I guess so. Seems it would be hard pressed for a defense attorney to cross-examine the man, wouldn’t it? Oh, I imagine you recorded the call and all, but how do we know what he said he saw was what was really here.”

  Jack looked confused. This backwoods woman was cross-examining him harder than any big city lawyer ever had. “Well-”

  “Oh, it don’t matter all that much,” Daisy May interrupted. “I’m just a talking away here. What do I know? Anyway, it just doesn’t seem much to me like--dang it, Marks, go tie that yeller dog up somewheres. She is so much underfoot that Natalia can’t move around to write on her map.”

  Natalia said, “Please don’t, Rooster. I like her. What’s her name?” Natalia leaned down and rubbed the dog’s offered belly.

  Rooster shrugged and said, “She is only about two, so we haven’t had her long enough much to give her a name. I tell you what; you keep petting her and spoiling her, you’re going to have to take her home with you.”

  Natalia said, “Really? Done deal. I’ve been promising my son Nino a dog. The poor boy is already ten and he has had to make do with goldfish as pets. Now, all I have to do is convince Jack to let me take her home in his official state patrol cruiser.”

  Daisy May said, “Pshaw. You ask the way a woman knows how to ask and he will carry that yeller dog all the way to your house on his back.”

  Jack started to respond, but did not know what to say. He just blushed and decided that both of these women were getting the better of him and he was better off keeping his mouth shut.

  Daisy May said, “But, you probably better leave her here for today and come back for her later. Sometime for just a social call, what do you say? Bring your son for a day out of the big city.”

  Before Natalia could respond, Daisy May looked at Jack and said, “So, I was wondering, with only the hearsay evidence of one dead criminal, what other evidence you got that Red was ever here at all? Not that we mind the company, it is nice to have you here.” She laid a hand on Natalia’s hand. “I was just curious is all.”

  Jack said, “Well, I will admit that we didn’t have that much to go on to start-”

  “Sort of fishing about were you?” Daisy May interrupted.

  Jack nodded. He started feeling a bit more confident. He had spotted something in the driveway that was as solid evidence as anything he had seen all day. “We were fishing about a bit. But, since you are his family, we are certainly within our rights to at least ask about your cousin, correct?”

  Daisy May said, “Well, I ain’t all that sure about it being your right, but we certainly don’t mind being polite enough to answer.”

  Jack said, “Then perhaps you can tell me about these tire tracks in your driveway. They are not the width of a standard vehicle. They appear to be the width of Dr. Mark’s vehicle and they move off in that direction.” He pointed toward the hay barn.

  Daisy May said, “They may be about the same size, but I can’t say for certain what made those tracks. Or even how long they been there. It hasn’t rained in so long, for all I know those tire tracks are months old. You want to make some impressions with your plaster stuff or you want to follow these and see where they go?”

  Jack asked, “Are you giving me permission to search your premises for Dr. Marks, his vehicle or the ape known as Harpo?”

  Daisy May laughed with genuine amusement. She said, “Good heavens no. I don’t own anything that I would be embarrassed to show you, except maybe my lingerie collection. I am just asking if you want Marks to amble with you up to the hay barn. You can take that young fellow in the back with you. He needs to get out and stretch his legs a bit anyway.”

  Daisy May leaned down and grinned at Steve through the window. She turned her head and spoke to Natalia, “Besides, your friend was in the marines. Since Spud is all wound up to do a hitch in the marines, it might do him good to hear from someone who has gone through it already.”

  Natalia leaned down and looked at Steve. “I didn’t know you used to be a marine.”

  Steve looked back and said, “Not ‘used to
be’. I am a marine. Once a marine, always a marine. How did you know?”

  Daisy May pointed at Steve’s forearm. “That globe and anchor tattoo isn’t exactly hid, now is it?”

  Jack realized that he had not noticed Steve’s tattoo. He wondered if it was because Natalia had become a distraction or if he had become too laid back. He swore to himself that he was going to be more observant.

  He said, “Come on, Marine. Let’s you and I go take a walk with Mr. Marks and follow these tire tracks.”

  Steve shook his head. “Not until all of those dogs are tied up. I am staying in here until then.”

  Daisy May looked at her son, who nodded back. “Spud says they are all in the dog run, except this yellow one of Natalia’s. You afraid of dogs?”

  Steve said. “I am not afraid of lions, tigers, bears or Iraqi insurgents, but a pack of dogs…well, yes ma’am. It isn’t right, but it is the way I am. I got mauled pretty bad as a child, so I tend to be a bit on the cautious side.”

  Daisy May said. “You don’t worry none, as long as you are with Marks or Spud you will be as fine as if you were in a room full of month old kittens. You get out and ya’ll get moving. Natalia and I got some more writing to do on her map.”

  Jack followed Rooster up the drive. Rooster pointed at the tire tracks the whole way. Jack was pleased to see Rooster avoided stepping on the evidence. Spud and Steve followed along, but they became quickly wrapped up in a question and answer session on marines and military service in general.

  There were a few patches of thick grass where they lost the tire tracks. Quick glances along the projected path and the tracks re-emerged in the next stretch of dusty farmyard. Jack was not surprised when the tracks lead almost to the door of the hay barn, just as he thought they would.

  Almost to the door was the key. Search about as he might, the tire tracks were lost in a muddle of tracks of all sizes. Still, he stepped into the hay barn. There was no sign of Dr. Marks’s little car.

  Rooster pointed in a broad gesture at a four-wheeler sitting along one wall. It had a trailer hitched to the back with three large square bales of hay in the trailer. “Seems both of those are about the same width as the tracks in the drive way, ya think?”

  Jack did not say anything. He squatted down by the tires and looked at the tread.

  Rooster said, “Of course, I ain’t no tire tread expert. I am pretty sure the trailer tires aren’t quite what we been following, but I am not too sure about the four-wheeler tires. We could drive it outside and compare it side by side with the tracks. Of course, we have three or four other pieces of farm equipment with just about this wheelbase. We could line them all up. Then, I kinda remember the widow Tingle came by recently in her four-wheeler mule-thingee and borrowed a couple of bales for some church thing or something. Spud, when did Miss. Tingle come by? Spud? Spud! Pay attention, son. When did Miss Tingle come by?”

  Spud said, “You mean when she got the hay bales for the Methodist’s church picnic? They are going to team up for baseball against the Presbyterians and-”

  “When did she come by?” Rooster interrupted.

  “Oh. Well, I guess, early this morning, why?”

  Jack said, “Never mind. I get your point. I would spend a lot of time tracing back these tire tracks and still not be sure where Dr. Marks was.”

  Rooster said, “Or if he had ever been here at all.”

  Jack said, “I am pretty sure he was here, and you know it.”

  Rooster said, “Danged if I know what you are pretty sure of. I do know that even if you did match those tire tracks up, it doesn’t mean Red didn’t sneak in here and then sneak out again without our knowing about it.”

  Jack thought for a moment and said, “No, I think if he had been here, your dogs would have alerted you. They are rather loud.”

  Rooster shook his head, “No, sir. Red is family. The dogs would know him. I would guess they would just wag their tails. Tail waggin’ ain’t that loud, you know.”

  Jack nodded in concession. He walked up to the stack of hay bales, looking between two bales and he pushed one a little to the side. All he could see was another row of bales.

  Jack nodded to Steve. “Would you mind going up the ladder and checking these bales from above?”

  Steve did not answer, but climbed up about halfway to the loft. He looked back at the hay bales. He shook his head ‘no’. He was almost to the floor when he stopped. He looked at Spud and at Rooster in disappointment.

  Steve pointed at the floor. He said, “I work security all over the zoo. I am not an expert in the animals, but I have seen enough scat to recognize ape excrement.”

  Jack stepped over to the pile. “You sure?” he asked.

  “Like I said, I am not an expert in exotic excrement, but I am pretty sure.”

  Rooster looked at the crap on the floor. “Huh? What do you know! It looks like pig poop to me, but then, we don’t have no pigs right now, well none big enough to make a pile that size, anyway. What about you, Spud?”

  Spud squatted down and stirred the scat with a finger. “It feels almost dry, so it was dropped a couple of hours ago.” He sniffed his finger. “Ya’ know, pa…I mean, Father, I believe this may belong to Mabel.” He looked at Jack. “Mabel is a goat. She has a tendency to get out of her pen and wander into any cool, shady place she can find. She is pregnant and has been fighting a bout of diarrhea for a week now. I am not any more of an expert on excrement than Steve, but since I didn’t see the back end of the animal this dropped out of, I would guess that it belongs to Mabel. You want to go find her and see if we can squeeze some more out to check against this crap?”

  “Spud!” Rooster said. “You can cut the sarcasm, Son. And apologize to Lieutenant Keegan.”

  “I am sorry, Lieutenant Keegan,” Spud said. “I know you are just doing your job and following orders, but Red is our family. And like Ma said, I can tell you that I do not know where he is.”

  Jack said, “I am sorry, too. I really don’t want to put you and your family on the spot. But, we do have an arrest warrant on your cousin and it is my job to find him and serve the warrant. So, with that in mind; Steve why don’t you and I head back to the cruiser. We can gather up Natalia and her maps and move on down the road.”

  Rooster shook his head, “Not until you finish that glass of lemonade. Daisy May takes great pride in her hospitality and I’ll not have you turn your noses up at her special homemade, southern style lemonade.”

  FOURTEEN

  STATE POLICE OFFICER HENRY T. BEACON, a 10-month veteran of law enforcement, spotted a blue and white pickup truck with two people inside. Because Officer Beacon passed the truck going the opposite direction, he was able to see that the passenger was short and had red hair.

  “Is that them?” he asked his training officer.

  Beacon’s T.O. was John “Dutch” Vomendam, a thirty-six year veteran of the Alabama State Police. Dutch roused himself from a half sleep, lulled there by a seemingly endless parade of fence posts. He rubbed his face with both hands, trying to bring some life back into his body. He yanked the seatbelt away from his belly and turned to the young man behind the wheel of the cruiser.

  “Is that who? And it had better be Juan Valdez with a coffee cart.” It was well past his coffee break time and this kid needed a reminder of where they were supposed to go.

  “That zoo guy and the missing orangutan!” His voice raised in volume with his excitement.

  Dutch squinted his eyes with a look he had practiced for years and gave his best Clint Eastwood impression, “You shoutin’ at me, boy?” Dutch thought he nailed the impression and was dead on accurate.

  Beacon wondered why Dutch was trying to sound like Sean Connery with a southern accent. But, as eager as he was, he remembered this man was his training officer. Dutch could bounce him off the force faster than if he got caught sleeping with the Governor’s only daughter. Not that he would sleep with the Governor’s daughter, Beacon mused, the Governor’s son mayb
e, but not the daughter. Still, he had better watch his tone.

  “Sir, no, sir.”

  “I didn’t think so,” Dutch mumbled.

  Beacon thought, “Man! Now he sounds like a cross between Marlon Brando and the guy that pumps out my septic tank.” He kept his thoughts to himself and his face as passive as he could. In a calm voice he replied, “No, sir. We had a BOLO a while ago for a blue pickup carrying Dr…something…Marks and an escaped orangutan.”

  “Did you get the plate number on the truck you saw?” Dutch asked.

  “No, sir. They were headed the other way. Besides, The BOLO didn’t mention a plate number.”

  “Then let’s go the other way and see if we can pick up the plate number before we stop them, okay? First, we need to get turned around on this two lane black top-”

  Beacon had been waiting for years for just this situation. Before Dutch could finish his sentence, Beacon slammed on the brakes. He yanked hard on the emergency brake and spun the steering wheel to the left. Releasing the emergency brake, he stomped on the gas as the cruiser slid in a 180-degree spin. In seconds, they were facing the way they had come and were travelling at twice the speed.

  Beacon grinned internally, but kept the expression on his face passive.

  Dutch said, “Um, nicely done. But, I meant let’s use a driveway or something to turn around.” He tightened his seat belt across his belly again. He typed a code into the computer and pulled up the BOLO. “Here it is: a Doctor Carl Marks. That is Marks with a KS not an X. He is a zoologist from Birmingham. He has taken an orangutan from the zoo. Oh, yeah. I remember. This is the killer monkey on the loose. Last known was they were up by Carbon Hill in a blue pickup, make and year unknown.”

  Beacon said, “Ape. Orangutans are not monkeys. They are apes, sir.”

  Dutch replied, “Ape or monkey, don’t really make no never mind. It ain’t human and there is a judicial order in place to take Marks and the animal into custody. We have authorization to shoot the animal if it is hostile and/or dangerous. I am wondering though, could they have gotten from Carbon Hill all the way over here to Ashville in this time? The BOLO is only about an hour old.”